Categories > Games > Silent Hill > Ave Maria
Ave Maria
Part I: Cancer
Isn't it funny that with a few words, your whole life can be turned upside-down? A few carefully chosen words like...
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sunderland but there's nothing we can do" And poof, there goes reality. Suddenly, everything your so sure of dissolves into nothing and your left with nothing but a cold empty feeling. You no longer no what tomorrow will bring, heck, even if you'll see it.
I can remember sitting in that sterile, cold room and listening to that over weight and over paid quack rambling on about how this desise, this cancer was going to eat up my respiratory system and most of my body along with it. He made it sound no more serious than a bad cold or case of flu, for fear that if he was too compassionate, he may actually feel sorry for me or see me as a fellow human being.
I can remember squeezing James's hand just that little bit tighter.
Of course there were pills and a handful of expensive medical courses that could slow it down but the end result would be the same.
We drove home from the hospital in silence, except for the cascade of rain that beat relentlessly against the windshield. Just the thought of talking seemed uncomfortable, as much as both of us wanted to put an end to the quietness that filled the car. Instead, James just stared on ahead at the road while I let my head rest limply against the window, jutting with every bump the car made and not really noticing the dull pain that was building up on my forehead.
"James, I'm_"
"It's not your fault." The answer came a little too quickly and a little too curtly for me to believe him.
The sound of rain slowly filled up the car again, as if someone had accidentally left the roof open and we were slowly drowning in the water.
"James?"
"What?" He sounded as if he was trying to keep his temper under control but failing to keep a leash on it. In truth I didn't know what I was going to ask him but anything seemed better than the awful silence.
"Let's go back."
"Back where?"
"To Silent Hill."
He agreed as we pulled up in front of our house but I think both of us really knew that we wouldn't be going back to that town, at least not in this lifetime.
That night, I bored a deep hole into the ceiling as James breathed softly next to me. I guess the cogs of my mind where whirring away to quickly for it to succumb to sleep. Anyway, who needs sleep, Lord knows I'd be getting enough of it soon enough.
For some reason the idea struck me as incredibly funny, as cold as it was. I let a cold bray of mirthless laughter ring through the dark bedroom, bouncing of the walls like a hyperactive child.
"Mary?" James's voice was heavy with lethargy as he rolled over. Perhaps he was worried my brain had started to turn to mush, but I wasn't that far gone, at least not yet.
"Are you sure your alright?" From the moment we'd crossed our house, the shell of cold brooding James had wrapped himself in had cracked, giving away to constant worrying. I whished he wouldn't.
"I'm fine, honestly." Even in the dark I could feel his eyes examining me, trying to penetrate the blanket of false reassurance I was hiding under.
"Can't we just forget about it for a while?" I didn't want to worry my self to death about my mortality.
"Jesus Mary, you're going to die!" I felt the bed groan strenuously as he sat up violently. "You can't just ignore something like that!"
Maybe before he said it, I hadn't really accepted it, but when those words coming from his mouth, it seemed to seal the inevitability of my situation. The sharpness of his tone cut me deeper than the doctor's words ever could and I recoiled from him.
"Your right, I can't just overlook_" I was shocked at how my words seemed to mock him.
"Don't be like that!"
"Like what?"
With a huff, he rolled over and turned his back on me.
"You act as though I'm making this worse."
Whatever I had been expecting, it wasn't that. In the darkness, I watched as he fumed silently and turned away. Already I could feel the tears well up at the corners of my eyes as something slowly dawned on me.
I was more of a cancer than this desieas could ever be.
Part I: Cancer
Isn't it funny that with a few words, your whole life can be turned upside-down? A few carefully chosen words like...
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sunderland but there's nothing we can do" And poof, there goes reality. Suddenly, everything your so sure of dissolves into nothing and your left with nothing but a cold empty feeling. You no longer no what tomorrow will bring, heck, even if you'll see it.
I can remember sitting in that sterile, cold room and listening to that over weight and over paid quack rambling on about how this desise, this cancer was going to eat up my respiratory system and most of my body along with it. He made it sound no more serious than a bad cold or case of flu, for fear that if he was too compassionate, he may actually feel sorry for me or see me as a fellow human being.
I can remember squeezing James's hand just that little bit tighter.
Of course there were pills and a handful of expensive medical courses that could slow it down but the end result would be the same.
We drove home from the hospital in silence, except for the cascade of rain that beat relentlessly against the windshield. Just the thought of talking seemed uncomfortable, as much as both of us wanted to put an end to the quietness that filled the car. Instead, James just stared on ahead at the road while I let my head rest limply against the window, jutting with every bump the car made and not really noticing the dull pain that was building up on my forehead.
"James, I'm_"
"It's not your fault." The answer came a little too quickly and a little too curtly for me to believe him.
The sound of rain slowly filled up the car again, as if someone had accidentally left the roof open and we were slowly drowning in the water.
"James?"
"What?" He sounded as if he was trying to keep his temper under control but failing to keep a leash on it. In truth I didn't know what I was going to ask him but anything seemed better than the awful silence.
"Let's go back."
"Back where?"
"To Silent Hill."
He agreed as we pulled up in front of our house but I think both of us really knew that we wouldn't be going back to that town, at least not in this lifetime.
That night, I bored a deep hole into the ceiling as James breathed softly next to me. I guess the cogs of my mind where whirring away to quickly for it to succumb to sleep. Anyway, who needs sleep, Lord knows I'd be getting enough of it soon enough.
For some reason the idea struck me as incredibly funny, as cold as it was. I let a cold bray of mirthless laughter ring through the dark bedroom, bouncing of the walls like a hyperactive child.
"Mary?" James's voice was heavy with lethargy as he rolled over. Perhaps he was worried my brain had started to turn to mush, but I wasn't that far gone, at least not yet.
"Are you sure your alright?" From the moment we'd crossed our house, the shell of cold brooding James had wrapped himself in had cracked, giving away to constant worrying. I whished he wouldn't.
"I'm fine, honestly." Even in the dark I could feel his eyes examining me, trying to penetrate the blanket of false reassurance I was hiding under.
"Can't we just forget about it for a while?" I didn't want to worry my self to death about my mortality.
"Jesus Mary, you're going to die!" I felt the bed groan strenuously as he sat up violently. "You can't just ignore something like that!"
Maybe before he said it, I hadn't really accepted it, but when those words coming from his mouth, it seemed to seal the inevitability of my situation. The sharpness of his tone cut me deeper than the doctor's words ever could and I recoiled from him.
"Your right, I can't just overlook_" I was shocked at how my words seemed to mock him.
"Don't be like that!"
"Like what?"
With a huff, he rolled over and turned his back on me.
"You act as though I'm making this worse."
Whatever I had been expecting, it wasn't that. In the darkness, I watched as he fumed silently and turned away. Already I could feel the tears well up at the corners of my eyes as something slowly dawned on me.
I was more of a cancer than this desieas could ever be.
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