Categories > TV > Power Rangers > Five Kisses Better Left Unshared
/Disclaimer:/ Not mine, no money ...
Note I: You disappointed me, folks - nobody collected their internet cookies! sniffle Just in case anyone's curious - chapter 4's title was a quote from "You're Welcome" - episode 12, season 5 of "Angel - The Series" (one of the best they had, IMO).
Note II: Welcome to the last chapter in this exercise. Thanks to Panache for getting me involved in this (and if you do it again, girl, I'm gonna come haunt you!) and for reading, everyone; enjoy, and please pass by the feedback box on your way out?
Five Kisses Better Left Unshared
Chapter 5: All That Remains
/The Kiss That Was A Lie/
He should never have kissed her.
Jason absently ran his hand over the smooth back of the girl lying by his side. Emily snuggled against his shoulder and sighed in her sleep, tired from their lovemaking. Not that he hadn't enjoyed kissing her, or wasn't still doing so, but ... the longer he thought about it, the more he grew sure that it had been a mistake. 'It' meaning their whole relationship.
She deserves better from me.
Only, he couldn't find it in himself to give more. He shared his time, a lot of his thoughts and lately his body with her, but there remained a core of emptiness within him that neither her smile nor her company could fill.
What was worse, he even had a rather clear idea why he was feeling the way he did.
Make that not feeling. Anything.
Carefully, he extracted his arm from under her head and turned on his back, staring at the ceiling of her room. It was bright afternoon outside, but it might as well be the middle of the night; if it were, the darkness outside would at least match the darkness within his heart. As he continued to lie beside her, his thoughts were drifting once more over all the reasons why he shouldn't be here - with her, in her bed, living a lie.
*
Once the Machine Empire was defeated and Jason recovered from the immediate effects of losing the Gold Powers, Emily had been there, sweetly solicitous of his 'illness', so turning to her for comfort seemed the to-do thing, especially as the rest of the gang was busy adjusting to new Powers yet again, a new teammate, a new mentor ... and being with Emily had helped him cope with all he'd lost. The spirited blonde had attracted him from the day they'd met, and now that he no longer had secrets to keep from her Jason thought that he could safely enter a relationship which would've been nigh impossible before.
He'd been wrong.
Being a Ranger set you apart from everyone around you; it sort of came with the territory. Jason had done it himself with the first team, kept others at bay simply because they couldn't understand/. What he hadn't expected was that the people who'd been closer than family were doing it to /him now - practically from the moment he gave up being a Ranger. Tommy and Kat, bless them, had tried to keep him in the loop as much as possible, but it felt like a token effort. There simply were things he no longer could share with them. He was set apart, and it sucked. Majorly.
Ruefully, Jason acknowledged that they'd done the same to Billy, which probably was the reason why he'd been so eager to leave the planet. Of the others who knew what he was going through, Trini and Zack were still in Europe, Kim had moved to Florida, Aisha was lost in another timeline ... and he could see the same thing happening to Rocky now that he had to leave the team as well. He supposed the two of them could share their misery, but they'd never been particularly close - Jason did think of Rocky as a friend, someone who could be trusted implicitly, but not as someone he wanted to share his innermost feelings with.
Which left him with ... nobody. Except Emily, and that was beginning to feel even more hollow than being alone. The void left by the absence of his friends and the loss of Power simply was too big for her, or anyone who hadn't experienced it themselves, to fill. Deep down he'd known it at the time, gone ahead anyway ... and that was when the lies had started.
He'd hoped to find an open ear with Kimberly when she came home for a short visit right around graduation, but it never happened. Instead, just as he was about to broach the subject on their ill-fated diving excursion, they'd gotten kidnapped and fallen into the hands of Maligore.
*
Jason shuddered despite the afternoon sun warming Emily's room and drew the thin cover over him to ward off the chill; it didn't help, as the cold came from inside of him, not the light breeze wafting through the partially-open window. He still had occasional nightmares about the whole experience. Yes, Tommy and the others had come to their rescue, and thankfully had succeeded; for a while afterwards, it seemed as everything was back to the way it was, but ...
