FicWad

Good to be back. Sorry for the long wait, busy with uni and my computer was being homo. Another long one, you know me I wont post it until im satisfied with everything. Here's my peace offering, over 3600 words of drama, do you accept?

ATTENTION!!!!! Song for this chapter: Lips of an Angel - HINDER

You know the drill.




*


Chapter 16: Bone structure screams touch her, touch her.


Ryan's POV

If it wasn't for Chastity I would not have gone to the club tonight, but she would not take no for an answer. After four long hours of waiting for her to get ready she walked out of the bathroom with a "Ta-Da."

Four hours!! and she walks out in something that looks like she had ripped off the hotel room windows. "You look gorgeous," I lied. If I told her she looked ridiculous it would probably take her another three hours to change and she'll be pissy at me the whole night. "Okay-lets-go," I ushered to her.

We stepped out of the hotel room and met up with Spencer and Lacey. Everyone else was gathered near the elevator. My heart was racing as I walked towards them, my breath suddenly short.

She looked so damn hot. I couldn't believe it was Amara. She looked like a supermodel. Well a healthy one, that wasn't just skin and bones. I felt myself getting aroused at the sight of her that I had to bite my tongue to deter my damn testosterone.


When we arrived at the club, the trio headed off to bar the bar. I could have used a drink but I know my answers won't be at the bottom of a beer bottle. I couldn't believe my eyes watching them all drink. Usually its just Jon, but they were having drink, after drink, after drink! This just added to my annoyance of the whole night. What is she thinking? What is Brendon thinking?

I felt Chastity's hand rubbing my inner thigh. Oh wait I remember. I guess I can't blame her and I highly doubt Brendon or Jon will spike her drink. I ignored my so-called girlfriend's attempts to arouse me. She wasn't like that when I first met her. She seemed really prudent about that kind of stuff actually. I liked that she was quite confident and outgoing without a need for sexual stuff and drugs. Or so she says. I'm starting to question between the facts and fiction. She actually made me laugh but ever since Amara showed up that night Chastity just annoys the crap out of me.

"Can we dance, /please Ryro/?" pleaded Chas. I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood, and even if I was I don't dance. The closest thing that comes to dancing is when I perform. I'll sway and tap my feet. Can you even call that dancing? I sat back to observe my surrounding. Jon had disappeared somewhere while I spotted Amara and Brendon on the dance floor, well dancing. I love watching her dance. She makes it look so beautiful and effortless. I can tell when she's in her own little world, its one of the rare occasions I get to see her truly smile. I'd dance with her just to see it. I started to laughed when one of our songs came on, however that was shortly lived.

They're just good friends like you and her are best mates. The only difference is they're single, I'm not. I saw Brendon lean in close to Amara. Oh my god, friends my ass he's going to kiss her! Thank god I was wrong. Ryan, stop jumping to conclusions. He's one of your best mates, he wouldn't hit on Amara. Why should you care anyway? You're the one with the girlfriend. He must have said something to her. Something clearly witty and charming. How typical of Brendon. Then she grinded up against him, I just stared wishing it was me.

"Whoa, Amara the Pussycat doll. Are you sure her and Brendon aren't an item? They should be! They look so cute together." cooed Chastity. I wish she'd shut up. As my song continued on, it was getting harder to watch. I felt as if my own lyrics had turned around to bite me in the ass. I hope it was just the alcohol and nothing more causing them to act this way. Their dancing had gotten hot and heavy. Brendon looked like he was really enjoying himself. All close and up against her back. Since when can Brendon dance like that? It's as if he was channeling that Tatum guy from that dance movie. That's nothing like how he dances during our shows. Wait, that move was familiar. Oh god, not the hypnotizing vampire twirl. I watched as Amara spun around Brendon as if under his spell, and then get dipped. I felt my jaw grinding in my mouth. There was that jealousy again. Except this time I had to watch the love of my life with my best friend. Aren't I tragic?

After a couple more songs, I couldn't bare it any longer. I had to do something. A sudden urge to punch Brendon in the face developed inside. I got up and pulled him aside.

