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The constant knocking could not be ignored. Gerard threw off the blankets and crossed the room cursing the whole way. He pulled open the door to see his brother standing in the hall with two cups from Starbucks in his hands.
"Morning Sunshine, did you sleep through your alarm?' He pushed past Gerard and moved into the room. "Here you look like you need this" He held out one of the cups.
Gerard took it from him, and then glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Shit, it's already 7:45?"
Mikey nodded, "Yea, and Jerry is gonna be pissed if we aren't down in the lobby in fifteen minutes. By the way you look like hell." He took a drink from his cup then asked, "Didn't you get any sleep?"
Gerard took a sip of the hot brew from is cup before answering, "I didn't fucking fall asleep until after 5:00." He started towards the bathroom "I'll be ready in 10 minutes."
"Why couldn't you sleep?" he asked but wasn't sure if his brother heard him because he had already closed the door. A minute later he heard the shower running. Mikey looked around the room and spotted Gerard's Sidekick on the bed. While he didn't want to invade his brother's privacy, he was worried about him. Why hadn't he slept? He picked the phone up and looked at the outgoing numbers. Gerard had called Monica but had only talked a short time. The incoming numbers were next. There was a quick call from Bert. If he hadn't talked on the phone all night what had he been doing? The shower was turned off and Mikey quickly put the phone back and sat down just as Gerard came out of the bathroom.
"What do we have going on today?" Gerard asked while drying his hair with a towel.
"We have an interview this morning, then a photo shoot. After that we are scheduled to do a signing. It's a full day, bro."
"Fuck me. I'm exhausted and we have a full day. What is the photo shoot for?"
He asked while dressing.
Mikey had finished his latte and was looking over at Gerard's cup, which was unguarded on the dresser. "It's for Spin Magazine." They are doing an article on the tour. So are you planning on drinking that?" he nodded towards the cup.
"Touch it and die" Gerard answered without turning around. "I need as much caffeine as I can get." He grabbed his Etnes and slipped them on.
"Man, you are cranky. So you never did tell me why you couldn't sleep." He watched Gerard's face closely to see if his answer would be the truth.
Gerard didn't want to tell him about the phone call from Bert. He didn't want to explain how he couldn't sleep because once more he had hurt Monica. "You know how it is. I just didn't want to let Monica go last night. We talked a long time."
It was a little past the time they were supposed to meet in the lobby so Mikey didn't want to call him out on the lie. There would be time later to talk to him and to find out what was going on. They both left the room and headed downstairs to meet with the rest of the band. Sadly Mikey realized that the morning seemed not as bright as it had earlier. Gerard rarely lied to him and it was a bad feeling.
On the way to the interview Gerard fell asleep. Ray nudged Mikey and pointed to Gerard, "Is he OK?"
Mikey looked up from this Sidekick. He had been trying to get a hold of Monica but she wasn't answering. "He said he didn't get to sleep until after 5:00"
"Why?" Ray looked back at Gerard who was sleeping with his mouth open.
Mikey laughed, "Wouldn't that make a great picture?" He shook his head, "He didn't say. Well, he said he was talking to Monica but he wasn't."
Ray looked confused, "How do you know he wasn't talking to her?"
"I checked his phone when he was in the shower. He only talked to her a few minutes." He glanced back to make sure Gerard was still sleeping.
"OK, that was sort of creepy of you. I'm pretty sure he would be pissed if he knew you did that." Ray noticed that Mikey was calling someone again. "Who are you calling now?"
"I'm still trying to get Monica but she isn't answering. And yea it was bad of me to look at his phone but I'm worried about him. All the stress he is under and now not sleeping, well shit that's bad."
Jerry announced that they were almost to the radio station. "Could someone please wake up Sleeping Beauty?" he asked with a laugh.
Frank was more than happy to. He leaned over and kissed Gerard's cheek. "Wake up honey, we're here."
Gerard opened his eyes and glared at him. Fortunately his sense of humor had kicked in, "Frank how may times have I told you not to do that unless you mean it?"
Frank laughed, "Oh but Gee I do mean it honey"
The van pulled into the station lot, "Come on guys. Lets get a move on." Jerry said trying not to laugh at them.
They all piled out of the van and moved towards the station entrance. Gerard yawned and forced his mind away from Monica and on business. It wasn't easy.
In New Jersey Monica was staring at the salad sitting on the table in front of her. Across the table from her Alicia was talking non-stop. She tried to concentrate on what she was saying but it was hard. Her mind kept replaying her conversation with Gerard. Why hadn't he told her he was planning on meeting with Liv? She kept telling him that she didn't feel threatened by Liv but in her heart she wasn't so sure anymore that was the truth.
"Anyway, Mikey called me just before I picked you up. He said he had been trying to call you."
Monica looked up from her salad and frowned, "I must have missed the call when I was taking a shower. What did he want?"
Alicia shook her head, "He really didn't say but I got t he feeling he's worried about Gerard."
"Should I call him back?"
"They should be doing a radio interview now. Mikey said their day is insane. They have a photo shoot and a signing after the interview."
Monica couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice, "It was nice Mikey found the time to call you. I guess Gee was too busy." She stabbed a lettuce leaf but didn't take move it off the plate.
Alicia looked at her friend and saw that tears were forming in her eyes. "Monica what is wrong? Did you and Gerard have a fight or something?"
Monica blinked to control the tears that had formed. "No, we didn't but I talked to him such a short time. Shit, I'm sorry I guess I just miss him so much. I wish I was with him."
At the radio station Gerard was thinking how much he wished he was with Monica when the first question was asked.
"The Black Parade is such an ambitious album both musically and conceptually. Would you have been able to make this album three years ago?
Gerard got him mind off Monica in order to answer, "No way, cause three years ago not only was I fuc ugh, messed up on drugs and alcohol, we weren't the band that we are today. Bob, we've have you in the band two and a half years?" he looked over at Bob who nodded, "We were a completely different band. Musically we weren't there." Suddenly his thoughts went back to the man he was then. He remembered the drug and alcohol that had clouded his mind. He remembered Liv beside him in the same condition. The days all seemed to run together. He had missed so much of his life being messed up. Frank noticed he seemed to slip back in the memories so he quickly took over answering the next few questions.
Back in Jersey Alicia was looking at Monica and wishing there was something she could say to help her friend. "It just seems he keeps thinking about the past. How can I make him stop looking back and start looking towards the future?" She wiped away a stray tear, "How do I make him realize that if his thoughts stay in the past that I can't be with him? Liv was his past but damn it I'm his future."



Authors Note - Gerard's answer in the interview is from an article in Access magazine. More from that interview later.