FicWad

They were going to start the new album. Joe had talked about doing a cover album of classic blues songs but he had balked at it. That would be just such a fucking cop out. He could just envision the reviewers-'Ran out of ideas so Aerosmith butchered classic blues songs. Who the fuck do they think they are?' People had told him for years he had the voice to sing the blues, but in his mind, he had no right to sing the blues. Well, not until now.

His knee had been bothering him for years-a throwback from his motorcycle accident coupled with age and the workouts he'd been doing with Joey, he needed the operation. He figured have the procedure; wear a knee brace for a while and then everything would be back to normal. He'd be healed up in time to go on tour. There, he went and planned, mistake number one. Everything had changed. His world was falling apart around him.

He had just gotten the most devastating news he'd ever received. He had gotten no support from the woman who vowed to stay beside him in sickness and in health. He just got a sneer and one question after another about just how did he get this? Sad thing was-he expected no less from her.

His children said that they understood and loved him, and he told them the same. He believed them. His parents didn't know yet, but they were his parents-they always had loved him. At least he had them and hopefully the one other person in his life that made him feel happy.

They had a different relationship-different than with Joe anyway. Joey always gave and he always received. Sometimes he was on his back sometimes on top-he was really getting into the whole bathroom experience. He'd even gotten use to the fact that Joey wouldn't do oral. It was OK, with all he was giving him, he couldn't complain.

Joey Kramer made him happy, and that was all that mattered.

His mind was in a flood of terror when it came to Joey. How would he tell him? How would he take it? Would he hate him forever? He went over every possible conversation he could, coming up with answers to questions he hoped wouldn't be asked. There was no way to prepare for this. No way to tell how he would take it. Steven started to cry again, he wiped his eyes and turned into Joey's driveway.

He stopped the car and pulled himself together. He had to tell him, he had to let him know. He would be the first to know, but not the last.

He saw Joey looking at him; he gave a slight wave, got out but stood there staring at him.

Joey frowned as he thought...'He's got a strange look on his face. Something's wrong, something happened, something I don't wanna know about.' He just wanted to hide, to hide from whatever shit was gonna hit the fan. He finally went up to Steven. "Hey. I didn't know you were coming by."

"Yeah well, I gotta tell you something." Steven licked his lip, "Something that couldn't be said on the phone."

'Oh fuck no!' It was something. Joey remained calm, but he felt his heart beat faster. "OK."

Steven took a couple stiff steps. "Joey, I don't know how to tell you this in any easy way, so I just have to say it."

But he didn't. He stood there just staring in his face. Joey finally put his arm around him. "What's the matter?"

"I-" He wiped his eyes, "I gotta tell you something."

Joey tightened his grip. This was gonna be bad. "Darling, just tell me."

"I've tested positive for Hepatitis C."

Joey's face fell. "Darling!" He grasped his love and held him. He felt Steven's shudders as he wept. "Are they sure?"

Steven broke away, "Yeah, I went in and had another test done." He wiped his eyes again, "I got it."

Joey was overwhelmed. "What now?"

Steven looked at him, "You'd better get tested."

"Why? We always use protection."

"I'd just feel better if you got tested. Both you and Joe."

"Yeah, OK, if you want me to." He put his arm around the singer's trembling shoulder. "What's next for you?"

"Pills, and maybe shots." He swallowed hard, "If I don't I could be dead in ten years."

"You won't die! You'll beat this! You're a survivor!"

Steven hung his head down and cried. "I wanna see my kids graduate, and get married. I want to see their lives. I don't wanna die, Joey."

Joey held him again, "You'll beat this." He whispered, and then kissed the side of his head.

"Do you hate me?"

Joey was puzzled, "Hate you? I could never hate you!"

Steven broke away from his embrace, but kept his hands around his waist. He looked deep into his blue eyes, "What if I gave it to you too?"

"Hey I'm healthy-"

"That's what I thought."

Joey couldn't say anything.

"You know you can get this from dirty needles or from sharing straws or sometimes sex. Hard telling how I got it."

His lover remained silent for a moment, "I've had hepatitis."

"Yeah but not C." Steven corrected. He remembered how sick Joey was back then. They were just starting out and he got it. The doctor figured he had mono and it advanced into hepatitis.

Joey rubbed at Steven's arm, "Yeah. So how's Teresa?"

That got the tears to well into his eyes again. "Mad as fucking hell."

"So it didn't go that well."

