Categories > Books > Eragon > PARODY NUMBER 2005: ERAGON!

Singing Urgals and Frustrated Shades

by INMH 1 review

Eragon's slow? Squirrels throwing acorns? Brom's schizophrenic? The Urgals breaking out into song? Must mean INMH is doing another Parody! There are only spoilers here if you haven't read the book.

Category: Eragon - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Eragon - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2005-10-23 - Updated: 2005-10-23 - 1327 words





Eragon's slow? Brom's schizophrenic? The Urgals breaking out into song? Must mean INMH is doing another Parody!

Author's Note:
I know, I should be working on my other stories, but Eldest just came out and I was promptly attacked by the Fluffy Plot-Bunnies of Doom (FPBoD). I have another Eragon story in the works, but it'll have to wait.

No Elves were harmed in the making of this chapter. The Urgals, however, were not as lucky...

I do not own Eragon. Or Lord of the Rings (Briefly, barely mentioned). If I did, (SPOILER) would not have gone to the dark side. WAAAH! Christopher Paolini is a genius. I also do not own the song "In the Dark of the Night". That's from the animated movie, "Anastasia". I don't own Coca-Cola either. If you honestly believed I owned any of the afore-mentioned products/Movies, then I honestly suggest you get a psychiatric evaluation. Now.


It was a dark and stormy night.

Well actually, it was a dark and not stormy night that, apparently, carried the scent that would change the world. And it smelled like mango's picked from the artificial trees of Numenor. But I digress. An exceptionally creepy man with hair as red as the reddish color they put on Coca-Cola labels, and eyes as maroon as any Anime characters eyes (And Gods, is that saying something) hid behind a tree. Apparently, he was a Shade. Although the only thing Shady about him was that he was hiding in the shadows of trees, sniffing the air much like a dog would when he smells a Mailman coming.

Behind him were several smallish creatures that resembled small, human-like Minotaurs. They were not particularly pleasant creatures to look at. They were Urgals. Pleasant names for ugly-as-heck creatures. Without warning, a song began to float amongst the Urgals.

"In the dark of the night, evil will find her!" The Urgals sang, doing a funny sort of jig. "In the dark of the night, just before dawn! Revenge will be sweet, when-"

"SILENCE!" The not-so-Shady-Shade roared. The music stopped abruptly and the Urgals looked at their master, disappointed. The not-quite-Shady-Shade gritted his teeth in frustration. "I am trying to hear hoof-beats, you ugly little sea-monkeys!" He snarled. The Urgals looked at the ground and shuffled their feet.

One of them distinctly muttered: "Party-Pooper." The not-very-Shady-Shade looked at the sky.

"Why?" He whispered. "Why was I cursed with such stupid henchmen?"

The heavens roared back. The not-as-Shady-as-a-dark-and-stormy-night-Shade's eyes widened, and he slowly turned back to what he was listening for. Miraculously, his prey (Three elves on horseback) had not heard the Urgals number, or the heavens roaring that the not-so-Shady-Shade was evil.

This was probably because the Elf on the first horse was leaning back and strumming a banjo, while his two companions strung up nooses for themselves. "Kum-by-a, my lord, Kum-by-a! Kum-by-a, my lord, Kum-by-a!" He yodeled. The woman on the horse behind him hissed through her clenched teeth.

"Are those nooses done yet?" She snarled at the Elf behind her. He was frantically knotting the ropes.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist- I'm going as fast as I can!" He snapped back.

"Bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-" The Urgals muttered, moving their feet to the music that had returned.

"SHUT.UP!" The not-quite-Shady-though-shadier-than-a-shadow-Shade hissed and the Urgals stopped again. The elves, apparently deaf, marched their horses right past the Not-completely-shady-Shade's hiding place. Then, the wind shifted, and the scent of the Urgals (Not quite the smell of fresh peaches) reached the elves.

"SON-OF-A-MONKEY! WHAT WAS THAT?" The first elf said, throwing away the banjo. The not-really-a-Shady-Shade-but-close looked heavenwards again.

