Categories > Games > Silent Hill > Ave Maria

Me, myself and I

by Wrath 0 reviews

When so close to death, some can lose all faith inthe joys of life

Category: Silent Hill - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst - Characters:  James Sunderland, Mary Shepard-Sunderland - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2005-05-07 - Updated: 2005-05-08 - 1962 words

Part 2: Me, myself and I

Over time, life at home became nothing more than a memory as my visits to the hospital grew more frequent as the desies slowly consumed me. But I 'd be lying if I told you that those memories of my final days with James were ones to cherish.

At first, he seemed simply annoyed but then annoyance grew to bitterness, bitterness flourished into anger that in turn gave way to resent.

Eventually, it got to a point where a fight would break out over the most insignificant thing and I could tell that he blamed me for everything that was going wrong in his life. He never said it but the message was loud enough.

Conversations would grow dry; evaporating into empty silences after only a few spars words had been exchanged until we stopped even trying to engage each other.

Our situation was impossible; He didn't want to be burdened with a wife who couldn't, no, at first I wouldn't admit she was dieing. James would occasionally say a hope filled word but there was never any substance to them. I think it was the look of sheer defeat whenever he forced himself to say them that finally crushed any faith of my own.

I loved life, so did my husband but what was the point of enforcing this half -life that I had to endure on him? I was almost relieved when the doctors told me that maybe it would be for the best if I stayed at the hospital until things looked up, of course, they never would. I was sinking and there was no lifeline for me to grab onto.

For a while, things improved, James would come to visit and we would be happy. We could pretend to be that happily married couple we once were, if only for a short time but slowly things were taking a turn for the worse.


I'd been waiting for him to come all day and despite all I've said, I was looking forward to it. James's visits were a break in the daily repertoire of enjoying an ever-growing pain that slowly drained all colour from my world and taking a never-ending supply of pills. Sure, they'd numb the pain but the drug like limbo I'd sink into was even worse somehow. Suddenly, a pane of frosted glass would come between me and the outside world lost its substance as the drugs would work their magic, killing of cells and god knows what as my body slowly rotted. After a month, I couldn't even bring myself to look in a mirror anymore. The sick, desised creature that stared back at me was just a hideous reminder of what James would have to behold, if he ever came to visit.

Seeing myself, I couldn't blame him for not wanting to endure my company. Whatching a loved one hollow out into an empty husk must be almost as bad as seeing the disgust in their eyes every time they bring themselves to look at you.

Five o'clock came and went yet the ticking hands of the clock did not bring James. I waited helplessly, what else could I do? I was trapped by my 'condition', unable to anything about it. Slowly, as the minuet hand continued its waltz over the numbers painted on the face, my feeling of abandoned grew.

And that's when she appeared.

Maybe she was the reason I'd stopped looking in the mirror. I would have rather seen the shell that I was slowly devolving into than her...

"Tick-tock, Mary,"

The other half of the room had sunk into darkness as the sun began to conclude its journey over the earth and there she sat, in her black domain. Slouched in the harsh green visitor's chair, legs crossed and that revolting, triumphant grin that would rival the Cheshire cat's slapped on her face.

"I know you can hear me Mary." She spat, my name sounding like dirty gravel as it rolled from her mouth. "So why are you trying to ignore me?"

"Your not real..." I rasped as anything above a whisper set my throat on fire.

"My god, the great Mary horned me with an answer!" She laughed, sending the air ringing with her cool, mirthless giggle. Slowly she rose and slunk out of he kingdom of shadow, into the light. I clamped my eyes shut, trying to erase the image of her face from my mind but I was to late.

I had seen my antagonist's face but it was no strange visage.

It was my own.

"Still trying to pretend I'm not here, huh?" She ran her fingers over the ruffled bed sheet, prowling towards me like some feline predator. "You know," She continued, drawling slowly. She was enjoying this. "Without me you'd have no one and don't try to deny it. Tell me," She sat down on the bed. I shuffled away from her until my back hit the wall with a soft thud, watching her from behind bent knees. The woman who was I, yet not turned to me and grinned maliciously with painted lips.

"Why isn't James rushing here to sweep you off your feet like the knight in shinning armour you make him out to be?" I shrived back under her heartless gaze, feeling like nothing more than a bug under her foot, waiting for her to crush me. But I knew she'd let her foot come down slowly.

"It's so easy, ya want me to let you in on a little something?"

"Shut up!" I growled but she just laughed in my face.

"Your not me!" I slunk back even further but there was no escape from her cruel words that burnt inside my skull. She watched my pain with rapture.

