Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Never in a million years
“Brian!” I said “Just cut to it. Did they want to sign us or not?” We were sitting in our apartment and Brian was there to drop some big news, as he had said.
“Yes, Reprise Records want to sign you!” Brain said and I threw myself around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Yeah, yeah. Does it really come as such a big surprise?”
It had gone a two weeks since our meeting with Brian and today was our first day of recording. We were discussing what songs we would record. I wasn’t really paying any attention to the discussion. I’d left my seat and was now staring out the windows that face the corridor of the building. On the other side it was a window just like ours and inside it was MCR’s studio. And there was Frank sitting alone in the middle of the room just playing on his guitar. The others were in here and discussed the songs. But Frank had homework to do as Gerard had called it.
“Do you agree Ebba?” I heard Ray say and I was brought back from my starring.
“What?”
“Do you agree that we should start recording love song, because of you and forgiven by noon and then see what next song we want to record?” Ray said a little annoyed for me not listening.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I guess,” he had just said that my three favourite songs I’ve written are those were recording first. “Only problem is that Forgiven at noon isn’t finished yet!”
“Make it finished then. Okay, moving along I think it’s a good idea to start recording guitar and then bas and drums,” Ray said and I thorn myself away from the window and retook my place next to Gerard. Who smiled against me without any reason? He is really weird sometimes.
“Shall we start then?” I asked and the rest and they agreed. I picked up my guitar and began to just mess around to get my fingers warm. Tove took hers too and we jammed together for a while. She is an amazing guitar player.
After another day of hard work in the studio I was all beat. Singing my lungs out for an entire day wasn’t the easiest.
“Okay Ebb, I think that’s good for today.” Ray said as we listened through the last recording of Stupid love song. The last ‘Dead’ made it’s way out the speakers and it went quiet.
“The song needs something,” I said.
“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing,” Mikey said and drowned down the last of his coffee. “What your plans for tonight then!” he asked. The clock was only five. We usually worked longer but today the guys had something to do and Julia was feeling ill. So we decided to take the night off.
“Nothing really,” I answered. “There are always boring stuff to do.”
“Why don’t you tag along to the party we haft to go to. The record company is making us. It’s going to be one of those boring celeb parties. But it would be nice if you tagged along!”
“You’re just asking me because Alicia is out of town and you don’t want to go alone!” I said.
“Well that one fact, but no I thought it would be nice!” he said.
“When you put it that way I’m going to make Tove go with me and you guys,” I said smiling.
“Okay, whatever,” He said and left. “We will pick you both up around eight. Gerard is driving.” He added.
“Do you know what time it is?” Tove yelled and rushed into my room already fully dressed.
“What?” I asked and looked up from my guitar.
“It’s 7.45. They will be here in ‘bout 15 min!” She said. “Can I borrow your red lipstick?” She asked and walked into my bathroom.
“WHAT?” I yelled. I had totally forgotten about the time. It often get that way when I write. I ran out of my bed and ran to my closet. And got dressed, I took a pair of black slim fitting jeans the red pumps. And a cool top that fitted to anything. I continued into the bathroom threw on a tick layer of black eye shadow. My hair looked pretty good already. I just sprayed some hairspray. I heard voices from the living room. The boys must be here. I just took the closest bag shoved down my sidekick and my wallet and headed out to the living room. Where I found Mikey, Frank and Gerard waiting. They both looked up and smiled at me. Frank even got up and walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“Must you wear heels? It makes me so much short than I already am,” Frank joked.
“But I like them,” I said.
“Maybe I could borrow your green one,” Frank said giving me that cute smile only he has and giggled. My heart melted with that and he took my hand and pulled me to the car. To make shore I didn’t fall on those high heels, as he said.
The party was pretty crowded and loud. So not like the parties back in Sweden. Everything over here was over the top. The music was louder; the people were drinking harder and dancing more. I saw familiar faces all over. Paris Hilton was dancing in the middle of it all with two big security guards around her. Pete Wentz was rocking the music table together with Jon Walker from Panic! At the disco. Both of them was jumping around and having a blast. I also saw William Beckett from the academy is… having a conversation with Travis from gym class heroes. And like that it went on. I looked around and noticed I was all alone. The others had left to do something else. I saw Tove kicking it out on the dance floor. Mikey had joined Pete and Jon. He didn’t jump as much as they did but looked like he enjoyed himself anyway. Gerard and Frank had both disappeared. I made my way to the bar thinking it would be a long night. I took the only seat left by the counter next to a man wearing a cap and a hood. His round pretty face looked familiar but I just couldn’t place it.
“Let me guess you really don’t wanna be here,” he said turning to her.
“I do, it just I had a long day!” I said resting my head in my hand.
“Tell me about it,” he said and took a sip of his diet coke. “If I would be in charge I’d chosen to be back in the hotel room sleeping rather than being here.”
“Oh, I miss my bed,” I said and he laughed. “I’m Ebba by the way.”
“Patrick, nice to meet you.” ‘Oh right! It’s Patrick from Fall Out Boy. How could I not remember that?’ I thought.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Big fan! Watch it so I don’t go all teen crazy fan girl on you,” he laughed.
“So where you from? I can’t place you accents,” he asked.
“I’m from Sweden,” I said.
“Oh, that’s in Europe right?”
“Right,”
“What bring you to the US then?” he asked me.
“Well, my band and I are recording our first album at the moment,”
“Oh really?” he said sounding interested.
“It’s a really long story,” I began and then told him the story about us being discovered by my chem and now me ending up here.
“What do you play?”
