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The tour was done-a ringing success too. Steven had held out. He never had sex with Joey or anyone. Joey had accepted it-at least he hadn't gone back to Joe.

They had decided that they all needed a break so it was announced that the band was taking off a year. They did need it, but not for the reasons everyone assumed.

Since he had responded so well to the pills, Steven was now on the shots. He was now a grandfather.

That got the press going. Steven Tyler: GRANDFATHER.

Joe wisely began to start his 'solo' album just to get the press to leave him alone.

Joey was somewhat concerned by Steven's actions. He had been written up for insulting the paparazzi, taking her camera and shooting her, all the time yelling 'How do you like it?'. He talked to him, and he seemed fine, all he could talk about was how his grandson Milo and how he was the most perfect and beautiful baby in the world.

He was going to tell him about his own shoulder surgery, he figured take advantage of the year off, fix this shit. But he seemed so happy; he couldn't bring it up.

On a cold February morning, Joey heard the phone ring and answered it. There was a strange silence on other end. He almost hung up when he heard Steven's voice.

"Steven, hey-"

"Oh God Joey," he interrupted. "Can you come over here?"

"Why? What happened?"

"My angel," Steven let out a strange noise, a cross between a sob and a gasp. "She's gone."

"What? Gone?"

"She's gone. She's left me."

"I'll be right there." He hung up and quickly grabbed his coat.

Joey sped over to the Tyler's house. He quickly made his way to the front door. He didn't even have to knock; Steven all ready had the door open. He threw his arms around him and sobbed. "She left me."

Joey closed the door and looked around, no one else was there. "Where are the kids?"

"Lisa took them for a while. She said I was too sick to take care of them." He tightened his grip, "She's right. I can't. I can't do it."

"Just tell me what happened."

Steven looked at him, "We had a huge fight last Monday, and this morning she told me she's moving in with him. She wants a divorce cause she's in love with him and she wants to marry him."

Joey held him closer, "I am so sorry."

Steven continued, "She's tired of me always on the road. She's tired of how I'm a fucking know-it-all. She's tired of me dragging her to shit she don't wanna go to. She's just tired of me. So I'm sending out a press release." He finally broke away. "I hope they leave the kids alone."

Joey followed him to the couch and sat beside him.

"He's half her age. And I fucking hired him to fix shit around here! He's got a good gig: She's paying for his truck, his rent and all he has to do is fuck her."

"Maybe it's just a phase and she'll come back."

Steven shook his head, "No, it's over. We've had fights before, but nothing like this. She told me exactly how she felt."

Joey saw the pain in his eyes. It must have been one helluva fight.

"The funny thing is," Steven continued, "The kids didn't even seem surprised when we told them. Maybe they saw it before I did."

"Kids are a lot tougher than you think. They'll get-"

"I just wanted they're lives to be better than Mia's. I didn't want them to have a broken home too. You know I just look at my parents, and think, 'How did you do it?' you know, how did they stay together for all these years? I don't know what I did wrong? I let her be her own person. It wasn't like I was telling her 'Wear this!' or 'You can't have those friends!'

"I kept telling her I loved her, and one day she just didn't believe me anymore. Maybe I told her too much."

Joey knew he had to get all of this out of his system. He remained silent, letting him continue.

"I look around-this isn't a home anymore-it's just a fucking empty house. I look around and I remember every Christmas and birthday party. I look around and remember all the happiness, and all she saw was the pain."

"So you're all by yourself here?"

"The help has the weekend off."

"Why don't you get the shit you need and come with me? Stay a while with me and April."

"No, I've been pretty sick."

"Hey I don't want you to be all by yourself. Stay with us until you feel better."

"I'm having horrible nosebleeds." Steven looked at him, "She got mad cause I ruined the bedroom carpet."

"I don't give a fuck about my carpets." Joey retorted. "But I give a fuck about you."

Steven leaned back, "The worst thing she said to me was, 'I'm tired of being a fucking nurse to a sick old man.'"

"She had no right to say that."

"It's the truth. I think if I wouldn't have had to go through this treatment, she would have stayed." He wiped his red-rimmed eyes again, "I wouldn't have left her." He looked at Joey, "You know I wouldn't have done this to her. I would have taken care of her. Even if we were touring, I would have gotten someone to help her!"

"I know. Get your stuff and I'll call April."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He stopped for a second, "You know I'll have to tell her."

"Tell her what?"

"About the hepatitis."

"Oh," Steven looked at him, "I figured you told her."

"You ask me to keep it quiet."

"Yeah thanks. I'll have to give myself a shot tomorrow. She'll have to know."
___________________________

Joey had called April and gave her a quick run down of Teresa and Steven. He knew that she would let him stay. She was very compassionate about him-she knew how much he meant to him.

He got Steven to his house and he broke down again, he told April about everything-the disease, his horrible treatments and the break up of his marriage.

He was a physical wreck; he finally just went to bed.

It had been a long day for all of them. Joey was sound asleep when an unknown noise woke him up. He looked at April she was sound asleep. He looked around, trying to figure out what it was.

In his gut, he knew something was wrong. He got up and slipped his robe on and stood in the hallway. He saw a glimmer of light coming from Steven's room. He walked to the door and gave a quiet knock. He got no response.

He opened the door, and saw blood: Blood on the bedding, a trail blood on the floor. He went to the bathroom. Steven was standing over the sink wearing just his pajama bottoms.

