Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Comfortably Numb
Mikey sat out on his balcony in the thin sunlight of January. The funeral was already two months behind him. The funeral. The funeral had been a tragic affair. Mikey had watched in horror as people broke down at the sight of his brother. He couldn't blame the people. He himself had been a sore sight for eyes as well.
The cold New Jersey wind kicked in, causing Mikey to hug his arms to his thin body and wrap the blanket around him a little tighter. He thought about the funeral some more. The sadness had been overwhelming. It had enveloped Mikey through the entire ordeal and more than once he had to leave the funeral home to compose himself. He wasn't sleeping. He couldn't sleep. His dreams were poisoned by the sight of Gerard, blue and cold. it seemed that every time he shut his eyes Gerard was there, haunting him. Even now, he was still bothered by the dreams.
Everyone had been very understanding, though. Many told them that they were there if he ever needed anything. He always smiled and thanked them, as if both parties knew that that it would never happen.
It was shortly after the funeral that the band decided to take an indefinite hiatus. They all knew Mikey really wasn't in a state of mind to deal with the band and the others weren't sure where to go from there. They knew that it would never really be the same without Gerard and they didn't know if they could ever replace him. Ray had gone home, as had Bob. Frank, well, Frank decided that he wasn't going to leave Mikey until he was sure that Mikey was going to be okay. Frank and Mikey had been living together for about two months now. Mikey always appreciated Frank's presence. He had been there to wake Mikey up from the dreams that haunted him, to cheer him up when he felt depressed. If there was a definition of a perfect friend, Frank had been living it for the last two months. He was the only one Mikey felt like talking to. He was really the only other person he trusted undoubtedly.
Mikey hadn't been easy to live with for last two months. The moods swings were always terrible. Mikey would go from being semi-normal to depressed to angry. Frank usually got the brunt of this but he stayed there to help Mikey through it. He thought back to a few days ago.
Why do you do it?" Mikey screamed. "How do you deal with me?" Frank was standing in the doorway of the living room, staring at him, who was pacing around the living room like the world was going to end if he stopped.
"I deal with it because I know it isn't going to last forever. You're my friend. Why would I abandon you when you need someone the most?" Frank said with an even tone. He knew it might calm Mikey down but instead Mikey continued to pace.
"Frank, you're too good for me! I swear it." Mikey kept pacing but put his hands to his head. "I want this to be done with. I'm going crazy. I'm really going fu.cking crazy!" Frank walked up from where he was standing and put is hands on Mikey's shoulders.
"Look at me. You're not going crazy. You are just having some problems. You need to give the medication a chance to work." Mikey stopped for a moment.
"I don't like how it makes me feel. I don't feel right on it. I can't explain...it's like I'm not all there." Mikey stared at Frank, pleading with his eyes, trying to make him understand.
"I know...but just try it okay?"
The medication. Mikey sighed. They had put him on an antidepressant about a month ago. He had went to see a therapist to try to work out his issues but it wasn't helping him. It was at the suggestion of the therapist that he sought out medication. the doctors told him that he had an imbalance and that getting on an antidepressant would help his anxiety and depression. It didn't help but they were still playing around with the dosage. For the present, Mikey was trying to avoid taking his medication at all costs.
Mikey zoned back into the present and watched with interest as the sun set. It painted the sky an array of warm colors and Mikey felt captivated by it.
"You still want to go?" Frank's voice tore Mikey away from his thoughts. They were going to a party, the first Mikey had been to since Gerard died. He really didn't want to go but he knew it was attempt by Frank to cheer him up. He gave Frank the best smile he could muster and stood up, leaving the blanket on the chair he was sitting in.
"Yeah, I still want to go." Frank smiled, relieved that Mikey wasn't going to barricade himself in the apartment tonight. Both men walked back into the apartment and Frank told Mikey he was going to change his shirt and then he'd be ready. Mikey nodded and watched as Frank disappeared into his bedroom.
