FicWad

It was three months. Three months of all the perfection I could ever hope to achieve. Three months of good company and, even better, Melissa.

Waking up next to her was the best thing there was to wake up to.

Waking up next to large, voluptuous curls, smeared eyeliner and creamy skin made it easy to fall asleep at night. Her hair might as well be my ink for how much I use it as inspiration.

It was just now that my thoughts flowed freely onto the pages. It took me 27 years and god knows how many girlfriends to get to the point where I could write like a normal person. 27 years for me to write in complete thoughts and even entire paragraphs.



January third was nothing special but I lay on my bed like a schoolgirl doodling on a notebook page while the darkness settled in for the night outside my drawn blinds and I lay inside, for once, not drawing blanks.

All week I'd promised myself I'd stay home during the dusk/night hours but everyone knew if broken promises were sins, I'd be the king of hell.

Feeling the urge to call Melissa bite me in the ribcage, I let my hands dig through my pockets before I thought of anything. At least before I remembered I'd left my Sidekick in her loft three, four hours ago after a hardcore make out session her couch.

Smiling, I grabbed my keys from the childish wood bookcase, littered with stickers from a time when the problems were huge only because I was so much smaller than them.


It was a long time since I'd been out the rain and had no 75% chance of depression forecast running through my head. Actually enjoying the rain, I tried my best to see up the vertical incline to Melissa's balcony but was blocked by the ledges that protruded like the lips that belonged under puppy dog eyes.

With a stupid, grin I couldn't help but press the elevator button much harder than it asked for and it lurched up like someone puking in reverse.

Drumming my fingers along to the newest Patrick induced rhythm, in my head, I watched the numbers climb and climb as if watching made them work any faster.

Finally, the gateway opened and the fancy hallway of dark green doors met me slightly distantly but no different than they did any other night.

My more pessimistic side couldn't help but notice that Melissa's door stood a bit open but the lights were on and warmly inviting me in.

Planning to just walk in, take my prize, kiss the love of my life and leave her to much better things than I, I initiated the plan.

Her apartment was positively spotless as it always was and it just seemed to me the only thing out of place was my Sidekick lying mischievously between the couch cushions. Smirking at it, I removed it from its perfume paradise and slid it into the pocket that had yet to be washed for almost a fortnight.

I looked around the living room for my raven sweetie but saw no trace of her footsteps or her John Hancock under my ultraviolet gaze.

Braving through the apartment, a pessimistic feeling crept through my already cold toes and into my knees. A creep my emo pants did horribly to disguise.

Noises I knew well emanated from the one room I'd refused to look in just from bad experience.

Now shaking from trying to keep myself sane, I creaked open the bedroom door and was flooded with a blanket of sensual red light I'd never had the pleasure of being bathed in.

Biting my lip, I watched as my heart broke and exploded with invisible ink onto the clothes lying on the floor.

My girlfriend sat on her knees before the mattress, giving head to some damn cocky guy. The kind of guy who'd seen the guy he was helping some girl cheat on and made no motion or anything. The kind of guy that just made a 'who's winning now' face even though you'd never met him.

Eventually, my stupid figure caught Melissa's gaze and she stopped, just to wipe her mouth.

"...Pete?"

The calmness of her voice killed me. All I wanted was for her to be upset I'd found out. All I'd wanted was to matter...to someone. To anyone.

I watched with the feeling that every single one of my organs was imploding, the feeling that the light had just invited me in just to see my world crash like a car. I watched the two of them put on their clothes slowly and observe me as little as possible.

She approached me in the living room followed closely by the guy. God, I envied that guy. I wanted to be the one people went to when they wanted to cheat on someone and I'm sure that was his night job.

"Pete, I'm sorry."

It wasn't the 'I never meant for this to happen' I'm sorry but the 'it's over' I'm sorry.

"I just didn't know how to tell you."

Fear and self-loathing bubbled like magma into and from my eyes,

"You must be psychic 'cause that's the way any girl tells me anything these days."

"Pete..."

I'm so sorry I depended on you for everything I was ever looking for but I'm not sorry you had it...The guy stepped towards me threateningly,

"Buddy, I think you should go before you insult this nice young lady, here."

I'll bet he didn't even know her name...

Wishing I had something to grab just so I could try and make one last attempt at being remembered, I stepped out into the hall and let the tears continue to fall from my eyes.

Wishing the elevator would just crash straight into the ground, I cried against the fake wood. That was it. The love of my life was gone within one blowjob.

Now knowing why it had been raining, I tried five times to open my car door before giving up and sobbing on the roof.

A solid hand hit my shoulder and I just wanted it to be anyone willing to put up with me.

The guy stood behind me looking cockier and more oblivious than ever,

"Hey, you're Pete Wentz, right? My wife absolutely loves you. Would you mind signing an autograph for her? She's a great lady..."

Any self-respecting man would've punched him in the jaw but I was not self-respecting and now bordering on 'man' so I took the pen and signed his small notepad with a signature that could barely be classified as mine.

"Thanks, man. I'm gonna be a hero when I get home."

With a best friend smile, he turned and ran from the rain.

Still sobbing pathetically, I thrust in the car key and threw open the door wishing I had enough strength to break it.

Sitting in the glow of the crappy car light I didn't even deserve, I squeezed the steering wheel and screamed to nothing and no one,

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER, NO I WON'T SIGN YOUR FUCKING NOTEPAD YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!"

Starting the car, I couldn't end the tears and drove along through the rain, just watching the drops be interrupted by my useless self.

A neon sign welcomed me and I pulled into the parking lot feeling dirtier than ever.

It was a Walgreen parking lot where I dug through the compartment between the seats. I dug deep and pulled out a white container.

Atavin it teased me.

After...after the last time, I'd promised I wouldn't need this. I'd promised I'd take it out but I was way too fucking stupid to keep a promise.

Flicking open the top with a practiced hand, I pulled out a small blue pill and stared at it as I realized they were like solidified tears that just happened to take it all away.

I stared at the pill and exerted my last little bit of strength and put it back.

Throwing open the door, I stepped from the car and, like a drunk, up to the Walgreens payphone.

Not even having enough cents to make a decent sentence, I threw down the pennies in my hand like I had with everyone I'd ever cared about.

Twice, I dropped my Sidekick and just barely was able to hit the recent calls button.

Please answer. Please answer the phone. Please, Jess, answer the phone. Dear god, I need you.

The rings doubled as the kind of laughter that always sounded in my dreams.

"Hey, this is Jess and, sucks for you but, I'm not really able to answer the phone right now. Leave a message and I'll work on getting back to you."