FicWad

"I'm leaving. On Friday," I said to him as we stood in a quiet hallway of Patrick's house.

He was having an end of summer get together and I stopped by to say goodbye to all of my friends and Pete.

"So," he shrugged.

"Please don't be like that," I whispered as tears fell down my cheeks already. Did he have no feelings for me?

"How should I be?" he asked. There was no emotion in his voice.

"Don't you feel anything? Do you have no feelings?" I asked upset.

"Feelings? All my feelings were ripped out the moment I found out that you had broken our pact that we held each other's secrets forever. You said it yourself, Izzy. Forever is a long time, but I wanted it. I wanted to be with you forever, but it got a hell of a lot shorter when you went behind my back and ripped out every feeling I ever had for you. You are nothing to me. Nothing," Pete vented out all that he thought about me right there in that dark hallway.

I had no words to come back at him. He was right. I did go back on our pact. I did tell his secret. I deserved to be nothing.

Pete laughed slightly at me not having a response.

"Now who doesn't have any feelings," he said harshly and walked away.

That was it. Nothing more was to be said between us. It was over, forever. Forever was a long time to live with someone, but it was even longer to live without someone.

"Bella? Are you ok in there?" JB asked from outside the bathroom of my hotel room.

I smiled slightly. I loved it when he called me Bella. It was the one part of my name that Pete or Patrick never used. It had no connections to my past. That was my future.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. I was in on of JB's baseball shirts.

He looked me up and down and smirked.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

I just nodded and walked past him to the queen sized bed. He followed me.

"Is this about what happened on the street tonight?" he asked pulling me into his arms.

I was emotionally drained and I didn't know how to respond. I never spoke of my life in Illinois with JB. He knew nothing.

I took a deep breath only to stop the feeling of bile rising to my throat.

"Kind of, yeah," I whispered.

I leaned against his back as his arms wrapped protectively around me. He kissed the top of my head and rocked me slightly.

"Do you want to talk about it because to be honest, I'm kind of curious," he said turning his head so he could attempt to look me in the eyes.

I turned my head and looked at those eyes that captivated me the first moment I met him. He didn't deserve for me to keep secrets from him. He at least should know who we ran into on the sidewalk tonight.

"Those boys that we ran into were friends that I had when I lived in Illinois. I haven't spoken to some of them in five years," I said quietly.

JB didn't say anything he just continued to rock me. I smiled because I knew he wanted to know more. He knew there was more.

"One of them was my ex-boyfriend," I said.

I felt him take a deep breath.

"And one of them I considered to be my best friend."

"I'm just going to guess by the way the events played out, you guys didn't end on the best of terms," he stated quietly.

"Yeah. They weren't good terms at all," I whispered and let a tear fall down my cheek.

-----

I woke up to the phone ringing on the nightstand. I looked at the clock. It read 3:00 a.m. JB had left hours ago back to his hotel room. He kept himself on a pretty strict curfew and set of rules while he was at away games. He never slept well in hotels, and he knew that if he stayed with me, he probably wouldn't sleep at all. JB took his career very seriously and I respected that.

I reached for the phone in panic. JB and my mother were the only ones who knew where I was, something was wrong.

"Hello?" I answered putting my hand up to my chest in a failed attempt to calm my heart down.

"Iz?" I heard on the other end.

"Yeah?" I asked confused. Who the hell was calling?

"Iz, it's Patrick. You have no idea how long it took to find you. Do you know how many hotels are in Chicago?" he said sounding relieved.

"Patrick? It's three in the morning. What the hell?" I asked irritated that he practically gave me a heart attack.

"I needed to talk to you," he said as his tone turned serious.

"At three in the morning?" I asked as my voice broke.

"Iz. I'm sorry," he said.

I wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, being a complete ass and not talking to me for three years or being a complete ass and calling me at three in the morning. I didn't respond.

"I never meant to not contact you for so long. I shouldn't have let us loose touch with each other," his voice sent chills down my spine.

I missed him so much. I could feel the tears flowing down my cheeks now.