"Are you OK?" He went to him and let out a gasp. The bottom of the basin was filled with blood. He looked at his love's face; blood was running out of his nose and down his face. Blood stained his chest and hands.

"Yeah." He let out a gagging sound.

Joey turned around and raced back to his own room. He woke April and quickly told her what was going on. She followed him.

"Steven, here, trying pinching the bridge of your nose-"

"Be careful." Steven stopped her, "My blood, be careful of my blood."

"Maybe we should take you to the emergency room."

"I'll be OK. It should be letting up."

April looked at Joey, "Stay with him and I'll clean this up."

Joey nodded and put his arm around Steven, "If you want to go-"

"I told you about this." He let out another gag making more blood fall into the sink, "I told you it was bad."

Joey looked around, April all ready had the bed stripped and changed and was cleaning up the mess on the carpet.

Then he looked at him again, he noticed the huge black mark that covered his upper arm. "What happened?"

"Oh that." Steven gave a slight shrug. "I fainted and hit the table."

"When?"

"A couple of days ago." He raised his head and looked at his face in the mirror. "I think it's done."

Joey turned the water on, letting the bloody mess go down the sink. He got a washcloth ran it under the stream of water and began to gently clean his face.

Steven quickly took it from him, "I can do it." He began to clean himself up, "I don't want you to touch my blood."

As he washed his face, Joey saw how pale he was. "Are you sure you're OK?"

He simply nodded, and turned the water off. He turned around and saw April, "Are you wearing gloves?"

"Yes," She didn't look up, "I'm almost done."

Joey slowly walked him to the bed.

Steven sat there watching April scrub the last of the carpet, "I am so sorry."

"It's OK." She reassured him, "No harm done."

He rested his elbows on his thighs, "I'm so fucking tired."

April got up, "The bed's all ready to go." She motioned with her head to Joey; he silently followed her into the hallway. She picked up the sheets, "Look at this." She whispered.

All he saw was blood.

"They're soaked, over here," she held up a non-bloodied part.

It was. It was as if the had been taken out of the wash.

"He's sweating that bad?" She stared at her husband.

"I honestly," Joey took a deep breath, "I don't know. He said he's OK."

"Stay with him. Make sure he's OK." She took the sheets, "OK?"

Joey gave a smile. "OK."

She went down the hall, and he went back into Steven's room. Now he was curled on his side.

"Is it OK if I stay here a while?"

"I wish you would." Steven rolled onto his back. "I sweat so much I can't sleep and then I finally do, and then I get those fucking nosebleeds."

He took a good look at him. He looked so pale, so vulnerable right now. Joey turned out the light and slipped into bed.

"I've never been so scared in my life. Days ain't so bad, cause I stay busy trying to do shit, but the nights. I hate nights cause I got so much time to think." Steven put his head on his chest. "And I get even more scared."

"I'll tell you something more frightening." He ran his fingers through his sweat soaked hair.

"What?"

"Not having you at all."

"Don't say shit like that, you'll make me cry and my nose will start bleeding again." He felt Steven give his head a shake, "I hate feeling like shit."

"It's almost done with, then you'll be back to normal." He kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Darling."

Steven gave a smile, "I love you too." He put his head back on his chest, "I love you more than anyone I've ever been with."

Joey remained silent. He really wanted to believe it, but he couldn't. He fell asleep with his arms still wrapped around him.

In the morning he awoke alone. He went back to his room and took a long hot shower. As he was shaving April came in. "Morning Darling. Where's Steven?"

She leaned on the doorframe, "He's downstairs."

He dressed and went to the kitchen. Steven didn't look up; he was pulling a needle out of his arm. He replaced the cover and carefully rolled the spent syringe and cotton balls in layers of paper towels.

"So they make you do that huh?"

"Yeah. I got experience with it."

It seemed cruel to him, making a drug addict do that, but if he were a diabetic, he'd have to do it too. Doctors know best, he reasoned.

"I just want to let you know," He finally looked up, "Oh hey, good, both of you are here."

April stood by her husband.

"I just was gonna say that for two days, I'm gonna be the biggest pain you've ever seen. So if you want me to go I'll go right now and spare you-"

"No, you're staying." April interrupted him, "After last night, you need to be with someone."

He placed the bundle in the trash, "Yeah, uh I wanna apologize for that."

"It's OK." She sat down, "Does it happen a lot?"

"Yeah every week. See, I'll be sick today and then really bad for another two, then I start to pull out of it but then there's the nosebleeds and sweating, I might feel good for about a day, then it's time for another shot, and it starts all over again." He shrugged, "Hey only five more months of it."

"Well after last night," April got up went to the refrigerator, "I figured you need a good breakfast, how about steak and hash browns?"

"Steak?" Steven echoed, "You guys are vegetarians."

"Yes, but you're not."

"Thanks."

He stared at the table. He knew what he was in for. Trouble was the Kramers didn't. He hoped that they would understand, and still love him.
___________________________________________

The night was a silent one. Joey would wake up every hour and listen. Was that Steven? A couple of times he got up and looked into his room, he was asleep.

In the morning, he got up and did his routine, he went downstairs and saw April cleaning the living room.

"Tom called and asked if he and the guys could come over and see him."

"I don't know." He walked past her, "What you say?"

"I said we'd let him know."

"Yeah, I'll ask him. Is he up yet?"