Mikey found his converse sneakers, classic black and white, and sat down on the couch to put them on. He glanced down at what he was wearing. There were the flared jeans he had been wearing for a day or so, black band t-shirt and a black zip up sweat shirt. He decided that it was presentable. He had a black hat thrown over his hair and he knew that it looked okay. Frank was in the living room by then and he stood up and followed him out the front door and to his car that was parked in front of the building. They both got in wordlessly.
Mikey watched as Frank started the car and turned the headlights on. Frank's hand instantly went to the radio and flipped it to the CD player. The sounds of Iron Maiden filled the car. Mikey smiled at this thoughtful gesture. Frank wasn't exactly a huge Iron Maiden fan but he knew Mikey liked it.
"This party is supposed to be really good! A friend of mine is throwing it, Kevin...do you remember Kevin?" Frank small talked as they drove through the Jersey streets and suburbs. Mikey nodded.
"Wasn't he a year ahead of us?" Mikey asked.
"Yes..." Frank paused, chuckling a moment. "He was the one that spray painted 'mother fuckers' on the school lawn."
Mikey laughed at the memory. They had all gone to school that morning and a crowd had been standing on the lawn. When Frank, Mikey and Gerard had pushed their way to the front, they saw that in red block letters 'mother fuckers' was spray painted on the lawn. The look on the principals face was priceless. It took almost a week before the red letters had totally faded. Kevin was suspended for a month but he was infamous after that. Mikey realized Frank was staring at him.
"What?"
"You laughed." Frank said in amazement. "It's good to hear that again."
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A few minutes later they pulled up in front of a big house. It looked like it was built in the forties and it had many windows. Frank parked and they both got out and walked up the steps to the front door. Frank rang the doorbell and almost instantaneously the door opened and they were ushered in. The guy who let them in shoved two plastic cups into their hands and walked away. Mikey lifted his up to his nose and the strong odor of beer filled his nostrils. Frank did the same then took a sip. Mikey looked at the liquid a second time then downed the whole thing.
"Jesus!" Frank said, after Mikey had finished it in less than a minute. Mikey shrugged, smiling again.
"I was thirsty and this is a party right?" Frank stared at him a moment.
"Yeah, it is. it's just that..." Mikey interrupted him.
"Just what?"
"Can you drink on your medication? I didn't think about..." Mikey cut him off again, slightly annoyed. He really hadn't wanted to come but now that he was here and already had a beer in him, he felt better about the situation. He thought that maybe if he got drunk it could help him numb some of the emotional pain. He didn't want to be fall down, room spinning, head in hands drunk but getting buzzed would defiantly be worth it. He also didn't want Frank to know that he had stopped taking his medication so he interrupted him before Frank pressed to much.
"It said alcohol in moderation was okay. Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid." Frank looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Well, if you want to go just tell me." Mikey nodded and turned around to find another drink. Frank stared a moment at Mikey before turning the other way to find Kevin. He was glad that Mike was finally lightening up. He had barely left the house in the last two months. He just hoped that Mikey wouldn't overdo the beer.
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Mikey left the foyer and discarded his empty cup in a trash bag that was placed on the railing to the stairs that led up to the second floor of the house. The hallway he was walking in was dimly lit and he could feel the bass of a rock song vibrating the floor. He found the kitchen at the end of the hallway and was pleased to find a keg in the corner of the small room. He grabbed another red plastic cup from a stack on the counter and quickly filled it with icy cold liquid. He put the cup to his lips, closed his eyes and downed it. He did that two more times and was on his fourth when he heard a female voice from the corner of the room.
"Slow down, killer. What are your intentions here?" Mikey stopped mid-gulp and his eyes focused in a slim, pale girl sitting at a kitchen table. She had short red hair and there was something about her that made Mikey feel slightly uncomfortable. She was staring at him with dark eyes that seemed to be darkened more by the circles under her eyes. her voice was clear and had an alluring effect. The girl spoke again.
"You're going to be hammered before the party has even begun!" Mikey gave a snort of sorts.
"My intentions exactly." The girl laughed, getting up.
"I see. Are you trying to forget something?" Mikey looked at his half finished beer.
