Categories > Games > Dynasty Warriors > Crazy Days in Wei

The Duty of a City Officer

by WindsOfEternity 1 review

The first council session had passed with the officers jobless...Since things are now out of order, Cao Cao assigns his men tasks to do to maintain control over the city.

Category: Dynasty Warriors - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor - Characters: Cao Cao, Cao Pi, Cao Ren, Dian Wei, Pang De, Sima Yi, Wei Yan, Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, Xu Huang, Xu Zhu, Zhang He, Zhang Liao, Zhen Ji, Other - Published: 2005-09-03 - Updated: 2005-09-03 - 3384 words

Chapter Five: The Duty of a City Officer

Spring arrived, and the flowers of Wei were blooming all around the fields and gardens. General Zhang He picked up an orchid and placed it on his hair before leaving to the second council meeting of the year. He had arrived in the nick of time when Cao Cao banged on his table multiple of times for attention. As always, Second and Third wife emperorized him as he sat there. The other generals, strategists and officials took their respective seats and the council began.

"Last night, there was a riot going on in the town square. Rumours say it was a tall, aggravating drunkie who started the commotion. Do any of you know of this?" Cao Cao started. Everyone shook their heads and spoke out of order.

"-Probably it's someone from another kingdom trying to win the hearts of our people!" Li Dian blurted out.

"-I bet it's Shu putting up their goody two shoe act again..." Xiahou Dun growled and pounded a nearby table. It made Xun Yu jumped out of his seat.

"The drunkie is probably Zhang Fei!-" Yu Jin thought aloud. "He probably-"

"I disagree. Gan Ning of the Bells is most likely to cause such trouble-" Jia Xu overlapped him.

Cao Cao banged his head a couple of times on the table to restore order. "Silence everyone!" With that as a cue, everyone stopped speaking and focused all their eyes on their leader. Cao Cao started to read a list off the scroll he's holding. "Another problem is that the stability of our castle walls have weakened. We need a couple of Generals to keep the builder units in order as they repair any damaged parts and such. In addition, a new officer needs to be assigned cultivating duty for the good harvesting crops in the fields. Also, our scientists aren't doing their job on researching weapons due to poor management in the factories. Lastly, none of you have been patrolling the cities for bandits and scammers in the marketplace! What the heck are you guys doing everyday huh!?

Tactician Xu Shu snickered and rolled his eyes. "At least we're doing more than you." He murmured to a fellow general. Luckily, Cao Cao didn't hear him.

"I haven't assigned any specific tasks for you all to do in January, however this month I will. Does anyone want to request a specific task they desire before I start assigning random ones to everyone?" Cao Cao asked his members.

The first hand that shot straight up into the air belonged to Zhang He. "I would like to request spying or running thorough searches in certain areas!"

Cao Cao sighed. "You have to be more specific, Zhang He."

"Like the supply room, or every General's bedchambers..." Zhang He responded while fantasizing a inspection of his crush's room. Every other general, strategist and official except for Xu Zhu practically got on their knees to beg Cao Cao.

"Please don't assign him that task! He's going to kiss me-" Sima Yi cried while shaking his head of thoughts from the last time he received one.

"He stole half of my wardrobe last time. The next time, I'd probably have nothing to wear!" Zhen Ji whined while pointing at the Butterfly general.

"-He's too nosy and will not spare me by searching through my collection of adulterated graphical novels!" Cheng Yu admitted and realized a second later that he had told everyone of his secret stash. "Ahem. Let's just forget about what I said in the previous sentence..."

Cao Cao groaned aloud as he placed both hands on top of his head. "Forget what I said about requests. Yu Jin, Xiahou Yuan, and Pang De are to do repairs on the castle walls." Pang De whimpered upon hearing Xiahou Yuan's name. "Jia Xu, Xu Zhu, and Cao Ren are to cultivate the plants. Zhang He and Li Dian are to train the soldiers...Sima Yi, Xu Shu and Cheng Yu are to conduct research and manage the workers in the factories...Zhang Liao, Xiahou Dun, and Dian Wei are to patrol the city to keep it safe...Cao Pi and Zhen Ji are to invest in the market and watch out for corrupt scammers."

"My job sounds boring..." Cheng Yu yawned while sneekily peeking at a graphical novel. Xu Huang closed the book on his colleague's face. "Meanie..."

"-And for the rest who do not have jobs, try to help with doing little tasks! Alright, everyone is dismissed!" Cao Cao left the room with his two wives. At this point on, everyone was complaining about the selections. However, there was nothing that the officers can do to change their Lord's choice. They will have to endure three months of doing the same work until the next council...

