Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Letting Go
Reflections
1 reviewthis is basically what happens when Naruto's mind is left to its own devices and he doesn't stop himself from thinking about certain topics --Sasuke, in particular.
-1Boring
CHAPTER BRIEFING: Naruto is going on one last mission to find and bring Sasuke back. There are some questions left unanswered and things left unsaid, and he'd be damned if he's going to let it stay that way.
DISCLAIMER: meh. It's only the first chapter of my first fic and already I feel kinda insulted that I have to keep rubbing the fact that I don't own Naruto in my own face. But whatever, with these few sentences, I am sending those sue-happy people elsewhere.
WARNINGS: Rated 'T', just to stay on the safe side. This is Yaoi, and although you can probably tell what the main pairing will be (I mean, duh!) I'm going to say right now that I'm only a fluff writer, so those few who actually look for smut should probably go elsewhere. I also want to say that as this fic progresses, there will be more pairings (some will be straight, though, and that's all I'm saying about them) and, well... more of a plot than this. But since this is only the beginning, you probably can't tell... The last thing I want to warn you of is that, if I feel the urge to continue this fic, I'll be a slow updater, guaranteed. Just so you're all aware.
Now I'm going to stop typing like a maniac and say: "on with the Fan Fiction!"
--------CHAPTER 1: REFLECTIONS---------
It had been four years ago that Naruto had last saw him. He was 16 now, and he'd had more than enough time for the amount of pain he'd felt in their last confrontation to fade away into a dull throb. It SHOULD be nothing more than a dull throb, if that; he SHOULDN'T still feel as if there were kunais slowly gutting him from the inside out whenever he thought about him. His letting Sasuke go had been one of the many mistakes he had made over his life, he was well aware of that. He knew that he was supposed to learn from his mistakes and move on. He'd done it multiple times before, and he'd tried so many times to do the same for this, but he found himself completely and utterly incapable. What was it about now that made it so different?
'What's so special about now that makes me feel as if I still can't let him go, even after all this time and all that had happened between us? Even when he's made it clear that he doesn't care about me or anyone else? Honestly, I shouldn't STILL be harping on him like this; it's over. It's been over for a long time, what can't I SEE about that?'
Letting Sasuke go was, without a doubt, the all-time BIGGEST mistake of his life; he had decided that a long time ago. He should have fought harder, moved faster, put more power into his strikes, tried harder to talk him out of it. If he had only put more of what he had into stopping him, he would have been able to stay conscious those last, precious seconds and been able to subdue him enough to bring him back!
...Who was he kidding? He'd given it everything he had. Hell, he'd practically DIED trying! ...And yet the bastard had still been irrevocably bent on running to that manipulative snake-pedophile for assistance. He'd abandoned his friends and the people Naruto KNEW he still cared about for god-damned power! It was something that he himself wouldn't have ever DREAMED of doing just for the power needed to kill his own flesh and blood -if he had any, that is.
Of course, that was when he ignored the fact that Sasuke was extremely mentally unstable and went into uncontrollable homicidal psycho-mode when ever he even heard Itachi's name. It was times like these that always made Naruto wonder what Itachi could have possibly done to make his friend this way, and what had happened to finally disrupt the delicate balance that was Sasuke's sane mind, causing him to be that way almost all of the time, instead of only occasionally.
Sasuke had said that what he chose to do with himself was of no concern of anyone's but himself, that they gained nothing in caring about him. At first, Naruto had been shocked that he would even CONSIDER thinking that way about his sensei and teammates. Did he honestly not feel that companionship between them? He couldn't seriously be immune to that warm, comforting feeling of acceptance that could only be established between people who had known each other, fought beside (and with) each other, healed each other, received injuries with (and from) each other, and had fun with each other over the years?
Naruto knew how alike he and Sasuke were in terms of loneliness and lack of acceptance, that feeling of having no one to come to when your world came crashing down on you; and he had grown to cherish those precious moments and that feeling of kinmanship and acceptance within his team. He now understood how lucky he was to have that, seeing as he'd seen too many people without it, who were as lonely as he used to be. How could someone who was that lonely not eventually come to feel those emotions and make that connection when finally given the chance to?
Now, Naruto had to wonder if Sasuke had directed those cold, separating words more to himself than him. Thinking back over the years, he finally realized that Sasuke only tried to make people see him as a cold, unfeeling bastard for his own emotional protection; but unbeknownst to the teme, he'd witnessed several occasions that Sasuke felt the exact same things he did about the team, too. Truth be told, Naruto suspected that he felt those emotions even more strongly than he did himself.
And yet, he still pushed them all away for power...
