FicWad

"Ms. Royer?" A voice pulled me out of my deep dreamless sleep. "Can you hear me?"
I slowly opened my eyes and glanced around. I was lying in a bed in the hospital with everybody I cared about around me. Everyone except Chloe. I let out a small cry and rolled on my side.
"No, wake up." I sobbed clutching my head. "It's just a bad dream."
Patrick sat down on the bed by me and rubbed my back gently.
"I'm afraid it's not a dream." He sighed pulled my up in his arms and hugging me tightly. "Chloe's gone."
"No." I sobbed as the tear flowed down my cheeks, making wet puddles on his shirt. "She's not."
"Yes, Alex she is." He sighed rocking back and forth. "She's gone."
I could feel him crying softly as he hugged me. I wanted to curl up and die. Why did she have to die? Why couldn't it have been me or someone else? Why did she deserve to have her life cut short? It wasn't fair.
Patrick pulled away and wiped his moist eyes as he looked at me.
"The best thing we can do now is go on."
"I don't want to go on, I want my Chloe back." I cried softly putting my hands to my face and gently covering it.
I continued crying until I felt completely empty of tear, then wiped my eyes and looked at everyone else in the room. There wasn't a dry eye, even the nurse was crying.
"I wanna go home!" I whaled putting my arms around Patrick, who dutifully lifted me up and carried me out to the rental car. I couldn't help but cry more in the car on the ride home.
When I got home, my mom hugged my tightly and refused to let go. Walking like a zombie I went up to our room and lied down on the bed, clutching a pillow and staring blankly out the window.
This went on for about a week. Then came the funeral. Ma and everybody else thought it'd be right to speak at it. So I dried my eyes, if only for a minute and gave me peace.
"Chloe was special to everyone that came into contact with her." I cleared my throat and blinked back tears. "To me she was a beautiful daughter, to others she was a friend, a child with so much potential, and a bright in all of our lives."
Everyone was cry softly; I looked down for a minute.
"I know her time with us was short, but we should take time to remember all the good things that happened while she was still with us."
I let myself smile sadly as I thought back to everything we'd been through together.
"She made us smile when nothing else would; she was wise beyond her years; often knowing what to do when even I couldn't figure it out." My voice wavered. "And I know it's not at all fair that her life was cut short, but just remember all she did with her time here and be happy."
I stepped down shakily and returned to my seat by Patrick. He gave me a teary smile and patted my hand before looking back up at the tiny coffin that stood closed with a picture of Chloe smiling back at us.
The rest of the service went past without my knowing; soon Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy were carrying the coffin to the hearse. I watched from the confines of the church. I refused to watch Chloe go in the ground, away from any light.
After that they came back and slowly got their coats, it was over and they were going home to mourn. I slowly got my coat and put it on; watching everybody with the same lost sad look on their face. Seeing that made me realize how much I hated funerals. I hated seeing people missing someone that wasn't coming back. I just hated missing someone.
We all sullenly got in the car and took toward home. I had to cover my head and not look out the window, because it brought back memories of the night. With my head completely covered I could escape this world and go into my imagination.
Sooner or later we pulled up to my house and got out tiredly. I walked up the drive and opened the door flopping down on the first soft chair I could find, curling myself up into a little ball and covering my head again.
The rest sat down on the couch and the chairs and Patrick turned on the TV. I didn't feel much like sitting so I got up and went into the kitchen to myself something to eat. Everything tasted the same, like nothing. I sighed and pushed the half eaten sandwich away knowing I'd have to clean it up later.
I walked back into the living room and almost got past the TV until I heard this.
"And in other news, famous band Fall Out Boy is mourning over the death of lead singer Patrick Stump's daughter..."
With that I screamed and slammed whatever was in reach at the TV. The glass shattered and fell all around me as I knelt to the floor sobbing helplessly.
Patrick instinctively got up and rubbed my back, trying in vain to calm me. I continued sobbing until I felt myself getting hoisted up and carried off to our room. He set me down on the bed and brushed a few hairs out of my face.
"Shh, just try and sleep." He whispered putting a blanket over me and turning out the light.
I let myself cry until I felt the sleep that I hadn't had for almost a week grip my. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but couldn't get the image of Chloe out of my mind. Slowly but surely I went to sleep with a fitful dream that wouldn't escape me.
I snapped awake in a cold sweat and looked around. The dim light shone through my curtained window, showing that it was dusk. I sighed and slowly lifted the blanket from my still tired legs.
Walking down the hall I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them. I stopped at the closed door that used to belong to Chloe.
Gripping the cold door handle I turned it and opened it with a slow agonizing pace. The room looked just as I had left it almost three weeks ago, the patchwork blanket hung lazily over the edge of the bed, her dilapidated stuffed dog sat at the head of the bed looking over all the other animals, and her clothes were strewn all over the floor from picking out the right outfit.
Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked at the room that was filled with deafening silence. It wasn't fair, why did she have to go? I was so lost in thought of Chloe I didn't even notice Patrick walk in and stand silently beside me. I glanced down at the floor and noticed a piece of paper on the floor. I stooped to get it and felt my heart get ripped out when I saw what it was; a heart with tiny blue birds flying over it along with a note under it the simply said 'to mommy and daddy, I love you both.'
Patrick hugged me and started crying. He was crying so bad he was shaking in my arms.
"I can't believe she's gone." He sniffed; his voice muffled by my shirt.
"I know." I said silently letting a tear run down my cheek and glanced at the mirror on the dresser; I could have sworn I saw a little girl staring at us from the doorway.
I quickly pushed him away and turned toward the door; nothing. I cocked my head and turned back to Patrick who was quickly wiping his eyes.
"I miss her." He said thinking of her fondly.
"We both do." I said grabbing his hand and looking at the room one more time before gently closing the door.
We walked down the hall hand in hand and for the first time in almost three weeks I actually felt happy. Once in the living room we sat down next to the rest of the guys who were sitting in and awkward silence. Just then a thought popped in my head.
"Let's have a wake for her." The guys gave me a weird look but smiled.
"That's a wonderful idea." Ma said getting up and dialing a number in the phone. She said a few words then turned to us. "The funeral party will be here in and hour."
I smiled and glanced at Patrick who gave me a big smile and kissed my forehead.
"You're a genius." He whispered getting up and pulling me into the kitchen. "Why have a funeral when you can have a wake."
He started pulling out bottles of wine and other cocktails out of the cupboard and putting them in the fridge. The he went over to another cupboard and started pulling glasses out of it.
"Why mourn a death when you can celebrate a life?" He laughed; I seriously thought he had gone off his rocker.
But I went along with him and started washing off the glasses and standing them on the table.
In only an hour almost fifty people were gathering in the living room, sipping drinks and reminiscing on Chloe's life. I started at a picture of Chloe on the coffee table lost in thought. I was snapped out by the sound of my uncle's loud obnoxious voice laughing as he told the story of when Chloe flushed his car keys down the toilet.
The room erupted in laughter then my other uncle told the story of the first time he saw Chloe, he almost mistook her for me almost twenty one years ago. I smiled and thought to the day I gave birth to Chloe, she looked so much like me except for her hers and that smile; Patrick's crooked smile.
I let myself laugh along with them and told many stories, some sad and some hilarious. Everybody was laughing at Chloe life; in a good way it almost gave me a sense of security.
Soon it was over and everyone was putting on their coats and leaving. I smiled as they pulled away and down the street. We all sat back down on the couch to talk quietly. Patrick grabbed my hand and kissed it.
"How do you feel now?" Ma said smiling.
"I still miss her, but I know she's in a better place." I felt my smile disappear. "I still would've liked to have her back."
"I know, we all do." Joe said sipping from a Brandy glass.
I laughed and leaned against Patrick, he frowned and looked at my hand. I glanced down at my hand then back at him.
"What?"
"Who's gonna be the flower girl?" He asked, there was an awkward silence in the room.
I didn't want to talk about the wedding. Not now, not after we just buried the flower girl. I bit my lip and looked at him.
"I don't know." I whispered as Pete shifted and cleared his throat. "Can we talk about this some other time?"
"Right." He said looking at everyone with questioning eyes.
I looked down at my hands and instantly got up. It didn't feel right sitting here being happy for a death. I looked at the others and got up.
"I'm going out." I said grabbing my coat and my car keys.
No one stopped me, they knew where I was going. I got in the car and floored it. In no time I lurched to a stop at the cemetery. I got out quickly and stormed to the freshly unturned earth, dropping to the ground and bursting into tears.
"Chloe, why did you have to leave?" I sobbed clawing at the ground and lied down on the ground in the snow.
I knew nobody would answer as I sobbed on the ground by Chloe's grave stone. I looked at it and sat up, running my fingers over the writing.
Her name printed neatly, the date unreal, the tiny birds on the bottom flew with a banner in their mouths. In the darkness I couldn't make out what it said.
After and hour I felt my bottom go numb. I stiffly got up and walked back to the car. Gripping the steering wheel I drove away, glancing in the rear view till it was almost out of view.
I got home and checked the living room. No one was there I guessed they already went to bed. I sighed and dropped the keys on the counter and threw away the sandwich from earlier that day.
Then I sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the placemat. This was so surreal. I never thought a year ago that I'd be at my own daughter's funeral, it was supposed to be the other way around.
Closing my eyes I let my feet carry me to our bedroom and to the bed. I crawled under the covers and was welcomed by the heavy scent of Patrick's cologne. I felt a smile play with my lips as I pulled the blanket over me and snuggled into his arm.
"I'm gonna miss her." He whispered gently hugging my arm in the darkness.
"I will too." I said quietly as I closed my eyes and slipped into a peacefully sleep, know I was at peace with Chloe and I could move on now. Yes I missed her, but I knew she wouldn't want me sad over something that couldn't be fixed now.
She was a noble little girl, even though she didn't understand half the things she talked about.