Categories > Anime/Manga > Gravitation > This Stretch of Road
This Stretch of Road
Chapter 5
Night has already fallen. After our strange and emotional episode in the kitchen, Mika went to her old room, unable to finish cooking the meal. No dinner for both of us then. No appetite to speak of either.
I can hear the shrill noise created by the cicadas from outside my room. If I concentrate on it hard enough, their noise will meld with the long beep that plays in my head when there's nothing else to listen to. Perhaps, I should put on my earphones and drown my problems with Sakuma-san's voice. Perhaps not. I know how painful it is when I come crashing back to this dry existence.
Perhaps calling Eiri could help. I don't know. It would really hurt if he doesn't care. He and father have not genuinely talked for over five years now. If he doesn't care, it's easy to imagine what his reaction would be if either Mika or I died and I'd rather not confirm my suspicions about that right now. Not when there's too much to handle all at once. I go to my futon and sit on it in the lotus position but with my arms folded.
Father's dying and a large part of what's bothering me is the fact that my time to replace him as the monk of this temple will come sooner than expected. Is that selfish or what? I will be an orphan before I can have the license to vote. Like little Oliver Twist who was asking for more.
More what?
More justice in this world, that's what. This world is a goddamn fucking soup full of stinking cabbage.
"I'm sorry," Kitazawa breaks the silence and this time, I can't find the words to say to him. I look at him while he stands by the doorway.
"Look, I think we need to talk and I know you can't fully express yourself here so...would you like to go somewhere else? I need your trust but you have a lot of questions and if I don't answer what I can, we'll be going nowhere. Not without your trust."
Opening my mouth seems like a lot of trouble for me. Yes, I have a couple of burning questions but I just feel like going into a deep trance and entering another dimension where I'm just imagining all of this. Anyway, I just shrug my shoulders and stand up, gathering my wallet and my IPod.
"Please don't bring that along. I'm dead and invisible and I don't want another excuse for humans to not notice me. It's so rude when people put on their earphones when they have company. Alive or otherwise."
I couldn't help but wipe my face with my hand in exasperation. "Fine," I say and put down the player on the books beside my futon. The sliding door makes little sound as I walk out of it, too soft to be heard above the din of the insects.
We should take the motorcycle. I have a feeling that I don't need to save gas.
But wait...
Why not take Mika's car? She's depressed. She'll agree to anything.
- - - - - -
After driving around the narrow but deserted streets of Kyoto in Mika's car, letting off steam, I find myself lying on my back on one of the benches in the deeper part of the park, staring at the night sky. If anyone sees me speaking when there's nobody around, they'd just assume I'm talking to myself and certainly, not to a ghost who's hovering over me.
"So you knew." I decide to begin the conversation with the foremost topic in my head.
"Yes. You were thinking too hard about it during the whole ride."
"Yeah. Among other things. What else do you know that I don't about stuff that concerns me?"
"There's a lot but most of them, I can't tell you. This may be beyond the realm of your understanding but I was sent here with powers and knowledge that live humans don't have. With these abilities come some rules and there are penalties if I ever break any of them. I have to gain your trust and tell you what you must do to reach our goals easier but I can't tell you exactly what the future contains if you pick this or that road. And I can't deceive you either (if you can believe me). Neither can I forcibly stop you from making your own decisions."
"What would happen if you break a rule?"
"I'll be sent away from you for a certain amount of time depending on the gravity of my mistake. As for the punishment, don't even ask because I'm not allowed to tell you either."
"It's all so different from what I imagine afterlife would be. I used to think that after we die, we go to some psychedelic place where people keep floating around, being happy that it is the end of the road and that they have to wait for nothing else."
"It's not like some New Age shit, that's for sure. But don't think about it too much now. Why don't you allow yourself to be surprised when the time comes? No amount of words could describe it anyway so it would be futile to spend time imagining it."
"You've got a point. Anyway, does it mean you can't tell me how long father has?"
"You can always ask your sister. Once she gets her stuff together, that is. She's under too much stress nowadays. And there's always the good doctor."
"I guess I would have to continue playing the good son then."
"If you trust me, then you should."'
"Is it bad if I'm obedient to you even if I have a lot of reservations about this? You always tell me to trust you but I'm not sure if I really do..."
"And the only reason you're following what I tell you is because it doesn't seem that bad of an advice?"
"Pretty much. I mean I really have to be kind to my father because I don't want him to leave this world thinking that he failed me as a father too so even if you don't tell me to, I might have done it anyway."
"I can see that we're going to have problems in the future. I would have to prove to you that I am here with good intentions and I have the capacity to deliver what I promised."
