Categories > Anime/Manga > Gravitation > This Stretch of Road
This Stretch of Road
Chapter 4
A month later, I have become accustomed to Kitazawa's constant presence. I see no other ghosts even though he's with me all the time, regardless if I'm performing rites or banging someone. It should sound kinky and annoying but I figured that he's done worse during his lifetime. He's in no position to judge my lifestyle. Anyway, for his benefit, I've curtailed my hedonistic undertakings since that day that I had to take care of the fish so he doesn't have to endure anything much. But he does keep reminding me of my duties and appearances. I have to be kind, courteous and responsible. Hah! As if I'm not all that already to begin with.
Sure. Only when somebody's looking.
Really, I'm smarter than I look. In other words, I'm smarter than my brother. Funny, na? I want the best of both worlds. I want a fallback in case I don't become Sakuma-san's wife in the future who lives off his enormous fortune. Eiri is an irreverent punk who's fiercely independent because he knows he has talent and he has put away enough booty to hire an entire squad of people who will take care of him when he grows old and senile, from the chauffeur to the girls in his harem. It all boils down to how strong my hold in this world is. I - a student who's almost always flat broke - need to smooch ass in order to sustain my secret lifestyle. And it's a secret because if the people whose asses - mainly my dad's friends - I polish find out about what I do to and with their girls and sons, they'll realize my utter lack of sincerity. It's obvious that it would only be too easy for these flings of mine to blackmail me. That is if I'm not able to find anything blackmail-worthy in their bedrooms first. I have two boxes of such material at home, hidden underneath loose floorboards covered by my desk. I am after all, however indirectly, related to Seguchi Tohma. And just like him, I believe that survival's just a matter of leverage.
It's a sweet deal, my life, I realize. I only want to end it because dad's pressuring me to accept the responsibility of being the monk of this temple and forget about the possibility of Eiri's ever assuming it. The old fart also wants me to take a sabbatical on my studies and go for further ascetic training in the mountains to rid me of my unnatural devotion to my God, Sakuma-sama. What the hell is his hurry?
Now that I think about it, it might not be too late to kill myself.
Or maybe I'll just go along with Kitazawa for now and see where his guidance takes me. He's telling me to be nice to my dad but wouldn't tell me why. Maybe he'll slip now. Better not start the question with why.
"Hey, care to tell me the significance of my blind obedience to father?"
"Kid, I spent nearly half of my life dealing with words and sentence structures, you're not going to get it out of me that easy," he says with an insulted expression.
"It's worth a try."
"Forget it. Your father is headed this way."
It's worth noting that my father has been greatly pleased with my behavior as of late. He's also popping in and out of the house at random times lately. Meetings and stuff, he'd say. What else could a monk be doing by being outside for so long? Once though, Mika went with him to Buddha knows where and they never told me what it was about. Perhaps, I should also admit that at that time, I didn't care enough to ask. I've grown accustomed to his absence. They were cutting me some slack, why question it? It's especially irksome for me if my father's around because he keeps giving orders as if I were a messenger for a battalion instead of a single underage civilian. Also, I keep biting back my ripostes to Kitazawa's jocund monologues and it's driving me crazy. I know he means no harm and he's not even trying to insult me but it's difficult to not react to someone who's incessantly seeking your attention.
"Tatsuha, your hair needs trimming. I don't want you to resemble your irresponsible brother. Take a break and get yourself a haircut," father announces. He hands me enough money to get a haircut and a massage. Not bad, eh?
And then my father continues, "Why not shave it all off?"
Ick. My hair stands up on its ends. Kitazawa's laughter serves as background music to my horror.
I'd rather look like a disgruntled salaryman. Kitazawa stops laughing and starts singing "The House of the Rising Sun" because he thinks it's funny. He sways between fond gaiety to grave reticence. If he had sung in front of Eiri like that back when he was alive, Eiri would have had enough reason to shoot him.
How long must I put up with this lively ghost?
- - -
It's afternoon already and I've finished my chores. I head to the barber that our family knows in the closest commercial district on foot because it's such a nice day. And because I'm saving my gas for my next trip to Tokyo. Anyway, this barber has a daughter who once jumped off a bridge. She did that because her father disapproved of her being in a rock band. I, for one, couldn't blame her father's stand against her for the sole reason that one could get more entertainment from painting pedestrian lanes with White Out than listening to their music. But back to the story, instead of running away, she tried to prove her point and go through the theatrics of the jumping-off-a-bridge-you-can't-stop-me process. So she jumped, landed flat against the water and broke some ribs but didn't die. Of course, the paramedics standing by were able to save her. Unfortunately for her, there was a lot of pain because of the bruises and fractured bones and there's only so much morphine a body can take. In short, it was a fiasco. She compounded her emotional pain with the harrowing physical type. Her family was disgraced, her college fund was used to cover for her hospital bills, she was disowned by her father, her treasured band fell apart and she's now considered as a social outcast.