“I sing and play guitar,” I said smiling at him.
“Oh, what kind of music do you play?”
“I don’t like putting labels on stuff, but it’s a mix that you really can’t describe, at least I can’t. I think that’s because I write the music and I put my soul in it. If you know what I mean”
“Oh yeah, totally. Like it should be. How the recording going?”
“hm, it depends how you ask,” I said and Patrick seemed to be confused and I explained myself. “There are days when I feel like ‘god this is the skit’, but sometimes I just want to throw myself out the window. We have recorded like 15 songs now. And were in the mixing process. I did the last vocals today on one of my favourite songs.”
“Oh, what is that song about then?” but I had no time to answer him until two men irrupted us, Pete and Mikey.
“Hello, Patrick, I see you’ve met Ebba,” Mikey said taking the now empty seat next to Patrick.
“Ebba?” Pete began confused and the noticed me. “Oh,” he sat down next to me and smiled ageist me and said: “You’re pretty.” I almost choked on the sip of coke I just had taken.
“Thanks?” I said and turned to Patrick. “Is he always like that?”
“Pretty much,” he said. “So you were about to tell me about that song you recorded today.” he said changing the subject.
The next day I found myself back in the recording room playing the song ‘Don’t write me a stupid love song’ to Pete and Patrick who had been curious about our music.
Stop singing that stupid love song of yours
It’s blue and I can’t stand the pain in your voice
You words of misery are so fake (You don’t know misery)
And that pathetic beat is it supposes to break my heart?
Everything is so miserable
I don’t want you beneath my window like in the movies
Love movies are so overrated
The love songs on the radio make me change that channel
I’ve seen love die
I’ve heard the words honey, sweetie, baby and darling
Along with the “special” word I love you
Please don’t let me hear them again
Stop singing that stupid love song of yours
It’s blue and I can’t stand the pain in your voice
You words of misery are so fake (You don’t know misery)
And that pathetic beat is it supposes to break my heart?
Everything is so miserable
Am I supposed to follow your rules?
Fall when you say you want me back?
You say we are in love (love, love, love)
I say you should get your head checked
I don’t want your empty words
Someone please come and hit me (Hit me hard)
Stop singing that stupid love song of yours
It’s blue and I can’t stand the pain in your voice
You words of misery are so fake (You don’t know misery)
And that pathetic beat is it supposes to break my heart?
Everything is so miserable
Maybe I should write a love song and spell it H, A, T, E,
Why is it all such a big lie?
You’re the biggest liar of them all
All I want to be to you is the x in ex-girlfriend
It’s like Pete Wentz once wrote:
True romance is dead; I shot it in the chest then in the head
It’s dead (dead, dead, dead)
So don’t write me a stupid love song (dead, dead, dead,)
I don’t want your empty words (dead, dead, dead)
It’s all a big lie (dead, dead, dead)
DEAD (© written by me. Don’t dare to steal it.)
“That’s just brilliant!” Pete said and laughed, Patrick agreed.
“It’s something missing,” I said.
“Well duuh, you’re missing Patrick’s vocals in it!” Pete said shortly like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“That might be it,” Ray said and ordered Patrick into the recording booze to sing.
“Em, how do you want me to sing it?” Patrick asked nervously.
“Just like in ‘Music or The Misery,” I said to him and he did like he was told. He nailed it in the first try.
“And with that people!” Ray said standing up. “The recording is done! Now get the hell out of her so I can work my magic!” We all started to leave. “No not you Ebb. I need your opinions.”
[Frank pov]
I heard the door bell ring and I walked away from the computer. I opened the door and there she was Ebba more beautiful than ever holding a pizza and a movie.
“So I was thinking since we haven’t really been alone since I got here I would come and surprise you,” she began and all I could do was smile. She was nervous, he could tell by her smile. “You know with all the recording and stuff. So I’ve seen this in the movies and thought hey I would give it a try so I bought a pizza and rented the movie. A really lousy one so we could make out all the way though it,” I laughed. “Oh wait I took a good movie by the way. Edward Scissorhands my favourite movie. Does it sound good or are you just gonna slam the door and leave me alone out here?”
“What kind of pizza is it?” I asked.
“The greasy type without any meat,” she said and smelled it. “God! It smells amazing.”
“Okay, if you put it that way I’ll let you come in just so I can eat it!” I said.
The movie ended and I turned the TV off.
“I can never get sick of seeing that movie,” Ebba said and looked up at me.
“Me neither,” I said and bent forward and kissed her soft. The soft kiss became heated and Ebba jumped up in my lap face to face. She kissed me all over and I lifted her up and carried her to my bedroom. I lay her down and began to kiss her and touching her all over. I heard her moan when I kissed her behind the ear. She pulled of my shirt and we rolled over with her on top of me. She took off her shirt and looked me deep into my eyes and kissed me again. Running her hand down my chest and began unbuckling my jeans.
I woke up in the middle in the night Ebba had her head on my chest and I carefully pushed her off me. She mumbled something that sounded like: “I’ll rather die than to do that, you’ll do it. You eat it!” I laughed and swung my feet of the bed. I looked at Ebba and began to smile. I really love that girl she was amazing in every way, so confident and brave. All you did around her was laughing. But I couldn’t be with her and I knew it. I had to be with Jamia. I needed to be there for her and for our baby.
[Flash back]
My phone began to call I dropped the book that I was reading and picked it up. Jamia. Why would she be calling me we broke up before we went to Europe and that was 2 month ago.
“Hey, it’s Frank,” I said and answered the phone.
“Hey Frank, it Jamia. Look I’m outside your building and I really need to talk to you. It’s important. Can you come down?” she asked me.
