FicWad

As the jovial warmth of the sun's rays extended towards Helena's being in an offer of friendship, she instinctively recoiled-so long had it been since she had last known the full force of such concentrated daylight.

The collision of light and heat against the porcelain palor of her skin invoked a painful illusion in her phyche- a peculiar burning forming deep, agonising holes in her face and setting her eyes ablaze, despite the ocean blue waters they held within.


"Lena?"

A voice?


In a flash of light and with a sensation reminiscent of a bullet to the head, she was back. Despite the popular impression of reality's harshness, Helena had come to learn that in comparison to the unrivalled cruelty of her own imagination, reality truly was a wonderful thing.

"Lena, what the fuck's wrong with you?"

In REALITY the sun possessed none of it's former deadliness and was merely a cause of slight annoyance, provoking a dull ache in her head. which in all fairness was to be expected. After the two years she had spent occupying the vast majority of her time in a room pitch black excepting the four small candles that stood eerily at each corner, the sun was bound to come as a shock to the system.

Helena smiled marginally- her typical sarcastic grimace: lop sided and playful with a sadistic tinge.

"Nothin', I'm fine," she responded after what had seemed like an endless pause of silence.

"A bit slow on the uptake..." Marissa mumbled as they continued to walk, Helena behind her.

Offering her friend a quick shove of annoyance, Helena giggled. The giggle was always there- most of the time serving no purpose but to quieten her own nervousness; it was in fact surprising how she still managed to somehow make it sound convincing despite how strained and embarassingly fake it felt.

"I'm just tired is all!" She said.

"Yeah well so am I but I don't start having fuckin' spaz attacks." Marissa quipped.

"Who's having spaz attacks?"

"Ummm... you, last I checked. "

Marissa paused in her step, turned to stare at Helena who shook her head in turn, brushing the accusation off with another giggle and this time barely managing to hide her obvious nervousness.

"You high again?" Marissa asked seriously.

"What do you mean again? When was the last ti-"

"If you were trying to hide it why did ya' leave your needles all over the place?"

Helena's eyes widened in alarm. Initially she could've kicked her own head in with frustation at having been so stupid but as the anger towards herself faded it began to manifest around Marissa.

What right had she to be so curious of matters that didn't concern her at all anyway? It was, Helena decided, an abuse of the trust she herself had obviously misplaced.

"Well...it's not like I have a drug problem though." She reacted, the volume of her voice raising in irritation.

"Sure you don't..."

"I don't! I'm off them now for your information so just drop it, ok?"

"Yeah. Just be careful." Marissa said, fixing Lena with a harsh stare, so stern and serious it made her feel nautious.

"Course I will." She lied.

It was so sickening having to lie and through doing so she sensed herself changing; mutating into something truly disgusting. Inside the depths of her consciousness she was fading into a mere shadow, blending, faceless and nameless into the darkness, no longer human.

She cravied the release of feeling again and liberating herself from the state she was in: a numb creature not dissimilar from the living dead.

"The doors open." Marissa said.

Helena remained puzzled by this phrase until she realised she was standing directly in front of the passenger door of Marissa's car.

What was she even thinking? How could she have believed it okay to rejoin the company of other people the way she was? She wasn't fit for such things. Why make the effort when they all saw her for exactly what she was anyway?

"I feel sick." She blurted out.

"What?"

"I said I feel sick. I think I'm gonna stay here."

Without bothering to explain such a decision she twisted on her heels, hurriedly pacing towards the door to her house, certain that once inside she would feel safe again. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes yet she had to hold them back, just until she was safely inside again- until everything and everyone could no longer see her. Even the sun had now withdrawn its offer friendship,instead serving to taunt her- laughing, mocking, jeering.

"Helena don't you dare open that door!" Melissa shouted after her. "I get how you feel but you can't just give up or you'll always feel that way!"

Lena was barely listening as all she wanted was to be hidden from view like she usually was. Grasping the doorknob she clumsily withdrew the key from her pocket, wedging it into the lock and sighing at the satisfactory click of its undoing.

She was soon faced with a comforting blackness. It was home; the only home she would ever have and the only place she wanted to ever be.

"Don't." Marissa ordered, her force weaker this time as though relenting to fate yet still persistant/

"Why shouldn't I? C'mon Marissa, it's not like you could really give a shit what I do." Lena snarled, shooting Marissa a poisoned glare before retreating through the doorway. "Oh and one more thing: you DON'T get how I feel. You haven't seen what I have, so you can't even begin to understand, and we both know empathy isn't your strong point."

Noticing Marissa's mouth hanging open and twitching slightly as though about to speak but short on words to say, Helena took such an opportunity to bring an end to their pseudo-argument via the rapid slamming of her front door.

She dashed up the staircase before climbing a ladder into her sanctuary-the attic. In the darkness of that room it was easy to pretend as though she was part of the blackness, physically and mentally non-existant- her only purpose being to fill the void.

Helena clambered clumsily onto her bed, wrapping her arms around her knees protectively and shuddering with desperate sobs of futility. No-one cared and neither did she wish for them to. She desired nothing more at that moment than to pierce open her chest and scrape out the contents with her knife, laughing as she watched her heart die before her.

Then she could be well and truly nothing.