"Could this possibly get any worse?" He muttered. Yes. Yes it could. The banjo that the elf threw away went sailing through the air, flew directly around the tree and then slammed directly into the Not-quite-a-Shade's face, knocking him over. "Why me?" He muttered in a muffled voice.

The heavens roared again. For some strange reason, the elves were deaf to this as well.

"GET OUT THERE YOU IDIOTS!" The not-incredibly-Shady-Shade barked. The Urgals jumped out from behind the trees, right in front of the elves and, to the somewhat-Shady-Shade's horror, the music returned.

"In the dark of the night, terror will strike you! In the dark of the night, terror will brew!" The Urgals did their funny little dance, which resembled something of a tap dance.

Needless to say, the elves were confused.

In front of them were a stink-load of Urgals singing and dancing as though in some demented musical, and a not-very-shady man sobbing in frustration behind the trees.

"Umm..." The second elf muttered. "Do you think they're trying to ambush us?" He asked his companions. The female elf gave a slow nod. "Should we run?" he continued.

"Yes," The first elf said, eyeing the Urgals nervously. They quietly edged their horses around the singing Urgals and began to creep away. Unfortunately for them, the not-incredibly-Shady-but-kinda-close-Shade noticed, and instantly flared in anger.

"STOP DANCING AND KILL THEM! KILL THEM YOU BRAINLESS CARE-BEARS!" He shrieked hysterically. The Urgals, now realizing that their lovely little musical number was allowing the quarry to get away. Letting out ridiculous battle cries that sounded very much like an agitated group of woodchucks, they charged after the elves.

Unfortunately, the two male elves were struck down almost immediately. The Urgals went Gimli-at-Helms-Deep crazy and hacked them to pieces. The Lady elf, however, leapt off her horse and ran. When you think about it, it would probably have been smarter to stay on the horse. Now that the lady elf had been brought to full attention, it was now apparent she was carrying a bag with a large object in it.

When one's mind is put to it, one discovers it could be one of several objects in the bag.

The not-very-shady-Shade growled. He was not about to let the elf get away. "Boteq Istalri!" He yelled. Nothing happened.

The somewhat-though-not-very-shady-Shade growled. When he said the funny sounding words, something was supposed to happen. "Boteq Istalri!" He yelled again. Like the previous attempt, nothing happened. He threw up his hands. "I give up!" He snarled. The creepy-looking-not-very-shady-Shade pulled out a lighter and promptly lit a tree on fire.

Without warning, a large bear in a Park Ranger's hat and jeans appeared. "Only you can prevent forest fires!" He said cheerily. The red-haired-creepy-looking-not-overly-shady-Shade's eye twitched, and he promptly punched the over-grown Care Bear in the nose, sending him toppling. Without a word, he then stalked after the elf, who was now trapped by the fire he had started. The Urgals, to the creepy-looking-not-very-but-sorta-close-shady-Shade increasing frustration and fury, had broken into song again.

"My dear, here's a sign! It's the end of the line! In the dark of the night, in the dark of the night-"

"SHUT UP YOU SEA MONKEY EATING LITTLE CARE BEARS!" The shade-less-Shade roared, jumping up and down like an enraged bunny. Meanwhile, the elf was frantically chanting in some strange gibberish. Her voice faltered.

"Uh... Et-gay is-thay ing-thay way-aay om-fray ere-hay!" She said, having exhausted all other spells. There was a crack of light, and the not-too-shady-Shade groaned, thinking that the heavens were mocking him again. In a way, they were. The object disappeared, though the elf was still there. He glowered at her viciously.

"You, my dear," He hissed. "Are going to get it. Bad. I'M SO GONNA GO BUFFY ON YOUR ARSE YOU STUPID ELF!" He said more funny gibberish and sent a bolt of light at the lady elf, who collapsed.

"Isn't that kind of going Willow on her arse?" One of the Urgals muttered. The creepy-looking-red-haired-not-very-though-somewhat-kinda-sorta-shady-Shade gave a demented grin. The task was over. He promptly destroyed the Urgals with a single spell, and picked up the elf.

He then disappeared into the Not Dark and Not Stormy night.
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