“Yeah, sure I’ll be right down,” I said.
“Good,” she said and hung up the phone. I took my nearest hood and pulled it on over my head and headed for the stairs. Jamia was waiting outside my door. I could see that she had been crying.
“You wanna come in?” I asked her. She shocked her head and said:
“No it’s easier to just say it.”
“Say what?”
“I am three month pregnant and it’s yours,” I was shocked I sat down on the stairs and put my head in my hands. A baby was the last thing I needed right now. Jamia sat down next to me. “I’m as shocked as you. I only found out yesterday!” she putted her hand on my shoulder. And I looked up at her. I saw a tear running down her cheek. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Shh, it will be okay,” I said and pulled her into a hug. “We got six month to figure it out. I wanna be there for you and the baby.”
“You do?” she said and looked me into the eyes.
“Of course it’s my baby as much as yours.” I said. “I just need sometime to think about how were going to do it?” I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do. Ebba was coming in a week and we were just about half way through recording our new album.
“I think I’m going to go now,” she said and stood up. “Call me when you know what we’re going to do.”
[Back to now]
I knew I needed to get back together with Jamia for the baby’s sake. But I don’t know how to tell Ebba. Every time I’m around her my brain just shuts off. I wanna be with her. I wanna kiss her but I’m going to tell her tomorrow that I’m gonna get back together with Jamia it was the right thing to do.
[Ebba pov]
“Ebba! Frank is here!” I heard Jennie call.
“Hey!” I called and I walked in to the living room. Frank was sitting on the couch. “I’m hungry, would you like to go out to have some dinner.”
“I can’t do this,” he said and laid his face in his arms.
“What? We could have dinner here if you like,” I said not really hearing what he was saying.
“No I mean us,” he said through his arms. It was like someone just had slapped me in the face. All numb I sat down next to Frank. Feeling my tears was close. This had come as a big surprise.
“What do you mean, Frank?” She whispered. “I thought we had something special.”
“It’s not about that,” he said.
“Then what is it about then?”
“It’s Jamia! My ex-girlfriend,” he said looking at me. “She is pregnant.”
“and it’s yours?”
“Yes it is,” he stood up. “That’s why I can’t be with you anymore. I’m going back to her to take care of her and the kid.” he walked towards the door and left. My tears began to fall one after one. I lay down in my bed and pulled my cover over my head. And just lay there. I wouldn’t let myself being mad at Frank. He was doing the right thing. And I knew it. I just felt abandoned and left behind. I was in love with Frank and I just couldn’t forget about it. My heart belonged to him. I shouldn’t have fallen in love again. I stood up and walked towards my computer and opened windows media player and played Love Will Come Through by Travis over and over again. I turned up the volume and the words filled my room:
So look up
Take it away
Don't look da-da-da- down
If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone anything anyhow...
So take me don't leave me
Take me don't leave me
Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you
I went back to my bed. I just stared at the roof and sang along to every word. It was my song that I played when I was down. It helped me forget about everything and I just existed in the moment.
I didn’t leave my room in days. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep. I just played the song over and over again. And I wrote. Jennie, Julia and Tove were both out of Town. They we back in Sweden to visit friends and family. I was supposed to be going to but. I said I had things to do here. They had left the same day as Frank and I had broken up. I was surprised to hearing someone knocking on my door. But I didn’t answer it. Thought who ever it was would leave if I just pretended I wasn’t home.
“EBBA!!” I Heard someone yell and pounding on the door. “I won’t leave until you opened the door!” It was Gerard. “I can hear the music Ebba!” Damn I had the music still on. I had no chose then to open the door.
“Okay!” I yelled. I pulled the cover over my shoulders and began walking towards the door. I stopped by the mirror and looked at myself. I looked awful. My hair hadn’t been washed in days and was total mess. I had rest of my make up beneath my eyes that were red because I haven’t slept. I unlooked the door and saw Gerard standing there with his now long black hair. Without a word I turned and walked back to my bed. Lay down on the bed as I had been doing before. He followed me and sat down on my bed.
“Ebba?” he asked soft. I ignored him. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? I’m better off that way. Then I won’t get hurt. “We are worried about you. Jennie called me yesterday and wondered it we had seen you.” he laid his hand on my leg that was outside the cover. But I pulled it in. I could hear him turning off music. And opening my curtains and let the sunshine in.
“Leave me alone,” I begged him quietly.
“I won’t leave until you tell me what is wrong.” He pulled the cover off me gently and pulled me into a hug.
“I can’t tell you, because you’re not allowed to know,” I said. “No one is supposed to know.”
“It’s about you and Frank? Isn’t it?” he asked.
“How did you know?” I said looking into his eyes.
“How could I not?” he said. “Both Mikey and I knew you were together. But we never told anyone and I met Frank yesterday. He looked just like you do right now,” he pulled my hair out of my face. “He told me everything. About you, Jamia and the baby. And when Jennie called last night I knew something wasn’t right with you either.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it!” I said. “I need to be alone.”
“Ebba you know that’s not true,” he said.
“I can’t be mad at him Gerard,” my tears came running down my cheeks again. “But I don’t know what else to be. It just hurts too fucking damn much.”
“I understand,” He whipped away my tears. “I think you need to get out of here. Why don’t you come back with me and stay with me?” I nodded, because I needed a change.
“I’m just going to take a shower.” I said and walked towards the bathroom and turned on the water. I felt the hot water running down me. I turned my face up and let the water take away my last tears. I’m not going to be upset about this anymore. I’m gonna move along with my head high. And pretend like this doesn’t hurt me.