"No, I haven't heard anything out of him."

Joey went back to Steven's room; he looked in and saw him staring at the ceiling. "Oh you are awake."

"Yeah." His voice was barely audible.

"Are you OK?"

"I gotta piss. Can you help me?" Steven lifted his head and half of his torso, "I'm weak."

Joey sat him up and got him to stand. He held his right hand and put his other around his waist and walked behind him. He reasoned that if he did fall, he could guide him. It was a slow walk; he could feel Steven begin to shake. He finally got him in front of the toilet. "Can you get this?"

"Yeah, just hang on to me." Steven pulled himself out and began to relieve himself. "I'm just so out of it right now, I'm like this right after a shot."

As he got done, Joey asked, "Do you want a shower?"

"Oh man, I can't even stand, I mean I know I'm dirty, but I just can't do it." He gave himself a shake, "Maybe later."

"Tom called and wanted to know if the guys could see you."

Steven's head hung, "I don't want them to see me like this. It's bad enough you have."

"They're worried, nobody knew about this until the press release." Joey began to walk him to the bed, "They just want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm not all right." Steven snapped. "I'm weak as a fucking kitten."

"Well, you know what I mean." He sat him down. "You want me to help you get dressed?"

"No." Steven laid back down, "Sorry about that."

"April's gonna make you some breakfast-"

"No," He held his thin hand up, "God, no food. I can't eat."

"You gotta have something."

"I can't. I'm so sick to my stomach right now," He wiped his eyes, "Man I just can't eat."

"OK, well I'll go call Tom-"

"Tom, what about?"

"You said you didn't want to see him." Joey frowned at him, "I just asked you about it."

Steven stared at him, the blank look on his face told Joey everything. He had no idea what he was talking about.

"Do you want me to take you to your doctor?"

"No, I'm OK." He blinked hard, "I just forget some things. It's a side effect."

"I'll check on you later."

He walked to the kitchen, "God April," He didn't even know where to start, "He can't sit up, he can't walk, he doesn't remember a conversation I had with him two minutes ago. He can't even stand to take a shower. He doesn't want any food either."

"I've been reading up on this treatment, and it sounds fairly common. I was wondering if I should call and get a shower chair for him." She didn't look up, "Then we could sit him down and bathe him."

Joey sighed, "I don't know if he'll go for that."

"Why? You've been intimate with him, you've touched him before."

"I just don't know how he'll take care of himself if he goes home. Maybe I should stay with him until this is done."

April cocked her head at him, "Joey, I know that you love him, and I respect that, but, you are my husband."

He knew that line. She always used it to let him know he was going too far with his love life. He frowned at her, "The man can't even go to the john by himself."

"I know, but," She chose her words carefully, "I want you to remember that I love you too and I won't let you go without a fight."

"I love you too April."

With that it was understood and the conflict was over. "I'll call Alberta and see if I can borrow her chair." She vanished around the corner. He heard her talking but he didn't wait for an answer. He walked back up the stairs to see how he was now.

Steven was still on his back, eyes closed. He silently walked to the bed and sat down. He opened his eyes, "Morning."

"Morning Darling," He kissed his forehead, "How are you?"

"Weak." He gave a slight frown, "You were all ready in here, right?"

"Yeah."

Steven held his long thin hand out until Joey took it. "Promise me something."

"What?"

"Don't leave me."

"I won't."

"It'd kill me if you left me too, Joey." He gave a shake to his head, "I couldn't go on without you."

"Darling I won't leave you. I love you."

"I mean I know I say some shit and it come out wrong, and I get mean, but I can't help it, I'm just so," he tried to search for the words, "Just forgive me for being a fucking asshole."

"I will."

"Have you called Tom yet?"

"No, I forgot." There he was worried about his memory-it had completely slipped his mind.

"Well I was thinking that I should see them, but then you know, I'm not in the best shape, but then again, if I don't, they may take it the wrong way and get mad at me and I'll lose my band too."

"They won't get mad. They're worried about you, that's all."

"Yeah and looking at me lying on a bed, unable to sit up is really gonna make a great impression."

He decided to change the subject. "April's getting a shower chair for you to use."

"A shower chair," Steven started to cry, "God I am a fucking sick old man."

"No, Darling, no, it's just to help you out on the days that you can't stand up, that's all. A lot of people use them."

"How can you love a grandfather?"

"I do. You have all my love."

He looked at him, the tears streaming down his face, "Will you still love me if I make it to seventy?"

"Of course you'll be seventy, and yes I will still love you. Will you love me when I'm sixty-eight?"

"Yeah. I gotta admit to you, if it wasn't for my kids and you, I would have given up a long time ago." He wiped his eyes, "You're my rock."

April entered, "Alberta said we can borrow hers, so I'm off to get it."

Joey gave her a nod, then looked at Steven, "She'll be back soon, and then I'll get you cleaned up." He went over to the dresser and pulled out some clothes, "You wanna wear the sweats or shirt and jeans?"

Steven eyes went back and forth between the light blue sweats and the green shirt. "Maybe I should wear blue, but then again maybe I should wear green, I like that green. Then again, it'd be easier to wear the sweats-" His eyes closed again, "Just pick something, I can't decide."

Joey put the green shirt away and brought the sweats over. "I like you in blue."

"OK."

"Maybe you should get some sleep." He went to the door, "If you need anything, just call out. I'll be downstairs."

