Categories > Cartoons > X-Men: Evolution > The Little Mermaid: Evolution
Chapter 9 is up. Wow, the last chapter of my first parody. Warning: This chapter is filled with randomness and insanity. Do not read this if you are drinking carbonated beverages or they may go out your nose while you're laughing. Trust me. Even I cracked up once or twice.
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Candyce, Shanice and Mange are once again searching for AnonGirl88 and Pyro so they can start the parody. However, this seems to be easier said than done, because the three co-co-directors look very irratated.
"Where are those maniacs!" Mange screams suddenly.
"Maybe they're hiding from the three Dudes, they did say they were going to have revenge." Candyce offers.
"Or maybe they've stolen Lance's Jeep and are on a sugar and caffeine high again." Mange retaliates.
"Or they're using parts of the set to create a bon fire while dancing around wearing coconut bras and grass skirts over their clothes, and big fruit hats." Shanice says.
"Where'd that come from?" Candyce asks.
"Over there, where AnonGirl88 and Pyro are using parts of the set to create a bon fire while dancing around wearing coconut bras and grass skirts over their clothes with big fruit hats." Shanice says, pointing to the very strange scene in front of them.
"Oh no, not this again!" Candyce exclaims as she runs forward to stop them. "You two psychos knock it off right now!" she yells.
"But it's fun!" AnonGirl88 whines.
"So is this!" the three Dudes cry out as they dump 20 pounds of green Jello from their flying saucers on the two maniacs and the bon fire.
"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Pyro and AnonGirl88 scream.
"You ain't seen nothing yet!" the aliens call as they fly away.
"Well, now that the bon fire's out, I guess we'll just have to start the parody." Candyce says, trying not to laugh at the sight.
"I guess." AnonGirl88 grumbles.
"And just so everybody's clear, we hypnotised Scott to keep things seem mildly authentic." Shanice adds, turning to the camera.
Kurt flies into Jeans room early in the morning, looking very happy. However, when he crash lands on the bed and wakes up Jean and Remy, they look less than amused.
"Ariel! Ariel, wake up! Wake up! I just heard ze news, congradulations kiddo we did it!" he exclaims.
"What is dis idiot babbling about?" Remy grumbles, trying to go back to sleep. Kurt nudges him playfully.
"Right, as if you two didn't know, huh? Ze whole town is buzzing about ze prince getting himself hitched zis afternoon! You know, he's getting married." here Kurt pauses to give Remy a noogie before turning to Jean. "You silly sidewalker! I just wanted to wish you luck, I'll catch you later, I wouldn't miss it!" And then he flies away.
Jean takes a minute to register what was just said, and when it sinks in, she grins, kisses Remy on the cheek, and quickly gets out of bed. She takes just a moment to glance in the mirror to check her hair before running downstairs. Before she makes it to the main hall, she sees Scott and Wanda talking to Jason. She hides behind a pillar as she eavesdrops.
"Well, uh, Eric, it seems that I was, er, do I have to say it?" Jason asks the director.
"Yes and hurry up about it!" AnonGirl88 shouts, looking around fearfully. "I want to get out of here as soon as possible!"
"What happened to it being immpossible to get revenge on another persons revenge?" the fake Wanda teases.
"Do you want me to reveal your real identity right now? Because I will!" AnonGirl88 snaps. Suddenly the three Dudes fly by once again.
"ANONGIRL88 SAID THAT SHE OWNS THE LITTLE MERMAID AND THE CHARACTERS OF X-MEN!" they yell. Suddenly a bunch of lawyers appear, chasing poor AnonGirl88 far away.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! NO I DIDN'T! I DID NOT SAY THAT! CURSE YOU DUDES!" she screams.
"Hey, come back here!" Mr. L yells as he and Fishy chase after the lawyers. The entire cast blinks.
"Well, since the director's gone, I guess we'll just have to go home." Jason says, trying to sneak away.
"Not so fast, mate." Pyro says. "You seem to forget that I'm the co-director, and that means I'm in charge now."
"We're doomed." Remy comments, earning a glare from the Aussie.
"Well then you'll just have to do it without me." Jason says, using his powers to make himself appear to disappear. "Now you see me, and now you don't!" he cackles.
"Oh well, good thing we planned for this. Bring in ole Bucket Head!" Pyro yells. Magneto walks in like a zombie, with a glazed look in his eyes. "Alright Mags, you are to take over for Mastermind, got it?" Pyro asks him, trying to keep a straight face.
"Yes." Magneto says. Pyro snickers then yells through a bull horn. "ACTION!"
"Well Eric it appears that I was mistaken. This mystery maiden of yours does in fact exist. And she is lovely. Congradulations my dear." Magneto says in a monotone.