"Well, that's one problem settled but not finished. What about father? I'm only 17. Someone would have to take me in. Or if things go the other way, even if I can manage my affairs on my own, being the head monk of an established temple is a daunting task."
"That'll probably be the least of your worries. You have two very rich siblings who can put you up without making a dent in their pockets. Also, you're an independent person so they wouldn't need to check on you very often. If you have to run the temple, your father has a lot of friends who can assist you and I'm sure he has talked to somebody about it." Kitazawa pauses for a second, purses his lips and shakes his head before continuing: "Forgive me for asking but why are you being so selfish?"
"Huh?"
"All you were asking about is your welfare. Do you realize that your father is going through a very difficult time? His eldest daughter is leading a very busy life. He and his eldest son have alienated each other. And you, you aren't even out of high school yet and he's going to die without knowing you or what you really want to do."
I lift my head to look at him for a second in puzzlement. How come he's suddenly so indignant? "What the heck, man?"
"I'm sorry I got carried away. Let's get back. You need rest because you're in for a wild week."
"What's going to happen?" I ask as I get ready to stand up from the bench.
"That, my friend, you will have to see for yourself."
"Who told you we're friends?"
He just laughs my question off.
- - - - - -
It's 8 am in the morning. I am standing outside Mika's door, listening to the silence. When some people are depressed, they cry. Like Shuichi. Others overeat. Like Ayaka1. Others, like me and Eiri, get laid. Others like Sakano-san, vacillate between being a part of the wall and evaporating as a cloud. Others, like Tohma-niisan - gee, I don't know if he ever gets depressed. Anyway, Mika, when depressed, cries first and then withdraws to herself later. Opposite of her normal proactive, decidedly meddlesome self, she just keeps to herself and more importantly, keeps so quiet and inconspicuous you don't even know she's there. That's when you know it's really bad. Later, when she's had enough drama, she'll emerge as the queen mother of all bitches.
There's one thing though that bothers me. I might be wrong - and it's shameless of me to suggest it - but maybe there's something else bothering Mika. My dad's dying, yeah but, she's old and self-sufficient and she has lived without father for so long that it's strange for her to be this near a nervous breakdown just because she found out that he kept it from everyone that he's dying.
"Aneki, it's time to come out. Father's waiting for us in the hospital. He just called." I explain to her door.
A few moments later, the shouji slides open with a bang. My sister comes out looking exhausted but still glamorous. She's wearing a leather A-line skirt and a green and white striped asymmetrical top. She must have been anticipating this. Otherwise, it would have taken her a whole hour to decide what to wear.
"I better not see a fucking dent anywhere in my car..." she says with enough venom to make me wince. She grabs for the keys that I'm holding and stomps off in her Blahniks.
- - - - - -
That went well. I didn't cry (I was overcome with shock) when the doctor told us Father has a little over a month to live but I cried a little when Father was talking to me. I couldn't help it. I was humbled. He kept going on about how admirable my behavior has been and that it was more than he could have hoped for. Then I cried a little more when we got to the elevator after I realized that he's letting me go; he has seen my efforts despite my ill-concealed restlessness and because of that, he has realized that with a little perseverance, I might find contentment in a place outside the temple. He proudly states that he has no fear of leaving this sphere when his youngest son is capable of looking after himself and his happiness. And ultimately, that's what he wants for the three of us. He told me with acuity that is frightening in dying people: "I don't want to leave you with a legacy that you will regard as a sentence. It is disrespectful for the temple and demeaning to your endeavor to make this old man happy."
Okay, I didn't cry a little; I cried a lot. I was such a mess that I couldn't concentrate enough when he was talking to Mika. A while ago, I was no different from the snotty-nosed four-year old brat who had clung to her sister for comfort as their mother lay on the hospital bed, pallid and unresponsive.
And now we are headed home in Mika's car. The straining emotions in the car might be grating on my dead companion. On the backseat, he's humming a strange and melancholy song called "Whiter Shade of Pale" and by golly, if he means anything more by it, I don't know what the heck it is.
- - - - - -
We arrive home and see a Bentley parked in Mika's usual spot. The only person I know it could belong to is...
"Mika-san, Tatsuha-kun, welcome back," my brother-in-law announces as he stretches out his hands in greeting.
"What are you doing here?" Mika asks at the same time that Kitazawa asks, "What is he doing here?" I've never heard Kitazawa's tone sound so full of malice.
Mika's manner is cold. She keeps her arms folded even as Tohma approaches her, holding his hands out to take hers. She ignores his gesture and walks towards the direction of the living area, knowing that Tohma has no other choice but to follow.
When they were out of earshot, I realize something and say to Kitazawa: "Marriage problem." Perhaps, this is the other thing that's bothering Mika.
And he answers: "A marriage problem where there ought no to be. They call it trouble in paradise."
