Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > He Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter.
I Know I'm Supposed To Love You [chapter eight]
1 review"When he threw me on the ground, face down, it killed the baby on impact."
0Unrated
Dear You,
"I'm so excited for this cruise." I said as I woke from a light sleep. Ryan's eyes fluttered open and he smiled. "Me too, babe." He chuckled and kissed me on the forehead. The night before was practically a complete blur to me, I'm sure Ryan didn't even remember it. I sat up only to find I was in my bra. I felt like a complete slut because I had never really done anything with anyone besides Ryan and Alex.. and Him. I shook the feeling and slid off the edge of the bed to find pants and a clean shirt.
I found my June t-shirt from last year and slipped it over my head. Thank god it still fit. It was the only shirt I had left that didn't make me gag when I smelled it. "Hey, I like that shirt." Ryan said from my computer chair. I looked down at it and back up at him. "Thanks." I stated and pulled some jeans on. "I'm gonna go see if my dad's awake. What time is it?" I walked towards the door. "11:11." Ryan said with a grin. "Oh my god." I smiled. "Make a wish, quick." I gasped. "I wish the cruise will be as relaxing as I think it will be." I quietly muttered to myself as I watched Ryan make his wish. It was cute how he wished on 11:11. I haven't met anyone other than Carley that did it. A lot of kids in high school called me crazy and laughed when I yelled out "It's 11:11!" in the middle of class every day.
"Hey can I take a shower?" Ryan looked up from my computer screen. "Of course," I said, completely forgetting my previous statement of 'I'm going to see if my dad's awake." "the bathroom is obviously right there." I smiled and headed into the room to show him how to turn on the shower. Once he was in the shower I walked out to my computer to see what Ryan had been doing. My itunes was open with some Paramore song playing. I found a word document titled "Tegan's Vacation" and opened it. "Hey Tegan, I just thought I'd give you some advice for our cruise which leaves in t-minus two weeks. I want you to have the best time of your life, and I know you will. My parents have been taking me on cruises since I was a kid. I always have an amazing time. I've always wanted to bring a girl on one of these things with me but no one ever seemed right. I hope you feel comfortable coming with me, even though we've only known each other for a few weeks." I smiled. It was signed "Your Man, Ryan." Which made me giggle a little.
While Ryan was in the shower I decided it would be a good idea to clean up a little. My room was absolutely atrocious and something needed to be done about it. I first made my bed, where I noticed my sheets defintiley needed to be washed. I picked up all the laundry that had fallen on me the night before and threw it in the hamper that stood near my bathroom door. I sighed as I arranged my flip flips, shoes, and one pair of high heels at the bottom of my closet and moved on to my computer desk. This desk was the epitome of disgusting. Plates and cups and crumpled pieces of paper were covering the entire thing. Old CosmoGirl magazines and a few water bottles scattered here and there. "Jesus Christ." I cursed as I started throwing away bottles and stacking dishes and gathering the paper. I was nearly finished when I noticed something that looked like a crumpled picture in a nook of the desk. A spontanious "hmmm" escaped my vocal chords as I grabbed the picture and uncrumpled it. The picture I was originally looking forward to seeing quickly turned into a nightmare as I turned it around. His arm was around and His lips were placed against my cheek. What was this doing here? I thought I got rid of all the things that even reminded me of Him. I started to shake and threw the picture in the trash bin, which was almost full. A tear paved it's way down my face and I fell to the floor. I didn't realize just how afraid I was of Him until that picture came back into my life. His face in it was so calm and nurturing. But that was the exact oppsite of this monster. I started to shake even more and things began to go blurry. Look what He did to me. I tried to stand up but my legs fell from under me. I fell to the floor with a crash and the bathroom door soon opened. I could hear someone saying "Tegan? Tegan.." And I could feel someone taking my hand, Ryan.