"Who else is extremly glad that the real Wanda isn't here?" Candyce asks. Everyone but Scott and Magneto raises their hand.
"We wish to be married as soon as possible." Scott says in the same monotone as Magneto.
"Oh yes of course, but these things do take time you know." Magneto says.
"This afternoon Grimsby. The wedding ship departs at sunset." Scott says.
"Very well Eric. As you wish." As he says this, Jean runs off crying. 'Wanda' smirks and plays with the seashell necklace around he neck.
Late afternoon, the wedding ship, complete with frilly, lacey decorations along the sides, leaves the dock. Jean is on the pier weeping bitterly as Remy and Sam sadly look on. Meanwhile, Kurt is flying around, humming the Wedding March to himself. Suddenly he hears 'Wanda' singing from the ship. He lands and watches as she twirls around in a slip singing and laughing evilly.
"What a lovely little bride I'll make
My dear, I look divine.
Things are working out according to
My ultimate design.
Soon I'll have that little mermaid
And the ocean will be mine!"
At the fourth line she pauses to throw a hair pin at the mirror, which sticks in the carved cherubs forehead. As she sings the last two lines, she climbs up and stands on the dresser to look at her reflection, which shows Agatha instead. While she laughs, Kurt sees this and is stunned as he backs away from the window.
"The sea witch! She's gonna, I gotta-" In his state of shock he runs into the side of the ship before correcting himself. "Ariel!" he yells as he flies. When he finds her, he lands right next to her and begins to babble about what he saw.
"Ariel! Ariel! I was flying, of course I was flying, And I sa- I saw that the watch, the witch was watching a mirror, and she was singing with a stolen set of pipes!" He grabs Remy and starts shaking him to emphasis his point. "Do you hear what I'm telling you? THE PRINCE IS MARRYING ZE SEA WITCH IN DISGUISE!"
"Are you sure about dis?" Remy asks, rubbing his head because all the shaking gave him a headache.
"Have I ever been wrong? I mean when it's important!" Kurt exclaims, still panicky.
"What are we gonna do?" Sam asks. Jean looks out to sea at the departing ship and sees that the sun is beginning to set. She hears Agatha's voice in her head, echoing.
"Before the sun sets on the third day."
Her mind obviously made up, Jean jumps into the water. But she can't swim very well with two legs, espeacially while in a dress. Thinking quickly, Remy uses his claws to cut the ropes holding some barrels. They fall into the water and float.
"Ariel, grab onto dat! Flounder, get her to dat boat as fast as yo' fins can carry you!" Remy commands.
"Ah'll try!" Sam says, pulling the barrel that Jean's holding onto by the rope.
"Remy gotta get de sea king. He must know about dis!" Remy says.
"What, what about me? What about ME?" Kurt asks.
"You, find a way to STALL DAT WEDDING!" Remy tells him before diving into the water.
"Stall ze wedding? How, what, ZAT'S IT!" Kurt suddenly flies off and begins rounding up the birds, seals, and other creatures.
"Move it, let's go, we got an emergency here!" he tells all of them.
Meanwhile, the wedding is already in progress. As 'Wanda' walks down the aisle, Roberto growls at her. Wanda kicks him, making him whimper and back away. Apparently nobody noticed. Meanwhile Pietro, the priest, is taking full advantage of his extra screen time by hamming up the part by dressing up as an Elvis impersonator, complete with bad accent and weird hair wig.
"Uh dearly beloved. We are a-gathered here today to join.."
Here the scene switches to Sam and Jean. Sam is trying his hardest to pull the barrell to the ship so that they can get there before sunset, but he's having a hard time of it.
"Don't worry Ariel, ugh. We-we're gonna make it. We're almost there.
And now back at the ship, Pietro is still hamming up the part.
"Alright, now do you, Eric, a-take Vannessa to be your lawfully wedded wife, for as long as you both shall live?" he asks.
"I do." Scott says, still in monotone.
"And now, do you-" Before Pietro can finish his sentence, Kurt and the animals he rounded up swoop in to attack and cause massive chaos. Roberto decides to get in on the act. The birds dive bomb 'Wanda', the lobsters pinch her, the starfish stick to her face, and Roberto bites her in the butt. While this is happening, Jean climbs onto the ship. Kurt tries to wrench the seashell away, and in the struggle, it breaks off and shatters on the deck, releasing Jean's voice in a ball of light. Scott snaps out of his trance just as Jean's voice returns to her throat and she sings.
"Ariel?" Scott asks.
"Eric!" Jean exclaims, using her voice once more.
"You, you can talk! You're the one!" he says as he goes to her.
"Eric, get away from her!" 'Wanda' says with Agatha's voice, than claps a hand over her mouth.
"It was you all along!" Scott says to Jean, taking her into his arms.
