Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Forever Feels Like Home

Chapter 11

by LOVELA 15 reviews

Say What?

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: R - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2007-05-09 - Updated: 2007-05-10 - 3588 words - Complete

"You look so beautiful," Pete whispered as we danced closely on the dance floor.

I looked into his eyes and blushed. It had been a long time since he had made me blush, but I accepted it fully.

It was our senior prom. My mom had successfully gotten me in a navy gown which I complained about until I saw Pete at the bottom of my stairs. He looked nervous and handsome with his eyes wide as I descended down the stairs.

We went through the whole pictures with the family and the dinner with the friends. Now we were on the dance floor holding each other close. Prom seemed like such a final event. It was as though everything was coming to an end.

"I love you," I said kissing Pete sweetly on the lips.

"I love you too," he smiled at me.

My heart fluttered. I hadn't seen that smile in a while. With school coming to an end and the band going to more and more gigs, Pete had been overly stressed. I almost thought that he had forgotten how to smile. But not tonight. Tonight Pete was all about smiles, kisses, and laughter.

I placed my head on his shoulder and squeezed him closer into my body. He returned the hug and sighed into my ear. If there was a heaven, I wanted it to be just like this.


I knew I was lying on my back, but I wasn't sure where I was. I could hear muffled voices and a really irritating beeping noise. After becoming aware of the sounds I could hear I started to become conscious of the pain I felt in my entire body. I scrunched my face up with discomfort only to have that hurt as well.

I moaned out slightly not really wanting to open my eyes, but knowing that I needed to. I felt pressure being removed from my lap and I opened my eyes slightly. I looked up and saw a very worried looking Crystal.

"Oh my God, Izzy," she cried putting a hand up to her mouth.

I tried to talk. I tried to calm her down, but I couldn't. Something was lodged in my throat. My eyes widened in panic.

"Don't try to talk. They had to intubate you," she said getting up from my side.

Crystal quickly returned with a doctor on her heels.

"Alright, Isabelle, we're going to take this tube out of your throat. I need you to breathe out really hard on the count of three," the doctor said calmly.

As he said three I breathed out deeply choking on the tube sliding up my trachea. I laid back with exhaustion when the tube was finally removed.

"That sucked," I whispered.

"You're throat will be pretty soar for a while. I'll have a nurse bring in some ice chips for you," the doctor said checking my vitals.

I only nodded.

He asked me a series of questions and tested my reflexes. When asked if I was in any pain I responded with my whole body. I wasn't kidding. I felt like I had been slammed into a wall by a semi.

After the doctor left, Crystal sat down next to me with tears streaming down her face.

"Crystal, what's wrong?" I asked grabbing her hand.

"Oh God, Izzy. I thought you were going to die," she cried putting her head down in my lap.

"What happened?" I asked. My voice was still very raspy.

"You were in a car accident. I got a phone call from the hospital saying that you were here. I didn't know what to expect when I got here, but they said that you had slipped into a coma and they had to intubate you. I...I..." Crystal got choked up and started to cry again.

"It's ok," I whispered grabbing her hand.

I looked around my room and noticed multiple arrays of flowers, balloons and presents. Crystal noticed my eyes linger on a huge arrangement of lilies.

"JB stopped by," she whispered.

I got tears in my eyes.

"I was going to see him. I needed to talk to him," I said crying.

"I know. Patrick told me," she said quietly.

"I wanted to tell him everything and apologize, but then Pete called and we fought. That's all I can remember," I said shaking my head.

"Pete?" Crystal asked.

"Yeah," I said wiping my eyes. "Why? Is he here?" I asked expectantly.

Crystal was speechless.

"Crystal," I said as assertively as possible.

"He was here. He and Patrick had a huge fight and Pete left. I haven't seen him since. That was a couple of days ago," she said quietly.

"A couple of days? How long was I out?" I asked.

"Almost a week," Crystal whispered.

"A week!" I said loudly but regretted it immediately. I put my hand up to my throat.

Crystal looked on with sympathy.

"Is there anything else I should know about?" I asked.