An hour later...

"Hey Cheng Yu! Stop playing with that glowing spark ball and help us move these crates filled with nunchakus!" Xu Shu called out. Once again, Cheng Yu was occupied with his sun-holding habit.

"I don't want to. Make that angry looking Sima Yi do it." Cheng Yu countered and threw the spark ball at a small fireplace. A mini explosion resulted afterwards, causing the death of a soldier who was only doing his job. "Didn't mean to kill you. Sorry and rest in peace." Xu Shu looked shifty eyed at his colleague and inched an opposite direction from Cheng Yu.

"Stupid tactician. You're a worthless advisor and a terrible manager! Let me help you carry those crates, Xu Shu!" Sima Yi offered and attempted to lift a heavy crate but failed. "Curses..."

"I can say the same about you." Cheng Yu said boredly and pulled out his favorite book. Xu Shu and Sima Yi sighed yet still attempted to get the job done without their lazy friend.

At the barracks...

Li Dian was in the process of waking up every soldier as Zhang He occupied himself with planning today's training lesson. "Scumbags! Get out of bed!" He said while kicking a frail-looking archer from the bed. "Today, General Zhang He and I are going to be training all of you weaklings!" Every soldier started to voice out their opinion.

"-Oh joy...Why them two?" A pikeman began to complain.

"Ooh, we're going to do the twirly whirly dance like in the Battle of Guan Du!-" One of Zhang He's assassin bodyguards exclaimed happily.

"What the?-I don't remember doing a dance! Maybe it was because I was stationed with this loser General in front of us-" A horseman under Li Dian responded.

"Oh, that's because you weren't with General Zhang He on Yuan Shao's side!" Another soldier replied.

All the insults pointing toward Li Dian was getting through his cool head. "Silence! Anyone else who speaks out of order will receive punishment from General Zhang He!" Everyone became quiet after hearing that threat. "General Zhang He, do you have a plan for us today?"

Zhang He, who was sitting at the corner of the barrack, rose up and twirled. "Forget all these stupid, laid out plans used by my handsome Sima Yi!" He said throwing a scroll into the burning firepit. "My bodyguard is correct! We're going to do the twirly whirly dance!"

"-The what!? Are you serious?" His colleague whispered into his ear. Zhang He nodded, which resulted a sigh coming out of Li Dian's mouth. "What good will this do for us?" He asked in a stressed voice.

Zhang He smirked happily and put his arm around his friend, who didn't mind about the touch. "Don't be so stiff and serious. It will build up our morale of course! Onward! All the soldiers in my fighting unit must teach everyone else the twirly whirly dance!" After Zhang He announced that, he started to teach Li Dian the dance as well.

"Hey...this is" Li Dian admitted and asked a dance from Zhang He.

Outside in the fields...

"Apple...yum. Corn...yummy yum. Rice...extra yummy yum." Xu Zhu chirped happily to himself as he stared at the different crops growing in the fields. Cao Ren busied himself with the creation of a blonde wig with the wheat strands. Jia Xu was the only one doing the job correctly by helping the farmers with the watering, soil exchange, etcetera.

"I can't believe we have a bunch of worthless officers serving for our great Cao Cao..." One peasant farmer whispered to his friend. "They can't even do the people's work right...We should have their positions instead since they're so useless..." The same guy continuously rambled on, not noticing Jia Xu pressing in behind him.

"Why don't you try to formulate a well-working battle strategy for me, and perhaps I shall let you become my disciple." Jia Xu sneered at the peasant. The farmer laughed abashly to cover up his words and immediately returned back the irrigation channels. "Retarded, uninformed peasant. He's fortunate that I'm in a better mood than most days or else he would've say farewell to that dirty head of his. By the way, Cao Cao is even lazier than us all put together. He's probably sleeping with Fourth Wife at this moment I speak..." Jia Xu continuously rambled on as he exchanged different fertilizers onto the different acres.

Cao Ren, who sat there minding his own business, overheard the chatty tactician's rambling. "I disagree..." The Buckler-using general replied as he stopped the process of creating a new wig for Dian Wei. "Brother Cao Cao's not lazy. He's always thinking about the next step even when he's sleeping with a woman!" Cao Ren answered and turned to where Jia Xu was at, but the tactician disappeared somewhere. "Figures. I guess I'll finish making Dian Wei's wig..."

At the marketplace...

