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I wanted to see him. I hated myself for that.

I miss u. plz tlk 2 me. I wanna c u. xx bden

He didn't deserve for me to forgive his ass, but I so badly wanted everything to be the way it was.

I cant stop thinking about u. its getting harder and harder 4 me 2 go out and sing every nite. Plz. Forgive me. -bren

...and besides, whether I was pissed at Brendon or not I still loved the band. Fuck it. I was going.

Playing tonite. C us. I'll do n e thing. I need to c u. -brendon

Brendon just wasn't going to know about it.

Messages deleted.

I walked over to the living room, careful not to knock over the various vases on the floor, each filled with the most exquisite crimson roses. Every corner of our house, not to mention each table top, counter, shelf, was covered in them. You had to practically tip toe across the marbled tiles because we had ran out of places to stock them all.

He knew how to make a romantic gesture that's for sure. I wonder if Jon and Spence had any help in Operation: Win Raquel Back?

Jon and Spence had been my confidants through the entire break-down. They'd let me in on everything that had been going on. With Brendon. With Ryan.

I did actually speak to Ryan on several occasions. I forgave him on account of the fact that my mom was tired of his voicemails on our answering machine. She actually ended up unplugging it, since whenever she'd come home there'd be 57 unheard messages and all but two of them would be Ryan. She'd end up having to listen to every single one to figure out which was Marcos' school confirming a conference.

Message thirty-five beep "Hey...It's Ryan...um...yeah, I'm guessing you're not home...or not picking up the phone...so...yeah... Call me?"

Message forty-two beep "Raquel...hello? Anyone home? ...alright, guess not. Sooooooo..."

A voice interrupts his. "Rocky?"

"Brendon! Give me the phone back!"

"Is she even on the other line?"

"No. I'm leaving a message dumb ass."

I hear Brendon groan. "Fine. Here."

"Anyways...that was Brendon. Obviously. Well, I... really would like to talk to you. Call me back. ...This is Ryan by the way. Okay...call me. Bye."

I felt kind of bad. I hadn't talked to Brendon the entire time and I actually missed him and hearing his voice just made me miss him even more.

I leaned my head in one of the bouquets and swallowed the sweet fragrance through my nose. I took a finger and lifted the small tag wrapped around one of the stems in twine. It read: /I'm Sorry. -Brendon./ Every one of the rose arrangements carried that message in his own sprawled handwriting.

Marcos sneezed. "I think we get the point. Get over it already, dude." He snarled plucking one of the rose petals. "Loves you. /NOT./"

"Well, I guess it's a shame he doesn't because these roses are staying. Have fun allergy-boy."

"Wha-a-ah-AaaaCCCCHHHOOOOOO." He rubbed beneath his nose with the back of his hand. "Jerk."



I stood on my tip toes to look over the shoulder of the ebony-haired boy in front of me. Fuck/, I thought to myself, /this damn line is long as hell! I blew at my bangs and looked back at the ticket in my hands. My late decision cost me big time (in both price and seating).

"You're Raquel, right?"

I jumped. "Y-yeah," I stammered.

"Alright then, come with me." A burly man lent his hand out. I hesitated for a moment before I finally recognized him and accepted his gesture and stepped out of the row. He was Zach, Panic!'s bodyguard. I remember seeing him at the club.

"But the line..." I trailed off, nodding towards the endless amount of people behind me.

"Don't worry about it. You're being upgraded," he paused taking one of two VIP passes from around his neck and handing one to me, "by request."

I looked down at the plastic card. "Who's?" I asked, fingering the rounded edges.

He shook his head inching towards our destination with me close on his heels. "That...I can't say."

I could feel everyone's eyes boring through the back of my head out of jealousy and curiosity as I passed them. It was a little disturbing to have all this attention but then I had to remember that it wasn't me they were staring at. Fans were snapping away at Zach with their bulky cameras (that would no doubt be confiscated before they entered the arena) like paparazzi capturing Paris Hilton's latest party-girl scandal.

He led me through the stadium and into the back. After sending me down a crowded hall, he stopped in front of a door. He flicked his hand in the direction of the door and stepped away before leaving me alone.

I gulped and placed my hand on the silver knob. I twisted it slowly and peeked in but no one was in sight. I glanced around the room. There were long tables arranged with practically every single kind of junk food imaginable. There were half-eaten Lunchable crackers and drained Capri-Suns littered around the garbage cans, presumably missing their targets from a short-lived game of "trash free throws."

I acquainted myself with the old sofa that took up the entire right wall.

"Ow!" I sat up abruptly. "What the fuck was that?" I turned around to look at my previous sitting arrangement. I picked up a handful of bright colored candies from the cushion. "Skittles?" I giggled. No doubt it was Brendon. I let out a sigh. Brendon.