Yeah, it's sad, cruel and unfair.
If that happened to me, I'll bet my sweet ass Tohma would do everything in his power to hush the whole incident up and Mika, wracked by guilt for leaving me in Kyoto, would enlist the services of the most expensive shrink she could find. Father would tell me I'm weak and realize that I'm unfit to be his successor and then he'd pester Eiri into coming back which would then cause Eiri to return to the temple (if only to placate father until he dies) and be all gloomy-like. That would mean he and Shuichi wouldn't be getting any and boy, nothing spells catastrophe better than that. Shuichi would give ennui a whole new definition with the aid of his collection of kinky costumes. Their crazy manager would literally pull out the big guns and get to the bottom of it. Or the bottom of me - my ass, I mean. And I would be history before the handsomely compensated shrink can make any progress with my head.
Note to self: Never make any half-assed attempts at suicide. I might get off worse than the barber's daughter.
"What are you thinking of?" Kitazawa asks as he walks beside me.
"Just wondering what it would be like if my family finds out that I honestly want to off myself." I'm really just speculating here objectively. Not fishing for sympathy. My disconnection from the world prevents me from feeling the need for it. And even if I were, what kind of sympathy would I get from a dead man?
"Your sister will feel sad and guilty. Eiri...I don't know Eiri anymore so I don't know how he'll react."
"Yeah...he'll probably tell me that he could use me as material for his next novel.1"
"And Tohma will think it's an inconvenient time for you to be interested in drama."
I laugh at that and ignore the people who give me looks of astonishment. He probably knows Tohma better than I do so I couldn't argue. We're now at the building where the barbershop's at and I enter it.
- - -
On our way home, content with my hairstyle, I see the car of the family's lawyer, Matsumoto-san, heading out of the narrow but long and winding driveway of the temple. His face is set in a grim expression and contrary to the usual practice he doesn't even give me a nod when we cross each other's path. Did he even see me at all? I wonder what his business with father is. I continue my way up and see Mika's fully loaded Slate Gray Porsche Carrera GT. I think she only bought it to annoy my brother-in-law.
I'd ask her if I could take it out on a spin but there are a lot of questions going through my head right now. I'm sure the answers involve father. Mika's the only one who might be willing to give me information and I know I'd find her in the kitchen, preparing a meal for the three of us. She always does that whenever she comes home, as if it's the only way to make herself settle more easily at her old home after spending so much time in a fast-paced and high class lifestyle. Or as I like to call it: de-glamourization.
I enter the kitchen and see Mika crying over slices of onions.
"Aneki, it's been a while," I greet her without inflection in my voice.
She looks up in surprise and frantically wipes her eyes with the sleeves of her turquoise sweater. "Oh, Tatsuha!" She comes near me and gives me a hug. Well, this is bizarre. My siblings are the least touchy-feely people I know.
"What's up with Dad?" I decide to cut through the chase.
Mika doesn't answer immediately. She purses her lips and goes to the sink to wash her hands. She takes her sweet time doing it. She begins explaining but doesn't look at me: "Father's not well. His heart is failing. I have just convinced him to stay in the hospital where people can take care of him in case...in case..." At this, she falls on her knees and starts weeping openly. I turn to Kitazawa for any clues but he's not even looking at me. I'm able to put the pieces together now. He knew about this. That's why he keeps on harping about my duties and manners! But that's not what's important now. I kneel beside Mika and put my arms around her shoulders. This feels so awkward. I ask her: "How long have you known?"
"Only for the past month. I couldn't tell you because it's already too late. Father has been going to his regular monthly checkups but every time I ask him about the doctor's diagnosis, he tells me he's fine. When I visited last month, I saw the doctor's diagnosis and prescriptions on his dresser..."
"Then how long? Is there a cure for this?"
Mika doesn't answer but just shakes her head, her face buried in my shoulder, her tears soaking my shirt.
I'm surprisingly calm about all this. I guess it would take a little longer for things to sink in. What would probably hurt me later is the fact that I have been so wrapped around myself, I never even noticed my father is terminally ill. And I expect the pain to persist because fact is one of the most stubborn things in this world.
TBC
1 A tribute to HRT's Aschenmonch story wherein Eiri asks Tatsuha for permission to use the incident that transpired in one of his stories.
Note: I'm starting to regret that I did this in the First Person and in the Present Tense. It's so hard to plant plot details and the terminations of chapters come too close to one another. Or maybe I'm just not used to it. I'll think more on this later. And just in case anybody's wondering, eventual pairing is TatsuhaxRyuichixTatsuha. There's also another person to which I'll pair Tatsuha with to make things juicier. Comments and criticisms are welcome.
