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Mikey stared numbly at the television whose light illuminated the dark room. He was sitting cross legged on his favorite overstuffed chair and he leaned back into the comfort of the soft cushions as he watched Gerard's face flash across the screen.

"Gerard Way, the front man of My Chemical Romance, died yesterday at the age of twenty seven from a drug overdose..."

The words stung Mikey like a thousand needles. It had only been a day but Gerard's death was already national news. The screen switched from Gerard's face to a crowd of people, crying, holding signs and laying flowers at a spot on the sidewalk. It touched Mikey to know that so many people were affected by his brother and their music. It was almost unbearable to listen to MTV News relay yesterday's event to the general public but in a way, he was drawn to it. It was like he couldn't stop watching even if he wanted to. He continued watching the television.

"Apparently, Way suffered from severe depression and had problems with drugs in the past."

Mikey sighed and sat forward. This was the fifth time he had seen this broadcast and he knew what was coming next.

"Mikey Way, Gerard Way's brother and bassist of the band, found him but unfortunately, it was not in time."

Mikey gave a small grunt. The media sure had a blunt way of saying things. It was not in time. No, no is wasn't in time and he wished that he could chance that. If the hurt and pain of losing his brother wasn't enough, he had to deal with the tremendous guilt of not finding him in time. They all told him it wasn't his fault. How could he have known? He should have known. There as a gnawing feeling in the back of his mind that he could have prevented his brother's death.

Mikey reached over to the end table that was placed beside the chair and felt around for the pack of cigarettes he had purchased earlier. He had always hated the things but he figured that if there was ever a time to start smoking, it was now. He pulled a cigarette from the cardboard box and picked up the lighter that was on the table as well. He lit up the cigarette and took a long drag. It burned his throat and he fought back the urge to cough. He watched the cloud of smoke escape his mouth and disperse in the air. He felt unsettled and as cliche as it sounded, the cigarettes calmed him down. He took another drag. It was easier than the first and he felt he did it as though he had been a smoker for a long time instead of a few hours.

Gerard's face had returned to the screen, a video cap from "I'm Not Okay", and he looked sickly in the picture.

'Gerard Way: April 9, 1977 - November 13, 2004' appeared at the bottom of the screen. Mikey stared at the screen as the picture faded and a commercial came on. At the sight of his brother he felt the hot tears sting his eyes but he wouldn't let them fall. He hadn't cried since he was at the hospital. It wasn't that he didn't want to cry, he couldn't. He knew that if he cried for his brother, it meant he was truly gone and that wasn't something he was ready to accept yet.

"Mikey, maybe you should switch to another show." Mikey jumped at the sound of Frank's voice behind him. Frank had insisted on staying with Mikey until his parents returned home. The talk with his parents had been horrible. How do you tell them that their son just killed himself? They were heading home that night and would get there sometime in the next day. Mikey felt Frank's hand on his shoulder. Frank eyed the cigarette in Mikey's hand.

"When did you start smoking?" Frank's voice was questioning. Mikey shrugged in reply and took a drag. Frank sighed. "Well, at least let me take a drag then." Mikey offered him the cigarette and Frank took it, inhaling the smoke and the nicotine. Frank walked around to the couch that sat perpendicular to the chair and took a seat.

"I like the casket you picked out. I think Gerard would have too." Frank told him softly. Mikey nodded, not really wanting to think about it. He had met with the funeral director that day and picked out a casket, headstone and all the other little things that go along with a funeral. It was the worst thing he had ever had to do in his life. He thought about Frank's comment. The casket was black marble, so black that you could see your reflection in it like a mirror. The liner was cream colored silk. There were going to be two showings the day after next and then then the funeral the following day.

"I would have rather not picked anything out at all." was Mikey's staunch reply. The MTV News came back on and Mikey fixed his eyes on the screen. Frank sighed as he and Mikey sat there in silence and watched the news for the rest of the night.