"You could say that..." He let his voice trail off. The girl was standing next to him now. She took the beer out of his hands and set it on the counter.
"My name is April. I can get you something better than beer to help you forget." Mikey was already on his way to getting drunk and there was something about her that intrigued him even though she made him uneasy.
" And what would that be?" he asked. She took his hand, smiling and led him out of the kitchen.
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Mikey was led back into the dark hallway and followed April up the stairs. The stairs creaked under their weight and even though there weren't that many of them, Mikey felt winded after getting to the top. April let go of his hand and smiled.
"I told you my name, now, what is yours?" Mikey felt like he was under a spell.
"Mikey."
"Mikey...I like it." She said, giggling. "Now, come with me." She opened a door and walked into a small bedroom. Mikey followed her.
The room had no bed but huge pillows everywhere. The walls were dark blue and there were black curtains covering the only window. There were about five people, seated on the pillows, around a glass coffee table. April took a seat and patted the pillow next to her. Mikey stared at the dark fabric for a moment before taking a seat.
The beer had begun to take effect and it took him a moment to fix his eyes on the table. When his eyes focused he saw that there was white powder all over the table.
Cocaine.
Mikey realized April was talking to him.
"Have you ever done a line?" she was asking, her eyes glowing with intensity.
"No..." Mikey paused, wondering whether not to continue. "but my brother used to." She smiled.
"Smart guy." Mikey remained silent. Smart guy. Oh, if only she knew. He watched as people made lines and then snorted them up. He watched as April made two lines, did one, then looked at Mikey expectantly.
He was drunk, he knew this much and it wasn't really helping. He looked at the neat line of white powder and thought of Gerard. So many times he had stumbled onto the tour bus coked up and drunk. Mikey had always hated it. It scared him to see him so out of it that he couldn't function. He would help him to his bunk always noting how out of it he was. He never fully understood why he did it. He'd asked him once and Gerard told him that it made all his problems go away.
Mikey thought about that last statement. He wanted all of his problems to go away. He took the rolled up dollar bill from April and leaned forward so that his face was only a few inches from the table. He stared at the line, seeing Gerard's face in front of him. He exhaled slowly, then in one swift movement, snorted the line.
The cold New Jersey wind kicked in, causing Mikey to hug his arms to his thin body and wrap the blanket around him a little tighter. He thought about the funeral some more. The sadness had been overwhelming. It had enveloped Mikey through the entire ordeal and more than once he had to leave the funeral home to compose himself. He wasn't sleeping. He couldn't sleep. His dreams were poisoned by the sight of Gerard, blue and cold. it seemed that every time he shut his eyes Gerard was there, haunting him. Even now, he was still bothered by the dreams.
Everyone had been very understanding, though. Many told them that they were there if he ever needed anything. He always smiled and thanked them, as if both parties knew that that it would never happen.
It was shortly after the funeral that the band decided to take an indefinite hiatus. They all knew Mikey really wasn't in a state of mind to deal with the band and the others weren't sure where to go from there. They knew that it would never really be the same without Gerard and they didn't know if they could ever replace him. Ray had gone home, as had Bob. Frank, well, Frank decided that he wasn't going to leave Mikey until he was sure that Mikey was going to be okay. Frank and Mikey had been living together for about two months now. Mikey always appreciated Frank's presence. He had been there to wake Mikey up from the dreams that haunted him, to cheer him up when he felt depressed. If there was a definition of a perfect friend, Frank had been living it for the last two months. He was the only one Mikey felt like talking to. He was really the only other person he trusted undoubtedly.
Mikey hadn't been easy to live with for last two months. The moods swings were always terrible. Mikey would go from being semi-normal to depressed to angry. Frank usually got the brunt of this but he stayed there to help Mikey through it. He thought back to a few days ago.
Why do you do it?" Mikey screamed. "How do you deal with me?" Frank was standing in the doorway of the living room, staring at him, who was pacing around the living room like the world was going to end if he stopped.
"I deal with it because I know it isn't going to last forever. You're my friend. Why would I abandon you when you need someone the most?" Frank said with an even tone. He knew it might calm Mikey down but instead Mikey continued to pace.
