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"Monica do you have time to sit and talk?" Donna asked as soon as Monica walked in the door. She had been waiting for her to return from her outing with Alicia. There were so many unanswered questions she had about her son.
Monica immediately felt bad she had not taken Gerard's mothers feelings into consideration. She was so wrapped up in her own she hadn't acknowledged how hard all this was on Donna. "Sure, I would love a cup of coffee too."
Donna poured two mugs of the fresh brew and sat them on the kitchen table. She signed, "I'm just so confused about everything that is going on. Why hasn't Gerard told me about Liv and her child? I keep thinking he will call and explain but.."
Monica thought a moment before answering, "I'm not sure, Donna. Maybe he just thinks it would be best to tell you when he gets home. I'm sure he just doesn't want to upset you."
"Or maybe my son just thought is would be easier for you to tell me." The disappointment in her voice was undeniable.
"Our conversations have been sort of strained and brief. He hasn't mentioned anything about telling you." Monica admitted. "I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did"
"Well it was a shock seeing Liv at my door. But seeing that little girl" she trail off. "That was hard. What does Gerard plan to do? Has he decided how to handle all this?"
Monica took a sip of coffee before answering, "I'm not sure. At first he just plain refused to even talk about it. But I found out he had decided to go see Liv."
Donna could see how upset Monica was, "He told you he was going to see her?"
Rubbing her forehead Monica tried to choose her words carefully, "Actually I found out he was going to see her accidentally. He had called Bert and told him to tell Liv he would meet with her when he got back to Jersey. When Bert couldn't get Gee on the phone he called and told me that Liv's number had been disconnected. Bert thought I was still on tour with Gerard, he didn't know I had come back."
"Gerard hadn't told he was planning on meeting with Liv?" Donna was trying to understand her son's motives but it was getting harder.
"No, he hadn't told me." She looked down at her coffee mug. "There is more, Donna. You see when we were on tour and Gerard was refusing to even talk about Elena I asked Bert to go see Liv. Bert had said he thought Liv looked like she might be heavily into drugs and the thought of a child, any child, being exposed to that was more than I could take. I knew Gee would be angry with me if he found out but I asked Bert to go anyway."
"And he went to see her and that is how you first found out how much the little girl looks like Gerard." Donna asked quietly.
"Yes, he did and yes that was how I found out how much the little girl looks like Gee." she smiled ruefully, "Bert told Gerard he had gone to see her and he told him that it had been his idea. He did that to protect me because he didn't want Gee to be angry with me."
"So why has Gerard suddenly decided to go and see Liv?" Donna asked. "Has something changed?"
Monica shrugged slightly, "I don't know. For some reason he must have decided he need to talk to her. Maybe he wants to see Elena for himself."
Donna shook her head, "What aren't you telling me Monica?" She looked directly into her face.
"Gee doesn't know that I found out he was going to see Liv. I didn't give him Bert's message. When Bert called yesterday and told me I was so confused and hurt. Why didn't Gee tell me?" She tried to remain calm, "I let Bert continue to believe I was on the tour and told him I would give Gerard the message. He suggested that we go by Liv's apartment when we got back to talk to her." She looked away then added quietly, "I asked him for her address."
Donna now knew why Monica had missed dinner last night. "You went to see her," she said already knowing the answer.
Monica nodded looking directly at Donna. "Yea, I drove to Queen's to see her. When she had talked to Bert before she had asked him to give me a message. She wanted me to come to see her and Elena."
"Good Lord, Liv wanted to talk to you? She wanted you to see Elena? Why?"
"I don't know. Maybe she wanted me to see Elena for myself hoping I would think that Gerard should be with her and their child."
Donna reached across the table to touch her arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "He wouldn't leave you for her, Monica"
Trying hard not to tear up again Monica smiled slightly, "I hope not but something about her draws him in. He just can't seem to let go of the past he shared with her."
