Categories > Celebrities > The Used > Carry me away with All of My Regrets.
Ah! The excitement of MTV Cribs re-runs...I'm just sitting here on a boring Saturday night, usually I am with Kate but, for some reason she urgently needed to talk to Bert ...but what ever. I don't see what is so special about him anyways...why didn't she go after Quinn or Jepha. Oh well we will never know. My cell starts screaming out my chopsticks ring tone. Why is Kate calling me, I thought she was suppose to be with Bert, she never really calls when she is with him, but oh well.
"Yes Kate. why are you crying? What's wrong ,did Bert do something??"
"No no! Bert didn't do anything at all, well I guess he did kind of...all I know is Bert and I have fucked up bad this time!!"
"What what just tell me please?!?"
"Bella.....I'm...I am pregnant with Bert's child!"
"Well come on Kate it won't be too bad everyone is here for you, you know that. I promise."
"Bella I know, but a child is not what I want right now....I have to many problems of my own right now....Just promise me something, if I don't make it through this Bella please stay close with Bert he will need you more than you think...I can tell he sees something in you that he doesn't see in me....I never told you or wanted to admit it but Bert has this thing for you, he always has......"
"Kate what the hell do you mean by if you don't make it.........Kate I'm here I want to be here for you....and I'm pretty sure Bert has no feelings for me whatsoever(I lied)....come on Kate I love you and so does Bert and everyone in the band....so don't worry, get some sleep and we will figure everything out tomorrow...I promise!! Ok?"
"Ok, I love you to Bella thanks."
Then with that she hung up. I had a feeling that everything was going to come out with a bumpy start but I am sure it would smooth out later. Hopefully.
Ugh. Its 8:00.....I think I should go to Bert's, even if we aren't on good terms we have to discuss things about Kate's situation. Pulling up to Bert's house I started to see a cop car, I was thinking Bert had done something bad as usual but sadly I was mistaken. Knocking on the door Quinn answered, he looked as if he had lost his best friend.
" Quinn what is wrong?"
"Isabella I have something to tell you I think you should sit down for this."
His expression went form solemn to serious
"Oh my god! Quinn what is it? Is it about Kate? Where is she?!!"
"Isabella please try to keep calm, Kate isn't here with us anymore...I am so sorry...Kate killed herself ,Bert found her this morning in her apartment."
All I could think of was to run through the house to find Bert and just cry on his shoulder and he could cry on mine, but as I tried to get out of my seat my body collapsed to the floor in shock of the reality that was going on in front of me. I fell hard to the ground just laying there sobbing, wondering if there was any possible way I could get through this. With out......hurting myself.
I snapped back to the situation, and stopped my tears. I sat there on the hard wood floor thinking this is what Kate wanted and I couldn't be selfish and think of my own feelings. Kate wouldn't want me crying over something she had done herself. So, like nothing had happened, like Kate was still living I got up from the hardwood floor and ran to the door without notice of anyone around me and got back into my car. I drove home and laid in bed for 3 days not caring I was missing work , not caring I was missing Bert and the bands desperate calls....all I wanted to do was lay there and take in the moment nothing else.
It was 5 days after Kate's death, I just sat there on the edge of my bed drawing, trying to sort out my feelings. Just as I was about to add the paint to the drawing my cell started ringing.
"Bella. Hey how are you doing?" , the raspy voice said on the other side of the cell.
"I was just drawing before your phone call interrupted me..."
" Oh Well I'm sorry...I'll just let you continue."
"Well, ok ...um bye."
And with that we both hung up, I started to wonder why Bert called anyways. I was starting to feel bad, maybe being rude to Bert was not the best choice. So, I picked up my cell and pressed redial for Bert's number.
"Hey Bert...yea um I kind of felt bad because I was rude to you so I decided to call you back and say sorry, was there something you needed?, because if there was something you needed I could help you if you really wanted me to I mean if you don't that's okay too....um ok I am going to stop rambling now so yea you can talk."
There was and awkward silence then a giggle afterwards.
" Um...ha its ok Bella...um I was just wondering, I really need you to come over I want to talk to you...talk to you about Kate."
"Ok Bert I will be over in a few, Bye"
"C'ya Bella."
+++++++++++++++++++LATER ON+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I walked up to Bert's door and knocked softly. The door opened and there stood Bert looking as grungy as usual.
"Hey, Bella come right in you can just go and sit on the couch if you would please, I will be right back I need a drink form the kitchen."
Walking over to the couch I sat down and placed my leather purse down beside me, Kate had gotten for me on my last birthday. Bert strolled back into the living room and plopped right down next to me with a big goofy grin on his face which faded to a sad misty eyed look within seconds.
"So yea about Kate, what did she say to you that day?"
"She said she was pregnant and I told her not to worry that everyone would help her but Kate insisted that she didn't need a child at the time. Then she said that you and her had really fucked up....she also told me; I don't know if I should say..."
