FicWad

I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear i'm right
I swear i knew it all along

I am flawed
But i am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now, the things you swore you saw before

I looked at the scars on my arms and sighed softly. This was part of me, a part that i couldn't erase. They were deep. A carving knife leaves pretty deep marks in your arms. A razor doesn't cut in deep enough for me.

Breathe in for luck
Breathe in so deep
This air is blessed
You share with me

I rubbed my eyes. I was tired, but the smell of coffee kept me awake. My sister Evangeline, drank coffee frequently. I still hadn't figured out why. It wasn't tiredness. It was deeper than that.

But then again, i couldn't care less what was wrong with her. She had plagued me for three years. Bullied me at school for the way i looked, the way i dressed. I shook my head. I hated the past. I hated my past. I could spend hours crying about what i could have done better, what i could change. But the past is in the past.

I lay back against the soft pillows on my bed and shut my eyes. Images flashed through my head. Children crying out, churches burning in the distance. Me laughing at the chaos being cause. I started to sweat slightly. These nightmares were terrible. I was always the bad one. The one who laughed at misery and pain and anguish. I would never do that in real life. I was a nice person, i prided myself on that. I kept my friends' secrets. Not that i had many friends. Evangeline had made sure of that. No friends was a rule. No talking to anyone, no dating, no socialising whatsoever. It was her rule she had made to torture me. But i couldn't disobey. Terrible things would happen if i did. I shivered at the thought. The cold iron bars, the leather lashing at my back. The screams. So much screaming. It hurt my ears. So much pain. So much...

The thought was never finished. I passed out.