Donna would not let herself believe her son would be so stupid to want a life with Liv. He knew what that would be; no matter what anyone would ever say she didn't believe Liv could change. She was evil and she would destroy Gerard. "Monica, what happened when you went to see her? What did she want?"
Monica sighed, "She was gone. A few days ago she and Elena moved out. Her neighbor across the hall said she owed rent and left before the landlord returned wanting his money."
"And Gerard doesn't know she's gone." Donna said sadly, "He doesn't know Elena is gone"
"No and I'm not sure how he will take it. I know in his mind they way she left him before, just gone without any warning, hurt him so badly. Now when he finally decides to see her and Elena she is gone again with no warning."
"God, this is a mess." Donna said squeezing Monica arm once more. "Are you going to tell him you knew he was going to see her?"
"I'm not sure it matters. Once he finds out she is gone I don't think anything will matter." She took another sip of the coffee not even tasting it.
"When he gets back home this needs to be settled. You and he need to sit down and talk Monica, really talk. Tell him your fears. I know this will sound strange but stop trying to so understand, let him know how you feel about all of this. Tell him he is hurting you. I love my son but sometimes I would like to smack him upside his head."
Her words caused Monica to smile slightly, "Donna he was so understanding about Kyle's death, he never gave up on me even when I told him I would never have a relationship with him, still he didn't give up on me. I want to be that person for him. I want him to know I will never give up on him unless he says he doesn't love me anymore." she looked down and the tears rolled silently down her cheeks.
Donna stood and went to her. She hugged her tightly, "Monica, my daughter, he would never say that. I know he loves you. You two will get through this, have faith. I wish so much you could have known mama. She would have loved you as much as I do. She was always so wise. If anyone could have gotten through to Gerard it would have been his grandma." She sat back down and smiled, "Of course she would have told him he was being a gumba" When she saw Monica's puzzled look she explained "Italian for idiot."
Monica smiled and dried her tears, "He is being a gumba.," she agreed.
In California the photo shoot wasn't going quite as planned. Gerard looked down at the suit he had been given to wear and sighed. "Christ, why can't we just wear our own clothes?" he complained to Frank.
Frank looked over at him and smirked, "Oh I dunno Gee I think you look quite dashing." He reached out to touch the black velvet jacket Gerard was wearing. His hand then moved to touch the matching slacks. "Man, velvet pants too. The rest of us didn't rate velvet."
Gerard moved away from his touch, "Shut up"
"Oh Gerard" Frank said in a falsetto voice "You look so dreamy"
"Shut up" Gerard growled at him.
Frank laughed, "Oh come on it's not that bad" He broke into laughter "OK, yes it is. You look like a bad lounge singer from the 70's."
"That's it" Gerard said looking around for the wardrobe woman, "I'm not wearing this."
She appeared as if by magic, "Is something wrong?"
Gerard tried not to take his frustration out on her, "Uh, I'm just not comfortable in this" he tried to explain nicely.
She didn't understand "Well you only have to wear it for a short time. As soon as the photographer gets his shots you can take it off."
Gerard tried not to roll his eyes, "It's not that it is physically uncomfortable. It's just that I, well, I don't like it."
She looked shocked, "But you look so nice in it. And when you are holding the white cat the contrast will be fabulous."
This was the first he had heard about a cat. "What? A white cat? I'm gonna be holding a cat? Look I'm a singer."
Frank piped up "Not Liberace...although.."
"Shut up" Gerard glared at him.
"Is there a problem?" The photographer had finally arrived 45 minutes late.
Gerard looked at him and patiently explained, "I am the singer for a rock band. I don't wear velvet suits."
"Or hold white cats" Frank added. For the comment he was awarded another "shut up" from Gerard.
The photographer sniffed, "Well we were trying for a different look, something out of the ordinary. You seem to have a theatrical side and this will bring it out."
Ray had joined them and was staring at Gerard's outfit, "Holy hell, Gee. Are you wearing velvet?"
Gerard stated walking towards the dressing room "Not for much longer" she said over his shoulder. "Besides I like dogs better than cats."