Categories > Games > Dynasty Warriors > Crazy Days in Wei

Mirror Mirror

by WindsOfEternity 1 review

The crazy life of the generals in Wei! Collaboration with SSX/Totally Nuts!

Category: Dynasty Warriors - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor - Characters: Cao Ren, Dian Wei, Sima Yi, Other - Published: 2005-09-03 - Updated: 2005-09-03 - 1693 words

Chapter 1: Mirror Mirror

Dian Wei sighed as he cradled the last of his hair in his right hand. It was the last sign that once he was the proud owner of a full head of luscious hair. As the years passed his hair began to thin, and more recently drop out. But today it was all gone. He was officially what he knew he'd become... bald.

He held on tightly to the few strands of light brown hair in his hand and glanced up into one of the Wei castle's many elaborate golden mirrors. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall," he began to say to it, "who is the baldest of them all?"
"Don't feel so bad Dian Wei! Baldness isn't the end of the world..."

"Huh?" Dian Wei took a look around but he couldn't see anyone there. "Who said that?"
"You don't remember me? Look in the mirror!"
Dian Wei took a look in the mirror and was completely lost for words when he saw the recently deceased Wei advisor Guo Jia's face appear. He looked just as he was before he had fallen gravely ill, but why was he in a mirror? Was he some kind of ghost?

"Guo Jia! What are you doing here?"
"Ha!" replied the apparition. "I'm here to help you guys! I'm still Cao Cao's trusted advisor, and to be honest, I think the place would fall apart without me here! Do you guys miss me at all?"
"Of course!" Dian Wei replied, lying through his teeth. Cao Cao showed minimal signs of mourning, instead immediately hiring a new advisor; it had taken Zhang Liao three days to even notice that Guo Jia was gone; and when asked about Guo Jia's death Xu Zhu simply replied "Who?"
"That's great!" Jia replied cheerily. "So you have a problem with baldness? Let me assure you that it's not a bad thing..."

"How? How is it not a bad thing?"
"Well you don't have to spend time in the morning worrying about how neat and tidy it is. Believe me I've appeared unknowingly in most of the mirrors this week and one person seems to check their hair an awful lot!"
"That would be Lady Zhen," said Dian Wei.

"No no no! I'm on about General Zhang He. I didn't realise he was that vain!"
"Oh him!" The huge bodyguard laughed. "You can't get vainer than him!"
"I definitely agree! Now back to your problem... why do you think it's so bad?"
"I feel as if I've lost a huge part of me. The part that makes me feel like a man..."

"Dian Wei my dear friend, you're as manly as they get! The only purpose of hair is to keep you warm- there's no other purpose for it! If you miss it that much you could always look for an alternative to hair..."

"You mean like a wig?" asked Dian Wei as he stroked his fully bald head. "I suppose it will make me feel as if I have hair..."

"Exactly! And it will keep your head lovely and warm!"
Dian Wei thought for a moment, and then put the strands of hair in his pocket. "I think I'll make a wig! I've got nothing to lose... thanks Guo Jia!"
"My pleasure Dian Wei!" Jia said as Dian Wei sped off at his not so fast pace out of the corridor and outside. Jia sighed to himself in the mirror- if all the generals were worried about was their hair, what hope did they have with a much more serious crisis? Guo Jia was glad to be back- it looked as if Wei needed him, dead or alive...
"Tweet tweet!"
A small bird perched itself on top of Cao Ren's helmet as he meditated underneath a blossom tree. The sun reflected from the shiny metal and from the surface of the glistening pool. Ren hummed quietly to himself, enjoying the peace and well deserved break from fighting. He didn't believe in all of the war nonsense going on- all he wanted was to see peace restored, but if fighting was the only way to achieve it, then so be it.

A huge booming voice was heard from behind, interrupting Ren's moment of relaxation. He tilted his head back slightly, watching as Dian Wei came storming over. Was he angry? It was hard to tell with a face as serious as his...
"Can I help you Dian Wei?" said Cao Ren quite calmly. Dian Wei lowered himself to the ground and sat down on the grass with a soft thud, causing the small bird on Ren's helmet to fly away in fear.