"Oh Eric, I wanted to tell you." Jean whispers as the two lean in.
"ERIC NO!" 'Wanda' yells, still with Agatha's voice.
But just as they're less than half an inch away from kissing, the sun fully sets and Jean groans and collapses to the deck. 'Wanda' laughs evilly.
"You're too late!" she cackles as Scott sees Jean's mermaid tail. She turns back into Agatha with octopus tentacles and grabs Jean. She then blows a kiss at Scott. "So long, lover boy!" That said, she dives into the water, and takes Jean with her.
"Ariel!" Scott exclaims. Underwater, Agatha is dragging Jean by her wrist.
"Poor little princess. It's not you I'm after. I've a much bigger fish to fry." she tells her.
"Ursulla stop!" Hank's voice commands. Agatha and Jean turn around to see Hank aiming his trident at Agatha.
"Why King Triton, ha ha ha, How are you?" Agatha laughs.
"Let her go." Hank hisses.
"Not a chance, Triton. She's mine now! We made a deal." Agatha says, producing the contract.
"Daddy I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I didn't know!" Jean pleads. Hank aims his trident at the contract and shoots. When the smoke and bubbles clear however, the contract doesn't have so much as a rip or tear on it. Agatha laughs.
"You see? The contract's legal, binding and completly unbreakable. Even for YOU. Of course, I always was a girl with an eye for a bargain. The daughter of the great sea king is a very precious commodity. But I might be willing to make an exchange for someone even better." she says suggestivley.
Meanwhile Scott is in a small row boat, rowing away from the ship.
"Eric. What are you doing?" Magneto calls out, still in monotone.
"Grimm I lost her once, I'm not losing her again!" Scott calls back.
Back to Agatha and Hank. Agatha is holding another contract in front of him, while he's holding a pen. Jean is trapped in a circle of light and is slowly withering into one of those freaky plant things.
"Now, do we have a deal?" she asks. Looking away, Hank signs the contract. Agatha snaps the paper back into a roll when he's done. "HA! It's done then!"
With that said, Jean is released and Hank withers into a freaky plant thing with giant eyeballs and a beard. His crown encircles him and the trident is stuck in the ground near him. Agatha laughs as Jean and Remy look at Hank.
"Yo' Majesty." Remy says sadly.
"Daddy?" Jean asks in sad disbelief.
"At last." Agatha proclaims triumphantly as she lifts up the crown and puts it on. She then picks up the trident and begins to laugh.
"You, you monster!" Jean exclaims, moving to attack her. Agatha grabs her.
"Don't fool with me you little brat! Contract or no, AAAGGHHH!" she cries out as a harpoon hits her in the arm. She whirls around and sees Scott floating there, obviously holding his breath. "Why you little troll!" she snaps.
"Hi everybody!" AnonGirl88 pops in suddenly, followed by Mr. L and a grinning Fishy.
"Where have you been?" Forge demands.
"Sorry, I had to ditch the lawyers before I could sick Fishy on them." AnonGirl88 shrugs. "What scene are we on?"
"Scott just threw the harpoon at Agatha when you showed up." Ray tells her.
"Sweet. Start where you left off then!"
"Eric, Eric look out!" Jean yells to Scott, who's swimming back up to the surface.
"After him!" Agatha commands. Lance and Pietro go after him.
"Come on!" Remy says to Sam. The two of them go to help Scott by attacking Lance and Pietro.
"Say goodbye to your little sweetheart." Agatha says to Jean, aiming the trident at Scott.
"STUNT DOUBLES!" AnonGirl88 yells through her beloved bullhorn.
Lance and Pietro switch with two robot eels that look suspicously like Principal Kelly and Duncan Matthers. Just as Agatha is about to shoot, Jean grabs her hair and pulls back, causing Agatha to shoot the eels instead of Scott. She's devastated.
"Babies! My poor little poopsies." she cries. She then growls and sees Jean helping Scott swim to the surface. She starts to hyperventilate angrilly as she is surrounded by black smokye ink.
On the surface, Jean and Scott are holding each other as the water beneath them begins to glow.
"Eric you've got to get away from here!" Jean says desperately.
"No, I won't leave you!" Scott says, holding her tighter. Suddenly a huge Agatha rises up and laughs.
"You pitiful, insiginifigant fool!" she states in a loud, low booming voice.
"Look out!" Scott yells as he and Jean are seperated.
"Now I am ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim! The sea and all it's spoils bow to my power!" Agatha crows as she wreaks havok by creating a whirlpool which brings up some old shipwrecks.
"ERIC!" Jean screams as she falls to the dry bottom of the whirlpool. While Agatha is playing with her new powers, Scott climbs up onto one of the old ships.