He was in the kitchen, wondering if he should make him some dry toast and tea when the phone rang.

"Hey Joey, it's me."

"Yeah Tom." He knew what this was.

"Did April tell you I called?"

"Yeah she mentioned it. Look man, I don't know if you guys should come over. He's really sick today."

"What's wrong?"

"He gave himself a shot and he's just so out of it."

"Well, I think he's been out of it for a while," Tom voice had an apprehension to it, "Brad told me that he sent him two birthday cards. He sent him the exact same card."

Joey let out a sigh, "Well, I did ask him about you guys coming here, and he was OK with it."

"OK, when?"

"Well, he's asleep right now, how about this afternoon." Joey mentally tried to figure how long it would take to get him ready, try to get him to eat..."How about two?"

"OK, we'll see you then. Bye."

Joey hung up and sighed again. He hoped that he wouldn't change his mind. He purposely walked up the stairs, just to check on him. He looked in the doorway and he was sound asleep.

It wasn't long when April came back with the chair. It was simple enough. Joey sat it up in the bathroom; he was about done when he heard Steven's voice. It was so weak he couldn't make out what he was saying. He was certain he uttered 'Where am I?' He stood in the doorway, and heard, "Teresa? Is that you?"

"No." He blink back his tears and went to him, "It's me."

Steven looked around perplexed. "This isn't my bedroom."

"No, you're staying with us."

He remembered. "Oh yeah."

"You'll feel better after a shower."

Joey helped him up, and undressed him. He was shocked by the bruises on his legs-some were starting to fade and some were new. He didn't ask-he must have been falling a lot.

He walked him into the bathroom and he saw the shower chair. In his heart he knew Joey was right. He couldn't do it. He couldn't take care of himself.

He numbly sat there, embarrassed at the thought of his infirmity.

"Is this too hot?" Joey held the showerhead and let the water hit his thin hand.

He shook his head. He couldn't speak. He knew Joey meant well, but this was so horrible to him. He couldn't take care of himself. He wouldn't be able to take care of his kids. Teresa was right: He was just a sick old man.

Joey began to wash him, "I think you'll feel so much better." He knew this was so incredibly hard for Steven. "Let me know if the water's too hot, OK?"

He just nodded. He kept his head down, thinking about Joey. Teresa cared for him at first, she helped him to the toilet, she helped him with the bleeding, she helped him clean himself too, but as the weeks turned to months, he noticed that she stopped caring. Then he was a burden. He was a nuisance, a millstone around her neck. "When will you stop loving me?"

"What?"

"When will I become your burden?"

He looked down and him, and saw him crying, "Darling, is everything OK?"

"No." He finally said. He looked up at him briefly, but his eyes went back down to his feet.

Joey stopped, "Do you wanna talk?"

"NO!" Steven shouted. That took everything out of him. He was exhausted. "I just want this over with."

"OK, I'll hurry." Joey began to rinse his hair.

Steven felt bad about his outburst. He was so frustrated, "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Joey didn't hear him with the noise of the water.

Steven didn't hear him say 'It's OK', so it wasn't OK. Joey was oversensitive and he hurt his feelings. He figured he'd better try to do something. He then saw the washcloth sitting on the edge of the tub. With all his remaining strength, he picked it up. "Soap?"

"Oh here." Joey took the bottle and squeezed some of the cloth, "You can do it I know you can."

He washed his privates, and for the first time Joey noticed how physically difficult this was for him. He barely had the strength and ability to do this simple task.

"Where's April?"

"Oh she had a meeting. She'll be gone for most of the day."

Joey got done washing and rinsing his body. By the end Steven had accepted it. Joey dried him off and got the sweats he'd picked out earlier.

"I do feel better." He said as Joey towel dried his hair.

"Good." He got the electric razor. "You need a shave." He carefully went around his face, "I don't know about you, but I always shave after I shower."

"Yeah, me too." He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry about that shit earlier. I just don't want you mad at me."

"I'm not mad."

"If you haven't noticed yet, I fly off the handle pretty easy."

"It's OK." Joey took some hair gel and rubbed it into his hands. With the expertise of a hairdresser he began styling his hair. He took the hair dryer and began styling. "Get this done and you dressed and hell you'll be a new man."

"Hey if this drumming thing doesn't work out maybe you could open a salon."

Joey gave a laugh, as he finished with the dryer, "Hair by Mr. Joey."

Steven gave a look in the mirror, "Damn you are good." His hair was just as good as if he'd paid a mint for it. He took his toothbrush, "I gotta do this. I don't want you touching my spit. It's dangerous."

Joey watched him trying in vain to maneuver the toothbrush. He did a quick brush. He knew that's all he could manage. "Good job!" He said enthusiastically. "I knew you could do it!"

With that encouragement, Steven managed to put on deodorant and dress himself. He was exhausted again.

Joey helped him back to the bed, "Are you hungry?"

"No," Steven covered himself with the sheet, "I can't eat. I just can't eat today."

"Well, do you still want them here?"

"I don't know, I mean like I said, if I don't then there gonna think 'What the fuck?' but if I do, then, well," He sighed, "God, I don't know what to do."

Joey sat by him, "If you wanna call this off, I'll tell them they can come by when you're feeling up to it."

"I don't want them mad at me."

He sighed. This was like dealing with a two year old. He knew he had to be patient with him. He didn't really mean anything he was saying-his mind was in shards.