"You could never be what he wanted or satisfy his urges, especially not now. Hell, I wouldn't prod you with a ten foot pole let alone touch you the way James wants to"

I squeezed my eyes shut, so hard that a display of Technicolor blazed behind my lids. She silently surveyed her handiwork, letting her tongue slide playfully over her white carnivorous teeth.

"Hey, don't get so worked up over it!" I watched with malice as my tormentor rose up from the bed and slowly sauntered over to my bedside table.

"Your nothing, just some part of my mind or side effect of the pill_"

"Oh please, don't patronize me with that crap. Although they do have you on some pretty trippy stuff..."

She stared down at the table, littered with a whole menagerie of medication and scooped up one of the plastic containers.

"What the hell are these?! Horse tranquillisers? Hey, you could swallow all of these and really give that desies of yours something to chew on!"

She threw back her head and roared with mirth.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" I grabbed the closest thing I could get my hands on, a heavy pitcher of water, and hurled it at the woman. Of course, with my liquidated muscles, the jug didn't get very far before it came crashing to the floor, splintering into a thousand shards of crystal.

Panting, I looked up to find that I was alone.

The door clicked and in stepped James.

"What do you want, James?" He stopped, shifting uncomfortably before producing something from behind his back and I saw that she was right. He didn't want to be here.
"I, uh I brought you some flowers..." He trailed off, holding out his limp offering. This had to be a joke.
"Flowers? I don't want any damn flowers. Just go home already." I snapped, my voice void of compassion.
"Mary, what are you saying?" I felt something inside me snap. Why did we have to keep up this ridiculous farce? It wasn't doing either of us any good.
"Look!" I shouted, feeling my throat peel under the force of my cry. "I'm disgusting! I don't deserve flowers. Between the disease and the drugs, I look like a monster." I glanced up and saw James staring at me as though I'd gone completely insane. Maybe I had... "Well what are you looking at? Get the hell out of here. Leave me alone already! I'm no use to anyone." My voice slowed, dropping to a sad whisper. "I'll be dead soon anyway. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow.... It would be easier if they'd just kill me." The memory of her offering me the entire box of pills came floating back. "But I guess the hospital is making a nice profit off me," I spat. "They want to keep me alive...."
James was still staring at me, his mouth hung open in shock from this sudden out burst. The flowers dangled from his hand hanging at his side.
"Are you still here? I told you to go! Are you deaf?! Don't come back!"The look of hurt surprise fell from his face, warping into a thunderous scowl. He gave me one last dark glower before turning to the door and I saw the effect my words had had upon him. I had scared him in a way I never thought possible. Guilt welled up in me but when I saw him turn his back, it dissolved into naked fear.
"James.... Wait.... Please don't go.... Stay with me. Don't leave me alone. I didn't mean what I said." Desperation was begging to take hold of me. "Please James.... Tell me I'll be okay. Tell me I'm not going to die." He grabbed the door, trying to escape the sound of my pleas and I saw that he was truly going to abandon me. In my bitterness, I had supplied him with all he needed to get up and leave. I stood up, reaching out to James in some vain attempt to stop him, only to fall flat on my face as my worthless legs buckled beneath me. "Help me..." I chocked, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. From where I lay, helpless on the ground I saw the look of utter contempt he shot me over his shoulder at the pitiful shell that begged for his company.
I'd already collapsed completely when the sound of the door slamming shut flooded the tiny oppressive room that held me prisoner, crying helplessly.From the shadows that slumbered around the door, I could feel the other me, the only part that James had ever cared for whatching as I curled up into a foetal position on the cold and sterile floor.That was when the tiny hand of a child planted itself softly on my back. Opening my tear stained eyes, I saw the face of a blond haired girl stare back at me with sorrowful, blue eyes.
"He shouldn't treat you like that, you know." The girl stared up at the door and stared darkly at it. "He's going to pay for it one day..."I closed my eyes, listening to the words spoken by my fractured imagination. I was so alone, save for the company of me, myself and I.


For those of you scratching your heads and going 'huh, what's Laura doing here?' I shall explain:I believe that Laura isn't a real person, like Maria. Like Maria, she could also be considered a part of Mary as a complete opposite of her slutty half. After all, James would find nothing erotic about a bratty eight-year-old, much like his degenerating wife. That didn't make any sense whatsoever, did it?
p.s- i really do appologies fro the spelling. i've checked it, but some of it's just so awful that even the spell checker can't fix it.
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