"What Bella just tell me." he said with a straight face.
"Ok well Kate told me to stay close with you if she didn't make it through....she told me you have some type of feelings for me. She felt as if you had liked me all along, but you just didn't want to admit it"
" I don't know what to say."
" Well, do you have feelings for me or not?"
Bert just sat there with a look mixed of confusion and fear. I looked back him with the same exact look.
" Yes. I always have, but you would never give me the time of day. Kate on the other hand would throw herself at me, there was no way of me escaping her."
I looked and him with craziness and anger.
" So you were only with her because you thought she was easy! Did you even love her Bert?!?"
"Bella, of course I loved her, but it was a different type of love. It was not the best love but it was love; it was the kind that smothered you and wouldn't let you go. You know what she did to me not only me but herself...she dragged me into those drugs. Down in those drugs with her...if I would have continued with her till this day I would be dead right along with her. I knew about the baby, but that child wouldn't have even had a chance to live a normal life. I tried to get Kate to stop but she wouldn't she didn't want to be sober...that was her choice...that doesn't me I never loved her...I have only had to the chance to love you as a friend, so don't think that I love you more than Kate, you don't want the love Kate and I had for each other"
"I think I should leave..."
" Please stay Bella."
" Sorry, bye"
Walking out of his house as fast as I could, tears began to test the surface, getting in my car I tried hard not to cry. For some reason saying that he didn't love me more than Kate hurt me...maybe it was because I really and truly wanted him to.
I woke and felt pressure on the end of the bed and there sat Bert Mcracken himself, quietly giggling like a little girl. You popped up holding your knees up to your chest giving Bert your best death stare.
"Bert how in the hell did you get into my house?"
"Um...Kate's old key."
"So what have you come here for, to confuse me even more?" you said sarcastically
"I have tried so fucking hard to be nice to you. We are going to have a good friendship whether you like it or not....we need each other more than you think...I just don't understand ,you treat the other guys like you have known them for your whole life, but you treat me like I am some stranger. The point is I want to be with you rather it is a friendship or a relationship...even if we are not together I want to be around you.
"You know in the beginning you were like my best friend, I should have never introduced you to Kate. She completely changed you into a different person, someone I didn't want to be around. Maybe you don't remember but you hit me once, you came over to my house and I started yelling at you. I was trying to get you to break up with Kate; you were high off heroin ."
" Yea...I remember, I have never forgiven myself for that. I should have listened to you about Kate, maybe she would be here if It wasn't for me."
" Don't blame yourself, once Kate has her mind set on something she isn't going to change her decision."
"Yea."
"Well, what should we do with ourselves now?"
" Bella, I think you should stay with me."
"Are you sure?"
" Positive."
"Yes Kate. why are you crying? What's wrong ,did Bert do something??"
"No no! Bert didn't do anything at all, well I guess he did kind of...all I know is Bert and I have fucked up bad this time!!"
"What what just tell me please?!?"
"Bella.....I'm...I am pregnant with Bert's child!"
"Well come on Kate it won't be too bad everyone is here for you, you know that. I promise."
"Bella I know, but a child is not what I want right now....I have to many problems of my own right now....Just promise me something, if I don't make it through this Bella please stay close with Bert he will need you more than you think...I can tell he sees something in you that he doesn't see in me....I never told you or wanted to admit it but Bert has this thing for you, he always has......"
"Kate what the hell do you mean by if you don't make it.........Kate I'm here I want to be here for you....and I'm pretty sure Bert has no feelings for me whatsoever(I lied)....come on Kate I love you and so does Bert and everyone in the band....so don't worry, get some sleep and we will figure everything out tomorrow...I promise!! Ok?"
"Ok, I love you to Bella thanks."
Then with that she hung up. I had a feeling that everything was going to come out with a bumpy start but I am sure it would smooth out later. Hopefully.
Ugh. Its 8:00.....I think I should go to Bert's, even if we aren't on good terms we have to discuss things about Kate's situation. Pulling up to Bert's house I started to see a cop car, I was thinking Bert had done something bad as usual but sadly I was mistaken. Knocking on the door Quinn answered, he looked as if he had lost his best friend.
" Quinn what is wrong?"
"Isabella I have something to tell you I think you should sit down for this."
His expression went form solemn to serious
"Oh my god! Quinn what is it? Is it about Kate? Where is she?!!"
"Isabella please try to keep calm, Kate isn't here with us anymore...I am so sorry...Kate killed herself ,Bert found her this morning in her apartment."
All I could think of was to run through the house to find Bert and just cry on his shoulder and he could cry on mine, but as I tried to get out of my seat my body collapsed to the floor in shock of the reality that was going on in front of me. I fell hard to the ground just laying there sobbing, wondering if there was any possible way I could get through this. With out......hurting myself.