He looked at him again, should he just call it off? Or when he does wake up and he wants to see them-will he fly into a rage again? He reasoned to just get this over with. Everyone's seen him in worse shape than this.

At 1:30 he wandered back to Steven's room. He found him sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at him, "How do I look?"

"Great."

"Still feel like shit." He held his hand out, "Can you help me? I shouldn't have sat back down."

"You were up?" Joey helped him to his feet.

"Yeah I went to the bathroom, and I sat down and fuck that was a mistake." He looked at him, "I was thinking that I should meet them downstairs, but I dunno if I can make it down the steps."

"Darling I'll help you."

"Thanks." He felt Joey's arm go around his waist. He moved slowly through the doorway and into the hall. "I just gotta take this slow."

"OK. Just let me know if we're going too fast or if you wanna take a rest."

He was pretty steady to the staircase; he grasped the banister and slowly took each step. Halfway down he could feel his knees begin to tremble. "I gotta stop."

"OK." Joey stood beside him. He looked at him; the sweat was dripping off his face, as if he'd done a two-hour show.

"I gotta sit down, I'm gonna pass out."

Joey got him down, the last thing he needed was to take a tumble down a staircase. "Put your head between your legs."

He did. He felt Joey's hand caressing his shoulder-he knew that he was just trying to ease him, but he wanted to slap it away. His body was aching, Joey's touch felt like he was beating him. He didn't feel up to it, but he figured the sooner he got up the better. "OK," He sat up, "I'm OK."

"Are you sure-"

"YES!" He snapped. "I feel fucking great, OK!" He got up and took two steps quickly, he then felt himself beginning to black out.

Joey saw him go, he pulled him back before he tumbled forward. He sat his limp body on the step again. "I think you got up too fast," He said calmly.

"Yeah."

"Why don't you just sit back down?"

He did. He put his arm around the post and began to weep. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's OK."

"I don't know why I do that."

"What?"

"Shit like thinking I can walk down stairs." He gave a shrug, "I guess I was always on the go, and I just think I can do things and then I get mad when I can't. I wanna do it, but I can't, and I get pissed."

"We'll just sit here until you feel like getting up."

"OK."

They sat there for several minutes in silence-to Joey it seemed like an eternity, but he didn't want to push it. He would go when he was ready. Even if the guys came in and he was sitting right here, well that's where he'd be.

Finally Steven said, "Lemme try this again."

"OK, I know you can do this, Darling." He kept his arm around his waist. "You're doing great."

He conquered the stairs. They made their way into the living room and Steven froze.

"What's wrong?"

"God, I don't know where to sit!"

"How about the couch and then I'll sit by you and if you need me, then I'm right there."

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good."

He sat him down and looked at the clock, they would be here any minute. "Do you need anything?"

He wiped his face with his hand, "Nah I'm good."

The doorbell rang. This was it. The moment of truth. He opened the door and let his band mates in. "He's having a very bad day. He might get mad about nothing at all. Don't take it personal."

"Where is he?" Joe asked.

"Living room." Joey led them in. Steven was sitting where he'd left him.

Steven looked over at them and held out his arms to Joey as if he was a child that wanted to be picked up. Joey did. He raised him to feet as they stood there.

Joe felt his heart sink; he looked at Brad and Tom and saw they had the same feeling. He looked so frail. His skin had a rough ruddy texture to it instead of the smoothness of last year. He had aged ten years.

The three of them moved forward. "Tom." Steven put his arm around his waist, "How are you?"

"Good." He blinked back his tears, "How are you?"

"OK." He then put his arm around Brad, "How was your birthday? Did you get my card?"

"Yeah Steven I got it, and it was a good day."

He then saw Joe, "How's the album going?"

Joe stood lost in thought, watching him struggle to stand, using them as his support. He then realized that he had been spoken to. He walked to him and wrapped him in his arms. "Steven I am so sorry."

It was all that it took to get him to cry. He sobbed into Joe's leather jacket. "She left me."

"I know."

"I tried to talk her into staying for the kids but she wouldn't." He bawled.

"It'll be OK, Steven you'll be OK."

Joey felt himself tensing up, watching his love crying on Joe's shoulder. "Do you want to sit down?"

He nodded. Joe and Joey slowly got him back to the couch. He sat in the middle, Joey to his left and Joe to his right. Tom and Brad each took an easy chair.

"So you know." Steven wiped his eyes, prompting Joey to hand him a box of tissues.

"Yeah it was a shock, to say the very least." Tom pretty much spoke for them all.

"What's in the papers?"

"Just the press release." Joe answered. "So far the press is following your request."

Steven gave a nod then he then looked at Brad. "Did you get my card?"

"Yeah thanks. It was nice of you to remember." He gave an incredulous to look to Joey.

Steven was off on his main tangent again. "They always say it'll be the pool man, but it was the handy man that got her. He took her away."

"You know we're here for you." Joe said, "All of us will be here in a blink of an eye for you."

"Thanks." Steven chocked up again.

"She was always jealous of you," Tom said, "I know it hurts now, but you'll be better off in the long run."

"Yeah but you never liked her."

"No, I think Teresa is a good person," Tom leaned forward, "I think she's just having a major mid-life crisis."