Who am I kidding? Nothing is ever going to be the way it was.
*
Falling into that boiling lava pit had ... changed him. He wished he could forget the fire consuming his being, but try as he might, he /couldn't/. Fighting all that was good - his friends - had been bad enough, could even be forgiven eventually; he knew that Tommy in particular would never hold it against him that he'd been turned evil by forces beyond his control and thus did things he would never have done otherwise. No, it was the emptiness and shadows remaining in his soul even after Lerigot's magic had lifted the malevolent haze from his mind that made Jason almost hate himself.
So he'd turned to Emily, who was unconnected with everything that had happened on Muranthias, hoping that in her unquestioning, innocent acceptance of him he would find the salvation the others' understanding couldn't give him.
It had been a vain hope.
In the aftermath, Jason had been forced to learn things about himself that disgusted him, that made him withdraw from his friends even while he yearned for their company. Emily had been there every step of the way, sympathizing and soothing as he drifted in the inevitable limbo between school and college, and Jason greedily took whatever she offered.
Her presence. Her kisses. Her body.
Nothing helped. Nothing she was giving him managed to fill the gaping hole he could feel growing insidiously within him. It wasn't her fault that she was not enough, that she was not what he needed. Despite realizing that he was dangerously close to using her for his own benefit instead of appreciating her for what she was, Jason found himself incapable of not taking whatever she had to offer.
*
He turned his head to look at her, lying sated at his side, one slender leg tucked between his own. Emily's golden locks were in sexy disarray on the pillow and her rosy lips were invitingly parted as she slept, but the sight failed to move him. By all rights, Jason should feel relaxed and comfortable after some pretty spectacular sex, but he didn't. Not even her satiny skin and full breasts managed to excite him beyond some purely carnal impulses, easily quelled. He sighed.
Will I ever feel whole, feel normal again?
Jason didn't know. If he were completely honest, some part of him didn't even much care. He was living blindly, aimlessly as the days passed and he had to watch his friends go on, get summer jobs, prepare for careers while they still saved the world on an almost daily basis.
He wanted what they had, wanted purpose in his life again, craved to be one of us again instead of being an outsider, one of /them/. Someone who cared, who made a difference. It was like a fire in his blood, that need to belong, and it was made worse by the deep knowledge that it was out of his reach. Permanently.
Is this how a recovering addict feels? Wanting a drink, a substance, whatever so much it hurts, but knowing that a single sip, puff or swallow will only throw me to the bottom of a pit out of which I can't ever crawl back?
It seemed all-too likely. Jason scowled. He despised being so dependent on something he couldn't have, didn't really want to feel this way, to give up the last remnants of whatever Zordon had seen in him on that long-ago day, but he also didn't know how to change the situation - to change himself back into the man he used to be.
Shit. Life sucks.
*
He was brought out of his dark thoughts by a muted yawn and a sinuous stretch from the girl beside him as Emily woke. She smiled drowsily at him and reached out to run slim fingers through his hair, down his cheek and to his chest, leaving a faint trail of fresh arousal in their wake.
"Hi, handsome," she murmured, moving languidly against his skin. Her innocent delight in the contact was obvious from the way her eyes sparkled and her lips curved in a satisfied smile.
"Hey," Jason smiled back automatically, deciding there and then that he would do the honorable thing and end it - gently and with consideration for Emily's feelings, but as soon as possible. No more exploitation of her affections!
"I think this was the best time we ever had; don't you agree?" she whispered.
Making love to Emily had felt good, Jason had to admit. "Oh yeah." His deep voice was huskier than usual, and her smile widened.
Emily teasingly skimmed her fingertips across his pecs, making him inhale sharply. She did it again, flicking a nail against a brown nipple. Jason shuddered, and inwardly Emily triumphed. "Want to do it again?"
The temptation inherent in the not-quite-so-innocent question was as immediate as almost irresistible. Jason's body quickened, but for once he fought back. If he was serious about not wanting to use her, he ought to try and sort out his own feelings first, not give in blindly to a purely physical instinct to find at least temporary oblivion from the demons plaguing him.