"Frank, you're too good for me! I swear it." Mikey kept pacing but put his hands to his head. "I want this to be done with. I'm going crazy. I'm really going fu.cking crazy!" Frank walked up from where he was standing and put is hands on Mikey's shoulders.
"Look at me. You're not going crazy. You are just having some problems. You need to give the medication a chance to work." Mikey stopped for a moment.
"I don't like how it makes me feel. I don't feel right on it. I can't explain...it's like I'm not all there." Mikey stared at Frank, pleading with his eyes, trying to make him understand.
"I know...but just try it okay?"
The medication. Mikey sighed. They had put him on an antidepressant about a month ago. He had went to see a therapist to try to work out his issues but it wasn't helping him. It was at the suggestion of the therapist that he sought out medication. the doctors told him that he had an imbalance and that getting on an antidepressant would help his anxiety and depression. It didn't help but they were still playing around with the dosage. For the present, Mikey was trying to avoid taking his medication at all costs.
Mikey zoned back into the present and watched with interest as the sun set. It painted the sky an array of warm colors and Mikey felt captivated by it.
"You still want to go?" Frank's voice tore Mikey away from his thoughts. They were going to a party, the first Mikey had been to since Gerard died. He really didn't want to go but he knew it was attempt by Frank to cheer him up. He gave Frank the best smile he could muster and stood up, leaving the blanket on the chair he was sitting in.
"Yeah, I still want to go." Frank smiled, relieved that Mikey wasn't going to barricade himself in the apartment tonight. Both men walked back into the apartment and Frank told Mikey he was going to change his shirt and then he'd be ready. Mikey nodded and watched as Frank disappeared into his bedroom.
Mikey found his converse sneakers, classic black and white, and sat down on the couch to put them on. He glanced down at what he was wearing. There were the flared jeans he had been wearing for a day or so, black band t-shirt and a black zip up sweat shirt. He decided that it was presentable. He had a black hat thrown over his hair and he knew that it looked okay. Frank was in the living room by then and he stood up and followed him out the front door and to his car that was parked in front of the building. They both got in wordlessly.
Mikey watched as Frank started the car and turned the headlights on. Frank's hand instantly went to the radio and flipped it to the CD player. The sounds of Iron Maiden filled the car. Mikey smiled at this thoughtful gesture. Frank wasn't exactly a huge Iron Maiden fan but he knew Mikey liked it.
"This party is supposed to be really good! A friend of mine is throwing it, Kevin...do you remember Kevin?" Frank small talked as they drove through the Jersey streets and suburbs. Mikey nodded.
"Wasn't he a year ahead of us?" Mikey asked.
"Yes..." Frank paused, chuckling a moment. "He was the one that spray painted 'mother fuckers' on the school lawn."
Mikey laughed at the memory. They had all gone to school that morning and a crowd had been standing on the lawn. When Frank, Mikey and Gerard had pushed their way to the front, they saw that in red block letters 'mother fuckers' was spray painted on the lawn. The look on the principals face was priceless. It took almost a week before the red letters had totally faded. Kevin was suspended for a month but he was infamous after that. Mikey realized Frank was staring at him.
"What?"
"You laughed." Frank said in amazement. "It's good to hear that again."
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A few minutes later they pulled up in front of a big house. It looked like it was built in the forties and it had many windows. Frank parked and they both got out and walked up the steps to the front door. Frank rang the doorbell and almost instantaneously the door opened and they were ushered in. The guy who let them in shoved two plastic cups into their hands and walked away. Mikey lifted his up to his nose and the strong odor of beer filled his nostrils. Frank did the same then took a sip. Mikey looked at the liquid a second time then downed the whole thing.
"Jesus!" Frank said, after Mikey had finished it in less than a minute. Mikey shrugged, smiling again.
"I was thirsty and this is a party right?" Frank stared at him a moment.
"Yeah, it is. it's just that..." Mikey interrupted him.
"Just what?"
