FicWad

Chapter 40

*

Tick Tock Tick Tock
It's my time to return home.
I feel, I think
That were I am right now is not where I belong.

Alice walked up to Bert's house with only a backpack on her shoulder. Her once white Mary Jane's crossed the space between her and the door quickly and she stood on tiptoes to ring the doorbell. She used one slim finger to slide her gigantic black sunglasses up on her nose. Her hair was a bit messy and loose.
As Bert fumbled to get to the door and open it Alice arranged her Last Word Uttered dark violet shirt, shifted the thin stud belts that were loosely around her waist and cleaned her sweaty hands on her skinny black jeans; the random dangles that hung from her wrists crashing against each other as she did so.

At last, my friend, I've made up my mind.
I fear, that perhaps
It is not what everyone else would want

Bert finally opened the god damn door and embraced her almost hungrily, taking the air out of her unconsciously. It had been so long since he had seen her, let alone had her in his arms. For that brief couple of seconds he remembered how they were...he almost wished they were both on drugs again so they could forget about the present and go back to the past, to those long forgotten days in which they didn't need a reason to kiss because they were best friends. Those times, in which no Gerard had crashed the poor girl's heart, times in which he hadn't ruined their friendship by confessing the feelings that had been boiling up inside him since the first day he met her.
"Umm, Bert...I can't breathe" She said between chokes completely ruining the flow of his memories.
"Sorry Wonderland. It's just so god damn good to see you"
Alice smiled as she entered the house. Bert noticed her luggage or lack of there of and commented about it.
"Oh, I just felt like flying light" She lied quickly. She hoped Bert didn't give her lack of luggage much thought.
"Sure" Bert said then added as he noticed Alice looking around the house frantically, "Daniel hasn't come from school yet"
"Oh..."
"He'll be coming soon, though. Want to sleep some? You look tired."
"Sounds good" She replied in fake happy tone. She had became so used to pretend to be happy that not even Bert, her true best friend could tell when she wasn't faking it. It made her pleased with herself that no one could ever know when she wasn't being herself but at the same time it displeased her.
Bert should know...
Bert should...
"Crash in that room over there, I cleaned it up for you." He said, pointing at the guest room that had the door ajar welcoming Alice in.
"Thanks Bert" Alice said, smiling big for him. He stretched a hand and messed up her hair. He took advantage of the closeness he had unconsciously created and kissed her lightly on the lips, making her blush. This time she didn't even back away. She was too tired.
As he pulled away he looked at her face, she hadn't resisted nor had she returned the kiss. She just had this sort of doll face on, pretty as hell, but not showing any emotion. She seemed worn-out, in more than way.

I know for sure that it is my task
To do what I can,
What I consider is right.
I'm afraid that you my dear,
The one that taught me the need of kid love,
Is going to perhaps hate me all of your life.

Alice walked into the room that smelled of a vanilla scent that tried to overpower the cigarette and alcohol one doing a very outstanding job. There were navy blue sheets covering the medium sized bed. Alice threw the backpack carelessly in the floor and closed the door behind her. She tried to lock it but found that it was damaged. Oh well, what the hell.
She immediately set herself to work and accompanied her backpack by sitting by its side. The two of them were not alone, though. MJ was right beside them as well.

At last, my friend, I've made up my mind.
I fear, that perhaps
It is not what everyone else would want.

Gerard sat on bed. It was about all he did now. The last show had been pretty average. Somehow his performances hadn't been what he intended to be. He wasn't drunk or anything but he didn't feel...alive. He started to think about what had been changing in his life.
Alice, for one thing.
He didn't know what he wanted from the girl anymore. He did want her, but he couldn't make up his mind on just /how/...
Was it more than physical?
Yes, it was.
The problem was, could he stand being with her in more than a physical way?
Could he control himself, not being his beastly self around her?
The answer came instantly to him: no. He just couldn't.
Argh.
Someone knocked the door. He groaned as a response and in came Frank. He looked dishevelled.
"Look man, I've made up my mind. I'm telling Alice about all of the whores you're bringing up to the bus. I don't care what the hell you'll do-"
"Frank-"
"Don't 'Frank' me, Gerard. I'm calling right now!" Frank said as he looked for his cell phone.
"Frank-"
"Where the hell's my cell phone?! Shit." Frank was starting to get desperate. He roamed around the room lifting things and putting them on their place afterwards.
"Frank-"
"WHAT THE FUCK GERARD?!" He screamed, fierce eyes staring at Gerard intently now.
"Alice already knows." Gerard said coolly. Frank's jaw dropped.
"And you let me here panicking?!" Frank yelled back getting out of the bunk area hysterically.
Gerard stared at him. It was so hard not to burst out laughing.