The larger man put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a few strands of hair- the last remnants of his pride. "I've lost all my hair- IT'S ALL GONE! I need you to help me!"
"Calm down Wei... so what you're bald? You're the still the man you were when you had a full head of hair. Just remember, material possessions mean nothing."
"But everyone else has hair! I feel so lost without it!"
Ren sighed. "It's really not as bad as you think... I mean, if you feel completely lost without it, why don't you think of an alternative to hair?"
"You mean like a wig?"
"Exactly!" Cao Ren unfolded his legs and stood up, stretching himself out from all the time he had spent in that same position. "I can help you make a wig, but you have to promise not to complain about your baldness. It's a hereditary condition, nothing you can do about it. As long as Cao Cao still has his bodyguard then- HEY!"
Before he could finish his sentence the small man found himself lifted from the ground by Dian Wei. He was helpless as he was held several feet above where he was before, and as Wei rushed back towards the castle Ren sighed. It was pure madness...

In a darkened room, with just a candle illuminating a large scroll, Sima Yi jotted down some ideas for his latest scheme. He needed to think of something good this time- he couldn't keep failing like this! He couldn't stand the humiliation any longer. He didn't want to be known as Cao Cao's 'lapdog' any more, but to be recognised as a man worthy in his own right. Constantly he was in Cao's shadow, doing all of the hard work while the Wei leader sat back and enjoyed wife after wife... Sima Yi knew it was making himself bitter and more conniving, but overthrowing the Caos and paving the way towards a new dynasty seemed like a very tempting idea. The Sima clan ruling Wei... it was a dream that the sneaky Wei strategist intended to make true.

"A few arrows here... and some there... behind the curtains... yes, yes!" He used a quill to draw out some complex diagrams in ink, drawing straight lines for the projected directions of his weapons. A quick and painful death should do nicely for Cao Cao...
"Now where did I put that fan of mine...?" After rolling up his scroll and tying it up with a blue ribbon he noticed that his fan, normally at his side like a loyal dog, was missing. "That's strange," he said to himself, standing up and looking around, "I swear I put it here..."

It couldn't be seen in his study anywhere, so he walked towards the exit door and stood outside, clutching his top secret plans. Sima Yi stalked the Wei castle corridor looking for his weapon of choice. Where could it be? He was far too used to holding it in his right hand, and it was as if his hand had moulded to the shape of the handle.

"See Guo Jia, I'm not so bald now..."

Who was that? Sima Yi could hear voices from around the corner, so he leant closely against a wall and poked his head around. It was someone who looked just like Dian Wei, except he had on top of his head was a strange black furry thing. Sima Yi looked closer... it WAS Dian Wei! And WHY was he holding the black fan?

"Dian WEI!" Sima Yi ran over and snatched the fan out of Wei's hand. "Why in heaven's name are you wearing... MY POOR BABY!" Immediately Sima Yi noticed the significant loss of feathers on his fan. It was bare, and only a few of the plump black feathers remained. It had been stripped, but why? He then looked at Dian Wei's home made wig. Feathers... black feathers...
"Like my new wig Sima?" Dian Wei pointed to his head, showing off his new 'hair'.

"Of course I do not like it! You've just ruined my fan! This is not a toy for you to play with- it is a weapon not a bird!" Sima Yi started fuming, waving the lighter fan around.

The apparition in the mirror chuckled. "You know Sima Yi, you haven't changed a bit!"
Sima Yi froze and looked at the mirror where the voice was coming from. "Guo Jia? What... why... how...?"
"Ah, don't look so worried!" Guo Jia smiled. "I'm just here to help! Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't be of any use."
"And I suppose you told HIM to pluck all of the feathers out of my fan? Look at it!" Sima Yi pointed with his scroll at the fan. "It's useless now! Your advice was useless when you were alive and even more useless when you're dead!"
Jia laughed again. "I believe you're very much wrong Sima. It wasn't I who suggested the feathers, but a certain Cao Ren..."

Sima Yi's face changed from its usual pale shade to an angry shade of red. "NOT ANOTHER CAO!" After giving an evil glare to Dian Wei (who was too busy adjusting his new head gear) and Guo Jia's ghost, he stormed off back in the direction he came from. Cao Ren would pay for this!

Jia sighed in his mirror. He thought he'd escaped the madness in Wei, but it seemed he was back for more...
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