"Patrick, why?" I cried.

I always envisioned this conversation in my head and I was so much stronger. I was a well educated, independent young woman. I could handle this punk. I was so wrong. I was weak and vulnerable.

"I wish I had a good answer for you, but I don't. It has everything to do with Pete and absolutely nothing to do with you," he said quietly.

"That's a poor excuse Patrick," I accused wiping tears off my cheeks.

I heard him take a deep breath over the phone. He was searching for something to say. I could tell, even after all these years.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"You already said that," I wasn't going to give in.

I wasn't going to give myself up so easily. I deserved better than what he gave me. I deserved better than what both gave me.

"Look, how long are you in town for? Can we meet somewhere, you know, to talk?" he asked almost sounding defeated.

"I'm in town for a week, but I'm busy," I stated flatly.

"The whole time?" he asked doubting me.

"Yes. JB has games all week," I defended.

Deep down I really wanted to meet him, but it was hard enough listening to his voice alone. If I were face to face with him, I know I would cave quickly.

"Who is JB and what are these games you are speaking of?" he asked confused now.

It was my turn to take a deep breath. I was stuck with the decision of telling him about JB or do I just tell him goodbye.

"JB is my boyfriend. He's a professional baseball player for Minnesota. He's why I am here," I said quietly.

It was silent. I thought he may have hung up if it weren't for the big breath I heard him take.

"I see," he said simply.

A fresh set of tears started to run down my cheeks. Damn him.

"Look, Patrick. I think it's nice that you want to rekindle what ever we had five years ago, but things have changed. I've changed. Why don't we just leave it at that and say it was nice at the time, but we aren't meant to be friends anymore," I said trying my hardest to not show that this was killing me.

"He misses you," Patrick blurt out.

At first I thought he misspoke. I had to of heard him wrong. He meant 'I miss you.' I didn't have words to form. I kept waiting for him to fix his sentence.

"He really does, Iz. He won't admit it because he's a stubborn asshole, but after he saw you this evening something changed in him. I don't know how to explain it. I almost got a glimpse of the old Pete, like back when we were in high school. He hasn't been the same since you left," Patrick explained.

"He doesn't miss me Patrick. He's moved on and so have I and so should you," I said with bitterness in my voice.

"Iz, please," Patrick dropped his voice down low and caused me to shiver again.

"I can't," I whispered and with all of the willpower I had left in my body I hung up the phone.

I laid back on my pillow and stared up at the ceiling. I'm pretty sure he was trying to kill me.

Suddenly my phone signaled that I had a text message. I reached over and opened it up.

Don't think you got rid of me so easily.

I smiled down at the phone. Damn him.

-----

"I miss you," he whispered over the phone.

It was late, but I was up studying and I willingly welcomed the break.

"I miss you too, Trix," I said forcing myself to not cry.

I had been gone for about a year now and it was becoming harder and harder to only have phone contact with him.

"Do you ever think about my birthday when we kissed?" he asked out of the blue.

"What are you trying to do to me, Patrick," I groaned.

"Do you?" he asked again.

I sat there quietly. Of course I thought about that day. His kiss sent the most electrifying sensation down to my toes. How could I not think about that kiss?

"All the time," I whispered.

I could hear his heavy sigh over the phone.

"But it's like you said. It never happened," I said quickly.

"I wish I never said that," he said now in a low voice.

"Patrick, I was with Pete. He's your best friend. It would have ended badly," I said trying to be the voice of reason.

"I can't help but think that if we would have given into our feelings that you would still be here. Pete would have gotten over it, and you would still be here," he rambled.

"No, Patrick. I was in love with Pete. We were in love. You and I were lost in what we thought were intimate feelings for each other, but they weren't. It was just feelings of friendship," I said trying to be as nice as possible.

"Really? Because I've never had friends kiss me like that before," Patrick challenged.

"Where are you going with this?" I asked frustrated.

"No where, I guess. I just can't help but think 'what if,'" he said quietly.

"Yeah, me too," I confessed.