That was probably what perplexed Naruto the most about his mentally unstable friend. If he hadn't read Sasuke incorrectly (and yes, there was a small chance that he had) then for Kami's sake, why the hell did he throw it all away? He wasn't so stupid as to classify those emotions as insignificant, was he? Or worse still, was he stupid enough to be completely oblivious to it all?
It was thoughts and times like these that made Naruto wonder what kind of difference he would have made, if he'd only said what he'd been REALLY feeling at the time, when Sasuke had told him that he considered him to be his best friend and most important person. When Sasuke had told him that because he was the person he cherished the most, there was use in killing him, in that seemingly uncaring way of his. Of course, those feelings weren't as clear back then as they were now, but there was still no mistaking them.
Naruto wondered if those feelings and the guilt he harbored for not telling Sasuke about them when he had the chance (and possibly changing the outcome of the entire mission) were what was stopping him from letting the teme go and finally moving on. He supposed that he hadn't said anything was because he'd been stupid enough to think that, even in homicidal psycho-mode, Sasuke would be able to see them in written on his face and in his eyes, as plain as day.
Of course he hadn't. Sasuke had never been a genius at interpreting the emotions others were displaying. When Naruto had finally regained consciousness after their fight, the agony he was suffering, physically, was absolutely nothing in comparison to the pain being reaped upon his heart. He felt as if his heart were glass and had been shattered into millions of tiny pieces bent on digging only their sharpest points into him. He felt as if he had a gaping wound in his side and a neon sign above his head there to proclaim it to the world. With Sasuke's betrayal, a part of him had died, and he had never been the same after that.
They needed to talk, it was inevitable now. He wanted to see him again, he wanted answers, and he wanted to bring the heart-breaking bastard back home -or, at least, finally tell Sasuke how he felt about him. He knew that he couldn't force the maggot to do anything he didn't want to do, but he cared too much not to at least let him know that he cared. It was up to him to decide from there on out.
Who knows? Maybe it would be enough to finally convince him to come back. Naruto wasn't keeping his hopes very high, though.
That was the only reason he had agreed to go on this mission. He was going to going to attempt to bring Sasuke back one more time before he gave up on it, for good.
------------------
Ha! Thought you got rid of me, didn't you? I have to say, I'm REALLY sorry that this didn't appear the first time I posted it, I had no idea until I got a review telling me about how things like that sometimes happened...
Anyway, this is just a little reminder that I love reviews and constructive criticism, and without them, I see absolutely no reason in continuing a piece of writing, so PLEASE R and R! ^-^''
Oh yeah, and I love getting flames. No, seriously, I do! You just don't want to know what I do with them...
DISCLAIMER: meh. It's only the first chapter of my first fic and already I feel kinda insulted that I have to keep rubbing the fact that I don't own Naruto in my own face. But whatever, with these few sentences, I am sending those sue-happy people elsewhere.
WARNINGS: Rated 'T', just to stay on the safe side. This is Yaoi, and although you can probably tell what the main pairing will be (I mean, duh!) I'm going to say right now that I'm only a fluff writer, so those few who actually look for smut should probably go elsewhere. I also want to say that as this fic progresses, there will be more pairings (some will be straight, though, and that's all I'm saying about them) and, well... more of a plot than this. But since this is only the beginning, you probably can't tell... The last thing I want to warn you of is that, if I feel the urge to continue this fic, I'll be a slow updater, guaranteed. Just so you're all aware.
Now I'm going to stop typing like a maniac and say: "on with the Fan Fiction!"
--------CHAPTER 1: REFLECTIONS---------
It had been four years ago that Naruto had last saw him. He was 16 now, and he'd had more than enough time for the amount of pain he'd felt in their last confrontation to fade away into a dull throb. It SHOULD be nothing more than a dull throb, if that; he SHOULDN'T still feel as if there were kunais slowly gutting him from the inside out whenever he thought about him. His letting Sasuke go had been one of the many mistakes he had made over his life, he was well aware of that. He knew that he was supposed to learn from his mistakes and move on. He'd done it multiple times before, and he'd tried so many times to do the same for this, but he found himself completely and utterly incapable. What was it about now that made it so different?
'What's so special about now that makes me feel as if I still can't let him go, even after all this time and all that had happened between us? Even when he's made it clear that he doesn't care about me or anyone else? Honestly, I shouldn't STILL be harping on him like this; it's over. It's been over for a long time, what can't I SEE about that?'
Letting Sasuke go was, without a doubt, the all-time BIGGEST mistake of his life; he had decided that a long time ago. He should have fought harder, moved faster, put more power into his strikes, tried harder to talk him out of it. If he had only put more of what he had into stopping him, he would have been able to stay conscious those last, precious seconds and been able to subdue him enough to bring him back!