"So much for true love!" Agatha cackles. Just as she's about to finish off Jean, Scott takes advantage of one of the waves and steers the ship right into Agatha, impaling her on the broken mast. She shrieks in agony and dies. Scott collapses on the beach, and the trident returns to Hank, who makes everything go back to normal.
"DING DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH!" AnonGirl88, Pyro, the entire Brotherhood and half the New Recruits sing as they do a hoe-down.
"WOULD YOU MANIACS KNOCK IT OFF, HOW CAN I ACT DEAD IF YOU IDIOTS KEEP SINGING!"Agatha screams at them.
"But everyone expects us to sing that song!" AnonGirl88 protests.
"In fact it's become almost a tradition for directors and cast members of a parody to sing that song upon the demise of any villianess." Shanice states, causing everyone to look at her like she's insane.
"Whatever. Look, we're almost done, so let's just try to finish this, okay?" Hank says.
"Got it! ACTION!" AnonGirl88 and Pyro shout through their bull horns.
Early in the morning, Jean is sitting on a rock forlornly watching Scott as he lays on the beach, still out cold. Hank and Remy look on.
"She really does love him, doesn't she Sebastion?" Hank asks him.
"Hmm. Well, it's like Remy always says. Children got to be free to live der own lives." Remy says wisely.
"You always say that?" Hank says wryly. Remy chuckles embarrasedly as Hank sighs.
"Well than I guess there's just one problem left."
"An' what's day, Yo' Majesty."
"How much I'm going to miss her." he says sadly before turning Jean into a human.
Scott starts to wake up just as Jean walks onto the beach with her new legs, wearing a sparkly dress. The two embrace and kiss passionatley. The kiss fades into the kiss on their wedding day, during which Roberto interrupts them by licking their faces. Everyone is happy. Fred suddenly attacks Remy and chases him around the ship until Remy cuts a rope and sends him flying. Remy then jumps into the water and bows dramatically for Sam and Kurt.
"Merci! Merci."
Hank uses the trident to raise the water so he can give Jean one last hug.
"I love you Daddy." she whispers to him, tears in her eyes. She then goes back to Scott and they hug and wave good bye to Jeans family. Kurt carries Sam up so he can wave good bye, then he winks and flashes the O.K sign at the newlyweds as he flies down. The ship sails away as all the mermaids wave good bye.
"WE'RE DONE!" AnonGirl88 and Pyro yell gleefully as they dance around their new bon fire.
"Heywaitaminuteyoucan'tendtheparodywithouttellinguswhothefakeWandais!" Pietro exclaims.
"Huh?" AnonGirl88 and Pyro stop dancing and stare at him.
"I said you can't end the parody without telling us who the fake Wanda is!" Pietro slows down.
"But, bon fire!" AnonGirl88 whines.
"It's only going to take a couple seconds to tell them." Fake Wanda says.
"Then you tell them. We're busy!" AnonGirl88 says before she and Pyro go back to celebrating.
"Fine by me. Name's Morph." the Fake Wanda says before turning into a short man with pale skin and black hair.
"You mean from the original X-Men cartoons?" Bobby asks.
"Yep. Psycho over there needed some help, and I didn't have anything better to do, so here I am!" Morph shrugs.
"I heard that, who are you calling a psycho, psycho!" AnonGirl88 stops her bad dancing to glare at Morph.
Before the two can start arguing, Kitty comes onto the set.
"Hey Anon, there's an Australian guy with brown spikey hair and goggles at the front gate. He says his name's Valon and that he's looking for someone named Saria." the valley girl informs her.(1)
Upon hearing the name Valon, the insane director blanches sheet white then blushes cherry red. Without warning she pastes a huge fake grin on her face and grabs Pyro.
"Well, that's all for this parody! We hope you enjoyed the show, drive safely, and remember to spay and neuter your pets! Come on, Pyro, we have to go now!"
"But what about the bon fire?" Pyro whimpers.
"We'll make an even bigger one afterwe leave! In fact, we're going to go burn down a whole building, your choice, now let's GO!" And for the umpteenth time since the parody started, the two pyromaniacs ONCE AGAIN run off, leaving everyone bewildered.
"What the heck was that about?" Scott asks.
"Who knows. Let's just get out of here before they come back." Lance replies.
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(1): Inside joke.
And that's it. For the hardcore X-Men fans, sorry if my description of Morph is a bit off. I don't really read comic books, and it's been forever and eternity since I saw the old show. If you want to find out what was going on when we were rounding up the run aways, look out for On The Road Again!. Yes I'm aware that that is a lame title. All the good ones were taken! Well whatever. When that's done, I'll begin work on my Dracula story At Long Last, and then the Dracula/X-Men: Evolution crossover Lost Amongst the Shadows. That one will be in Crossovers, so don't look for it in Dracula or X-Men: Evolution.