TBC
Chapter 5
Night has already fallen. After our strange and emotional episode in the kitchen, Mika went to her old room, unable to finish cooking the meal. No dinner for both of us then. No appetite to speak of either.
I can hear the shrill noise created by the cicadas from outside my room. If I concentrate on it hard enough, their noise will meld with the long beep that plays in my head when there's nothing else to listen to. Perhaps, I should put on my earphones and drown my problems with Sakuma-san's voice. Perhaps not. I know how painful it is when I come crashing back to this dry existence.
Perhaps calling Eiri could help. I don't know. It would really hurt if he doesn't care. He and father have not genuinely talked for over five years now. If he doesn't care, it's easy to imagine what his reaction would be if either Mika or I died and I'd rather not confirm my suspicions about that right now. Not when there's too much to handle all at once. I go to my futon and sit on it in the lotus position but with my arms folded.
Father's dying and a large part of what's bothering me is the fact that my time to replace him as the monk of this temple will come sooner than expected. Is that selfish or what? I will be an orphan before I can have the license to vote. Like little Oliver Twist who was asking for more.
More what?
More justice in this world, that's what. This world is a goddamn fucking soup full of stinking cabbage.
"I'm sorry," Kitazawa breaks the silence and this time, I can't find the words to say to him. I look at him while he stands by the doorway.
"Look, I think we need to talk and I know you can't fully express yourself here so...would you like to go somewhere else? I need your trust but you have a lot of questions and if I don't answer what I can, we'll be going nowhere. Not without your trust."
Opening my mouth seems like a lot of trouble for me. Yes, I have a couple of burning questions but I just feel like going into a deep trance and entering another dimension where I'm just imagining all of this. Anyway, I just shrug my shoulders and stand up, gathering my wallet and my IPod.
"Please don't bring that along. I'm dead and invisible and I don't want another excuse for humans to not notice me. It's so rude when people put on their earphones when they have company. Alive or otherwise."
I couldn't help but wipe my face with my hand in exasperation. "Fine," I say and put down the player on the books beside my futon. The sliding door makes little sound as I walk out of it, too soft to be heard above the din of the insects.
We should take the motorcycle. I have a feeling that I don't need to save gas.
But wait...
Why not take Mika's car? She's depressed. She'll agree to anything.
- - - - - -
After driving around the narrow but deserted streets of Kyoto in Mika's car, letting off steam, I find myself lying on my back on one of the benches in the deeper part of the park, staring at the night sky. If anyone sees me speaking when there's nobody around, they'd just assume I'm talking to myself and certainly, not to a ghost who's hovering over me.
"So you knew." I decide to begin the conversation with the foremost topic in my head.
"Yes. You were thinking too hard about it during the whole ride."
"Yeah. Among other things. What else do you know that I don't about stuff that concerns me?"
"There's a lot but most of them, I can't tell you. This may be beyond the realm of your understanding but I was sent here with powers and knowledge that live humans don't have. With these abilities come some rules and there are penalties if I ever break any of them. I have to gain your trust and tell you what you must do to reach our goals easier but I can't tell you exactly what the future contains if you pick this or that road. And I can't deceive you either (if you can believe me). Neither can I forcibly stop you from making your own decisions."
"What would happen if you break a rule?"
"I'll be sent away from you for a certain amount of time depending on the gravity of my mistake. As for the punishment, don't even ask because I'm not allowed to tell you either."
"It's all so different from what I imagine afterlife would be. I used to think that after we die, we go to some psychedelic place where people keep floating around, being happy that it is the end of the road and that they have to wait for nothing else."
"It's not like some New Age shit, that's for sure. But don't think about it too much now. Why don't you allow yourself to be surprised when the time comes? No amount of words could describe it anyway so it would be futile to spend time imagining it."
"You've got a point. Anyway, does it mean you can't tell me how long father has?"
"You can always ask your sister. Once she gets her stuff together, that is. She's under too much stress nowadays. And there's always the good doctor."
"I guess I would have to continue playing the good son then."
"If you trust me, then you should."'
"Is it bad if I'm obedient to you even if I have a lot of reservations about this? You always tell me to trust you but I'm not sure if I really do..."
"And the only reason you're following what I tell you is because it doesn't seem that bad of an advice?"
"Pretty much. I mean I really have to be kind to my father because I don't want him to leave this world thinking that he failed me as a father too so even if you don't tell me to, I might have done it anyway."
"I can see that we're going to have problems in the future. I would have to prove to you that I am here with good intentions and I have the capacity to deliver what I promised."
"Well, that's one problem settled but not finished. What about father? I'm only 17. Someone would have to take me in. Or if things go the other way, even if I can manage my affairs on my own, being the head monk of an established temple is a daunting task."