After washing my hair I stepped out of the shower and got dressed. I pulled on a pair of tight black jeans and a Plain White T’s tee and a red and black hood. I pulled the hood over my hair and painted my eyes black with some eyeliner. I saw that Gerard had packed some of my stuff in a bag when entered the bedroom again.
“Feel better?” he asked me.
“A little,” I took my sunglasses from the dresser and I walked after Gerard out of the apartment and into his car.
I really liked New Jersey; I could easily understand why the boys liked it too much. Gerard and I were sitting on his balcony. He was smoking and I was sitting next to him rapped in one of his blankets. And I enjoyed it I couldn’t help myself but to smile.
“So she can smile,” Gerard said and took a drag of his cigarette.
“Yes, she can,” I said. “I’m not going to be sad anymore. Frank and I are over and now all I’m going to focus on my music.”
“Sounds good,” Gerard said. “Changes are good.”
“Yes they are,”
“Oh, by the way I’ve been thinking do you know how to cut hair?” Gerard asked me.
“Yes, I do. Why you ask?” I said confused.
“Well I’ve been thinking of cutting my hair,” Gerard said. “And I maybe thought of colouring it blond.”
“Why would you wanna do that?” I said laughing I couldn’t really see Gerard as a man with blond short hair.
“Don’t ask and I’ll tell you no lies,” he said.
“Okay, than let’s go and get some hair colour. I think I’m gonna colour my hair too.” I said and stood up.
“Which colour?” Gerard asked and let out his cigarette.
“I’m thinking crazy intense red.”
“Oh that sounds awesome.” He said and we left for the store.
“I think it’s best we cut your hair first.” I said. Then it’s easier to bleach it.”
“Sounds good to me,” Gerard said and handed me the scissor. “Cut it really short just only like one/one and a half inches.”
“You sure?”
“Just do it so I can regret it later,” he joked.
“Stop it!” I said and slapped him in the back of the head.
“Heey, what was that for?” he said.
“Because, Okay so here it goes,” I said and took a piece of hair and watched the first lock of hair fall.
The floor quickly filled with locks of Gerard’s hair.
“C’mon Gerard pose for me!” I said holding up my camera. We were done with our new hair cuts. Gerard did I cute kissy face and I snapped a photo. “Oh pretty boy!” he laughed and smiled really big. Then we took a lot of pictures together. We were just goofing out and forgetting about everything else. After a while we just fall down on Gerard’s bed laughing our asses off.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard,” Gerard said catching his breath.
“Me neither, not since Frank and…” I broke off. Frank, I had almost forgotten about him. I felt this lump in my chest. Gerard stopped smiling when he saw my face.
“Its okay, Ebb. Try to forget about him,” he said stroking me cheek softly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He was right, Frank and I are history.
“I’m trying to, but it’s not easy!” I said getting of the bed and walked out on the balcony. “Coming?” I asked. He nodded and followed me. The balcony had become like an escape place for both of us.
“So your cd is out next week?” Gerard asked me and I nodded.
“I think I hate it!” I said and pulled my blanket closer around my shoulders.
“What? That the cd is coming out?” Gerard said confused.
“No not that. I hate the cd. It’s not me!” I said. “Every word on that cd I’ve written and they are fake. I used to think they were honest but now they are not me anymore.”
“They are you,” Gerard said lighting a smoke. “They are pure.”
“But…“
“No you listen to me. Don’t think about it to much. Things are changing and you haft to accept thing never stay like they are!” I realised Gerard wasn’t talking about the cd and neither was I. It was about Frank and me.
“You are right,” I said and bent forward and took the smoke Gerard just had lighted. And took a deep drag.
“You don’t smoke.” Gerard said and lighted another one.
“No, I don’t do anything. I don’t smoke, don’t drink. I don’t do anything. I’m boring and need something to get my mind off things. And I need a change!” I said.
“If you put it that way,” Gerard shook his head.
I was packing my bag and was getting ready to go home. The girls would be home this afternoon and we had a photo shoot in the morning. Gerard had left to go and get us something to eat and to get some smokes. I looked around in Gerard’s bedroom to see if I had all my stuff packed. I heard the door of the apartment open and close. Gerard must be back again I thought. But then I heard someone else talk.
“I’ve done it. Gerard! I’ve done it just like you said,” I heard Frank call. “I talked to Jamia and convinced her to move back in with me again. You are right I still love her.” He didn’t just say that. I felt this stain in my chest again. I’d tried so much to not think about him and Jamia and now he just happens to fall right back into my life. When I’m doing okay. Just for now I mean.
“I didn’t tell you to get back with her. I told you, you should do what you thought was best!” I heard Gerard say. He must have come back when I didn’t hear him.
“I don’t think that was the best thing to do. I know it was!” Frank said. I couldn’t stand him saying that breaking it up with me was the right thing to do. I didn’t need that. I love him and call me selfish for wanting to be with him. I took my bag and swung it over my shoulder and left Gerard’s bedroom. Frank looked up and saw me standing there. He looked like I just had slapped him.
“I’m leaving now,” I told Gerard and headed for the door.
“Let me drive you home,” Gerard said and looked at me and then at Frank.
“I can take a cab home or something!” I said and reached for the handle but Gerard blocked the door.
“Let me go,” I said week between my teeth. I was trying not to cry. I looked into Gerard’s brown eyes and begged him to let me go.
“Let me drive you home,” he whispered and I nodded. He let me go out the door and I walked towards his car to wait for him there.