Mange: You're babbling again.
AnonGirl88: Oops, sorry!
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Candyce, Shanice and Mange are once again searching for AnonGirl88 and Pyro so they can start the parody. However, this seems to be easier said than done, because the three co-co-directors look very irratated.
"Where are those maniacs!" Mange screams suddenly.
"Maybe they're hiding from the three Dudes, they did say they were going to have revenge." Candyce offers.
"Or maybe they've stolen Lance's Jeep and are on a sugar and caffeine high again." Mange retaliates.
"Or they're using parts of the set to create a bon fire while dancing around wearing coconut bras and grass skirts over their clothes, and big fruit hats." Shanice says.
"Where'd that come from?" Candyce asks.
"Over there, where AnonGirl88 and Pyro are using parts of the set to create a bon fire while dancing around wearing coconut bras and grass skirts over their clothes with big fruit hats." Shanice says, pointing to the very strange scene in front of them.
"Oh no, not this again!" Candyce exclaims as she runs forward to stop them. "You two psychos knock it off right now!" she yells.
"But it's fun!" AnonGirl88 whines.
"So is this!" the three Dudes cry out as they dump 20 pounds of green Jello from their flying saucers on the two maniacs and the bon fire.
"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Pyro and AnonGirl88 scream.
"You ain't seen nothing yet!" the aliens call as they fly away.
"Well, now that the bon fire's out, I guess we'll just have to start the parody." Candyce says, trying not to laugh at the sight.
"I guess." AnonGirl88 grumbles.
"And just so everybody's clear, we hypnotised Scott to keep things seem mildly authentic." Shanice adds, turning to the camera.
Kurt flies into Jeans room early in the morning, looking very happy. However, when he crash lands on the bed and wakes up Jean and Remy, they look less than amused.
"Ariel! Ariel, wake up! Wake up! I just heard ze news, congradulations kiddo we did it!" he exclaims.
"What is dis idiot babbling about?" Remy grumbles, trying to go back to sleep. Kurt nudges him playfully.
"Right, as if you two didn't know, huh? Ze whole town is buzzing about ze prince getting himself hitched zis afternoon! You know, he's getting married." here Kurt pauses to give Remy a noogie before turning to Jean. "You silly sidewalker! I just wanted to wish you luck, I'll catch you later, I wouldn't miss it!" And then he flies away.
Jean takes a minute to register what was just said, and when it sinks in, she grins, kisses Remy on the cheek, and quickly gets out of bed. She takes just a moment to glance in the mirror to check her hair before running downstairs. Before she makes it to the main hall, she sees Scott and Wanda talking to Jason. She hides behind a pillar as she eavesdrops.
"Well, uh, Eric, it seems that I was, er, do I have to say it?" Jason asks the director.
"Yes and hurry up about it!" AnonGirl88 shouts, looking around fearfully. "I want to get out of here as soon as possible!"
"What happened to it being immpossible to get revenge on another persons revenge?" the fake Wanda teases.
"Do you want me to reveal your real identity right now? Because I will!" AnonGirl88 snaps. Suddenly the three Dudes fly by once again.
"ANONGIRL88 SAID THAT SHE OWNS THE LITTLE MERMAID AND THE CHARACTERS OF X-MEN!" they yell. Suddenly a bunch of lawyers appear, chasing poor AnonGirl88 far away.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! NO I DIDN'T! I DID NOT SAY THAT! CURSE YOU DUDES!" she screams.
"Hey, come back here!" Mr. L yells as he and Fishy chase after the lawyers. The entire cast blinks.
"Well, since the director's gone, I guess we'll just have to go home." Jason says, trying to sneak away.
"Not so fast, mate." Pyro says. "You seem to forget that I'm the co-director, and that means I'm in charge now."
"We're doomed." Remy comments, earning a glare from the Aussie.
"Well then you'll just have to do it without me." Jason says, using his powers to make himself appear to disappear. "Now you see me, and now you don't!" he cackles.
"Oh well, good thing we planned for this. Bring in ole Bucket Head!" Pyro yells. Magneto walks in like a zombie, with a glazed look in his eyes. "Alright Mags, you are to take over for Mastermind, got it?" Pyro asks him, trying to keep a straight face.
"Yes." Magneto says. Pyro snickers then yells through a bull horn. "ACTION!"
"Well Eric it appears that I was mistaken. This mystery maiden of yours does in fact exist. And she is lovely. Congradulations my dear." Magneto says in a monotone.
"Who else is extremly glad that the real Wanda isn't here?" Candyce asks. Everyone but Scott and Magneto raises their hand.
"We wish to be married as soon as possible." Scott says in the same monotone as Magneto.