"Maybe later," he said, forcing a smile he didn't feel.
"Why not now?" Emily pouted prettily, peeking at him from under lowered lashes.
"I'm not ready yet," Jason replied lightly, leaning up on one elbow. The movement was supposed to put some distance between them; instead, it only served to give Emily better access to his chest, waist and what was already waiting eagerly - too eagerly - below.
"Are you sure?" she purred with a wicked little grin and shifted on the bed, right into Jason's arms. He found himself mesmerized against his will by her soft curves sliding over his skin. Two rosy-brown spots at the center of that softness hardened into pebbled peaks through the friction, and twin spears of excitement pierced his belly. Jason stifled a gasp.
"Em, don't-" he tried to stop her, to retain control of himself and the situation.
"Don't what?" she interrupted him in a seductive whisper, drawing his head down with surprising strength until their lips brushed against each other. "Don't do this?" She flicked her tongue against his mouth, weakening the wall Jason tried to erect around his selfish need. "Sorry, can't."
He could feel his inner defenses being breached by each tiny little stab of the moist, agile organ and moaned involuntarily.
"Or don't do this?" Emily shifted on the bed, pressing her lower body rhythmically against Jason's hips, trapping his burgeoning erection between them.
"Because ..." It's not right, not when I can't feel anything but lust for you, when I don't even know myself what I want or what I need " ... it's too soon," Jason mumbled. In his mind's eye, he could see that imaginary wall begin to crumble, stone by hastily-erected stone.
"Doesn't seem that way to me," she chuckled softly. "I'd say you're enjoying it as much as I do, so why shouldn't I?"
"Emily, please ...!"
"Please what? Do this?" She reached for him, encircling him with knowing fingers, and Jason knew he was defeated. The wall made of good intentions, decency and truth tumbled soundlessly into a shattered heap. He groaned, the sound torn from the depth of his soul, and let his body take over.
Emily laughed triumphantly and surged against her lover, reveling in the feel of the strong hands claiming her. "Then do it - now!" she demanded, her own desire blossoming. She sought Jason's mouth in a fierce kiss.
"Yesss," he hissed sharply when he could speak again, unable to do anything but give in to the need to feel something - even if that 'something' was purely of the flesh. Right now, it was preferable to the emptiness still lurking in the back of his heart, mind and soul. He reached for her, desperate to fill the hollowness eating at him. It even worked for a while; as their bodies prepared to merge, Jason managed to lose himself in sensation. Then, his world collapsed.
"I love you," Emily whispered.
Jason froze. Those were the words he least wanted to hear, the ones he'd feared because they offered him everything - and he had nothing to give back. "Em ..."
She smiled up at him even as she moved to receive him into herself. "It's okay, you don't have to say it."
"I ... I wish I could, but ..." Jason rasped, fighting a losing battle against his now-raging need.
"It doesn't matter. I don't need the words, honest. Just ... kiss me?" And she brushed her lips against his mouth in a silent plea while simultaneously guiding him into the moist haven of her womanhood. It was Jason's undoing.
Groaning in defeat, he surged forward, taking both Emily's mouth and body with a force just short of violence as the promise of at least temporary relief overwhelmed him. He wanted to deny everything, hoped against hope that Emily wouldn't take his silence as tacit agreement, but the light shining from her blue eyes as they found a compatible rhythm told him otherwise.
*
Finally, it was over. Emily curled contentedly in his arms as their bodies cooled, but Jason was bleakly aware that he was well and truly lost. He had exchanged mere sensation for genuine feeling, and he didn't know how to leave the quagmire of non-emotion he was trapped in.
Emily requested another kiss, and Jason obliged unthinkingly, thus giving a silent promise that only he knew was hollow - nothing but a lie. At one time, he had lit the world with his own inner flame - as a Ranger, a Peace Delegate ... as a man. But the fires of Muranthias had at last managed to burn him out. The girl/woman lying beside him would never be the one to rekindle the spark that once was his; all that remained was the empty shell of the man Jason Scott once was.