Cao Pi and Zhen Ji circled around the stands for an hour already with bags in their hands. "This is a great idea, my beloved. Shopping while we're on duty. It's like doing our duty while we're having fun! You're so wonderful and beautiful!" Cao Pi praised her for thinking of such a brilliant scheme...well to him it was good.

"It was nothing, really." His wife said modestly, yet that aristocratic tone of hers made the response sound snobby instead. "I really do hope we catch a corrupt official today. We'll get rewards and higher rankings due to our increased fame." Pi nodded and pointed at a nearby shop. "Women's...undergarments? Are you sure you want to go in there?" Again, her husband nodded. "Fine."

Upon entering the shop, a masked man greeted them with a bow. " you?" He asked, saying each word longer than one's supposed to.

Zhen Ji cautiously scrutinized the man while Pi took a curious sniff at the guy. "You sound remarkably I know you?" She asked the masked guy.


"Okay." The couple started to walk around the shop, looking for pretty undergarments. "Hey, Pi...this underwear looks like the cloth that stupid caveman in Shu wears!" Ji pointed at the underwear piled in the ten gold basket.

The masked man took the underwear out of the basket. "" This left Zhen Ji and Cao Pi in a confuzzled state.

"Aww...I was thinking we should run out in the next battle looking like that hideous monster!" Cao Pi blurted out. The masked man could be heard growling from where he stood. "Is there something the matter? Are you related to him? Is that why steam is coming out of your head?"


The couple looked at the masked salesman weirdly and shrugged. "Okay..." Ji said while picking a couple of her favorite underwear. "I'll take this, and this, and this one too." She said and placed the pieces on the cashier desk. The masked man came to the abacus and calculated the expenses.

"" He said, holding out his hand. Zhen Ji coolly placed the gold on the man's hand, took her things and dragged her husband out of the shop. "Good...bye..."

Outside of the shop, Zhen Ji whispered to her husband. "Call the officers on patrol duty immediately to this shop, Pi-Pi."

"Why?" Her husband asked curiously.

"We have an enemy spy in our territory." With that, Cao Pi ran to fetch Zhang Liao, Xiahou Dun or Dian Wei.

Meanwhile, at the tower...

Dian Wei watched for the enemy or bandits. But from high above the ground, he only saw his colleagues screwing up everything they were assigned to do. Sima Yi broke crates filled with secret weapons...Cao Ren pulled crops out of the ground when he is not supposed to...Xu Zhu ate the products...Zhen Ji shopped instead of looking for scammers...Zhang He and Li Dian danced instead of training the soldiers...Pang De cowered behind a brick wall away from Xiahou Yuan...and his two partners Dun and Liao are...

"Hey, I didn't see that coming!" Xiahou Dun said while pounding the table. All the pieces on the mini-table scattered when he did that. They were playing chinese checkers...

"You should've watched carefully then." Zhang Liao said coolly as he picked the pieces up. "Don't do that next time. By the way, pay up." He extended his hand to receive his prize. Dun placed one hundred gold in his hand. "Thanks."

Dun growled, leaving his seat and coming to Dian Wei. "How are things going around town?"

"Not good." The Coming Evil replied while pointing at everything wrong he saw. Suddenly, he saw Cao Pi coming towards them.

"It's the brat." Xiahou Dun said while growling. "Let me go deal with him." The one-eyed general offered and climbed down the tower to his nephew. "What do you want?"

Cao Pi paused a few seconds before catching his breath. "Ji and I...found an enemy spy!!!" He announced loud enough to make Dian Wei and Zhang Liao come down from the tower in a nanosecond. "He's at the women undergarments store!"

"Say no more nephew. Good work and tell that woman of yours to stop shopping." Dun commanded and together with his colleagues, they went to the women undergarments store. " feels very embarrassing to enter this shop while people are looking at us..." Dun pointed at the nosy peasants who stopped all their work to watch them.

"It's our job." Dian Wei said and without further ado entered the shop without hesitating. Zhang Liao followed him, leaving Xiahou Dun waiting at the door.

"There is no way I'm going in." Dun sat on the floor, not budging one centimeter.

Upon entering the shop, Dian Wei and Zhang Liao met with the masked shopkeeper. "" Dian Wei walked pass the man and scanned around the merchandise for anything suspicious while Zhang Liao observed the man.

"May I ask for your identification?" Zhang Liao asked boredly without thinking about the possibilities of the man faking his own name and birthplace. Documents and identification cards didn't exist back then.