"I don't know," Steven shook his head, "I mean, it was stable, she knew I fucked around and I knew she fucked around. We had this understanding. Now I understand nothing! What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I keep a wife? Why do I lose them to younger men?"

"I for one was shocked that you guys were having problems," Brad said in his quiet tone, "I couldn't believe it when I read it."

"It all started to go to hell when Cyrinda wrote her fucking book. You know almost all that shit was true, some exaggerations but for the most part fuck it was the gospel.

"And I couldn't talk my way out of it. She was so hurt that I had been fucking Cyrinda and I supposedly got her pregnant, and-" He stopped and thought, "She was hurt that I make her a laughing stock to the world.

"Then when Cyrinda got sick and into money trouble, I thought I was doing the right thing by being a grown up and burying the hatchet. I thought I was doing it for Mia's sake, but in the end, I was glad to help her. She was a bitch, but when you have a kid with someone, the bond is never broken."

"So she didn't want you to help her out?" Brad asked.

"See, she got mad when I said OK to her putting up that nude shot of me on her website. She didn't get why I had gone through all the legal shit and then let her do this. I told Teresa that she needed the money and it was a composite shot. I was OK with it, putting it in a book just to sell copies, no I wasn't OK with that.

"Then she had that stroke and the tumor, and fuck, it was just so awful. Mia didn't know what to do, and I couldn't leave her sitting there alone handling all that fucking shit, so I helped. I helped my kid. And I helped someone I had loved.

"Then it was a ski slope after that. She was wondering all the time where I was going. 'Why are you going there? Who will be there? Did you fuck that girl? Would you remember if you fucked that girl? Why are you going on tour all the time? You've made enough money so why can't you stay home and be a dad?' That fucking hurt. Saying I'm not a good dad cause I work."

"Oh I get that too." Tom replied. "We see our kids more than most dads do."

"I know!" Steven nodded, "That's what I told her. Then when Liv said she was pregnant, Teresa wasn't that thrilled. I mean I cried, I was so happy, that she and Roy were gonna have a baby, and she just started pulling away even more. She didn't go to the birth, just like if she didn't see it then it didn't happen."

"It sounds like a mid life crisis to me." Joe thought out loud. "I dunno, when Aaron had his boy, I didn't think anything of it. I guess it's just the difference in people."

"And the straw that broke the camel's back. This fucking hepatitis. That just shot the whole marriage down. She didn't believe that I had it in my system for so long and never got any symptoms. She accused me of being on smack again. She just was so enraged, I was ready for her to walk in with a gun and shoot me.

"Then it smoothed over a bit and then I went on the shots and she couldn't put up with it, she just hated me for going through the treatment. I asked her 'Hey would you rather have me dead?' and she'd say, 'No.' then toward the end she wouldn't answer me, and I thought, 'God, she does want me dead so she can have the money.'

"So I rewrote my will just in case." He wiped his eyes again.

"I don't think she wants you dead," Joe said, "Maybe she's just as scared as you are."

"I'll tell you something, if things were the other way around and I saw her going through this and I was sitting around wondering 'Fuck do I have it? Did I catch it from her?' I'd be scared out of my fucking head! This is the worst thing I've ever been through.

"I know you guys saw Joey help me up." He looked around at the gathering, "Go on Joey, tell them how much fun it was trying to get me downstairs. He had to help me bathe and get dressed. I can't do anything."

"Steven." Joey scoffed. "It takes a little longer to do things today, that's all."

"You have the patience of a saint." Steven looked deeply at him, "I don't deserve you."

"So how long do you have to go," Joe changed the subject. "With the treatment, I mean."

He looked at his old love. "Five fucking months. Five fucking months of my hair falling out and night sweats and chills and shaking and nosebleeds and passing out and not remembering what happened three minutes ago."

"God, it almost sounds like withdrawal."

"Yeah," Steven nodded, "That's the best way to describe it. Right now I feel like if I just had a hit, I'd be OK. My bones hurt, my muscles cramp up, I'm so goddamned tired, and I can't eat. I just feel like I'm jonesing."

"Oh my god." That struck Joe hard. "And you got five more months. There's no other treatment for this?"

"No. This is the only treatment that's gonna give me a chance. That's why I was so insistent on everyone getting checked."

Steven hung his head down giving everyone a chance to look at each other. He felt Joey's hand on his. "You'll be your old self in no time. You'll be able to do what you want when you want to."

"Yeah someday," His gaze went to the window, "It's all so different now. I don't know if I wanna find another woman."

"You'll find some other girl." Joe said confidently.

"As much as this one's gonna cost, I'm not so sure. Who'd marry me anyway?"

"Only about three million women." Tom quipped.

"Besides, you don't have to marry. Kim's happy with the way we are."

Steven played with his used tissue, "Maybe I'm through with women. The happiest I've been is with men." His eyes went to each of them, "I've really been questioning if I had this right all along."

"Oh some blond with huge tits will walk by and you'll be pitching a tent." Joe looked at him, "Fuck you're Steven Tyler!"

"All I know is I still got my rock." His long thin hand went to Joey's knee. "I hope I always will."

"You will."

"I don't know what I'd do without him." He told the others. "Both of them have been so patient with me, and-" He stopped and thought, "I would have thrown me out a long time ago."

Joey leaned over and kissed his temple. That made Joe's stomach knot up. Not the fact he kissed him, but the fact that he did it in front of them. He never would have, he couldn't have done it in front of the guys. That was a silly notion...since they had known all along that they were lovers.

