Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Lessons of Love
I'll Show You How To Love
0 reviewsI tried to tell him... and he accepted me. But does he truly understand the depth of my feelings?
0Unrated
My thoughts gave me no rest that night. I saw his face when I closed my eyes, his patient voice rang in my ears, and my heart fluttered constantly with some unknown emotion.
I got up, my feet carrying me all on their own with no direction from the mind. They took me down the long, dark hallway outside my room. I could see Temari sleeping in her room, face so peaceful; even though I couldn't get to sleep much at all these days, with questions from my dead mother worrying my mind and this newfound emotion in my heart, it made me envy her because of my own unrest. I passed my father's bedroom, but with no soft glow from a nightlight, I could only see his silouhette, more of a dark lump entangled in bedsheets than anything.
Finally, I reached my feet's destination. He was awake, and his face greeted me with a look of shock.
"I don't feel well, Yashamaru-chan." I whimpered quietly at his questioning stare.
I think my sudden prescence may have frightened him, because he took a deep breath before he responded. "What hurts you, Gaara-sama?"
"It feels all tight in my chest." I explained, walking across the tiny room and climbing up onto his bed. I pressed myself against his side, and like some magical medicine, the pain went away. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
He shook his head. "Some matters are best dealt with alone, Gaara-sama."
I made the stern face that he always made when he was unhappy with one of us. "Please tell me." I murmured.
"Persistant, aren't we?" He smiled, no teeth showing, though at least it wasn't a frown. "If you must know, I've been thinking about your mother... Karura."
I smiled, too. Yashamaru often told me stories about he and my mother; when they were young children, when they took the Chuunin Exams together as teammates, when my mother began dating my father.
"Yashamaru, did you get to see Karura before she died?" I asked quietly. I had taken to calling her by her first name. I never knew her, so it seemed strange to call her Mother like Temari and Kankurou did.
"I was there." He murmured. "I helped to birth you."
"It must have been hard." I looked soulfully into his gray-violet eyes. "You said that she still loves me, even though she is an angel in Heaven now... so I know she still loves you, too. She was your sister... she has to love you because it's impossible to hate one of your family members, right, Yashamaru?"
Yashamaru looked uneasy. "Well, it's no doubt that she loves us all- you, Kankurou, Temari, your father, me, and our other siblings. But she died cursing this village and everything it stood for. She died with harsh words for your father," he whispered, "and for me, as well. She was in a great deal of pain when she gave birth to you... you're not like other children, Gaara-sama."
Tears made themselves known in my eyes. I hated to see him upset.
My uncle had a very beautiful face when he smiled. His head was covered with thick locks of golden hair, his skin pale and unblemished, aside from a few scars from various shinobi tasks that had been assigned to him. His eyes were expressive and beautifully slanted, the color of the sky when it storms, a rare and beautiful sight in the desert. His nose was the same as the one my mother had had, the same nose that I had then, and it made him look even more like Karura; and his lips were identical to my mother's in every aspect, soft, full, and heart-shaped. But his face was creased with sadness and weariness, and it made me sad to look at him. "I love you, though, Yashamaru-chan. Karura does, and I do, too!"
Yashamaru smiled and patted me on the head. "Thank you, Gaara-sama. Though there are those who hate you for what you did to Karura, I cannot find it in my heart to hate you, because you are almost like my own child." But I saw the pain in his eyes... I saw how he hurt.
It was my fault. I killed Karura. It was my fault he hurt so badly, and he had to pretend that he was alright. His fake smile was convincing, but I could see the hurt in his eyes, as if they were windows to what lay within.
I didn't know this pain that he felt. Reassuringly, I placed one hand upon his cheek. He gasped and placed his own hand over mine; long, slender fingers closed around my hand.
He was so soft, so delicate, but strong. He was all that I admired and all that I wished I was. I didn't pay attention to the lie that always played on his lips in his smile, or the scars on his wrists, because those were merely his weak points.
I kissed him. His lips were soft as flower petals, just as I had expected. "I want you to show me how to love, Yashamaru. I've never had anyone to really love before... and now I want to love you." I whispered. He put his hand on my chest, gently pushing me back, enough to break the kiss, but not enough to cause me to fall. His eyes still screamed pain.
"I don't even know how to love properly anymore..." He said softly, a tear sliding down his face. "My name... it means 'demon'. I am supposed to be without love. My parents were both great Jounin, and I had three older siblings who were shinobi. Even though I was the baby of the family, they raised me in the shinobi way. I am a tool, meant only to kill and not to ever love. My mother, God rest her soul... she named me justly. I'm sorry, Gaara-sama."
"But you do so much for us." I whimpered, wondering if all he did for us even meant anything. "You take care of the whole family and do everything that a mother would do. Ever since I was a baby, you were like my mother, Yashamaru, because I never really had one. You play with me and read books to me, and you train with Temari and Kankurou, and you comfort Father. I always thought that was the way you showed your love, the things you do for me every day." I felt my face heat up. "I love you, Yashamaru, even though I don't know how to show you. One day, I'll find a way."
His eyes, so full of tears, looked at me fondly, and he tried to smile. "I'll show you how to love the best I can, then, Gaara-sama. Though I was raised cruelly and forced to be a shinobi, I have loved all through my life; my sister, your siblings, your father, and of course, you too. I'll show you how to love, Gaara-sama." His voice was strong and yet so gentle, and it raised my spirits to hear these words.