I snapped back to the situation, and stopped my tears. I sat there on the hard wood floor thinking this is what Kate wanted and I couldn't be selfish and think of my own feelings. Kate wouldn't want me crying over something she had done herself. So, like nothing had happened, like Kate was still living I got up from the hardwood floor and ran to the door without notice of anyone around me and got back into my car. I drove home and laid in bed for 3 days not caring I was missing work , not caring I was missing Bert and the bands desperate calls....all I wanted to do was lay there and take in the moment nothing else.
It was 5 days after Kate's death, I just sat there on the edge of my bed drawing, trying to sort out my feelings. Just as I was about to add the paint to the drawing my cell started ringing.
"Bella. Hey how are you doing?" , the raspy voice said on the other side of the cell.
"I was just drawing before your phone call interrupted me..."
" Oh Well I'm sorry...I'll just let you continue."
"Well, ok ...um bye."
And with that we both hung up, I started to wonder why Bert called anyways. I was starting to feel bad, maybe being rude to Bert was not the best choice. So, I picked up my cell and pressed redial for Bert's number.
"Hey Bert...yea um I kind of felt bad because I was rude to you so I decided to call you back and say sorry, was there something you needed?, because if there was something you needed I could help you if you really wanted me to I mean if you don't that's okay too....um ok I am going to stop rambling now so yea you can talk."
There was and awkward silence then a giggle afterwards.
" Um...ha its ok Bella...um I was just wondering, I really need you to come over I want to talk to you...talk to you about Kate."
"Ok Bert I will be over in a few, Bye"
"C'ya Bella."
+++++++++++++++++++LATER ON+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I walked up to Bert's door and knocked softly. The door opened and there stood Bert looking as grungy as usual.
"Hey, Bella come right in you can just go and sit on the couch if you would please, I will be right back I need a drink form the kitchen."
Walking over to the couch I sat down and placed my leather purse down beside me, Kate had gotten for me on my last birthday. Bert strolled back into the living room and plopped right down next to me with a big goofy grin on his face which faded to a sad misty eyed look within seconds.
"So yea about Kate, what did she say to you that day?"
"She said she was pregnant and I told her not to worry that everyone would help her but Kate insisted that she didn't need a child at the time. Then she said that you and her had really fucked up....she also told me; I don't know if I should say..."
"What Bella just tell me." he said with a straight face.
"Ok well Kate told me to stay close with you if she didn't make it through....she told me you have some type of feelings for me. She felt as if you had liked me all along, but you just didn't want to admit it"
" I don't know what to say."
" Well, do you have feelings for me or not?"
Bert just sat there with a look mixed of confusion and fear. I looked back him with the same exact look.
" Yes. I always have, but you would never give me the time of day. Kate on the other hand would throw herself at me, there was no way of me escaping her."
I looked and him with craziness and anger.
" So you were only with her because you thought she was easy! Did you even love her Bert?!?"
"Bella, of course I loved her, but it was a different type of love. It was not the best love but it was love; it was the kind that smothered you and wouldn't let you go. You know what she did to me not only me but herself...she dragged me into those drugs. Down in those drugs with her...if I would have continued with her till this day I would be dead right along with her. I knew about the baby, but that child wouldn't have even had a chance to live a normal life. I tried to get Kate to stop but she wouldn't she didn't want to be sober...that was her choice...that doesn't me I never loved her...I have only had to the chance to love you as a friend, so don't think that I love you more than Kate, you don't want the love Kate and I had for each other"
"I think I should leave..."
" Please stay Bella."
" Sorry, bye"
Walking out of his house as fast as I could, tears began to test the surface, getting in my car I tried hard not to cry. For some reason saying that he didn't love me more than Kate hurt me...maybe it was because I really and truly wanted him to.
I woke and felt pressure on the end of the bed and there sat Bert Mcracken himself, quietly giggling like a little girl. You popped up holding your knees up to your chest giving Bert your best death stare.
"Bert how in the hell did you get into my house?"
"Um...Kate's old key."
"So what have you come here for, to confuse me even more?" you said sarcastically
"I have tried so fucking hard to be nice to you. We are going to have a good friendship whether you like it or not....we need each other more than you think...I just don't understand ,you treat the other guys like you have known them for your whole life, but you treat me like I am some stranger. The point is I want to be with you rather it is a friendship or a relationship...even if we are not together I want to be around you.
"You know in the beginning you were like my best friend, I should have never introduced you to Kate. She completely changed you into a different person, someone I didn't want to be around. Maybe you don't remember but you hit me once, you came over to my house and I started yelling at you. I was trying to get you to break up with Kate; you were high off heroin ."
" Yea...I remember, I have never forgiven myself for that. I should have listened to you about Kate, maybe she would be here if It wasn't for me."
" Don't blame yourself, once Kate has her mind set on something she isn't going to change her decision."
"Yea."
"Well, what should we do with ourselves now?"
" Bella, I think you should stay with me."
"Are you sure?"
" Positive."
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