The End.
Note I: You disappointed me, folks - nobody collected their internet cookies! sniffle Just in case anyone's curious - chapter 4's title was a quote from "You're Welcome" - episode 12, season 5 of "Angel - The Series" (one of the best they had, IMO).
Note II: Welcome to the last chapter in this exercise. Thanks to Panache for getting me involved in this (and if you do it again, girl, I'm gonna come haunt you!) and for reading, everyone; enjoy, and please pass by the feedback box on your way out?
Five Kisses Better Left Unshared
Chapter 5: All That Remains
/The Kiss That Was A Lie/
He should never have kissed her.
Jason absently ran his hand over the smooth back of the girl lying by his side. Emily snuggled against his shoulder and sighed in her sleep, tired from their lovemaking. Not that he hadn't enjoyed kissing her, or wasn't still doing so, but ... the longer he thought about it, the more he grew sure that it had been a mistake. 'It' meaning their whole relationship.
She deserves better from me.
Only, he couldn't find it in himself to give more. He shared his time, a lot of his thoughts and lately his body with her, but there remained a core of emptiness within him that neither her smile nor her company could fill.
What was worse, he even had a rather clear idea why he was feeling the way he did.
Make that not feeling. Anything.
Carefully, he extracted his arm from under her head and turned on his back, staring at the ceiling of her room. It was bright afternoon outside, but it might as well be the middle of the night; if it were, the darkness outside would at least match the darkness within his heart. As he continued to lie beside her, his thoughts were drifting once more over all the reasons why he shouldn't be here - with her, in her bed, living a lie.
*
Once the Machine Empire was defeated and Jason recovered from the immediate effects of losing the Gold Powers, Emily had been there, sweetly solicitous of his 'illness', so turning to her for comfort seemed the to-do thing, especially as the rest of the gang was busy adjusting to new Powers yet again, a new teammate, a new mentor ... and being with Emily had helped him cope with all he'd lost. The spirited blonde had attracted him from the day they'd met, and now that he no longer had secrets to keep from her Jason thought that he could safely enter a relationship which would've been nigh impossible before.
He'd been wrong.
Being a Ranger set you apart from everyone around you; it sort of came with the territory. Jason had done it himself with the first team, kept others at bay simply because they couldn't understand/. What he hadn't expected was that the people who'd been closer than family were doing it to /him now - practically from the moment he gave up being a Ranger. Tommy and Kat, bless them, had tried to keep him in the loop as much as possible, but it felt like a token effort. There simply were things he no longer could share with them. He was set apart, and it sucked. Majorly.
Ruefully, Jason acknowledged that they'd done the same to Billy, which probably was the reason why he'd been so eager to leave the planet. Of the others who knew what he was going through, Trini and Zack were still in Europe, Kim had moved to Florida, Aisha was lost in another timeline ... and he could see the same thing happening to Rocky now that he had to leave the team as well. He supposed the two of them could share their misery, but they'd never been particularly close - Jason did think of Rocky as a friend, someone who could be trusted implicitly, but not as someone he wanted to share his innermost feelings with.
Which left him with ... nobody. Except Emily, and that was beginning to feel even more hollow than being alone. The void left by the absence of his friends and the loss of Power simply was too big for her, or anyone who hadn't experienced it themselves, to fill. Deep down he'd known it at the time, gone ahead anyway ... and that was when the lies had started.
He'd hoped to find an open ear with Kimberly when she came home for a short visit right around graduation, but it never happened. Instead, just as he was about to broach the subject on their ill-fated diving excursion, they'd gotten kidnapped and fallen into the hands of Maligore.
*
Jason shuddered despite the afternoon sun warming Emily's room and drew the thin cover over him to ward off the chill; it didn't help, as the cold came from inside of him, not the light breeze wafting through the partially-open window. He still had occasional nightmares about the whole experience. Yes, Tommy and the others had come to their rescue, and thankfully had succeeded; for a while afterwards, it seemed as everything was back to the way it was, but ...