"I think we should wait with big news until you are rested and the doctor can tell you officially. Ok sweetie," she said wiping hair out of my face.

"Big news? Crystal, what aren't you telling me?" I asked shocked.

She looked at me with worried eyes. I knew she was keeping something secret. We were interrupted by a knock on the door.

I looked over and saw Patrick looking as though he had been smack dab in the middle of a tornado.

"I called people," Crystal said quietly getting up and walking out of the room past Patrick who couldn't take his eyes off of me.

"Trix," I cried.

"Iz," he said rushing towards my bed.

"I'm sorry about your car," I said sadly.

"Don't even say that. I'm so glad you are ok," he said allowing his tears of relief flow freely down his cheeks.

"I'm still so sorry," I cried.

"Don't be. Are you feeling ok? Any pain?" he asked looking over my battered and bruised body.

"My whole body aches," I said laughing slightly.

"At least you are awake now," he said grabbing my hand. It seemed to be the only part of me that people were willing to touch.

I looked up into his bloodshot eyes. He looked so tired yet so relieved.

"Crystal told me you fought with Pete," I whispered.

"We don't need to talk about that right now," he said kissing my hand.

"I'm sick of people keeping things from me. I'm not dying," I said upset.

"No, but you almost did, Izzy. You almost died," he said sternly.

"What did you and Pete fight about?" I asked with as much authority as I could muster up.

Patrick stared back at me with a glare of stubbornness.

"Rest," he said kissing my forehead.

I huffed with irritation and crossed my arms over my chest as I stared up at the ceiling.

"Isabelle?" I heard the sweetest voice anyone has ever heard.

I looked at the door and saw my mom standing there with tears streaming down her face.

"Mom," I cried.

Patrick got up and walked out of the room as my mom sat down beside me and tried to give me a hug without causing anymore damage than has already been done. We talked about what happened before and after the accident, but we mostly just sat and cried. The nurse came in and gave me some pain killers causing me to quickly fall back into a deep sleep. I didn't want to sleep though. Apparently I had already slept for a week. What did I need more sleep for?


I woke up to loud whispers coming from the end of my bed. At first I thought I was dreaming, but I could feel the pain in my body and instantly knew I wasn't dreaming.

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to kick you out of here," Crystal whispered loudly.

"Well, I know you don't have that kind of power," Katy said back.

"Girls. Seriously," I said quietly opening my eyes.

"See! You woke her up!" Crystal said smacking Katy on the shoulder.

"We came in here to see if she was awake and she's awake. Mission accomplished," Katy said rubbing her shoulder and walking over to my bedside ignoring the shocked look by Crystal.

"How you doing?" Katy asked looking down on me.

"Pretty crappy," I admitted.

"It's ok," Katy said rubbing my shoulder lightly.

"Is she awake?" Patrick asked peeking his head in.

"Hey Trix," I smiled as he walked in.

"Hey Iz," he smiled going to the opposite side of the room as Katy. Apparently she still made him nervous.

We started some small talk, but it was quickly interrupted by my doctor. I wish I could say he looked like all those hot doctors in all the hospital TV series that they have, but he was about 60 and not very personable.

"I have to ask everyone to leave, there is some information that Isabelle and I need to talk about," he said looking into his chart.

Everyone looked around nervous and began to scatter.

"No," I said startling everyone to stop in their tracks.

"I want them to stay. All of them," I said sighing deeply.

What ever this news was, I already knew that Crystal and my mom were informed. Crystal was my in case of emergency contact person and my mom was my family, of course they were informed.

"Alright. Isabelle, the impact that you took was pretty extensive," the doctor said simply.

I felt Crystal grab my hand. I knew she knew what was coming, and in a way, I knew what was coming too.

"I lost my baby, didn't I?" I asked.

I heard Crystal gasp in loudly and the doctor looked at me shocked.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you that you did lose the baby," he said quietly.

I just nodded my head.

"Do you have any questions?" he asked.

I just looked down and shook my head no.

"I'll be back to check up on you shortly," he said leaving out the open door.

"You knew?" Crystal barely got out.

