Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Disheveled

Losing All Control

by indie_chicky 3 reviews

"Yes." Save that word for the one you love.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Drama, Romance - Warnings: [X] - Published: 2007-04-25 - Updated: 2007-04-26 - 1478 words

So this chapter is going to be labeled "Yesterday" because the first chapter was technically "Today" and then the second chapter was "Four weeks ago" and it's all slowly been building back to "Today". Okay, I'm going to shut up now and let you read and review. Thanks for all the love! I'm sending it right back!!!


Brendon stood in front of the mirror staring at his reflection. He had ten minutes before they were due on stage.

He had been standing in front of the mirror for 20 minutes. Trying, yet failing miserably to apply his own makeup, the mask he put on just for show.

The one Ryan had always applied for him because he knew what it was like to have a vision that no one understood.

And Brendon craved that sense of mystery.

Normally, the boys themselves were the show.

But they had gone from playful to malicious.

From honest to deceitful.

From satisfied to sex-starved.

From clean-cut to disheveled.

"Better hurry, Brendon."

Brendon turned around to see his torturer (his "assistant" gone for a day, working on the set of one of her illustrious filmsk), an intricate dark design weaving around his eyes, spiraling to an end at both sides of his face. He turned back around to raise the eyeliner pencil to his face once more.

"Bite me, Ross."

Ryan sauntered up to his friend and rubbed his painfully tightening pants against Brendon's backside. Brendon groaned and dropped the pencil on the counter. He could feel Ryan's lips ghosting over his skin, finding the perfect spot on his neck to make a tiny lovebite.

"Your wish is my command."

Brendon uncomfortably reached back and put his hand on the back of Ryan's head, trying to pull him closer, feel his lips on his skin again. But Ryan resisted and simply nipped at the skin on the back of the other boy's neck. All the teasing was driving Brendon crazy and he was beginning to get angry.

"Fuck you."

Ryan smirked into Brendon's neck and chuckled.

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He snaked one hand around Brendon's waist and used the other hand to reach for the pencil.

"Let me help you with that."

Suddenly, Brendon saw his opportunity.

"I don't need it."

He grabbed Ryan's wrist forcefully, causing him the pencil to fall once more. He let go for a brief second to turn around and put his hand around the back of Ryan's head, pulling him towards his lips and mashing them together sloppily. Ryan released a deep moan, surprised, but willing to accept Brendon's initiative. After a few seconds, the two paused to breathe.

"This...I need."

"We only have..."

"Fuck them, Ryan! They paid their money, they'll get their show, but not until I get what I want. Now, the way I see it, we have two options. We're gonna lock the door and fuck on every flat surface of this room, or we're going to leave the door unlocked and do it hard and fast against the wall. And you know what? I'm feeling generous. I'm gonna leave the choice to you."

In that moment, there were so many things Ryan should have said.
You wish.
My choice? Make you suffer.
So fucking needy.
You're pathetic.
It's sad how desperate you are.
You've got to be kidding.
I don't need you.
But instead, his eyes widened, shocked at Brendon's newfound roughness. He reached over and closed the door, purposely leaving it unlocked.

"Show me what you got, Urie."

Brendon smirked and pressed Ryan against the wall, sliding his hand down his counterpart's body and stopping at his zipper, yanking it down without a single thought.

"You know it will always just be me."

And with one single kiss and one long, drawn out moan, Ryan Ross lost all control.

"Shit shit shit shit shit."

Ryan paced back and forth, back and forth.

What the fuck was he thinking?

Brendon and Jon had left, and Melody had called four times already to tell him she was coming back tomorrow. Each time he had wanted to say, "Melody, sweetie. Don't bother. Brendon and I have the fucking covered. But thanks for your consideration."

How fucking stupid.

He was still muttering and pacing when Spencer came out of the dressing room.

"Hey thanks for waiting, Ry...Ryan? What's wrong?"

"I gave in, Spence. I don't know what happened, but I fucking caved!"

Spencer clicked his tongue and sighed.

"Stop pacing."

Ryan did as he was told, but he still looked irritated, like he wanted to move, but knew Spencer would yell at him if he did.

"This is about Brendon, isn't it?"

"How could I be so goddamn stupid?"

"Ryan! Yes or no?"

Spencer knew the answer, but he just wanted to hear it from Ryan. He wanted the other boy to admit that he might have the slightest addiction to Brendon Urie.

"Yes. You know how you said to stop fucking Brendon or stop fucking with Melody?"


"Well, I did. I started fucking Melody and started fucking with Brendon. And it worked for so long."

"Two weeks?"

Ryan ignored his friend's skepticism and continued raving.

"I had him in the palm of my hand! I teased him, always left him wanting more, left these marks on his neck, made him writhe underneath me. God, it was so good. I felt so fucking powerful."

"So, what happened?"

"He told me we were going to fuck, and I froze. I couldn't say no. And the moment I said yes, he got it back. He fucking took it from me!"


"The control! He's got it now."

Spencer sighed. He had never wanted something like this to happen. He needed their band to be on equal footing, and now that Ryan and Brendon had started this charade, it wasn't going to be finished until one of them caved completely.

"You've got to break up with Melody, Ryan."

"No! She's the one thing I've got working for me. I can dangle her in front of Brendon and he can't do anything about her. I can control her, Spencer, no matter what."

Spencer shook his head, feeling some of the drops fall from his recently showered hair. He just didn't understand why Ryan and Brendon were being so stubborn about this, why they couldn't just admit that they might have something.

"Whatever. Can we talk about this in the morning? I really need some rest."

"Sure, I'm gonna stay here a little longer, so you can take the car. I'll walk back to the hotel."

Spencer nodded and hugged his best friend. No matter what, he would always feel a little responsible for Ryan. He just wanted him to be happy.

After that, he left and Ryan was left to wander the halls of the small theatre they had performed in earlier that night. By that time, the only people left were the maintenance staff, and they didn't seem to mind that Ryan was still around. Suddenly, as he was walking past a dark area, he felt someone tug at his arm and talk quietly.

"Come with me."

Ryan complied and walked up a few flights of stairs with the stranger until they reached a door. The man opened the door and Ryan could see a small light from the stars. Ryan was thinking that it was about midnight when the figure turned around and kissed him gently, lips slightly parted, small sighs releasing from their mouths.

Ryan smiled, and put his arm around Brendon's back.

"What was that for?"

Brendon smiled back, ruffling Ryan's hair and leaning in to kiss him again for a few brief seconds.

"I just wanted to kiss you."

Ryan was taken aback by the sudden sensitive side. He could have sworn something was wrong with Brendon, the way his moods changed almost instantly. Then, Ryan chuckled.

"What are you laughing at? I was trying to be sentimental, in case you didn't catch that."

"No, I just...forget it."

"No, what?"


"Well, that makes sense."

"I can't describe it. There's something that just makes me want to be around you all the time, and yet, I can't stand you most of the time."

They laughed quietly and Brendon put his arms around Ryan, burying his face in his neck and humming against his skin. Ryan kissed the top of Brendon's head as he looked up right into Ryan's eyes.

"All these games we've been playing, they don't matter right now. This's for us."

Ryan leaned in and instantly gained access into Brendon's mouth, moaning quietly into the silent night as their tongues battled for dominance against each other. After a few minutes, the heated kiss relaxed and Brendon leaned over and whispered into the other boy's ear.

"Because, tomorrow, everything changes."
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