"Oh yes of course, but these things do take time you know." Magneto says.
"This afternoon Grimsby. The wedding ship departs at sunset." Scott says.
"Very well Eric. As you wish." As he says this, Jean runs off crying. 'Wanda' smirks and plays with the seashell necklace around he neck.
Late afternoon, the wedding ship, complete with frilly, lacey decorations along the sides, leaves the dock. Jean is on the pier weeping bitterly as Remy and Sam sadly look on. Meanwhile, Kurt is flying around, humming the Wedding March to himself. Suddenly he hears 'Wanda' singing from the ship. He lands and watches as she twirls around in a slip singing and laughing evilly.
"What a lovely little bride I'll make
My dear, I look divine.
Things are working out according to
My ultimate design.
Soon I'll have that little mermaid
And the ocean will be mine!"
At the fourth line she pauses to throw a hair pin at the mirror, which sticks in the carved cherubs forehead. As she sings the last two lines, she climbs up and stands on the dresser to look at her reflection, which shows Agatha instead. While she laughs, Kurt sees this and is stunned as he backs away from the window.
"The sea witch! She's gonna, I gotta-" In his state of shock he runs into the side of the ship before correcting himself. "Ariel!" he yells as he flies. When he finds her, he lands right next to her and begins to babble about what he saw.
"Ariel! Ariel! I was flying, of course I was flying, And I sa- I saw that the watch, the witch was watching a mirror, and she was singing with a stolen set of pipes!" He grabs Remy and starts shaking him to emphasis his point. "Do you hear what I'm telling you? THE PRINCE IS MARRYING ZE SEA WITCH IN DISGUISE!"
"Are you sure about dis?" Remy asks, rubbing his head because all the shaking gave him a headache.
"Have I ever been wrong? I mean when it's important!" Kurt exclaims, still panicky.
"What are we gonna do?" Sam asks. Jean looks out to sea at the departing ship and sees that the sun is beginning to set. She hears Agatha's voice in her head, echoing.
"Before the sun sets on the third day."
Her mind obviously made up, Jean jumps into the water. But she can't swim very well with two legs, espeacially while in a dress. Thinking quickly, Remy uses his claws to cut the ropes holding some barrels. They fall into the water and float.
"Ariel, grab onto dat! Flounder, get her to dat boat as fast as yo' fins can carry you!" Remy commands.
"Ah'll try!" Sam says, pulling the barrel that Jean's holding onto by the rope.
"Remy gotta get de sea king. He must know about dis!" Remy says.
"What, what about me? What about ME?" Kurt asks.
"You, find a way to STALL DAT WEDDING!" Remy tells him before diving into the water.
"Stall ze wedding? How, what, ZAT'S IT!" Kurt suddenly flies off and begins rounding up the birds, seals, and other creatures.
"Move it, let's go, we got an emergency here!" he tells all of them.
Meanwhile, the wedding is already in progress. As 'Wanda' walks down the aisle, Roberto growls at her. Wanda kicks him, making him whimper and back away. Apparently nobody noticed. Meanwhile Pietro, the priest, is taking full advantage of his extra screen time by hamming up the part by dressing up as an Elvis impersonator, complete with bad accent and weird hair wig.
"Uh dearly beloved. We are a-gathered here today to join.."
Here the scene switches to Sam and Jean. Sam is trying his hardest to pull the barrell to the ship so that they can get there before sunset, but he's having a hard time of it.
"Don't worry Ariel, ugh. We-we're gonna make it. We're almost there.
And now back at the ship, Pietro is still hamming up the part.
"Alright, now do you, Eric, a-take Vannessa to be your lawfully wedded wife, for as long as you both shall live?" he asks.
"I do." Scott says, still in monotone.
"And now, do you-" Before Pietro can finish his sentence, Kurt and the animals he rounded up swoop in to attack and cause massive chaos. Roberto decides to get in on the act. The birds dive bomb 'Wanda', the lobsters pinch her, the starfish stick to her face, and Roberto bites her in the butt. While this is happening, Jean climbs onto the ship. Kurt tries to wrench the seashell away, and in the struggle, it breaks off and shatters on the deck, releasing Jean's voice in a ball of light. Scott snaps out of his trance just as Jean's voice returns to her throat and she sings.
"Ariel?" Scott asks.
"Eric!" Jean exclaims, using her voice once more.
"You, you can talk! You're the one!" he says as he goes to her.
"Eric, get away from her!" 'Wanda' says with Agatha's voice, than claps a hand over her mouth.
"It was you all along!" Scott says to Jean, taking her into his arms.
"Oh Eric, I wanted to tell you." Jean whispers as the two lean in.
"ERIC NO!" 'Wanda' yells, still with Agatha's voice.