"I knew," I said quietly.

I looked up and saw shock on my friend's faces and even a little hurt in Patrick's.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Katy asked shocked.

"I tried. I tried to tell you all, but every time I just got scared," I said shrugging.

"Izzy, the doctor said that you were about three months along," Crystal said.

I nodded. I knew.

"Which means the baby was..."

"Pete's," Patrick spoke for the first time interrupting me.

"Pete's," I repeated.

Patrick's eyes were now showing more hurt than they were before.

"I'm sorry. I tried to tell you," I whispered to him.

"Hey guys," my mom said stepping into the room.

"Hi mom," I said quietly.

"Say, honey, did you have a fight with Pete or something because I bumped into him in the lobby and he looked pretty upset. Did he say something to upset you?" she asked setting the vase of flowers she brought in on my table.

"You saw Pete?" I asked shocked.

"Well, yeah," she said shrugging.

Everyone looked at her shocked. He must have heard the conversation between me and my doctor. My eyes went straight to Patrick and he nodded knowing that he needed to go find him.

"What did I miss?" my mom asked clueless.


The damn pain medication left me drowsy when all I wanted to do was to stay awake in hopes that Pete would return. Patrick came back to my hospital room saying that he couldn't find Pete anywhere. My heart sank. Everything seemed to be falling apart.

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock by my bed. It was well after midnight. I sighed with discomfort. I was still in a constant state of pain due to the fact that I had broken my ribs, my left arm, my right leg, and sprained pretty much every other bone in my body.

I sat with my thoughts. This was the first time that I had actually been awake and alone to think about everything that has happened. My mom had left back to work knowing full well that I had the greatest friends ever who would take care of me. The others had gone home to get a much needed good night's rest.

I thought about everything. My thoughts raced from my fights with JB, to my night with Patrick, to my final phone call with Pete. I knew I was pregnant about a month into my pregnancy. I knew instantly that it was Pete's. JB and I were never intimate when he was on the road, which left only one option. I wanted to ignore that I was carrying his child. The man didn't love me. How could I bare his child? The hurt in Patrick's eyes was almost harder for me than hearing that I had lost my baby. I will never be able to get the way he looked at me out of my head.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I practically jumped out of my skin as his voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"Holy shit, Pete. You scared me," I said placing my hand over my heart.

He didn't say anything. He stood up from his seat by the door and sat down right next to me. I looked over at his tired form. I wondered exactly how long he had sat there staring at me.

"Why didn't you tell me, Izzy?" he asked again.

"Would it have mattered? Would it have changed anything?" I asked shaking my head.

"I had a right to know," he said sounding hurt and showing it in his eyes.

"Not after what you did to me, Pete," I said willing myself not to cry.

"What I did to you? What about what you did to me?" he asked upset.

"What did I do to you?" I asked in shock.

I was trying to keep my voice down, but it was wavering on impossible.

"You left me! After you said that you would never leave me, you left me to come back to Minnesota," he said angry.

I stared over at him in shock. That wasn't what I was expecting him to say. I couldn't believe that he was still wrapped up in the drama that had occurred five years ago.

"I had no other choice. I had to leave. I had to leave for you," I said crying now.

"That's bullshit. You ran, Izzy," he said cruelly.

"What did you expect me to do? You were teetering on the edge of breaking up your band because you were fighting with your lead singer and best friend and you told me that I was nothing to you. I don't know how you could actually expect me to stay," I said loudly.

"You said that you would never leave me," he stated again.

"Yeah, well, you said forever to me. Forever," I spat back.

Pete was rendered silent. He sat back and stared at me. I just stared back searching his eyes for anything that he had to give me. He revealed nothing.

"Do you remember our prom?" I asked quietly.

Pete smiled and laughed silently.

"Yeah. I hated wearing my tux about as much as you hated wearing your dress," he said simply.

I smiled and looked down into my hands.

"If someone would have told me that five years from then we would be like this, I would have laughed in their face. I was so happy at that moment in life. I really wanted your words of forever to be true," I said quietly.

Pete was silent and I couldn't bear to look at him.