I'd like to think that it was my chore to teach you
That sometimes people just can't crawl anymore
That there's some that cannot endure life
Those do not feel worthy to breathe and laugh
There are ones that can take only so much
And this lame body has had about enough

Bert sat on the living room, his legs under a blanket. He was watching a show about anorexia. Hell, he was so bored of the god damn topic. Anorexia and bulimia was all over the country. Hell, not only the country. The whole world, too. It was good, though that they had such an intense campaign. He wasn't planning on telling them to cut them off; it just bothered him to face it every day everywhere.
It scared him shitless.
Some years back it was /suicide/, now its anorexia and bulimia.

At last, my friend, I've made up my mind.
I fear, that perhaps
It is not what everyone else would want. /

Alice sat on the floor. Her eyesight was blurry and she could feel her head pounding. She still knew where she was.
That was not a good sign.
She hated how she never lost conscience.
The room was swirling, she swore she saw a rat or two coming out from the bed. She held MJ and lifted her from the floor: no rat was going near her friend. Alice opened her backpack and took out what she was looking for.
Shit.
There was no where were she could place it and arrange it properly. She should've thought about this more...holy shit. Now what was she supposed to do?

I quiver I shake
Thoughts run aimlessly around my head
My eyes only see you
And the crowd behind
I'm letting everyone down
But you must understand that I tried
I tried
To take out my nails and keep myself in the trim of these world/

Bert heard a door open and he turned around to see a pale Alice standing behind him.
"You okay?" Bert asked quickly lifting from the sofa to help her. Alice put a quivering hand between them and smiled. "Can I borrow your toothpaste? And some clothes?" She asked sweetly.
"Sure, I'll bring them for you" Bert said, as he walked towards his room. Alice grabbed his arm. "I'll get it. Please"
Bert saw the need in her eyes and let her stumble to his room alone. She was devastated. As he watched her fumble with the knob, he noticed just how bony she was becoming. Her own skinny jeans were loose around her thighs and hip. She closed the door midway and he couldn't see her anymore. He sighed and sat back down on the sofa.

Alice went to Bert's bed.
She returned slowly to her room.

At last, my friend, I've made up my mind.
I fear, that perhaps
It is not what everyone else would want. /

Daniel came in through the front door. His dad had fallen asleep in the sofa. /Well that is new//, He thought sarcastically and laughed at himself. The guest room's door was a bit open, /Alice had already come home!
His small hands opened the door to where Alice was staying. He stared at the scene in front of them. He didn't understand.
But he did.
He didn't want to.
He saw Alice kneeled on the floor, her back to him, staring right in front of her. Her mouth was ajar and she had the pistol in front of it. He was about to open his mouth and tell her something, to stop, to think about what she was doing, anything to make her stop. But then he heard the gunshot. And her slim body fell backwards. He stared at her face covered in blood. He cried out loud.
Bert had been there as soon as he heard the shot. He quivered beside Daniel and wrapped his arms around his body. Both of them cried.

The station had been full. Everyone was weeping, including Gerard. They all sat outside the station and walked towards their car. LWU, MCR, and TU had been together for about a week now, settling everything concerning Alice. They opened the car where Daniel had been waiting. A police officer came running, completely out of breath towards them.
"Now what?" Frank spat, obviously annoyed.
The officer handed them a note, it was written in a napkin in black ink. All of them stared at it intently.
It was Alice's handwriting.

They all read the song, tears coming back t their eyes.
This was the last song Alice had written, the one she wanted to show Bert.
Jepha was reading it out loud. He read the last verse, tears streaming strongly now,

"But I've already bitten down all my nails
There's only flesh and blood
As in the start
So I'll imagine your sweet tender body below my arms
I'm sorry I didn't teach you that boys do cry"

They all had a communal sob as they read the last lines. Jepha stopped dead. Daniel urged him to continue. He did.

"Daniel, boys do cry

They do. "

Daniel cried louder now, clutching his father's coat. Gerard couldn't look at the boy, he felt so guilty. If he hadn't been an ass to Alice perhaps ...
Bert couldn't look at his kid, if maybe he had been taking care of Alice more carefully...
Ben took in a deep breath. How come he hadn't catch this before?
MJ?
Mary Jane?
Pot?
How could he have been so stupid?

"What's the name of the song?" Daniel asked after he had calmed down his sobs a bit.

"'Daniel: boys do cry'" The rest responded in a chorous.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to sing that song..." Ben said between moans.

The End