Chapter 4
A month later, I have become accustomed to Kitazawa's constant presence. I see no other ghosts even though he's with me all the time, regardless if I'm performing rites or banging someone. It should sound kinky and annoying but I figured that he's done worse during his lifetime. He's in no position to judge my lifestyle. Anyway, for his benefit, I've curtailed my hedonistic undertakings since that day that I had to take care of the fish so he doesn't have to endure anything much. But he does keep reminding me of my duties and appearances. I have to be kind, courteous and responsible. Hah! As if I'm not all that already to begin with.
Sure. Only when somebody's looking.
Really, I'm smarter than I look. In other words, I'm smarter than my brother. Funny, na? I want the best of both worlds. I want a fallback in case I don't become Sakuma-san's wife in the future who lives off his enormous fortune. Eiri is an irreverent punk who's fiercely independent because he knows he has talent and he has put away enough booty to hire an entire squad of people who will take care of him when he grows old and senile, from the chauffeur to the girls in his harem. It all boils down to how strong my hold in this world is. I - a student who's almost always flat broke - need to smooch ass in order to sustain my secret lifestyle. And it's a secret because if the people whose asses - mainly my dad's friends - I polish find out about what I do to and with their girls and sons, they'll realize my utter lack of sincerity. It's obvious that it would only be too easy for these flings of mine to blackmail me. That is if I'm not able to find anything blackmail-worthy in their bedrooms first. I have two boxes of such material at home, hidden underneath loose floorboards covered by my desk. I am after all, however indirectly, related to Seguchi Tohma. And just like him, I believe that survival's just a matter of leverage.
It's a sweet deal, my life, I realize. I only want to end it because dad's pressuring me to accept the responsibility of being the monk of this temple and forget about the possibility of Eiri's ever assuming it. The old fart also wants me to take a sabbatical on my studies and go for further ascetic training in the mountains to rid me of my unnatural devotion to my God, Sakuma-sama. What the hell is his hurry?
Now that I think about it, it might not be too late to kill myself.
Or maybe I'll just go along with Kitazawa for now and see where his guidance takes me. He's telling me to be nice to my dad but wouldn't tell me why. Maybe he'll slip now. Better not start the question with why.
"Hey, care to tell me the significance of my blind obedience to father?"
"Kid, I spent nearly half of my life dealing with words and sentence structures, you're not going to get it out of me that easy," he says with an insulted expression.
"It's worth a try."
"Forget it. Your father is headed this way."
It's worth noting that my father has been greatly pleased with my behavior as of late. He's also popping in and out of the house at random times lately. Meetings and stuff, he'd say. What else could a monk be doing by being outside for so long? Once though, Mika went with him to Buddha knows where and they never told me what it was about. Perhaps, I should also admit that at that time, I didn't care enough to ask. I've grown accustomed to his absence. They were cutting me some slack, why question it? It's especially irksome for me if my father's around because he keeps giving orders as if I were a messenger for a battalion instead of a single underage civilian. Also, I keep biting back my ripostes to Kitazawa's jocund monologues and it's driving me crazy. I know he means no harm and he's not even trying to insult me but it's difficult to not react to someone who's incessantly seeking your attention.
"Tatsuha, your hair needs trimming. I don't want you to resemble your irresponsible brother. Take a break and get yourself a haircut," father announces. He hands me enough money to get a haircut and a massage. Not bad, eh?
And then my father continues, "Why not shave it all off?"
Ick. My hair stands up on its ends. Kitazawa's laughter serves as background music to my horror.
I'd rather look like a disgruntled salaryman. Kitazawa stops laughing and starts singing "The House of the Rising Sun" because he thinks it's funny. He sways between fond gaiety to grave reticence. If he had sung in front of Eiri like that back when he was alive, Eiri would have had enough reason to shoot him.
How long must I put up with this lively ghost?
- - -
It's afternoon already and I've finished my chores. I head to the barber that our family knows in the closest commercial district on foot because it's such a nice day. And because I'm saving my gas for my next trip to Tokyo. Anyway, this barber has a daughter who once jumped off a bridge. She did that because her father disapproved of her being in a rock band. I, for one, couldn't blame her father's stand against her for the sole reason that one could get more entertainment from painting pedestrian lanes with White Out than listening to their music. But back to the story, instead of running away, she tried to prove her point and go through the theatrics of the jumping-off-a-bridge-you-can't-stop-me process. So she jumped, landed flat against the water and broke some ribs but didn't die. Of course, the paramedics standing by were able to save her. Unfortunately for her, there was a lot of pain because of the bruises and fractured bones and there's only so much morphine a body can take. In short, it was a fiasco. She compounded her emotional pain with the harrowing physical type. Her family was disgraced, her college fund was used to cover for her hospital bills, she was disowned by her father, her treasured band fell apart and she's now considered as a social outcast.