Who am I kidding? Nothing is ever going to be the way it was.
*
Falling into that boiling lava pit had ... changed him. He wished he could forget the fire consuming his being, but try as he might, he /couldn't/. Fighting all that was good - his friends - had been bad enough, could even be forgiven eventually; he knew that Tommy in particular would never hold it against him that he'd been turned evil by forces beyond his control and thus did things he would never have done otherwise. No, it was the emptiness and shadows remaining in his soul even after Lerigot's magic had lifted the malevolent haze from his mind that made Jason almost hate himself.
So he'd turned to Emily, who was unconnected with everything that had happened on Muranthias, hoping that in her unquestioning, innocent acceptance of him he would find the salvation the others' understanding couldn't give him.
It had been a vain hope.
In the aftermath, Jason had been forced to learn things about himself that disgusted him, that made him withdraw from his friends even while he yearned for their company. Emily had been there every step of the way, sympathizing and soothing as he drifted in the inevitable limbo between school and college, and Jason greedily took whatever she offered.
Her presence. Her kisses. Her body.
Nothing helped. Nothing she was giving him managed to fill the gaping hole he could feel growing insidiously within him. It wasn't her fault that she was not enough, that she was not what he needed. Despite realizing that he was dangerously close to using her for his own benefit instead of appreciating her for what she was, Jason found himself incapable of not taking whatever she had to offer.
*
He turned his head to look at her, lying sated at his side, one slender leg tucked between his own. Emily's golden locks were in sexy disarray on the pillow and her rosy lips were invitingly parted as she slept, but the sight failed to move him. By all rights, Jason should feel relaxed and comfortable after some pretty spectacular sex, but he didn't. Not even her satiny skin and full breasts managed to excite him beyond some purely carnal impulses, easily quelled. He sighed.
Will I ever feel whole, feel normal again?
Jason didn't know. If he were completely honest, some part of him didn't even much care. He was living blindly, aimlessly as the days passed and he had to watch his friends go on, get summer jobs, prepare for careers while they still saved the world on an almost daily basis.
He wanted what they had, wanted purpose in his life again, craved to be one of us again instead of being an outsider, one of /them/. Someone who cared, who made a difference. It was like a fire in his blood, that need to belong, and it was made worse by the deep knowledge that it was out of his reach. Permanently.
Is this how a recovering addict feels? Wanting a drink, a substance, whatever so much it hurts, but knowing that a single sip, puff or swallow will only throw me to the bottom of a pit out of which I can't ever crawl back?
It seemed all-too likely. Jason scowled. He despised being so dependent on something he couldn't have, didn't really want to feel this way, to give up the last remnants of whatever Zordon had seen in him on that long-ago day, but he also didn't know how to change the situation - to change himself back into the man he used to be.
Shit. Life sucks.
*
He was brought out of his dark thoughts by a muted yawn and a sinuous stretch from the girl beside him as Emily woke. She smiled drowsily at him and reached out to run slim fingers through his hair, down his cheek and to his chest, leaving a faint trail of fresh arousal in their wake.
"Hi, handsome," she murmured, moving languidly against his skin. Her innocent delight in the contact was obvious from the way her eyes sparkled and her lips curved in a satisfied smile.
"Hey," Jason smiled back automatically, deciding there and then that he would do the honorable thing and end it - gently and with consideration for Emily's feelings, but as soon as possible. No more exploitation of her affections!
"I think this was the best time we ever had; don't you agree?" she whispered.
Making love to Emily had felt good, Jason had to admit. "Oh yeah." His deep voice was huskier than usual, and her smile widened.
Emily teasingly skimmed her fingertips across his pecs, making him inhale sharply. She did it again, flicking a nail against a brown nipple. Jason shuddered, and inwardly Emily triumphed. "Want to do it again?"
The temptation inherent in the not-quite-so-innocent question was as immediate as almost irresistible. Jason's body quickened, but for once he fought back. If he was serious about not wanting to use her, he ought to try and sort out his own feelings first, not give in blindly to a purely physical instinct to find at least temporary oblivion from the demons plaguing him.