"No." He thought about the past few years. "See, Teresa and me, we're just going through the motions. My home is just a house of cards and this might just make it collapse." The flood of terror hit him again, the thought of the unknown, "Pray for me."

"Of course I will." He tried to reassure him, "They can do so much now, with medicine. I'm sure you'll be back on your feet in no time."

His head dropped down, "I don't know. Maybe this is it. Maybe I've run out of luck."

"No Steven. Don't ever give up. I'm here for you and you know April's here for you too."

"Thanks."

"So who else knows?" Joey asked.

"My doctors and my family, and you. I have to tell the rest of the guys, but I wanted you to know first." He wiped his eyes again. "I don't know how I'm gonna tell them."

"Tell them like you told me. They'll understand."

"I hope so." He gave a deep sigh. "But can you do something for me."

"Of course."

"Keep this quiet. I don't want the media to find out. I'll talk about when I'm ready."


Steven thought about it as he drove away. Would it be better to say it in a group or one on one? Joe deserved to be told face to face. His car made the trip to Duxbury.

He found Joe out at his barbecue, brushing his hot sauce on some ribs. "You wanna stay for lunch?"

Steven didn't answer. He sat down at his table and watched him. The man had everything-every brush and tong on the market today. He had everything else too. A great wife, kids, talent up the ass-he hoped that he wouldn't lose everything.

"It's not like you to be so quiet," Joe put everything down and sat beside him. "So what's up?"

He tried to be brave; he tried not to cry. "I got news from my doctor." He shook his head, "When I had surgery they took some blood, and it came back positive-"

"Positive?" He echoed, "For what?"

"Hepatitis C." He looked at Joe. He was bent over staring at the ground, his long hands clasped together. "I got it. I'm infected."

Joe remained motionless. "How long have you had it?" He finally asked.

"Probably twenty years. It's just been waiting around," Steven looked at him again, trying to see how this was going. "I want you to get tested."

"I get tested every year and I'm clean."

"Good. I'm glad."

"Does Joey know?"

"Yeah."

Joe nodded. "Is he OK?"

"He was very supportive, more than she was."

Joe figured that things weren't going all that well between Teresa and Steven. That statement proved it. "You know I'm here for you too."

"Thanks, man." He felt his eyes well up again, "I figure I'll tell everyone at the band meeting, and ask that this stays under wraps you know."

Joe nodded. "I won't even tell her."

_____________________________________

Today was the big day-the band meeting. The meeting that would set forth the plans for the album, see what everyone wanted and go from there.

Steven dreaded it. He walked into the office, Joey was standing by the doorway, and the rest were sitting. He drew a deep breath after the initial 'hellos'.

"Before we get goin' about the album," He cleared his throat, "There's something that I gotta say. And it can't leave this room."

He saw Tom and Brad look at each other, the other two were just staring at him. They knew the ugly truth.

"Uh-" He bit at his lower lip, "You know I had knee surgery, and, well, they found something." He felt himself breaking down, but a hand rested on his shoulder. It was Joey. That hand gave him the courage to say it, to admit it. "I got Hepatitis C."

Nothing. Not a gasp or a word.

"So, right now I'm on these pills, to try to stop it." He continued, "And these pills are making me stupid. I forget what I'm saying, and I'll repeat shit or sometimes I'll be in the middle of saying something and my mind wanders off and I don't know what I was even going to say. My doctor said it's a side effect, and there's nothing that can be done, so I'm asking you to be patient with me, if I tell you the same thing two times.

"Right now I just can't sit down and write anything-all I'm thinking about is this shit and with my memory problems. There's no way I could write thirty songs-even with help. So, we gotta do this cover album."

"I don't think a cover album of the blues is a cop out." Joe said. "We can show what we loved as kids and put our own spin on them. It's not a straight up cover."

"I don't have a problem playin' the blues." Brad shrugged.

"Yeah so anyway," Steven continued, "Like I said I got this, and I'm having a hard time right now dealing with it. So I don't want the press to know."

They all said at the same time that they wouldn't talk.

"I'm just so sorry I'm letting you all down-"

"You're not letting us down." Tom interrupted.

Steven didn't answer. He felt he was-he was supposed to be the songsmith.

"So, how did you get it," Tom tilted his head, "If you don't mind me asking? I mean if you don't wanna say anything-"

"No, no, that's fine. My doctor said maybe I got it twenty years ago, and it's just been dormant. So if anybody wants to go get tested, I'll gladly pay for it." Steven looked at each of them, they were still dazed, "Cause you know we all used to snort together, and some of us shot up together and shit."