-----
So this chapter was fucking long, so please do leave me a comment. Let me know what you think! What is bad and what is good.
Vera
“Yes, Reprise Records want to sign you!” Brain said and I threw myself around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Yeah, yeah. Does it really come as such a big surprise?”
It had gone a two weeks since our meeting with Brian and today was our first day of recording. We were discussing what songs we would record. I wasn’t really paying any attention to the discussion. I’d left my seat and was now staring out the windows that face the corridor of the building. On the other side it was a window just like ours and inside it was MCR’s studio. And there was Frank sitting alone in the middle of the room just playing on his guitar. The others were in here and discussed the songs. But Frank had homework to do as Gerard had called it.
“Do you agree Ebba?” I heard Ray say and I was brought back from my starring.
“What?”
“Do you agree that we should start recording love song, because of you and forgiven by noon and then see what next song we want to record?” Ray said a little annoyed for me not listening.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I guess,” he had just said that my three favourite songs I’ve written are those were recording first. “Only problem is that Forgiven at noon isn’t finished yet!”
“Make it finished then. Okay, moving along I think it’s a good idea to start recording guitar and then bas and drums,” Ray said and I thorn myself away from the window and retook my place next to Gerard. Who smiled against me without any reason? He is really weird sometimes.
“Shall we start then?” I asked and the rest and they agreed. I picked up my guitar and began to just mess around to get my fingers warm. Tove took hers too and we jammed together for a while. She is an amazing guitar player.
After another day of hard work in the studio I was all beat. Singing my lungs out for an entire day wasn’t the easiest.
“Okay Ebb, I think that’s good for today.” Ray said as we listened through the last recording of Stupid love song. The last ‘Dead’ made it’s way out the speakers and it went quiet.
“The song needs something,” I said.
“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing,” Mikey said and drowned down the last of his coffee. “What your plans for tonight then!” he asked. The clock was only five. We usually worked longer but today the guys had something to do and Julia was feeling ill. So we decided to take the night off.
“Nothing really,” I answered. “There are always boring stuff to do.”
“Why don’t you tag along to the party we haft to go to. The record company is making us. It’s going to be one of those boring celeb parties. But it would be nice if you tagged along!”
“You’re just asking me because Alicia is out of town and you don’t want to go alone!” I said.
“Well that one fact, but no I thought it would be nice!” he said.
“When you put it that way I’m going to make Tove go with me and you guys,” I said smiling.
“Okay, whatever,” He said and left. “We will pick you both up around eight. Gerard is driving.” He added.
“Do you know what time it is?” Tove yelled and rushed into my room already fully dressed.
“What?” I asked and looked up from my guitar.
“It’s 7.45. They will be here in ‘bout 15 min!” She said. “Can I borrow your red lipstick?” She asked and walked into my bathroom.
“WHAT?” I yelled. I had totally forgotten about the time. It often get that way when I write. I ran out of my bed and ran to my closet. And got dressed, I took a pair of black slim fitting jeans the red pumps. And a cool top that fitted to anything. I continued into the bathroom threw on a tick layer of black eye shadow. My hair looked pretty good already. I just sprayed some hairspray. I heard voices from the living room. The boys must be here. I just took the closest bag shoved down my sidekick and my wallet and headed out to the living room. Where I found Mikey, Frank and Gerard waiting. They both looked up and smiled at me. Frank even got up and walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“Must you wear heels? It makes me so much short than I already am,” Frank joked.
“But I like them,” I said.
“Maybe I could borrow your green one,” Frank said giving me that cute smile only he has and giggled. My heart melted with that and he took my hand and pulled me to the car. To make shore I didn’t fall on those high heels, as he said.
The party was pretty crowded and loud. So not like the parties back in Sweden. Everything over here was over the top. The music was louder; the people were drinking harder and dancing more. I saw familiar faces all over. Paris Hilton was dancing in the middle of it all with two big security guards around her. Pete Wentz was rocking the music table together with Jon Walker from Panic! At the disco. Both of them was jumping around and having a blast. I also saw William Beckett from the academy is… having a conversation with Travis from gym class heroes. And like that it went on. I looked around and noticed I was all alone. The others had left to do something else. I saw Tove kicking it out on the dance floor. Mikey had joined Pete and Jon. He didn’t jump as much as they did but looked like he enjoyed himself anyway. Gerard and Frank had both disappeared. I made my way to the bar thinking it would be a long night. I took the only seat left by the counter next to a man wearing a cap and a hood. His round pretty face looked familiar but I just couldn’t place it.
“Let me guess you really don’t wanna be here,” he said turning to her.
“I do, it just I had a long day!” I said resting my head in my hand.
“Tell me about it,” he said and took a sip of his diet coke. “If I would be in charge I’d chosen to be back in the hotel room sleeping rather than being here.”
“Oh, I miss my bed,” I said and he laughed. “I’m Ebba by the way.”
“Patrick, nice to meet you.” ‘Oh right! It’s Patrick from Fall Out Boy. How could I not remember that?’ I thought.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Big fan! Watch it so I don’t go all teen crazy fan girl on you,” he laughed.
“So where you from? I can’t place you accents,” he asked.
“I’m from Sweden,” I said.
“Oh, that’s in Europe right?”
“Right,”
“What bring you to the US then?” he asked me.
“Well, my band and I are recording our first album at the moment,”
“Oh really?” he said sounding interested.
“It’s a really long story,” I began and then told him the story about us being discovered by my chem and now me ending up here.
“What do you play?”
“I sing and play guitar,” I said smiling at him.
“Oh, what kind of music do you play?”