...Who was he kidding? He'd given it everything he had. Hell, he'd practically DIED trying! ...And yet the bastard had still been irrevocably bent on running to that manipulative snake-pedophile for assistance. He'd abandoned his friends and the people Naruto KNEW he still cared about for god-damned power! It was something that he himself wouldn't have ever DREAMED of doing just for the power needed to kill his own flesh and blood -if he had any, that is.
Of course, that was when he ignored the fact that Sasuke was extremely mentally unstable and went into uncontrollable homicidal psycho-mode when ever he even heard Itachi's name. It was times like these that always made Naruto wonder what Itachi could have possibly done to make his friend this way, and what had happened to finally disrupt the delicate balance that was Sasuke's sane mind, causing him to be that way almost all of the time, instead of only occasionally.
Sasuke had said that what he chose to do with himself was of no concern of anyone's but himself, that they gained nothing in caring about him. At first, Naruto had been shocked that he would even CONSIDER thinking that way about his sensei and teammates. Did he honestly not feel that companionship between them? He couldn't seriously be immune to that warm, comforting feeling of acceptance that could only be established between people who had known each other, fought beside (and with) each other, healed each other, received injuries with (and from) each other, and had fun with each other over the years?
Naruto knew how alike he and Sasuke were in terms of loneliness and lack of acceptance, that feeling of having no one to come to when your world came crashing down on you; and he had grown to cherish those precious moments and that feeling of kinmanship and acceptance within his team. He now understood how lucky he was to have that, seeing as he'd seen too many people without it, who were as lonely as he used to be. How could someone who was that lonely not eventually come to feel those emotions and make that connection when finally given the chance to?
Now, Naruto had to wonder if Sasuke had directed those cold, separating words more to himself than him. Thinking back over the years, he finally realized that Sasuke only tried to make people see him as a cold, unfeeling bastard for his own emotional protection; but unbeknownst to the teme, he'd witnessed several occasions that Sasuke felt the exact same things he did about the team, too. Truth be told, Naruto suspected that he felt those emotions even more strongly than he did himself.
And yet, he still pushed them all away for power...
That was probably what perplexed Naruto the most about his mentally unstable friend. If he hadn't read Sasuke incorrectly (and yes, there was a small chance that he had) then for Kami's sake, why the hell did he throw it all away? He wasn't so stupid as to classify those emotions as insignificant, was he? Or worse still, was he stupid enough to be completely oblivious to it all?
It was thoughts and times like these that made Naruto wonder what kind of difference he would have made, if he'd only said what he'd been REALLY feeling at the time, when Sasuke had told him that he considered him to be his best friend and most important person. When Sasuke had told him that because he was the person he cherished the most, there was use in killing him, in that seemingly uncaring way of his. Of course, those feelings weren't as clear back then as they were now, but there was still no mistaking them.
Naruto wondered if those feelings and the guilt he harbored for not telling Sasuke about them when he had the chance (and possibly changing the outcome of the entire mission) were what was stopping him from letting the teme go and finally moving on. He supposed that he hadn't said anything was because he'd been stupid enough to think that, even in homicidal psycho-mode, Sasuke would be able to see them in written on his face and in his eyes, as plain as day.
Of course he hadn't. Sasuke had never been a genius at interpreting the emotions others were displaying. When Naruto had finally regained consciousness after their fight, the agony he was suffering, physically, was absolutely nothing in comparison to the pain being reaped upon his heart. He felt as if his heart were glass and had been shattered into millions of tiny pieces bent on digging only their sharpest points into him. He felt as if he had a gaping wound in his side and a neon sign above his head there to proclaim it to the world. With Sasuke's betrayal, a part of him had died, and he had never been the same after that.
They needed to talk, it was inevitable now. He wanted to see him again, he wanted answers, and he wanted to bring the heart-breaking bastard back home -or, at least, finally tell Sasuke how he felt about him. He knew that he couldn't force the maggot to do anything he didn't want to do, but he cared too much not to at least let him know that he cared. It was up to him to decide from there on out.
Who knows? Maybe it would be enough to finally convince him to come back. Naruto wasn't keeping his hopes very high, though.
That was the only reason he had agreed to go on this mission. He was going to going to attempt to bring Sasuke back one more time before he gave up on it, for good.
------------------
Ha! Thought you got rid of me, didn't you? I have to say, I'm REALLY sorry that this didn't appear the first time I posted it, I had no idea until I got a review telling me about how things like that sometimes happened...
Anyway, this is just a little reminder that I love reviews and constructive criticism, and without them, I see absolutely no reason in continuing a piece of writing, so PLEASE R and R! ^-^''
Oh yeah, and I love getting flames. No, seriously, I do! You just don't want to know what I do with them...
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