"Are you feeling ok, Bella?" JB asked me as we sat across from each other at brunch in the hotel.

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

The fact was I was exhausted. I didn't sleep a wink after I got off the phone with Patrick. I was too busy being haunted by my past.

"You look tired. Didn't you sleep well?" he asked grabbing my hand and rubbing his thumb over mine gently.

"I think it's just being in a new place," I nodded towards him.

"Why don't you take a nap before the game tonight," he suggested and sat back in his seat.

Poor JB. He was so unsuspecting. He had no idea what he was getting into when he was getting into it with me.

"Ok, babe," I smiled and agreed with him.

After enjoying one another's company for a while longer, JB had to go off to the stadium. He left me in the lobby as he and the other boys loaded onto the bus. I waved at him longingly.

"Izzy!" I heard a squeal from behind me.

I knew that squeal.

I spun around quickly and saw Ady standing there with the biggest smile on her face.

"Ady! Oh my God!" I said and ran up to her giving her the biggest hug possible.

"Hey girl!" she laughed squeezing back.

"What? How?" I asked in shocked.

She just continued to laugh as realization hit me.

"Patrick," we both said at the same time.

"That boy is determined," I said shaking my head.

"That he is," she laughed.

I missed her laugh. Sadly Ady and I also lost touch after I left for Minnesota. We were good friends in high school, but it kind of just ended once I moved away. It was more mutual than anything.

"Are you still with Andy?" I asked in shock.

"God no. You think I could be with one boy for so long?" she asked taking my hand and leading me to some chairs in the lounge.

I just gave her a questioning look.

"I still keep in touch with the boys though. Which is why I show up here," she said pointing around.

"Did he call you at three in the morning too?" I asked putting my head in the palm of my hand.

"Close. It was nine," she laughed.

I just looked at her in awe. She looked so grown up, but she still had the most inviting eyes. Her eyes didn't change one bit.

"God, what have you been up to?" I asked.

"This and that. Never stay in one place or at one job too long," she said back.

Ady was always a free spirit. I was surprised that Andy had held onto her as long as he had.

"How about you? I see you have yourself a cute little dish," she said referring to JB.

"Oh, yeah. We've been together about a year now. He's great," I said trying to sound enthusiastic.

"You seem happy," she said nodding. I could tell by that nod that she wasn't buying it.

"I am," I held my tight lip smile.

"Well, you, young lady, seemed to have stirred up some drama with the boys," she said slapping my knee.

"Me?" I asked in shock.

"Oh yeah. Not only have I gotten a phone call from Patrick, but Andy called as well to tell me of the news of your great return," she said making it all that more dramatic.

"Did he also tell you that he, Joe, and Pete lacked the decency to even say hi," I said with bitterness in my voice.

"He did mention something along the lines of being struck with shock," she nodded.

"I never should have come here," I said quietly shaking my head slowly.

"Perhaps you were meant to come here. Perhaps it is all fate," she suggested.

"I don't believe in fate," I muttered.

"Well, that's not the Izzy I remember," she said shocked.

"I've changed," I said back.

"And not for the better," Ady snapped.

I looked at her shocked. I didn't need this at the moment.

"Look, if you are here to pull some hero move and get me to go see the boys, you may as well just show yourself to the exit because it's not happening," I said back irritated by how this conversation had turned.

"Easy, Izzy. I'm here because Patrick really wants to talk to you and he misses you," she said emphasizing 'he.'

I wasn't sure if she was talking about Patrick, and I was praying she wasn't talking about Pete.

I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling.

"He's going to keep sending people here until I agree to meet with him, isn't he?" I asked.

"Yeah. Pretty much," she said smiling at me.

"I don't think I can do this," I whispered.

"Sure ya can. Izzy, you say you've changed, but you are still Izzy. You are still the girl that stole everyone's heart the moment you moved here from Minnesota. You can do this," she said trying to convince me.

"When," I said cringing at myself. What the hell was I doing?

"In two hours at his apartment. Here's his address," she said handing me a piece of paper.

I took it skeptically. Should I really be doing this?