“I don’t like putting labels on stuff, but it’s a mix that you really can’t describe, at least I can’t. I think that’s because I write the music and I put my soul in it. If you know what I mean”
“Oh yeah, totally. Like it should be. How the recording going?”
“hm, it depends how you ask,” I said and Patrick seemed to be confused and I explained myself. “There are days when I feel like ‘god this is the skit’, but sometimes I just want to throw myself out the window. We have recorded like 15 songs now. And were in the mixing process. I did the last vocals today on one of my favourite songs.”
“Oh, what is that song about then?” but I had no time to answer him until two men irrupted us, Pete and Mikey.
“Hello, Patrick, I see you’ve met Ebba,” Mikey said taking the now empty seat next to Patrick.
“Ebba?” Pete began confused and the noticed me. “Oh,” he sat down next to me and smiled ageist me and said: “You’re pretty.” I almost choked on the sip of coke I just had taken.
“Thanks?” I said and turned to Patrick. “Is he always like that?”
“Pretty much,” he said. “So you were about to tell me about that song you recorded today.” he said changing the subject.
The next day I found myself back in the recording room playing the song ‘Don’t write me a stupid love song’ to Pete and Patrick who had been curious about our music.
Stop singing that stupid love song of yours
It’s blue and I can’t stand the pain in your voice
You words of misery are so fake (You don’t know misery)
And that pathetic beat is it supposes to break my heart?
Everything is so miserable
I don’t want you beneath my window like in the movies
Love movies are so overrated
The love songs on the radio make me change that channel
I’ve seen love die
I’ve heard the words honey, sweetie, baby and darling
Along with the “special” word I love you
Please don’t let me hear them again
Stop singing that stupid love song of yours
It’s blue and I can’t stand the pain in your voice
You words of misery are so fake (You don’t know misery)
And that pathetic beat is it supposes to break my heart?
Everything is so miserable
Am I supposed to follow your rules?
Fall when you say you want me back?
You say we are in love (love, love, love)
I say you should get your head checked
I don’t want your empty words
Someone please come and hit me (Hit me hard)
Stop singing that stupid love song of yours
It’s blue and I can’t stand the pain in your voice
You words of misery are so fake (You don’t know misery)
And that pathetic beat is it supposes to break my heart?
Everything is so miserable
Maybe I should write a love song and spell it H, A, T, E,
Why is it all such a big lie?
You’re the biggest liar of them all
All I want to be to you is the x in ex-girlfriend
It’s like Pete Wentz once wrote:
True romance is dead; I shot it in the chest then in the head
It’s dead (dead, dead, dead)
So don’t write me a stupid love song (dead, dead, dead,)
I don’t want your empty words (dead, dead, dead)
It’s all a big lie (dead, dead, dead)
DEAD (© written by me. Don’t dare to steal it.)
“That’s just brilliant!” Pete said and laughed, Patrick agreed.
“It’s something missing,” I said.
“Well duuh, you’re missing Patrick’s vocals in it!” Pete said shortly like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“That might be it,” Ray said and ordered Patrick into the recording booze to sing.
“Em, how do you want me to sing it?” Patrick asked nervously.
“Just like in ‘Music or The Misery,” I said to him and he did like he was told. He nailed it in the first try.
“And with that people!” Ray said standing up. “The recording is done! Now get the hell out of her so I can work my magic!” We all started to leave. “No not you Ebb. I need your opinions.”
[Frank pov]
I heard the door bell ring and I walked away from the computer. I opened the door and there she was Ebba more beautiful than ever holding a pizza and a movie.
“So I was thinking since we haven’t really been alone since I got here I would come and surprise you,” she began and all I could do was smile. She was nervous, he could tell by her smile. “You know with all the recording and stuff. So I’ve seen this in the movies and thought hey I would give it a try so I bought a pizza and rented the movie. A really lousy one so we could make out all the way though it,” I laughed. “Oh wait I took a good movie by the way. Edward Scissorhands my favourite movie. Does it sound good or are you just gonna slam the door and leave me alone out here?”
“What kind of pizza is it?” I asked.
“The greasy type without any meat,” she said and smelled it. “God! It smells amazing.”
“Okay, if you put it that way I’ll let you come in just so I can eat it!” I said.
The movie ended and I turned the TV off.
“I can never get sick of seeing that movie,” Ebba said and looked up at me.
“Me neither,” I said and bent forward and kissed her soft. The soft kiss became heated and Ebba jumped up in my lap face to face. She kissed me all over and I lifted her up and carried her to my bedroom. I lay her down and began to kiss her and touching her all over. I heard her moan when I kissed her behind the ear. She pulled of my shirt and we rolled over with her on top of me. She took off her shirt and looked me deep into my eyes and kissed me again. Running her hand down my chest and began unbuckling my jeans.
I woke up in the middle in the night Ebba had her head on my chest and I carefully pushed her off me. She mumbled something that sounded like: “I’ll rather die than to do that, you’ll do it. You eat it!” I laughed and swung my feet of the bed. I looked at Ebba and began to smile. I really love that girl she was amazing in every way, so confident and brave. All you did around her was laughing. But I couldn’t be with her and I knew it. I had to be with Jamia. I needed to be there for her and for our baby.
[Flash back]
My phone began to call I dropped the book that I was reading and picked it up. Jamia. Why would she be calling me we broke up before we went to Europe and that was 2 month ago.
“Hey, it’s Frank,” I said and answered the phone.
“Hey Frank, it Jamia. Look I’m outside your building and I really need to talk to you. It’s important. Can you come down?” she asked me.