"That'll probably be the least of your worries. You have two very rich siblings who can put you up without making a dent in their pockets. Also, you're an independent person so they wouldn't need to check on you very often. If you have to run the temple, your father has a lot of friends who can assist you and I'm sure he has talked to somebody about it." Kitazawa pauses for a second, purses his lips and shakes his head before continuing: "Forgive me for asking but why are you being so selfish?"
"Huh?"
"All you were asking about is your welfare. Do you realize that your father is going through a very difficult time? His eldest daughter is leading a very busy life. He and his eldest son have alienated each other. And you, you aren't even out of high school yet and he's going to die without knowing you or what you really want to do."
I lift my head to look at him for a second in puzzlement. How come he's suddenly so indignant? "What the heck, man?"
"I'm sorry I got carried away. Let's get back. You need rest because you're in for a wild week."
"What's going to happen?" I ask as I get ready to stand up from the bench.
"That, my friend, you will have to see for yourself."
"Who told you we're friends?"
He just laughs my question off.
- - - - - -
It's 8 am in the morning. I am standing outside Mika's door, listening to the silence. When some people are depressed, they cry. Like Shuichi. Others overeat. Like Ayaka1. Others, like me and Eiri, get laid. Others like Sakano-san, vacillate between being a part of the wall and evaporating as a cloud. Others, like Tohma-niisan - gee, I don't know if he ever gets depressed. Anyway, Mika, when depressed, cries first and then withdraws to herself later. Opposite of her normal proactive, decidedly meddlesome self, she just keeps to herself and more importantly, keeps so quiet and inconspicuous you don't even know she's there. That's when you know it's really bad. Later, when she's had enough drama, she'll emerge as the queen mother of all bitches.
There's one thing though that bothers me. I might be wrong - and it's shameless of me to suggest it - but maybe there's something else bothering Mika. My dad's dying, yeah but, she's old and self-sufficient and she has lived without father for so long that it's strange for her to be this near a nervous breakdown just because she found out that he kept it from everyone that he's dying.
"Aneki, it's time to come out. Father's waiting for us in the hospital. He just called." I explain to her door.
A few moments later, the shouji slides open with a bang. My sister comes out looking exhausted but still glamorous. She's wearing a leather A-line skirt and a green and white striped asymmetrical top. She must have been anticipating this. Otherwise, it would have taken her a whole hour to decide what to wear.
"I better not see a fucking dent anywhere in my car..." she says with enough venom to make me wince. She grabs for the keys that I'm holding and stomps off in her Blahniks.
- - - - - -
That went well. I didn't cry (I was overcome with shock) when the doctor told us Father has a little over a month to live but I cried a little when Father was talking to me. I couldn't help it. I was humbled. He kept going on about how admirable my behavior has been and that it was more than he could have hoped for. Then I cried a little more when we got to the elevator after I realized that he's letting me go; he has seen my efforts despite my ill-concealed restlessness and because of that, he has realized that with a little perseverance, I might find contentment in a place outside the temple. He proudly states that he has no fear of leaving this sphere when his youngest son is capable of looking after himself and his happiness. And ultimately, that's what he wants for the three of us. He told me with acuity that is frightening in dying people: "I don't want to leave you with a legacy that you will regard as a sentence. It is disrespectful for the temple and demeaning to your endeavor to make this old man happy."
Okay, I didn't cry a little; I cried a lot. I was such a mess that I couldn't concentrate enough when he was talking to Mika. A while ago, I was no different from the snotty-nosed four-year old brat who had clung to her sister for comfort as their mother lay on the hospital bed, pallid and unresponsive.
And now we are headed home in Mika's car. The straining emotions in the car might be grating on my dead companion. On the backseat, he's humming a strange and melancholy song called "Whiter Shade of Pale" and by golly, if he means anything more by it, I don't know what the heck it is.
- - - - - -
We arrive home and see a Bentley parked in Mika's usual spot. The only person I know it could belong to is...
"Mika-san, Tatsuha-kun, welcome back," my brother-in-law announces as he stretches out his hands in greeting.
"What are you doing here?" Mika asks at the same time that Kitazawa asks, "What is he doing here?" I've never heard Kitazawa's tone sound so full of malice.
Mika's manner is cold. She keeps her arms folded even as Tohma approaches her, holding his hands out to take hers. She ignores his gesture and walks towards the direction of the living area, knowing that Tohma has no other choice but to follow.
When they were out of earshot, I realize something and say to Kitazawa: "Marriage problem." Perhaps, this is the other thing that's bothering Mika.
And he answers: "A marriage problem where there ought no to be. They call it trouble in paradise."
TBC
Sign up to rate and review this story