"Maybe later," he said, forcing a smile he didn't feel.
"Why not now?" Emily pouted prettily, peeking at him from under lowered lashes.
"I'm not ready yet," Jason replied lightly, leaning up on one elbow. The movement was supposed to put some distance between them; instead, it only served to give Emily better access to his chest, waist and what was already waiting eagerly - too eagerly - below.
"Are you sure?" she purred with a wicked little grin and shifted on the bed, right into Jason's arms. He found himself mesmerized against his will by her soft curves sliding over his skin. Two rosy-brown spots at the center of that softness hardened into pebbled peaks through the friction, and twin spears of excitement pierced his belly. Jason stifled a gasp.
"Em, don't-" he tried to stop her, to retain control of himself and the situation.
"Don't what?" she interrupted him in a seductive whisper, drawing his head down with surprising strength until their lips brushed against each other. "Don't do this?" She flicked her tongue against his mouth, weakening the wall Jason tried to erect around his selfish need. "Sorry, can't."
He could feel his inner defenses being breached by each tiny little stab of the moist, agile organ and moaned involuntarily.
"Or don't do this?" Emily shifted on the bed, pressing her lower body rhythmically against Jason's hips, trapping his burgeoning erection between them.
"Because ..." It's not right, not when I can't feel anything but lust for you, when I don't even know myself what I want or what I need " ... it's too soon," Jason mumbled. In his mind's eye, he could see that imaginary wall begin to crumble, stone by hastily-erected stone.
"Doesn't seem that way to me," she chuckled softly. "I'd say you're enjoying it as much as I do, so why shouldn't I?"
"Emily, please ...!"
"Please what? Do this?" She reached for him, encircling him with knowing fingers, and Jason knew he was defeated. The wall made of good intentions, decency and truth tumbled soundlessly into a shattered heap. He groaned, the sound torn from the depth of his soul, and let his body take over.
Emily laughed triumphantly and surged against her lover, reveling in the feel of the strong hands claiming her. "Then do it - now!" she demanded, her own desire blossoming. She sought Jason's mouth in a fierce kiss.
"Yesss," he hissed sharply when he could speak again, unable to do anything but give in to the need to feel something - even if that 'something' was purely of the flesh. Right now, it was preferable to the emptiness still lurking in the back of his heart, mind and soul. He reached for her, desperate to fill the hollowness eating at him. It even worked for a while; as their bodies prepared to merge, Jason managed to lose himself in sensation. Then, his world collapsed.
"I love you," Emily whispered.
Jason froze. Those were the words he least wanted to hear, the ones he'd feared because they offered him everything - and he had nothing to give back. "Em ..."
She smiled up at him even as she moved to receive him into herself. "It's okay, you don't have to say it."
"I ... I wish I could, but ..." Jason rasped, fighting a losing battle against his now-raging need.
"It doesn't matter. I don't need the words, honest. Just ... kiss me?" And she brushed her lips against his mouth in a silent plea while simultaneously guiding him into the moist haven of her womanhood. It was Jason's undoing.
Groaning in defeat, he surged forward, taking both Emily's mouth and body with a force just short of violence as the promise of at least temporary relief overwhelmed him. He wanted to deny everything, hoped against hope that Emily wouldn't take his silence as tacit agreement, but the light shining from her blue eyes as they found a compatible rhythm told him otherwise.
*
Finally, it was over. Emily curled contentedly in his arms as their bodies cooled, but Jason was bleakly aware that he was well and truly lost. He had exchanged mere sensation for genuine feeling, and he didn't know how to leave the quagmire of non-emotion he was trapped in.
Emily requested another kiss, and Jason obliged unthinkingly, thus giving a silent promise that only he knew was hollow - nothing but a lie. At one time, he had lit the world with his own inner flame - as a Ranger, a Peace Delegate ... as a man. But the fires of Muranthias had at last managed to burn him out. The girl/woman lying beside him would never be the one to rekindle the spark that once was his; all that remained was the empty shell of the man Jason Scott once was.
The End.
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