“Yeah, sure I’ll be right down,” I said.
“Good,” she said and hung up the phone. I took my nearest hood and pulled it on over my head and headed for the stairs. Jamia was waiting outside my door. I could see that she had been crying.
“You wanna come in?” I asked her. She shocked her head and said:
“No it’s easier to just say it.”
“Say what?”
“I am three month pregnant and it’s yours,” I was shocked I sat down on the stairs and put my head in my hands. A baby was the last thing I needed right now. Jamia sat down next to me. “I’m as shocked as you. I only found out yesterday!” she putted her hand on my shoulder. And I looked up at her. I saw a tear running down her cheek. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Shh, it will be okay,” I said and pulled her into a hug. “We got six month to figure it out. I wanna be there for you and the baby.”
“You do?” she said and looked me into the eyes.
“Of course it’s my baby as much as yours.” I said. “I just need sometime to think about how were going to do it?” I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do. Ebba was coming in a week and we were just about half way through recording our new album.
“I think I’m going to go now,” she said and stood up. “Call me when you know what we’re going to do.”
[Back to now]
I knew I needed to get back together with Jamia for the baby’s sake. But I don’t know how to tell Ebba. Every time I’m around her my brain just shuts off. I wanna be with her. I wanna kiss her but I’m going to tell her tomorrow that I’m gonna get back together with Jamia it was the right thing to do.
[Ebba pov]
“Ebba! Frank is here!” I heard Jennie call.
“Hey!” I called and I walked in to the living room. Frank was sitting on the couch. “I’m hungry, would you like to go out to have some dinner.”
“I can’t do this,” he said and laid his face in his arms.
“What? We could have dinner here if you like,” I said not really hearing what he was saying.
“No I mean us,” he said through his arms. It was like someone just had slapped me in the face. All numb I sat down next to Frank. Feeling my tears was close. This had come as a big surprise.
“What do you mean, Frank?” She whispered. “I thought we had something special.”
“It’s not about that,” he said.
“Then what is it about then?”
“It’s Jamia! My ex-girlfriend,” he said looking at me. “She is pregnant.”
“and it’s yours?”
“Yes it is,” he stood up. “That’s why I can’t be with you anymore. I’m going back to her to take care of her and the kid.” he walked towards the door and left. My tears began to fall one after one. I lay down in my bed and pulled my cover over my head. And just lay there. I wouldn’t let myself being mad at Frank. He was doing the right thing. And I knew it. I just felt abandoned and left behind. I was in love with Frank and I just couldn’t forget about it. My heart belonged to him. I shouldn’t have fallen in love again. I stood up and walked towards my computer and opened windows media player and played Love Will Come Through by Travis over and over again. I turned up the volume and the words filled my room:
So look up
Take it away
Don't look da-da-da- down
If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return anyone anything anyhow...
So take me don't leave me
Take me don't leave me
Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you
I went back to my bed. I just stared at the roof and sang along to every word. It was my song that I played when I was down. It helped me forget about everything and I just existed in the moment.
I didn’t leave my room in days. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep. I just played the song over and over again. And I wrote. Jennie, Julia and Tove were both out of Town. They we back in Sweden to visit friends and family. I was supposed to be going to but. I said I had things to do here. They had left the same day as Frank and I had broken up. I was surprised to hearing someone knocking on my door. But I didn’t answer it. Thought who ever it was would leave if I just pretended I wasn’t home.
“EBBA!!” I Heard someone yell and pounding on the door. “I won’t leave until you opened the door!” It was Gerard. “I can hear the music Ebba!” Damn I had the music still on. I had no chose then to open the door.
“Okay!” I yelled. I pulled the cover over my shoulders and began walking towards the door. I stopped by the mirror and looked at myself. I looked awful. My hair hadn’t been washed in days and was total mess. I had rest of my make up beneath my eyes that were red because I haven’t slept. I unlooked the door and saw Gerard standing there with his now long black hair. Without a word I turned and walked back to my bed. Lay down on the bed as I had been doing before. He followed me and sat down on my bed.
“Ebba?” he asked soft. I ignored him. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? I’m better off that way. Then I won’t get hurt. “We are worried about you. Jennie called me yesterday and wondered it we had seen you.” he laid his hand on my leg that was outside the cover. But I pulled it in. I could hear him turning off music. And opening my curtains and let the sunshine in.
“Leave me alone,” I begged him quietly.
“I won’t leave until you tell me what is wrong.” He pulled the cover off me gently and pulled me into a hug.
“I can’t tell you, because you’re not allowed to know,” I said. “No one is supposed to know.”
“It’s about you and Frank? Isn’t it?” he asked.
“How did you know?” I said looking into his eyes.
“How could I not?” he said. “Both Mikey and I knew you were together. But we never told anyone and I met Frank yesterday. He looked just like you do right now,” he pulled my hair out of my face. “He told me everything. About you, Jamia and the baby. And when Jennie called last night I knew something wasn’t right with you either.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it!” I said. “I need to be alone.”
“Ebba you know that’s not true,” he said.
“I can’t be mad at him Gerard,” my tears came running down my cheeks again. “But I don’t know what else to be. It just hurts too fucking damn much.”
“I understand,” He whipped away my tears. “I think you need to get out of here. Why don’t you come back with me and stay with me?” I nodded, because I needed a change.
“I’m just going to take a shower.” I said and walked towards the bathroom and turned on the water. I felt the hot water running down me. I turned my face up and let the water take away my last tears. I’m not going to be upset about this anymore. I’m gonna move along with my head high. And pretend like this doesn’t hurt me.
