Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > At Least He Makes Me Forget...

Chapter 11

by Gangsta_Girl 10 reviews

I let out a sigh as I got out of the bunk. "I don't know. I just thought it'd be different. I sure wasn't expecting this..."

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2007-02-22 - Updated: 2007-02-23 - 2175 words

My eyes followed his long fingers hoisting his boxers over his mouth-watering hips and then his slacks. He walked beside the bed and was about to kneel down to look underneath for the rest of his garments when I grabbed a hold of his forearm. I let go as he faced me.

"So, when were you going to tell me," I said bluntly.

He sighed. "I forgot."

I pulled the sheet closer around my chest. He rolled his shoulders, attempting to shake off whatever anxiety he was feeling.

"Well, what else do you want me to say?" He sat down next to me, making the bed shift minimally.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know. I just... When Jon said-"

"Jon was just messing around. They all were. It's just a little weird for them to see me in that kind of"

"That's good to know. At least you don't just randomly screw girls in your tour bus."

"It wasn't just some random fuck-fest. I really do care about you."

I bend down and pick up my dress from the floor and put it on. "Thanks for being so sincere about it."

"What the hell?"

I let out a sigh as I got out of the bunk. "I don't know. I just thought it'd be different. I sure wasn't expecting /this/..."

Brendon cocked his head to the side sympathetically. "What do you mean?"

"Well we...and then they...and now you're..." An exasperated breath slipped from my mouth.

Brendon took my hands in his and tried to pull me closer to him, but I resisted. I brought my arms around my chest and turned so that I wouldn't have to look into those chocolate-colored eyes. Meanwhile Brendon stood back up and strolled behind me, burying his face in the crook of my neck and enveloping his arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry." He repeated dousing soft kisses on my collarbone.

I shrugged him off, moving further away. "I should go."

He remained silent as I exited through the door slowly, never returning my gaze towards him. I simply picked up the rest of my belongings and shut the door. I stood there in the tiny hallway blinking back the tears when Ryan noticed me.

He was sitting with Jon and Spencer at a small white fold-up card table. He put up his index finger, signaling them to "hold on." The other two abruptly stopped their conversation, exchanging glances of bewilderment before going back to what they had said previously. I guess they didn't see me.

Ryan crossed his way from the living room area to the space in front of me. "What's wrong?" He whispered.

I shook my head, dropping my eyes down to the floor.

He shot a pointer finger at the door behind me. "Did Brendon do something to you? I know he can be an ass, but..."

I looked up towards his worried face. "I just can't deal with this right now." I tried advancing my way past him but he stopped me. "Please, just let me go."

"No." He said sternly. His dark caramel eyes mimicked his words.

A tear slipped down my cheek. "Please." I said softly, barely audible.

He took me in his arms and embraced me. I broke down, sobbing into his dark blue shirt. Rubbing my back he rocked me in his arms.

"Sssshhhhh. It's okay...It's okay."

I felt like I was there for hours, days, months, years in Ryan's arms drowning in my foolish tears. I'm so stupid/, I thought to myself. /So stupid.

A creak behind me indicated that Brendon had opened the door.

"Ha! Good one Ryan." He chuckled exaggeratedly as he buttoned up his white collared shirt.

"What are you talking about?"

Brendon's voice smoothly changed to his rarely used "serious" tone. "You know good and damn well what the fuck I'm talking about Ryan Ross."

Ryan remained silent as he clutched me protectively in his arms. I could feel his heart palpitating faster with his every breath against my hair.


"Don't what? You're really pissing me off. I thought the game was over. I told you I couldn't do this anymore and here you are." He boomed.

"At least I'm not the one who slept with her under false pretenses, you bastard."

I removed myself from Ryan's body heat and stepped backwards. "Wait. What?" I said calmly. Confusion settled onto my face as easily as the tears that now drenched Ryan's shirt.

Brendon dragged a hand down his face before attempting to speak. "That's not true." He spoke nonchalantly.

Ryan threw a hand up in frustration. "Fuck if it isn't."

"Fuck you. Both of you. What the hell is going on? I'm right here! Goddammit!"

My eyes caught sight of Jon and Spencer. Their pupils were wide and their mouths even more so. They remained planted in their seats, unsure of the situation at hand. Hell, even I was unsure of the situation at hand.

"What is going on?" My question sat idly in the air among us like smoky incense being spun by the ceiling fan. "One of you needs to talk."

Ryan and Brendon just stared at each other, neither wanting to budge and both wanting the other to initiate the explanation.

"Fine. I'm leaving." I slammed the tour door as I exited, only for it to be reopened with the sound of beating hearts and clomping footsteps following behind me immediately after.

"Raquel! Hold up!" Spencer called out.

I spun around on the cracked concrete of the parking lot. "Why? There's no reason to!"

Jon grasped at his chest, catching his breath. "Just. Let us. Explain." He panted.

"No need. I don't want to hear it."

Spencer swallowed his saliva down to coat his dry throat. "Well, then you better plug your ears because we're telling you anyway."

--- --- ---

"C'mon, sit down." Jon commanded nodding towards a not too far off bench.

I sat down stubbornly with my arms firmly crossed over my chest. Jon and Spence rested themselves on either side of me and let out a grudging sigh unanimously.

" goes: Remember when you met us at the store?" Spencer recalled to me.


"Well, after you left Brendon wouldn't shut up about you, so Ryan bet Brendon that he couldn't get your number."

"And he did." I finished for him.