But just as they're less than half an inch away from kissing, the sun fully sets and Jean groans and collapses to the deck. 'Wanda' laughs evilly.
"You're too late!" she cackles as Scott sees Jean's mermaid tail. She turns back into Agatha with octopus tentacles and grabs Jean. She then blows a kiss at Scott. "So long, lover boy!" That said, she dives into the water, and takes Jean with her.
"Ariel!" Scott exclaims. Underwater, Agatha is dragging Jean by her wrist.
"Poor little princess. It's not you I'm after. I've a much bigger fish to fry." she tells her.
"Ursulla stop!" Hank's voice commands. Agatha and Jean turn around to see Hank aiming his trident at Agatha.
"Why King Triton, ha ha ha, How are you?" Agatha laughs.
"Let her go." Hank hisses.
"Not a chance, Triton. She's mine now! We made a deal." Agatha says, producing the contract.
"Daddy I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I didn't know!" Jean pleads. Hank aims his trident at the contract and shoots. When the smoke and bubbles clear however, the contract doesn't have so much as a rip or tear on it. Agatha laughs.
"You see? The contract's legal, binding and completly unbreakable. Even for YOU. Of course, I always was a girl with an eye for a bargain. The daughter of the great sea king is a very precious commodity. But I might be willing to make an exchange for someone even better." she says suggestivley.
Meanwhile Scott is in a small row boat, rowing away from the ship.
"Eric. What are you doing?" Magneto calls out, still in monotone.
"Grimm I lost her once, I'm not losing her again!" Scott calls back.
Back to Agatha and Hank. Agatha is holding another contract in front of him, while he's holding a pen. Jean is trapped in a circle of light and is slowly withering into one of those freaky plant things.
"Now, do we have a deal?" she asks. Looking away, Hank signs the contract. Agatha snaps the paper back into a roll when he's done. "HA! It's done then!"
With that said, Jean is released and Hank withers into a freaky plant thing with giant eyeballs and a beard. His crown encircles him and the trident is stuck in the ground near him. Agatha laughs as Jean and Remy look at Hank.
"Yo' Majesty." Remy says sadly.
"Daddy?" Jean asks in sad disbelief.
"At last." Agatha proclaims triumphantly as she lifts up the crown and puts it on. She then picks up the trident and begins to laugh.
"You, you monster!" Jean exclaims, moving to attack her. Agatha grabs her.
"Don't fool with me you little brat! Contract or no, AAAGGHHH!" she cries out as a harpoon hits her in the arm. She whirls around and sees Scott floating there, obviously holding his breath. "Why you little troll!" she snaps.
"Hi everybody!" AnonGirl88 pops in suddenly, followed by Mr. L and a grinning Fishy.
"Where have you been?" Forge demands.
"Sorry, I had to ditch the lawyers before I could sick Fishy on them." AnonGirl88 shrugs. "What scene are we on?"
"Scott just threw the harpoon at Agatha when you showed up." Ray tells her.
"Sweet. Start where you left off then!"
"Eric, Eric look out!" Jean yells to Scott, who's swimming back up to the surface.
"After him!" Agatha commands. Lance and Pietro go after him.
"Come on!" Remy says to Sam. The two of them go to help Scott by attacking Lance and Pietro.
"Say goodbye to your little sweetheart." Agatha says to Jean, aiming the trident at Scott.
"STUNT DOUBLES!" AnonGirl88 yells through her beloved bullhorn.
Lance and Pietro switch with two robot eels that look suspicously like Principal Kelly and Duncan Matthers. Just as Agatha is about to shoot, Jean grabs her hair and pulls back, causing Agatha to shoot the eels instead of Scott. She's devastated.
"Babies! My poor little poopsies." she cries. She then growls and sees Jean helping Scott swim to the surface. She starts to hyperventilate angrilly as she is surrounded by black smokye ink.
On the surface, Jean and Scott are holding each other as the water beneath them begins to glow.
"Eric you've got to get away from here!" Jean says desperately.
"No, I won't leave you!" Scott says, holding her tighter. Suddenly a huge Agatha rises up and laughs.
"You pitiful, insiginifigant fool!" she states in a loud, low booming voice.
"Look out!" Scott yells as he and Jean are seperated.
"Now I am ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim! The sea and all it's spoils bow to my power!" Agatha crows as she wreaks havok by creating a whirlpool which brings up some old shipwrecks.
"ERIC!" Jean screams as she falls to the dry bottom of the whirlpool. While Agatha is playing with her new powers, Scott climbs up onto one of the old ships.
"So much for true love!" Agatha cackles. Just as she's about to finish off Jean, Scott takes advantage of one of the waves and steers the ship right into Agatha, impaling her on the broken mast. She shrieks in agony and dies. Scott collapses on the beach, and the trident returns to Hank, who makes everything go back to normal.
