Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > If you think that I'm wrong, this never meant anything to you
Gerard has been angry lately. I haven't found him cutting for a while, maybe that was good. Sometimes he seems to be holding more secrets than I know of; the only language he speaks is silence.
I was standing in the checkout line, looking at the assortments of gum. I was thinking of what flavor to get when I looked up towards the window. I saw Gerard sitting their, looking angry. Then he yelled something and smashed his fist on the dashboard. I felt guilty for leaving him alone, I should have brought him in here with me.
The guy at the counter handed me my change back. I quickly said thanks and rushed outside. The rain lightened, leaving grey clouds and a long breeze. I opened the passenger seat and leaned in.
"Gerard, are you okay?" I asked worriedly. The look in his eye told me he was scared that I saw him hurting himself again.
"Um, yeah I just got...angry" he stammered.
"Okay," I sighed, closing the door.
I walked up to the gas pipe, punched in the numbers and waited for it to fill the tank. I kept a close watch on Gerard, making sure he didn't try to hurt himself again. The machine beeped and I took the pump out of my car. I placed it back in the gas tank and got inside my car, quickly taking out my keys. I glanced at Gerard. He was watching the keys again.
His house was empty, it reminded me of the day I first found him cutting. I shivered as we walked into the kitchen.
"Okay, I will um, go get changed now," he said quietly, making his way upstairs.
'Okay," I called back, taking a seat at the table. This house was too clean; there was no sense of life. The table just had bare wood, no papers or anything.
Suddenly my phone started buzzing. I zipped open my purse, searching for my phone that was at the bottom. I looked at the caller ID. It was Alicia. I snapped it open.
"Hey," I greeted
"Hi! Where are you? You like, disappeared after lunch!"
"Um, yeah, I was at...tryouts," I lied. Oh my god I have to stop lying!!
"Tryouts? For what sport?" she asked, getting off topic. I bit my lip, thinking of an excuse.
"Um, ok well, yeah. Like, when did you plan to have that dinner?" I stalled.
"Oh, I forgot about that! Well, its one thirty right now, do you think four? Before the rush hour?"
"Sure," I said without thinking.
"Great! Tell Gerard and I will tell Mikey!" she sung, and then hung up.
I breathed a sigh of relief, snapping my phone shut. I stood from the chair and walked around to the stairway.
"Gerard!" I called. I waited for a reply.
"Um, what?' he sounded distressed.
"We are going out to dinner with Mikey and Alicia at four." I informed.
"Erm, okay..." he faded off.
I sighed. I walked back over to where I was sitting and took out my notebook and a pen. I realized it was the pen Gerard used to cut. He wanted it back, but I wasn't ready to give it back. I wanted a part of him to be with me always.
I started writing.
Gerard is being very distant to me. He doesn't seem to answer me right away; it's as if he is lying to me. Well, he's not the only one. This is the second time I caught myself lying to Alicia. I just hope I can keep all these secrets without driving myself into insanity.
I was standing in the checkout line, looking at the assortments of gum. I was thinking of what flavor to get when I looked up towards the window. I saw Gerard sitting their, looking angry. Then he yelled something and smashed his fist on the dashboard. I felt guilty for leaving him alone, I should have brought him in here with me.
The guy at the counter handed me my change back. I quickly said thanks and rushed outside. The rain lightened, leaving grey clouds and a long breeze. I opened the passenger seat and leaned in.
"Gerard, are you okay?" I asked worriedly. The look in his eye told me he was scared that I saw him hurting himself again.
"Um, yeah I just got...angry" he stammered.
"Okay," I sighed, closing the door.
I walked up to the gas pipe, punched in the numbers and waited for it to fill the tank. I kept a close watch on Gerard, making sure he didn't try to hurt himself again. The machine beeped and I took the pump out of my car. I placed it back in the gas tank and got inside my car, quickly taking out my keys. I glanced at Gerard. He was watching the keys again.
His house was empty, it reminded me of the day I first found him cutting. I shivered as we walked into the kitchen.
"Okay, I will um, go get changed now," he said quietly, making his way upstairs.
'Okay," I called back, taking a seat at the table. This house was too clean; there was no sense of life. The table just had bare wood, no papers or anything.
Suddenly my phone started buzzing. I zipped open my purse, searching for my phone that was at the bottom. I looked at the caller ID. It was Alicia. I snapped it open.
"Hey," I greeted
"Hi! Where are you? You like, disappeared after lunch!"
"Um, yeah, I was at...tryouts," I lied. Oh my god I have to stop lying!!
"Tryouts? For what sport?" she asked, getting off topic. I bit my lip, thinking of an excuse.
"Um, ok well, yeah. Like, when did you plan to have that dinner?" I stalled.
"Oh, I forgot about that! Well, its one thirty right now, do you think four? Before the rush hour?"
"Sure," I said without thinking.
"Great! Tell Gerard and I will tell Mikey!" she sung, and then hung up.
I breathed a sigh of relief, snapping my phone shut. I stood from the chair and walked around to the stairway.
"Gerard!" I called. I waited for a reply.
"Um, what?' he sounded distressed.
"We are going out to dinner with Mikey and Alicia at four." I informed.
"Erm, okay..." he faded off.
I sighed. I walked back over to where I was sitting and took out my notebook and a pen. I realized it was the pen Gerard used to cut. He wanted it back, but I wasn't ready to give it back. I wanted a part of him to be with me always.
I started writing.
Gerard is being very distant to me. He doesn't seem to answer me right away; it's as if he is lying to me. Well, he's not the only one. This is the second time I caught myself lying to Alicia. I just hope I can keep all these secrets without driving myself into insanity.
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