"Ryan hates being wrong. I don't know how many times we go over songs during sound check because it's not the way Ryan thinks it's supposed to be. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Ryan to death, but his perfectionism is a bitch. You either love him for it or absolutely loathe him.

"Well, after that. Ryan got a little pissed. So, he took it a bit further. He bet that you wouldn't go out with him."

"And I did." I said meekly.

"Brendon came back that day with the biggest, stupidest grin on his face and Ryan couldn't fucking stand it. I honestly think that Ryan was jealous. Jealous of Brendon being happy. Fucked up, I know, but it's only because Brendon couldn't help rubbing it in.

"More like help throwing it in his face." Spencer corrected Jon.

"Yeah, same difference... anyway," Jon continued. "Ryan, fed up with all this bragging from Brendon and constant talk of how great you were, got to thinking. If Ryan could have someone as awesome as you, then Brendon sure as hell wasn't.

"Brendon got word of Ryan's plan and confronted him about it. But Brendon being the competitive ass he is, decided to raise the stakes and see who would win your heart. No strings, no gimmicks."

"Ryan accepted and the game was on, so to speak, but Ry had a trick up his sleeve. Remember Kelsey?"

I nodded.

"Well, she only came to the show because Ryan called her up, saying Bren wanted to catch up on old times. He figured you seeing Brendon with her would totally ruin Bren's chances of being with you."

"So, after all that shit, Brendon didn't give up. You know he really does care about you. Ryan too. Granted, they're being very 'She's All That' about it, but their hearts are," Jon gestured sporadically with his bassist hands, "in the right place."

--- --- ---

"...You know he really does care about you. Ryan too..."

Jon and Spence tried their best to explain it to me but I still felt so betrayed. Sure, in their own sick way they cared about me. So, why did Brendon and Ryan have to do it under such fucked up circumstances? I'm sorry, but immature bets and competition are not the ways to win a girl's heart.

And what makes it even worse is that I gave it up so readily.

I trailed my finger underneath my lower lids to wipe away the smudged mascara. I'd been crying for almost three hours in my room, which is funny because after Jon and Spencer went back to the bus I just sat there on the bench, numb. It didn't truly hit me until I got home.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?"

"Sure Mami, I'm fine."

What else was I supposed to say? No, actually I'm feeling pretty shitty. I just found out that the guy that I was falling for happened to be gambling with my affections. Yeah, that's sounds like great dinner conversation. Not.

"Estas enferma?" She placed a soft hand to my forehead.

"No. I don't think so."

"You don't look well, Mama."

"I'm just tired," I said in a lackluster tone.

"Dinner isn't ready yet, so you can just take a nap until then, okay?"

I nodded before placing a kiss on her cheek and heading back to my room. "Thanks."

I instantly discarded the dress and exchanged it for my most comfortable pajama pants and a tight fitting wife-beater tee. I snatched my hair into a messy bun and threw the comforter over me as I sat cross-legged on the mattress.

The blanket was a sense of protection when I was younger. Whenever I'd have a nightmare I'd cover my head and feel safer. It was a like a barrier against the hidden monsters in my closet. Nothing could touch me. Nothing could hurt me. Nothing...

"It's just a bad dream." I muttered softly as another damned tear fell from my eyes.

I heard the muffled sound of someone knocking at my door. I guess dinner was finished.

"I'm not hungry." I announced. Maybe they'd get the idea and leave me alone.

The door opened, ignoring my last statement. "I said I'm not hungry. Go away."

A hand tugged at the blanket. Annoyed, I relinquished my Downy-scented haven. The comforter thickly piled around me as I adjusted my eyes to the bright light. I blinked twice to focus two blurry figures in front of me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Your mom let us in." Ryan explained.

I shook my head, gripping at the sheets. "Why would she do that?"

Brendon took a seat next to me. "Because she's worried about you."

"Why? There's nothing to be worried about. I'm o-fucking-kay." I uttered through clenched teeth.

Ryan's gaze fell to his feet as he toed the low carpet. "I'm guessing Jon and Spence told you, huh?"

Brendon spoke up after I refused to answer. "So...are we cool?"

I scoffed. "Cool? Are we cool? Brendon, are you serious?!" I moved my bangs from my eyes. "You're lucky I'm even talking to you right now. What you did-"I turned to Ryan. "What you both did was fucking wrong."

"If you'd only jus-"

Ryan's Sidekick went off. Nelly's Country Grammar buzzed through the speakers. He pulled it grudgingly out of his pocket after shooting Brendon and me an apologetic look.

Flipping the phone open he answered. "Spencer I swear to God if you fucking mess with my phone again-"

He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "Yeah... Fine... Brendon's here with me. We're here at Raquel's house. I don't know how long we're- Okay... Yeah, we'll be right there." Ryan twisted the top back down and let out a sigh. "We gotta go," he said softly.

"What'd Spence say?" Brendon asked, rubbing his hands down his face in one long stroke.

"He said that we're leaving now and we need to hurry up. We have to leave soon if we want to make it on time."

Brendon glanced at his watch. "Fuck." He got up, brushing his jeans of the non-existent dust that were flecked across them. "I'm so sorry Raquel. Really."

"Yeah, whatever. Just go." I said without making eye-contact with him.

He traced a finger across my cheek. I turned away at his touch. "Go."

He dropped his hand as a breath of lament escaped his lips. Ryan nodded towards the door and he and Brendon left without another word.

*A/N: Yeah, don't worry. It's not the end...yet. Likey? Yes? No? (I know it was a lot of drama to take in. LOL.)
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