Yeah, it's sad, cruel and unfair.
If that happened to me, I'll bet my sweet ass Tohma would do everything in his power to hush the whole incident up and Mika, wracked by guilt for leaving me in Kyoto, would enlist the services of the most expensive shrink she could find. Father would tell me I'm weak and realize that I'm unfit to be his successor and then he'd pester Eiri into coming back which would then cause Eiri to return to the temple (if only to placate father until he dies) and be all gloomy-like. That would mean he and Shuichi wouldn't be getting any and boy, nothing spells catastrophe better than that. Shuichi would give ennui a whole new definition with the aid of his collection of kinky costumes. Their crazy manager would literally pull out the big guns and get to the bottom of it. Or the bottom of me - my ass, I mean. And I would be history before the handsomely compensated shrink can make any progress with my head.
Note to self: Never make any half-assed attempts at suicide. I might get off worse than the barber's daughter.
"What are you thinking of?" Kitazawa asks as he walks beside me.
"Just wondering what it would be like if my family finds out that I honestly want to off myself." I'm really just speculating here objectively. Not fishing for sympathy. My disconnection from the world prevents me from feeling the need for it. And even if I were, what kind of sympathy would I get from a dead man?
"Your sister will feel sad and guilty. Eiri...I don't know Eiri anymore so I don't know how he'll react."
"Yeah...he'll probably tell me that he could use me as material for his next novel.1"
"And Tohma will think it's an inconvenient time for you to be interested in drama."
I laugh at that and ignore the people who give me looks of astonishment. He probably knows Tohma better than I do so I couldn't argue. We're now at the building where the barbershop's at and I enter it.
- - -
On our way home, content with my hairstyle, I see the car of the family's lawyer, Matsumoto-san, heading out of the narrow but long and winding driveway of the temple. His face is set in a grim expression and contrary to the usual practice he doesn't even give me a nod when we cross each other's path. Did he even see me at all? I wonder what his business with father is. I continue my way up and see Mika's fully loaded Slate Gray Porsche Carrera GT. I think she only bought it to annoy my brother-in-law.
I'd ask her if I could take it out on a spin but there are a lot of questions going through my head right now. I'm sure the answers involve father. Mika's the only one who might be willing to give me information and I know I'd find her in the kitchen, preparing a meal for the three of us. She always does that whenever she comes home, as if it's the only way to make herself settle more easily at her old home after spending so much time in a fast-paced and high class lifestyle. Or as I like to call it: de-glamourization.
I enter the kitchen and see Mika crying over slices of onions.
"Aneki, it's been a while," I greet her without inflection in my voice.
She looks up in surprise and frantically wipes her eyes with the sleeves of her turquoise sweater. "Oh, Tatsuha!" She comes near me and gives me a hug. Well, this is bizarre. My siblings are the least touchy-feely people I know.
"What's up with Dad?" I decide to cut through the chase.
Mika doesn't answer immediately. She purses her lips and goes to the sink to wash her hands. She takes her sweet time doing it. She begins explaining but doesn't look at me: "Father's not well. His heart is failing. I have just convinced him to stay in the hospital where people can take care of him in case...in case..." At this, she falls on her knees and starts weeping openly. I turn to Kitazawa for any clues but he's not even looking at me. I'm able to put the pieces together now. He knew about this. That's why he keeps on harping about my duties and manners! But that's not what's important now. I kneel beside Mika and put my arms around her shoulders. This feels so awkward. I ask her: "How long have you known?"
"Only for the past month. I couldn't tell you because it's already too late. Father has been going to his regular monthly checkups but every time I ask him about the doctor's diagnosis, he tells me he's fine. When I visited last month, I saw the doctor's diagnosis and prescriptions on his dresser..."
"Then how long? Is there a cure for this?"
Mika doesn't answer but just shakes her head, her face buried in my shoulder, her tears soaking my shirt.
I'm surprisingly calm about all this. I guess it would take a little longer for things to sink in. What would probably hurt me later is the fact that I have been so wrapped around myself, I never even noticed my father is terminally ill. And I expect the pain to persist because fact is one of the most stubborn things in this world.
TBC
1 A tribute to HRT's Aschenmonch story wherein Eiri asks Tatsuha for permission to use the incident that transpired in one of his stories.
Note: I'm starting to regret that I did this in the First Person and in the Present Tense. It's so hard to plant plot details and the terminations of chapters come too close to one another. Or maybe I'm just not used to it. I'll think more on this later. And just in case anybody's wondering, eventual pairing is TatsuhaxRyuichixTatsuha. There's also another person to which I'll pair Tatsuha with to make things juicier. Comments and criticisms are welcome.
Sign up to rate and review this story