-----
I awoke in a hospital bed at 2PM. As my eyed fluttered open they were greeted with the sight of Ryan's concerned face sitting in a chair next to my bed. My breathing must have changed because he immediatly looked at me and let out a large sigh of relief. "I didn't know what happened." He stood up and kissed me softly. Lips pressed close to mine, true blue. "Me either." I choked out. "The nurse said you had a panic attack..." Ryan trailed off. "I saw that picture..." He sat back down in the chair. I felt fine now so I sat up more on the bed. "That was my ex-husband." I quietly blurted out. Ryan's eyed widened. "You're only-" "I know." I cut him off. It was hard to talk about, but I think I was falling for this boy with the gleam in his eye. "I thought we were in love." I began, ready to tell the entire horrible story. Throw caution to the wind, but I've got a lousy arm. "He asked me to marry him a year after we graduated high school. He was so caring and an amazing guy. The wedding was the nicest thing I've ever been the center of. He made me feel like no one else did. Things were even great after a few months. Then we found out I was pregnant." I continued as Ryan's eyes widened at the word "pregnant". "After we got the news he became really protective and suffocating. We fought constantly and he would even hit me. I couldn't even tell my own mother or father because he threatened to kill them once before. I kew he could do it, physically and probably mentally so I took no chances." A tear ran down my face and Ryan quickly caught it with a loving finger. He pressed his hand into mine and laced our fingers together. "But that night... that night was the worst. We got into the biggest fight. He came home from "work" which really meant some random strip club or bar, drunk. I mean, /wasted/. He started yelling at me and slapping me, hard. He knocked me out and apparently raped me while I was unconcious. The only thing I really cared about was the baby that was growing inside of me. So when I woke up and he was gone I immediatly went to the doctor's office." I could hardly finish this explaination. It's been so long and I hadn't talked to anyone about it. "The baby had been crushed." More tears streamed down my face. "When he threw me on the ground, face down, it killed the baby on impact."
-----
When Ryan finally brought me home I decided I wanted to go for a walk. Just to clear my head. He offered to come with me but I declined. I needed time to be alone and he probably needed time to think. As I walked down my street I got the biggest feeling that someone was following me. I looked back, nothing. I tried to shake the feeling but by the time I reached Main Street, two miles later, it became overwhelming. I decided to turn back in the direction of my house. You're gonna need a bodybag.
Love Always,
Tegan.
"I'm so excited for this cruise." I said as I woke from a light sleep. Ryan's eyes fluttered open and he smiled. "Me too, babe." He chuckled and kissed me on the forehead. The night before was practically a complete blur to me, I'm sure Ryan didn't even remember it. I sat up only to find I was in my bra. I felt like a complete slut because I had never really done anything with anyone besides Ryan and Alex.. and Him. I shook the feeling and slid off the edge of the bed to find pants and a clean shirt.
I found my June t-shirt from last year and slipped it over my head. Thank god it still fit. It was the only shirt I had left that didn't make me gag when I smelled it. "Hey, I like that shirt." Ryan said from my computer chair. I looked down at it and back up at him. "Thanks." I stated and pulled some jeans on. "I'm gonna go see if my dad's awake. What time is it?" I walked towards the door. "11:11." Ryan said with a grin. "Oh my god." I smiled. "Make a wish, quick." I gasped. "I wish the cruise will be as relaxing as I think it will be." I quietly muttered to myself as I watched Ryan make his wish. It was cute how he wished on 11:11. I haven't met anyone other than Carley that did it. A lot of kids in high school called me crazy and laughed when I yelled out "It's 11:11!" in the middle of class every day.
"Hey can I take a shower?" Ryan looked up from my computer screen. "Of course," I said, completely forgetting my previous statement of 'I'm going to see if my dad's awake." "the bathroom is obviously right there." I smiled and headed into the room to show him how to turn on the shower. Once he was in the shower I walked out to my computer to see what Ryan had been doing. My itunes was open with some Paramore song playing. I found a word document titled "Tegan's Vacation" and opened it. "Hey Tegan, I just thought I'd give you some advice for our cruise which leaves in t-minus two weeks. I want you to have the best time of your life, and I know you will. My parents have been taking me on cruises since I was a kid. I always have an amazing time. I've always wanted to bring a girl on one of these things with me but no one ever seemed right. I hope you feel comfortable coming with me, even though we've only known each other for a few weeks." I smiled. It was signed "Your Man, Ryan." Which made me giggle a little.