"I don't know what I would do without any of you," Steven continued, "If you guys ever left, I'd die. I know I would. If you abandoned me, I'd be in a fetal position."

"We won't leave you. You're our brother."

"Thank you." He cried again. As he pulled himself together Brad asked Joey a simple question.

"So when's your surgery?"

"On the third."

"Surgery?" Steven echoed. "What surgery?"

"I gotta have my shoulder worked on. Fix years of beating on drumheads."

Steven's face went white. His mind went into overdrive. Every fear he'd been thinking of was coming into reality. "What-" he stopped trying to focus on what he said.

"It's no big deal."

Steven began to tremble uncontrollably. He leaned forward putting his face into his hands. He kept repeating the same phrase over and over. "Oh god no!"

"Darling what's wrong?" He leaned beside him. "Darling, please tell me what's wrong."

He didn't. He kept saying 'Oh god no' like a chant.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Brad tried to calm him down.

Steven finally sat up and placed his trembling hand over his trembling lips. He was now in a cold sweat. Joey took the afghan from the back of the couch and placed it around his shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"You're having SURGERY!" He shrieked. "OH MY GOD!"

"It'll be fine, it's just something that my doctor said I should have taken care of a long time ago, and since we're off-"

Steven started rocking back and forth, "No, no, no, this can't be happening."

Joey finally held him, letting him rock into his bad shoulder. He watched Joe rubbed at Steven's back.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" Joey wasn't sure if he was having some sort of reaction, maybe this was normal.

"NO! Fuck don't you get it?!"

"I don't understand why you're so upset." Joey said calmly.

"You're gonna have surgery," He was blubbering so hard it was hard to understand just what he was saying. "And they'll take blood and then they'll tell you that you got hepatitis."

"Oh Darling no." He rocked him slightly, "No, I don't have it."

Steven was hysterical. "Yes you will, then you'll fucking hate me and you'll leave me and I'll die absolutely alone!"

"No, I don't have it. I don't have Hepatitis C." Joey softly said. "I want you to just take some deep breaths and calm down."

"I've lost everyone! You'll leave me too!"

"No I won't leave you. I won't leave you even if I did get sick." He added. "This surgery it nothing all done with scopes. It's no big deal."

Steven's head shot up. "If it's no fucking big deal then why didn't you tell me?"

"I figured you had enough on your mind."

He narrowed his eyes at him, "And you're sure you don't got it?"

"Yeah I got tested when you told me."

Steven broke away from him, "I gotta go lie down; I feel terrible."

"OK." Joey looked at him, then at Joe. "Do you wanna stay here?"

"I wanna go to bed."

"OK." Joey said with some hesitation. It was a bitch to get him downstairs, it'd be worse to get him up.

"Here." Joe stood. He got down by Steven, "I'm gonna pick you up, OK?"

He didn't respond, so Joe slid his arm under his knees and cradled his back with the other. "Which room?"

"First on the right."

Joe made his way up the stairs, it wasn't that hard, he was a light load. He made his way into the room and gently placed him down. He pulled the sheet and coverlet over him. "Here we go all safe and sound."

"Thank you." He softly said.

He was surprised that nobody followed. He took this moment. He kissed his forehead.

Steven blinked at him.

"If you need anything, you let me know." He saw something out of his eye. Joey. He walked out into the hallway.

"Thanks Joe, I don't know how I would have gotten him up here."

"Hey no problem. Well, if you need me to help or whatever shit, you know where I'm at."

"Thanks." Joey followed him downstairs.

"Is he calming down any?" Tom asked.

"Yeah he's fine." Joey tried to make out like this was nothing. They knew otherwise.

"God, I had no idea that he didn't know." Brad tried to explain; "I didn't mean to make him so upset."

"I figured he knew." Tom said, "I mean you're always together, so I thought you'd mention it to him."

"I feel terrible about this." Brad shook his head.

"It's not your fault. He would have found out eventually." Joey shrugged. "I mean I was gonna say something, but he's just had so much going on I thought why add more."

"Like I said, I am so sorry to have said anything-"

"It's OK, Brad."

"Hey, we'll get going." Tom gave Joey a hug. "You need anything just call."

"Yeah." Brad added, "If you need something just pick up the phone."

"OK, thanks."

"See you later." Joe went out first. He walked quickly to his car. As he sat there he came to a single conclusion: The best thing that ever happened to Steven Tyler was Joey Kramer. He loved him. He adored him.

Tom said goodbye to Joey and Brad. He had ridden over with Joe, just in case things went bad, he reasoned that Joe might need somebody to talk to. In his mind, it had gone bad. The way Steven fell apart when he found out about Joey's surgery, and he knew that the openness of Joey and Steven's love gnawed at Joe to no end.

Joe was so nonchalant about this meeting-'We'll just go and tell him how sorry we are. No big deal.' Mr. Cool had it all figured out on the way over here.

Now Mr. Cool was gone. He knew this hit Joe especially hard. Steven had been his lover for years. He knew that he needed some time to pull himself back together, so Tom purposely walked slower.

He got in and saw Joe just staring out of the window. "That was the most horrible thing I've ever seen."

"Yeah, it was an eye opener."

"I mean I knew he was bad, but fuck." Joe started the car, "How the fuck could she do this to him? What a fucking coward! Run the minute shit starts getting bad!"