"DING DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH!" AnonGirl88, Pyro, the entire Brotherhood and half the New Recruits sing as they do a hoe-down.
"WOULD YOU MANIACS KNOCK IT OFF, HOW CAN I ACT DEAD IF YOU IDIOTS KEEP SINGING!"Agatha screams at them.
"But everyone expects us to sing that song!" AnonGirl88 protests.
"In fact it's become almost a tradition for directors and cast members of a parody to sing that song upon the demise of any villianess." Shanice states, causing everyone to look at her like she's insane.
"Whatever. Look, we're almost done, so let's just try to finish this, okay?" Hank says.
"Got it! ACTION!" AnonGirl88 and Pyro shout through their bull horns.
Early in the morning, Jean is sitting on a rock forlornly watching Scott as he lays on the beach, still out cold. Hank and Remy look on.
"She really does love him, doesn't she Sebastion?" Hank asks him.
"Hmm. Well, it's like Remy always says. Children got to be free to live der own lives." Remy says wisely.
"You always say that?" Hank says wryly. Remy chuckles embarrasedly as Hank sighs.
"Well than I guess there's just one problem left."
"An' what's day, Yo' Majesty."
"How much I'm going to miss her." he says sadly before turning Jean into a human.
Scott starts to wake up just as Jean walks onto the beach with her new legs, wearing a sparkly dress. The two embrace and kiss passionatley. The kiss fades into the kiss on their wedding day, during which Roberto interrupts them by licking their faces. Everyone is happy. Fred suddenly attacks Remy and chases him around the ship until Remy cuts a rope and sends him flying. Remy then jumps into the water and bows dramatically for Sam and Kurt.
"Merci! Merci."
Hank uses the trident to raise the water so he can give Jean one last hug.
"I love you Daddy." she whispers to him, tears in her eyes. She then goes back to Scott and they hug and wave good bye to Jeans family. Kurt carries Sam up so he can wave good bye, then he winks and flashes the O.K sign at the newlyweds as he flies down. The ship sails away as all the mermaids wave good bye.
"WE'RE DONE!" AnonGirl88 and Pyro yell gleefully as they dance around their new bon fire.
"Heywaitaminuteyoucan'tendtheparodywithouttellinguswhothefakeWandais!" Pietro exclaims.
"Huh?" AnonGirl88 and Pyro stop dancing and stare at him.
"I said you can't end the parody without telling us who the fake Wanda is!" Pietro slows down.
"But, bon fire!" AnonGirl88 whines.
"It's only going to take a couple seconds to tell them." Fake Wanda says.
"Then you tell them. We're busy!" AnonGirl88 says before she and Pyro go back to celebrating.
"Fine by me. Name's Morph." the Fake Wanda says before turning into a short man with pale skin and black hair.
"You mean from the original X-Men cartoons?" Bobby asks.
"Yep. Psycho over there needed some help, and I didn't have anything better to do, so here I am!" Morph shrugs.
"I heard that, who are you calling a psycho, psycho!" AnonGirl88 stops her bad dancing to glare at Morph.
Before the two can start arguing, Kitty comes onto the set.
"Hey Anon, there's an Australian guy with brown spikey hair and goggles at the front gate. He says his name's Valon and that he's looking for someone named Saria." the valley girl informs her.(1)
Upon hearing the name Valon, the insane director blanches sheet white then blushes cherry red. Without warning she pastes a huge fake grin on her face and grabs Pyro.
"Well, that's all for this parody! We hope you enjoyed the show, drive safely, and remember to spay and neuter your pets! Come on, Pyro, we have to go now!"
"But what about the bon fire?" Pyro whimpers.
"We'll make an even bigger one afterwe leave! In fact, we're going to go burn down a whole building, your choice, now let's GO!" And for the umpteenth time since the parody started, the two pyromaniacs ONCE AGAIN run off, leaving everyone bewildered.
"What the heck was that about?" Scott asks.
"Who knows. Let's just get out of here before they come back." Lance replies.
---
(1): Inside joke.
And that's it. For the hardcore X-Men fans, sorry if my description of Morph is a bit off. I don't really read comic books, and it's been forever and eternity since I saw the old show. If you want to find out what was going on when we were rounding up the run aways, look out for On The Road Again!. Yes I'm aware that that is a lame title. All the good ones were taken! Well whatever. When that's done, I'll begin work on my Dracula story At Long Last, and then the Dracula/X-Men: Evolution crossover Lost Amongst the Shadows. That one will be in Crossovers, so don't look for it in Dracula or X-Men: Evolution.
Mange: You're babbling again.
AnonGirl88: Oops, sorry!
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