"You don't want to spend forever with a guy like me?" Pete said quietly.

"How do you know what I want?" I asked looking up into his eyes.

"I'm not the forever type," he said swallowing hard.

"If you're not the forever type then why are you getting married?" I challenged.

"Izzy, please. Can we not get into this again?" he asked.

"I don't understand you. You come in here and rant about how I said I would never leave you, but as soon as I turn the tables on you and your broken promises you don't want to talk about it. Who is running now, Pete?" I asked.

I heard Pete sigh. He was gearing up to say something important. I knew that sigh.

"You want to know why I'm running?" he asked.

He was quiet and calm, which scared me. I could only nod in fear my voice would fail me if I tried to speak.

"I'm running because after we made love back in Chicago I looked down on you sleeping and I saw the person that I fell in love with all those years ago, and then I saw me invading your put together world and tearing it up again. I love you so much Izzy, and I just knew that I couldn't poison your life again. I'm nothing but venom to you, why would you want to be with someone as destructive as me?" he said with anguish in his eyes.

"I ran for you," he finished.

I knew exactly where he was coming from. He had done the same thing for me as I had done for him five years ago. Now I understood his pain and anger towards me for running. Everything was coming into view so clearly.

"Five years ago, I did the same for you," I whispered.

Pete's eyes widened with realization. I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. He reached over and kissed my hand allowing tears to fall down his cheek.


"Have you talked to him yet?" I asked Patrick as he pushed the jello that I neglected to eat around on the lunch tray.

I was finally able to sit up comfortably in my hospital bed.

"Nope," Patrick said simply not giving me eye contact.

"What did you two fight about?" I asked still wanting to know.

I had asked Pete, who was only coming to visit me late at night to avoid running into anyone, but he told me to ask Patrick. I didn't tell Patrick that we were talking.

"I don't want to bother you with it," he said pushing the tray away from him.

"Patrick, are you angry with me?" I asked confused by his body language towards me.

Patrick looked at me with shock.

"Of course not," he said not sounding very convincing.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about being pregnant. I meant to, more than once, believe me," I said looking down.

I heard Patrick sigh.

"I just wish you had told me. I could have helped you. I would have been there for you," he said leaning over in his chair and touching my arm gently.

"I know. I'm sorry," I whispered.

We sat in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was comfortable like it always was with us.

"I blamed him for you getting into the car accident," Patrick broke the silence.

I looked up into his eyes with shock.

"After he heard you scream and my phone went dead he called every hospital in the cities trying to find you. He told me over the phone what had happened and apologized profusely. I just told him to get here as soon as possible. I don't know what really happened. I'm not sure if it was lack of sleep or a build up of emotions, but something inside me snapped and I lashed out on him. I called him horrible names and I blamed him for everything. I blamed him for you leaving all those years ago and I blamed him for you being hurt. I've never said such things to him before," Patrick said concentrating on a spot on the floor.

I grabbed his hand.

"I'm sure he knows you didn't mean them," I said trying to encourage Patrick.

"The thing is, I think I did mean them," he said looking at me with a confused look on his face.

"It wasn't his fault, Patrick. It's nobody's fault," I said shaking my head. "It's just easier to blame someone. It gives us an excuse."

"I don't know, Iz. I've picked up the pieces and put you back together so many times after he has gotten through with you, how can I not blame him for it all," Patrick said looking as though he was trying to make sense of it all.

"He's come to see me," I admitted.

"I figured," he smiled at me.

"Am I that transparent?" I asked looking at him slightly embarrassed.

"Well, you do have that slight sparkle in your eye that I only see when you are with him," Patrick said nodding at me.

I felt my heart break for Patrick. He did put up with so much from both Pete and I and what did he have to show for it; two crazy friends.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"You need to stop saying that. There is nothing to be sorry about," he said grabbing my hand again.

"You should talk to him," I whispered.

"I know," he smiled over at me.

Hey Party People! In case some of you are wondering, I put a pic of JB in action on my profile. Check that boy out! Hope this chapter doesn't suck! Smooches!
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