"I know, I was thinking that too."

They waved as Brad passed them.

"I'll never forgive her for this." Joe shook his head, "I never will."

"Well at least he has Joey."

"Yeah." Joe barely said it. He looked at Tom, "He's got us too you know."

Tom saw the tears streaming down his face. "He always will."

Joe was well aware that Tom kept his love life a complete secret. He never bragged about the girls he was getting. He knew the truth, but he still asked, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you ever, you know, with Steven?"

"Did I what with Steven?"

"You know," Joe looked out the window for a second, wondering if he should say something else, but he didn't. "Did you two have sex?"

Tom shrugged, "You remember the hotel. You remember how he kissed me. What do you think?"

"Yeah. Well, I mean, why did it end?"

"Why did it end between you two?"

"Billie." He put the car in gear and headed out the driveway, "And you?"

"Terry."

"Tom, hey I didn't mean to bring all this up, you know, I just," He tried to find the words, "Sometimes I question the decisions in my life you know."

"You mean about Steven and you."

"Yeah I mean, there's times when I think, 'Yeah, I did the right thing. I'm where I should be.' And then there are times like today where I just wanted to hold him and keep him safe. I really wonder if I'm where I should be.

"I still love him. It broke my heart seeing him like this. That goddamned meltdown he had back there, just by finding out Joey's having surgery."

"He's scared. He's lost his wife and he's got this whole treatment thing going on," Tom sighed; he figured he'd just try to reassure him. "I know you love him, Joe but you couldn't ask for a better man than Joey. No offence, but he'll never leave him."

"I didn't want to leave. I had to."

Tom figured turn about's fair game. "Is he the only man you've been with?"

"Oh yeah, well except me and you, but that doesn't really count."

"Yeah."

That raised a question that Joe had been pondering for years. "Can I ask you something else?"

"OK."

"Why didn't you take advantage of me? You know I would have-"

"Come on Joe." Tom was getting very uneasy. "It was just a kiss."

"No really, why? Don't you find me attractive?"

"Jesus." He looked at him-he was serious. "I had my hands full with Brad and Joey. I couldn't juggle another set of balls."

Joe knew this was not going to go any smoother. He let it go. They drove along silently for a mile.

"I find you attractive. I find you very attractive. Trouble is everyone finds you attractive. Everyone wants to fuck either you or Steven or both of you."

Joe pulled off the road and parked the car. "What?"

"Oh come on! You know every woman wants to bang you."

"I'm not talking about everyone! I just wanted to know why you didn't take me up. A mouth is a mouth and a hole is a hole."

"Seriously." Tom looked at him, "I didn't want to ruin our friendship. There's no faster way to put a great friendship in jeopardy that bringing sex into the equation."

"Oh. I see. Sorry, man, I mean, " Joe frowned at him, "God, I don't know what I'm saying."

"It's all right. We've all had a bad day."

"It's more than that." Joe drove back onto the road, realizing what he wanted to say. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I love women and I love Billie, but sometimes I need a cock, and well, I figured that-" His voice trailed off.

"Tom's gotta cock."

"Yeah." He sighed, "I supposed, you know, that I've known you for so long and I could trust you."

"I don't know. It's been a long time since I was with a guy."

"It's like ridin a bike."

"I only fucked guys when I was stoned."

"Oh." He said as he pulled into his own driveway. He stopped beside Tom's car. "Hey, I understand. I was just talking you know."

"You're not serious?" He asked as he got out.

Joe shook his head, "Nah."

Tom knew him. He knew him better than he knew himself. He was lying. He was trying to save face, making out like this was some joke. "I'll think about it."

Joe's eyes lit up. "OK, yeah do that, and give me a call."

That proved it. Tom got into his car and pulled away. If he was kidding and all that shit, he would have said so instead of 'give me a call'.

Meanwhile...

Joey went back up to Steven's room. He walked in and saw him just where Joe had placed him. "Darling, I'm sorry about not telling you."

Steven tried to answer, but he wasn't all that sure that Joey was there. Maybe this was just some bad hallucination he was having. Yes it had to be. He had to be having some weird trip.

Joey sat next to him. "I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I will never leave you." He took his hand, "Do you understand Steven?"

He looked at him, "So you are having surgery."

"Yes."

"On your shoulder?"

"Yes."

Steven sniffed. So much for this being a hallucination. "Oh God..."

"It'll be OK."

"What if they find something?"

"They won't find anything but a beat up rotator cup."

"I'm so scared."

Joey lay down beside him. "I know you are, but I'm telling you that it's cool."

"What if, what if it hasn't shown up yet? What if they find-"

"They won't." He looked at him, "Can I put my arm around you?"

Steven gave a nod, so Joey did. "But what if they do?"

"Darling, I know you're worried, but hey, I'm not. I never even gave that a thought."

"I just-" He sniffed, "I just don't want you to have to go through this. It's so horrible. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to go through what I've been dealing with."

"I know, I know."

They were silent, just listening to each other breathing when Steven spoke. "I should have asked Brad if he got my card."

"I'm sure he did."

"It was nice to see them." Steven cuddled closer to him, "I don't think they're mad."

"No, they aren't mad. Each of them told me that if you need anything, just call and they'll be there." He was glad that he'd stopped crying. "Why don't I go down and make you some tea? Huh? Doesn't that sound good?"

Steven simply nodded and he was gone.