After washing my hair I stepped out of the shower and got dressed. I pulled on a pair of tight black jeans and a Plain White T’s tee and a red and black hood. I pulled the hood over my hair and painted my eyes black with some eyeliner. I saw that Gerard had packed some of my stuff in a bag when entered the bedroom again.
“Feel better?” he asked me.
“A little,” I took my sunglasses from the dresser and I walked after Gerard out of the apartment and into his car.
I really liked New Jersey; I could easily understand why the boys liked it too much. Gerard and I were sitting on his balcony. He was smoking and I was sitting next to him rapped in one of his blankets. And I enjoyed it I couldn’t help myself but to smile.
“So she can smile,” Gerard said and took a drag of his cigarette.
“Yes, she can,” I said. “I’m not going to be sad anymore. Frank and I are over and now all I’m going to focus on my music.”
“Sounds good,” Gerard said. “Changes are good.”
“Yes they are,”
“Oh, by the way I’ve been thinking do you know how to cut hair?” Gerard asked me.
“Yes, I do. Why you ask?” I said confused.
“Well I’ve been thinking of cutting my hair,” Gerard said. “And I maybe thought of colouring it blond.”
“Why would you wanna do that?” I said laughing I couldn’t really see Gerard as a man with blond short hair.
“Don’t ask and I’ll tell you no lies,” he said.
“Okay, than let’s go and get some hair colour. I think I’m gonna colour my hair too.” I said and stood up.
“Which colour?” Gerard asked and let out his cigarette.
“I’m thinking crazy intense red.”
“Oh that sounds awesome.” He said and we left for the store.
“I think it’s best we cut your hair first.” I said. Then it’s easier to bleach it.”
“Sounds good to me,” Gerard said and handed me the scissor. “Cut it really short just only like one/one and a half inches.”
“You sure?”
“Just do it so I can regret it later,” he joked.
“Stop it!” I said and slapped him in the back of the head.
“Heey, what was that for?” he said.
“Because, Okay so here it goes,” I said and took a piece of hair and watched the first lock of hair fall.
The floor quickly filled with locks of Gerard’s hair.
“C’mon Gerard pose for me!” I said holding up my camera. We were done with our new hair cuts. Gerard did I cute kissy face and I snapped a photo. “Oh pretty boy!” he laughed and smiled really big. Then we took a lot of pictures together. We were just goofing out and forgetting about everything else. After a while we just fall down on Gerard’s bed laughing our asses off.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard,” Gerard said catching his breath.
“Me neither, not since Frank and…” I broke off. Frank, I had almost forgotten about him. I felt this lump in my chest. Gerard stopped smiling when he saw my face.
“Its okay, Ebb. Try to forget about him,” he said stroking me cheek softly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He was right, Frank and I are history.
“I’m trying to, but it’s not easy!” I said getting of the bed and walked out on the balcony. “Coming?” I asked. He nodded and followed me. The balcony had become like an escape place for both of us.
“So your cd is out next week?” Gerard asked me and I nodded.
“I think I hate it!” I said and pulled my blanket closer around my shoulders.
“What? That the cd is coming out?” Gerard said confused.
“No not that. I hate the cd. It’s not me!” I said. “Every word on that cd I’ve written and they are fake. I used to think they were honest but now they are not me anymore.”
“They are you,” Gerard said lighting a smoke. “They are pure.”
“But…“
“No you listen to me. Don’t think about it to much. Things are changing and you haft to accept thing never stay like they are!” I realised Gerard wasn’t talking about the cd and neither was I. It was about Frank and me.
“You are right,” I said and bent forward and took the smoke Gerard just had lighted. And took a deep drag.
“You don’t smoke.” Gerard said and lighted another one.
“No, I don’t do anything. I don’t smoke, don’t drink. I don’t do anything. I’m boring and need something to get my mind off things. And I need a change!” I said.
“If you put it that way,” Gerard shook his head.
I was packing my bag and was getting ready to go home. The girls would be home this afternoon and we had a photo shoot in the morning. Gerard had left to go and get us something to eat and to get some smokes. I looked around in Gerard’s bedroom to see if I had all my stuff packed. I heard the door of the apartment open and close. Gerard must be back again I thought. But then I heard someone else talk.
“I’ve done it. Gerard! I’ve done it just like you said,” I heard Frank call. “I talked to Jamia and convinced her to move back in with me again. You are right I still love her.” He didn’t just say that. I felt this stain in my chest again. I’d tried so much to not think about him and Jamia and now he just happens to fall right back into my life. When I’m doing okay. Just for now I mean.
“I didn’t tell you to get back with her. I told you, you should do what you thought was best!” I heard Gerard say. He must have come back when I didn’t hear him.
“I don’t think that was the best thing to do. I know it was!” Frank said. I couldn’t stand him saying that breaking it up with me was the right thing to do. I didn’t need that. I love him and call me selfish for wanting to be with him. I took my bag and swung it over my shoulder and left Gerard’s bedroom. Frank looked up and saw me standing there. He looked like I just had slapped him.
“I’m leaving now,” I told Gerard and headed for the door.
“Let me drive you home,” Gerard said and looked at me and then at Frank.
“I can take a cab home or something!” I said and reached for the handle but Gerard blocked the door.
“Let me go,” I said week between my teeth. I was trying not to cry. I looked into Gerard’s brown eyes and begged him to let me go.
“Let me drive you home,” he whispered and I nodded. He let me go out the door and I walked towards his car to wait for him there.
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So this chapter was fucking long, so please do leave me a comment. Let me know what you think! What is bad and what is good.
Vera
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