"My... name is...I..don'" The masked man replied and sobbed horribly.

Zhang Liao patted the guys back. "It's alright. I didn't have a name until I was six years old. I was called boy then. What about I give you a name?" He offered in a friendly manner.


"Yeah. What about..let's see...Jia Heng?"


"Zhang Jian?" Again, the masked shopkeeper shook his head. Okay, how about...Fa Zhang?" Finally, the man nodded. "From now on, your name is Fa Zhang!" Together, the two men jumped around and celebrated the naming ceremony.

Dian Wei looked at his friend oddly. "There isn't anything suspicious here. Those two must've provided false information. Let's go back." Zhang Liao and the masked shopkeeper led Dian Wei out of the door and slammed it when he was finally out. Partying noises can be heard from outside of the shop. "Let's go, Xiahou Dun."

"What is going on in there!? Did you find anything of the enemy's?" The one-eyed man inquired. Dian Wei shook his head. "And why is Zhang Liao still in there?"

"I don't know. Let's go." Dian Wei said, heading back to the tower like he was programmed to do. Xiahou Dun got off the ground and walked beside his colleague.

Three months later...

The third council meeting began as Cao Cao read the scroll handed by Recorder Yang Xiu. "Here are the results for each officer's task. Yu Jin, Xiahou Yuan and Pang De completed their job with ninety-percent of it done, as expected from these hard working men. Xun Yu...reward these three with two hundred gold each!"

Xun Yu opens up a small golden box and hurls six hundred gold at the three generals. Xiahou Yuan caught his prize, Yu Jin was knocked unconscious by it, and Pang De actually ate his gold. "You guys suck..."

Cao Cao began to speak. "Jia Xu, Xu Zhu and Cao Ren, who were in charge of farming, did more than we expected, which Yang Xiu calculated to be one-hundred and twenty percent! Five hundred gold for each of these men! Xun Yu!"

Again, Xun Yu the temporary treasurer threw the gold pieces to the men, but with the trigger some extraordinary stunt, all of the money fell into the hands of Jia Xu. "I deserve all of this Gold since the other two did nothing but caused trouble during work." The tactician said to his Lord. Cao Cao looked at Yang Xiu for answers, which the recorder agreed to what Jia Xu said.

"Alright, take it all then. As for Zhang He and Li Dian...they managed to get fifty-percent of their task done...What the heck were you guys doing!?" Cao Cao demanded for an answer while pounding his fist onto the table. Second and Third wife backed away from their husband when he did that.

A pretty-looking Zhang He and Li Dian bowed at the center carpet in their dancing garb. "We were so caught up with dancing that we forgot the most important the soldiers to use techniques properly!" Zhang He admitted. Li Dian nodded whilst looking at the floor, afraid that his Lord might hurl the table at him like he would on normal occassions.

"I thought that if you had Li Dian with you, you both would be on task. I guess I was wrong. However, do not make that mistake again! Is that clear?" Both Zhang He and Li Dian nodded and returned to their respective seats. "Sima Yi, Xu Shu and Cheng Yu managed to get their task done seventy-five percent. It's average, but with bright thinkers like you all, I had expected more."

"...It's because of that lazy slacker Cheng Yu..." Sima Yi murmured inaudibly.

"You don't even know anything...why don't you ask that recorder and advisor of yours..." Xu Shu added but fortunately again Cao Cao didn't hear anything the two said.

"Zhang Liao, Xiahou Dun and Dian Wei had patrolled the city excellently, keeping bandits and the enemy away from the capital. They completed their task one-hundred percent. Xun Yu, bring the gold to them!" Cao Cao ordered.

Again, Xun Yu threw the pieces like a baseball, which the three strong generals caught without ease. "I need to work on my pitching..." The treasurer said while dissing on his skills.

"Lastly, with all the shopping and investing they've done, Zhen Ji and Cao Pi had managed to keep the market scammers away and the economy rate moving smoothly. A job well done, my children!" Cao Cao said, personally handing his son and daughter-in-law one thousand gold. The other officers were giving them glaring-dagger looks. "Alright, I've been thinking about this for the past three months, and I've decided to give everyone the same tasks they've had in April. Those who weren't assigned specific tasks, please help the others out. This meeting has concluded!" Cao Cao said and left with his wives once again.

All the officers fell on the ground and sweatdropped, but for the exception of Xu Zhu, Cheng Yu and Zhang He. Xu Zhu was busily eating a pork bun while Zhang He combed his long silky hair and Cheng Yu read his adulterated novel.
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