"Can you drink on your medication? I didn't think about..." Mikey cut him off again, slightly annoyed. He really hadn't wanted to come but now that he was here and already had a beer in him, he felt better about the situation. He thought that maybe if he got drunk it could help him numb some of the emotional pain. He didn't want to be fall down, room spinning, head in hands drunk but getting buzzed would defiantly be worth it. He also didn't want Frank to know that he had stopped taking his medication so he interrupted him before Frank pressed to much.
"It said alcohol in moderation was okay. Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid." Frank looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Well, if you want to go just tell me." Mikey nodded and turned around to find another drink. Frank stared a moment at Mikey before turning the other way to find Kevin. He was glad that Mike was finally lightening up. He had barely left the house in the last two months. He just hoped that Mikey wouldn't overdo the beer.
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Mikey left the foyer and discarded his empty cup in a trash bag that was placed on the railing to the stairs that led up to the second floor of the house. The hallway he was walking in was dimly lit and he could feel the bass of a rock song vibrating the floor. He found the kitchen at the end of the hallway and was pleased to find a keg in the corner of the small room. He grabbed another red plastic cup from a stack on the counter and quickly filled it with icy cold liquid. He put the cup to his lips, closed his eyes and downed it. He did that two more times and was on his fourth when he heard a female voice from the corner of the room.
"Slow down, killer. What are your intentions here?" Mikey stopped mid-gulp and his eyes focused in a slim, pale girl sitting at a kitchen table. She had short red hair and there was something about her that made Mikey feel slightly uncomfortable. She was staring at him with dark eyes that seemed to be darkened more by the circles under her eyes. her voice was clear and had an alluring effect. The girl spoke again.
"You're going to be hammered before the party has even begun!" Mikey gave a snort of sorts.
"My intentions exactly." The girl laughed, getting up.
"I see. Are you trying to forget something?" Mikey looked at his half finished beer.
"You could say that..." He let his voice trail off. The girl was standing next to him now. She took the beer out of his hands and set it on the counter.
"My name is April. I can get you something better than beer to help you forget." Mikey was already on his way to getting drunk and there was something about her that intrigued him even though she made him uneasy.
" And what would that be?" he asked. She took his hand, smiling and led him out of the kitchen.
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Mikey was led back into the dark hallway and followed April up the stairs. The stairs creaked under their weight and even though there weren't that many of them, Mikey felt winded after getting to the top. April let go of his hand and smiled.
"I told you my name, now, what is yours?" Mikey felt like he was under a spell.
"Mikey."
"Mikey...I like it." She said, giggling. "Now, come with me." She opened a door and walked into a small bedroom. Mikey followed her.
The room had no bed but huge pillows everywhere. The walls were dark blue and there were black curtains covering the only window. There were about five people, seated on the pillows, around a glass coffee table. April took a seat and patted the pillow next to her. Mikey stared at the dark fabric for a moment before taking a seat.
The beer had begun to take effect and it took him a moment to fix his eyes on the table. When his eyes focused he saw that there was white powder all over the table.
Cocaine.
Mikey realized April was talking to him.
"Have you ever done a line?" she was asking, her eyes glowing with intensity.
"No..." Mikey paused, wondering whether not to continue. "but my brother used to." She smiled.
"Smart guy." Mikey remained silent. Smart guy. Oh, if only she knew. He watched as people made lines and then snorted them up. He watched as April made two lines, did one, then looked at Mikey expectantly.
He was drunk, he knew this much and it wasn't really helping. He looked at the neat line of white powder and thought of Gerard. So many times he had stumbled onto the tour bus coked up and drunk. Mikey had always hated it. It scared him to see him so out of it that he couldn't function. He would help him to his bunk always noting how out of it he was. He never fully understood why he did it. He'd asked him once and Gerard told him that it made all his problems go away.
Mikey thought about that last statement. He wanted all of his problems to go away. He took the rolled up dollar bill from April and leaned forward so that his face was only a few inches from the table. He stared at the line, seeing Gerard's face in front of him. He exhaled slowly, then in one swift movement, snorted the line.
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