Yashamaru kissed me. All of his sorrow and fury and pity was in this second-long touch, his lips to my nose. I realized here that he had never kissed me before. But I loved the feeling of his lips.
I got up, my feet carrying me all on their own with no direction from the mind. They took me down the long, dark hallway outside my room. I could see Temari sleeping in her room, face so peaceful; even though I couldn't get to sleep much at all these days, with questions from my dead mother worrying my mind and this newfound emotion in my heart, it made me envy her because of my own unrest. I passed my father's bedroom, but with no soft glow from a nightlight, I could only see his silouhette, more of a dark lump entangled in bedsheets than anything.
Finally, I reached my feet's destination. He was awake, and his face greeted me with a look of shock.
"I don't feel well, Yashamaru-chan." I whimpered quietly at his questioning stare.
I think my sudden prescence may have frightened him, because he took a deep breath before he responded. "What hurts you, Gaara-sama?"
"It feels all tight in my chest." I explained, walking across the tiny room and climbing up onto his bed. I pressed myself against his side, and like some magical medicine, the pain went away. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
He shook his head. "Some matters are best dealt with alone, Gaara-sama."
I made the stern face that he always made when he was unhappy with one of us. "Please tell me." I murmured.
"Persistant, aren't we?" He smiled, no teeth showing, though at least it wasn't a frown. "If you must know, I've been thinking about your mother... Karura."
I smiled, too. Yashamaru often told me stories about he and my mother; when they were young children, when they took the Chuunin Exams together as teammates, when my mother began dating my father.
"Yashamaru, did you get to see Karura before she died?" I asked quietly. I had taken to calling her by her first name. I never knew her, so it seemed strange to call her Mother like Temari and Kankurou did.
"I was there." He murmured. "I helped to birth you."
"It must have been hard." I looked soulfully into his gray-violet eyes. "You said that she still loves me, even though she is an angel in Heaven now... so I know she still loves you, too. She was your sister... she has to love you because it's impossible to hate one of your family members, right, Yashamaru?"
Yashamaru looked uneasy. "Well, it's no doubt that she loves us all- you, Kankurou, Temari, your father, me, and our other siblings. But she died cursing this village and everything it stood for. She died with harsh words for your father," he whispered, "and for me, as well. She was in a great deal of pain when she gave birth to you... you're not like other children, Gaara-sama."
Tears made themselves known in my eyes. I hated to see him upset.
My uncle had a very beautiful face when he smiled. His head was covered with thick locks of golden hair, his skin pale and unblemished, aside from a few scars from various shinobi tasks that had been assigned to him. His eyes were expressive and beautifully slanted, the color of the sky when it storms, a rare and beautiful sight in the desert. His nose was the same as the one my mother had had, the same nose that I had then, and it made him look even more like Karura; and his lips were identical to my mother's in every aspect, soft, full, and heart-shaped. But his face was creased with sadness and weariness, and it made me sad to look at him. "I love you, though, Yashamaru-chan. Karura does, and I do, too!"
Yashamaru smiled and patted me on the head. "Thank you, Gaara-sama. Though there are those who hate you for what you did to Karura, I cannot find it in my heart to hate you, because you are almost like my own child." But I saw the pain in his eyes... I saw how he hurt.
It was my fault. I killed Karura. It was my fault he hurt so badly, and he had to pretend that he was alright. His fake smile was convincing, but I could see the hurt in his eyes, as if they were windows to what lay within.
I didn't know this pain that he felt. Reassuringly, I placed one hand upon his cheek. He gasped and placed his own hand over mine; long, slender fingers closed around my hand.
He was so soft, so delicate, but strong. He was all that I admired and all that I wished I was. I didn't pay attention to the lie that always played on his lips in his smile, or the scars on his wrists, because those were merely his weak points.
I kissed him. His lips were soft as flower petals, just as I had expected. "I want you to show me how to love, Yashamaru. I've never had anyone to really love before... and now I want to love you." I whispered. He put his hand on my chest, gently pushing me back, enough to break the kiss, but not enough to cause me to fall. His eyes still screamed pain.
"I don't even know how to love properly anymore..." He said softly, a tear sliding down his face. "My name... it means 'demon'. I am supposed to be without love. My parents were both great Jounin, and I had three older siblings who were shinobi. Even though I was the baby of the family, they raised me in the shinobi way. I am a tool, meant only to kill and not to ever love. My mother, God rest her soul... she named me justly. I'm sorry, Gaara-sama."
"But you do so much for us." I whimpered, wondering if all he did for us even meant anything. "You take care of the whole family and do everything that a mother would do. Ever since I was a baby, you were like my mother, Yashamaru, because I never really had one. You play with me and read books to me, and you train with Temari and Kankurou, and you comfort Father. I always thought that was the way you showed your love, the things you do for me every day." I felt my face heat up. "I love you, Yashamaru, even though I don't know how to show you. One day, I'll find a way."
His eyes, so full of tears, looked at me fondly, and he tried to smile. "I'll show you how to love the best I can, then, Gaara-sama. Though I was raised cruelly and forced to be a shinobi, I have loved all through my life; my sister, your siblings, your father, and of course, you too. I'll show you how to love, Gaara-sama." His voice was strong and yet so gentle, and it raised my spirits to hear these words.
Yashamaru kissed me. All of his sorrow and fury and pity was in this second-long touch, his lips to my nose. I realized here that he had never kissed me before. But I loved the feeling of his lips.
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