I shoved the rest of the sweets to the side and made myself comfortable again. My eyes scanned the room once more out of boredom, picking up the recently pressed costumes resting on the arms of the couch and various nameless items propped up against the walls.

--"Just watch Spence. I'll so kick your ass on some Guitar Heroes!"

A figure poked out from around the edge of the door.

"JON!" I squeaked.

He stepped into the room and ran up to me, crushing me in a giant bear hug. "How'd you get here?" He asked, smiling, after he let me go.

"Um...Zach. He said one of you "requested" my presence." I explained, using quotation fingers.

"I see." Jon acknowledged, rubbing his facial hair with his right hand.

I glared at him. "You know who it was, don't you?"

He shrugged. "Maybe... Maybe not."

"Jon!" I shrieked, grinning. "Tell me!"

--"Why tell you, when he's right here."

Ryan stepped in, hands in his pocket, nervously biting his lip.

I walked over to Ryan and gave him a soft hug. He timidly released his hands from his jean pockets and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear.

"I know," I softly said as I pulled away. I looked at him for a moment letting it all sink in.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and spoke up. "So, why'd you-"

Spence hopped in, a bag of Doritos in one hand as he munched with his mouth open. "Dude," he grumbled, mouth full of chips, "I am so not playing Guitar Heroes until I am rid of these cheesy fingers." He stopped for a moment and paused recognizing that I was in the room. His eyes widened and his mouth curled into a smile. "RAQUEL!"

"SPENCER!" I laughed, mimicking his outburst.

He hugged me, almost crushing his coveted bag of chips and licked the rest of the flavored seasoning off his fingers. "Brendon's gonna flip when he finds out you're in here."

"He doesn't know?" Jon asked.

Ryan shook his head while he sprayed Cheez Wiz on a wheat cracker. "Nope."

"Why?"

"Why what?" Ryan questioned, sticking the snack into his mouth.

"Why...to a lot of things." I plopped back down on the couch. "Why doesn't Brendon know? Why all of this? How?"

He gulped down the rest of the dry cracker, downing it with Surfer Cooler. "I honestly didn't want him to flip the fuck out that I got you backstage. He's still kinda pissed at me and the fact that I talked to you while he didn't really made him mad. He'll do anything to see you and if..."

"If I see him maybe everything will go back to normal?" I commented, disbelievingly.

Ryan shrugged. "I dunno. At least we can try. I still want us to all be friends. We all know I fucked up," he stated looking to Spencer and Jon. "But I can't have one of my best friends feeling and acting like shit the rest of the tour. Fans are already picking up on it. You can tell by the way he sings. He's not into it. He's lost that...that. Fuck, you know what I mean..."

Ryan grunted before leaning his weight on the table. His back jean pocket started vibrating in sync to the tune of Third Eye Blind's Semi Charmed Life. He yanked the Sidekick out and instantly answered without even looking at the name on the screen. "Hello?"

A smile erupted on his face. "Hey... How are you? Good... No, just getting ready to go out. Raquel's here. Mmhmm... Yeah. Okay...I'll see you in a little bit. Bye."

Spencer lifted an eyebrow after tossing the Doritos bag into the trash. "Who was that Ry?"

"No one." Ryan averted Spence's all-knowing gaze.

"It's Chelsea, isn't it?"

Ryan eyes shot up. "NO!" He coughed and brought his voice down to its regular tone. "I mean, no...it's not."

"Who's Chelsea?" I pondered, noticing the flush that tinted his features.

Jon nudged Ryan in the hip with his elbow. "She's just this really hot merch girl that our little Ryro's been talking to."

"Oh really, now?" I mused, pursing my lips.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Uh...yeah. It's no big deal, I mean... she's a really nice girl. I can actually talk to her, you know?" He let out a sigh. "Okay, fine. She's really hot and I can't stop thinking about how much I wanna fuck her senseless, alright? Satisfied!?" Ryan concluded at light speed, crossing his arms over his skinny frame.

Spencer and Jon exchanged glances before bowling over laughing. "Hahaha. Finally, you admit it!"

Spence smiled as he walked over to Ryan. "I'm proud of you. I really am," he adds, laying a playful slap on Ryan's back between his shoulder blades.

Zach swung the door open. "Guys, c'mon. You got five minutes. Let's go." Then as soon as his booming voice was received by the ears of the band, he was gone.

"Well, we better get dressed." Spencer announced, shuffling over to his costume.

"Oh, right." I stood up and proceeded to the door. "I guess I'll see you after the show then."

"Bye!" The boys chorused as I shut the door with a faint click.


A/N: Yeah, another update for all you lovely people out there who comment this story. You know who you are. And FallOutGrl, I hope you noticed your "cameo". Told ya I would. :)

Anyway...I'm at a severe writer's block for this story, so maybe your wonderful reviews will help. I love you all. mwah