"I think I'm saying this for everyone," Brad cleared his throat, "We're here for you." He then rose and gave Steven a hug.

It soon was a group hug, but Steven still felt alone. He hadn't felt this alone in years. As they broke away, he wiped his tears away, "Thanks, now let's get to work."

_____________________________________

March 11-Lubbock Texas, the first stop on the tour. The concert was great, the crowd was into it-they loved the 'new' blues songs, and they had done the standards they had to do.

Steven was sitting in his hotel room, reading some fan mail when there was a knock. He opened the door and there was his dear Joey. "Hey. Come on in."

He closed the door behind him and felt Joey's hands caressing his back. "It was a fucking great show."

He turned around and saw that look-the look Joey always has on his face when he's ready for a romp. "Yeah, it was a great opening night."

Joey leaned to kiss him when Steven walked away, "We gotta talk."

"OK." Joey followed him to the couch.

"It's been a while since we've been together."

"Yeah well, I figured this would be a night cap to a great show." Joey ran his hand over Steven's thigh.

"I'm still infected."

"I know."

"I can't make love to you."

"Why not? I mean we use protection-I've never had a rubber break yet."

"Yeah-YET." He looked into his blue eyes-he loved his eyes. His eyes were the most truthful eyes he'd ever seen. He never had to second-guess what he was thinking.

"Darling I love you. I wanna be with you."

"Well, I wanna be with you too, but I don't wanna give this to you. I don't wanna risk kissing you. We can't do anything." Steven hung his head. "I hope you understand."

"I can't even kiss you? Why?"

"Passing bodily fluids!" Steven said in an exasperated tone, "No passing of bodily fluids. That's how-"

"I think you're taking this a bit too seriously-"

"No I'm not!" Steven stared at him, "Joey this is serious. Hepatitis is serious. What I'm going though is serious-"

"We made love a week before you had surgery. I kissed you on the mouth. I had my tongue in your mouth-"

"Yeah I know." Steven said gravely. "I keep thinking about that."

"So you're worried that down the road I'm gonna get it?"

"Yeah, I am." He leveled his eyes at him, "Cause it kill me to have you go through this fucking shit."

Joey put his arm around him, "Darling, I promise that every time I have a physical I'll get check."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"I'm sorry, but I'm doing this all for you."

Joey still thought it was silly, not kissing. It wasn't like they were sharing a straw for blow. "I appreciate it." He leaned closer to him, "So you want me to go?"

"No, I mean," Steven hesitated, "I don't wanna be alone, but I know you-"

"What the hell does that mean?"

Steven shrugged. "I just mean that I know how much making love means to you, and-" he voice trailed off. "I just can't risk it." He sniffed. "I don't want to make you sick, and I don't wanna lose you cause you ain't getting a piece of ass."

Joey wrapped him in his arms, "I'm not gonna pull that shit on you."

Steven held him tight, breathing in his scent, he felt safe in his embrace. "Tonight really took it out of me." He sighed, "I don't know if I can make a whole tour."

Joey felt himself frown-they had already cut back the list to make the show shorter, and he was still tired? Maybe they shouldn't have come out. He decided to be his cheerleader. "No matter how much you practice, fuck it's hard to get back in this groove. You got a day to recover."

"Yeah."

Joey realized that he was serious, about the no sex thing. Up till now, he thought that Steven was just putting on a good show, feeling him out to see if he was leery. He would have made a move by now, but he hadn't. At least he was here with him and maybe in a few weeks he would come around...

"You know you're the last person I made love to."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Steven repositioned his head on his shoulder. "I'm so fuckin tired."

"You wanna go lie down?"

"Yeah." He broke away and stood. "If you wanna go, I understand, cause this ain't gonna go nowhere."

"No, I'll stay, if you want."

He followed him into his bedroom, and slipped his boots off. He went on his back as Steven curled up beside him. "I figured we'd be naked by now."

"Sorry." Steven gave a slight chuckle.

"It's OK, this is good too."

"When I get over this, I'm gonna rock your world." He said in his sexy voice, "We're gonna hand rails around the toilet."

"Oooh."

It broke the tension. He lay there holding his one true love and as he fell asleep, Joey thought about all of this. Instead of being angry, he was touched. He was touched by the fact that Steven was this worried about his well being.

He wasn't a selfish bastard after all.