While Ryan was in the shower I decided it would be a good idea to clean up a little. My room was absolutely atrocious and something needed to be done about it. I first made my bed, where I noticed my sheets defintiley needed to be washed. I picked up all the laundry that had fallen on me the night before and threw it in the hamper that stood near my bathroom door. I sighed as I arranged my flip flips, shoes, and one pair of high heels at the bottom of my closet and moved on to my computer desk. This desk was the epitome of disgusting. Plates and cups and crumpled pieces of paper were covering the entire thing. Old CosmoGirl magazines and a few water bottles scattered here and there. "Jesus Christ." I cursed as I started throwing away bottles and stacking dishes and gathering the paper. I was nearly finished when I noticed something that looked like a crumpled picture in a nook of the desk. A spontanious "hmmm" escaped my vocal chords as I grabbed the picture and uncrumpled it. The picture I was originally looking forward to seeing quickly turned into a nightmare as I turned it around. His arm was around and His lips were placed against my cheek. What was this doing here? I thought I got rid of all the things that even reminded me of Him. I started to shake and threw the picture in the trash bin, which was almost full. A tear paved it's way down my face and I fell to the floor. I didn't realize just how afraid I was of Him until that picture came back into my life. His face in it was so calm and nurturing. But that was the exact oppsite of this monster. I started to shake even more and things began to go blurry. Look what He did to me. I tried to stand up but my legs fell from under me. I fell to the floor with a crash and the bathroom door soon opened. I could hear someone saying "Tegan? Tegan.." And I could feel someone taking my hand, Ryan.
-----
I awoke in a hospital bed at 2PM. As my eyed fluttered open they were greeted with the sight of Ryan's concerned face sitting in a chair next to my bed. My breathing must have changed because he immediatly looked at me and let out a large sigh of relief. "I didn't know what happened." He stood up and kissed me softly. Lips pressed close to mine, true blue. "Me either." I choked out. "The nurse said you had a panic attack..." Ryan trailed off. "I saw that picture..." He sat back down in the chair. I felt fine now so I sat up more on the bed. "That was my ex-husband." I quietly blurted out. Ryan's eyed widened. "You're only-" "I know." I cut him off. It was hard to talk about, but I think I was falling for this boy with the gleam in his eye. "I thought we were in love." I began, ready to tell the entire horrible story. Throw caution to the wind, but I've got a lousy arm. "He asked me to marry him a year after we graduated high school. He was so caring and an amazing guy. The wedding was the nicest thing I've ever been the center of. He made me feel like no one else did. Things were even great after a few months. Then we found out I was pregnant." I continued as Ryan's eyes widened at the word "pregnant". "After we got the news he became really protective and suffocating. We fought constantly and he would even hit me. I couldn't even tell my own mother or father because he threatened to kill them once before. I kew he could do it, physically and probably mentally so I took no chances." A tear ran down my face and Ryan quickly caught it with a loving finger. He pressed his hand into mine and laced our fingers together. "But that night... that night was the worst. We got into the biggest fight. He came home from "work" which really meant some random strip club or bar, drunk. I mean, /wasted/. He started yelling at me and slapping me, hard. He knocked me out and apparently raped me while I was unconcious. The only thing I really cared about was the baby that was growing inside of me. So when I woke up and he was gone I immediatly went to the doctor's office." I could hardly finish this explaination. It's been so long and I hadn't talked to anyone about it. "The baby had been crushed." More tears streamed down my face. "When he threw me on the ground, face down, it killed the baby on impact."
-----
When Ryan finally brought me home I decided I wanted to go for a walk. Just to clear my head. He offered to come with me but I declined. I needed time to be alone and he probably needed time to think. As I walked down my street I got the biggest feeling that someone was following me. I looked back, nothing. I tried to shake the feeling but by the time I reached Main Street, two miles later, it became overwhelming. I decided to turn back in the direction of my house. You're gonna need a bodybag.
Love Always,
Tegan.
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