"Having a good time? Seen Jon lately?" I asked spitefully. Seen Jon lately? That's the best you could come up with Ross. He ignored my sarcasm in my voice.

"Always," he smiled ignorantly as to how I was feeling. "Yeah, J-Walk's around. You know how he gets. You're not looking too happy with Miss Twiggy over there."

I just shrugged aggressively in response. "Yeah, I'm having a /blast/." My current situation infuriated me, and even though it wasn't his fault I was clearly radiating my bad mood towards him. Amara, also feeling the awkwardness, interrupted our conversation. "I'm going to the ladies room, I'm totally about to break the seal, thanks a lot Bren," she laughed uncomfortably and left the dance floor. I followed her, however I returned to our table.

I was unaware that Brendon had followed me. "Are you angry at me Ry?" he asked me cautiously. I blinked once. My pathetic way of saying 'no' seeing as it wouldn't come out of my mouth. He continued on, "I haven't done anything wrong. She's my friend too you know and that's all. Maybe you should just tell her how you feel."

We both knew he was right. I looked away, not knowing how to respond. "I'm going to go find our bass player," he said to me and I was left alone with my bitterness.

Eventually he returned with one very drunk Jon. I decided to take this as my opportunity to call it a night and take him home. "We'll help you," offered Spencer. Chastity started to whine that she wanted to stay and dance but Amara and Brendon quickly agreed to help Jon home as well. Chastity contemplated staying by herself, and I wish she had but she changed her mind and followed the crowd back to the hotel.

I had been in the hotel room for less than a second when Chastity roughly pushed me onto the bed. She was looking for some action and I wasn't in any mood to provide it. I pushed her away as she started to feverishly kiss my neck and remove my clothing.

"Stop, I badly need a shower. All I can smell is cigarette smoke," I told her sternly and walked into the bathroom before she could protest. I spent ages in the shower, hoping she would have fallen asleep by the time I got out, and just my luck she was.





The next morning I went to apologize to Brendon for last night, and hopefully get some good relationship advice. He welcomed me with open arms as I told him about the past days' events. I'm pretty sure Amara already told him what had happened but it couldn't hurt for him to hear my side. "Yeah, I know. Harsh mate, and cruel twist of fate," he said empathetically. "But you know... it's not too late. I don't believe it's ever too late."

"But you know my my ..." I stuttered.

"Your walking contradiction of a girlfriend? Yes, I know the one."

"And her father..." I mumbled miserably as I grew more and more sorry for myself.

"Yes, you're in quite a pickle, but not to worry. We'll figure out something Ry-ry. I'm sure you will."

"I have no idea how I got myself into this. Well I think I do, but it's a long story. Oh god I don't know."

"Neither do I mate. Neither do I."

An hour later as I was leaving his hotel room, he stopped and whispered to me, "I don't know if I should be telling you this, but I think you need to know Amara lost her journal, or at least left it back in Chicago."

My eyes grew large. I knew exactly what he wasn't saying. "Did she...? Is she o..."

"Don't worry. She's... she's unscathed I guess you could put it. She's stronger than we give her credit for."

I nodded in agreement and left to check up on Jon.




Amara's POV

Six live shows later and numerous days of experiencing the London sights, it was time to leave the city and travel into Amish country.

"Not /literally/, Brendon. You're so daft sometimes." I rolled my eyes at him.

The day had arrived for Pete and the boys to join them on the tour, however before this both bands and the girls were going up to chill at a cabin in the woods over the long weekend. We arrived just before lunch. The others seemed to have just arrived as they were still unpacking the cars. I tried my best to avoid Pete making sure he and I were never alone. That lasted for less than three minutes. Miraculously everyone headed inside at the same time, leaving me with the remaining few bags.

"Need a hand?" Pete asked.

I couldn't decide whether to ignore his gesture or reply with something nasty. I didn't want to give him any idea that I would even talk to him. With a cold shoulder I struggled to drag someone's overly packed suitcase inside. It suddenly grew lighter and then I realized Pete had picked up the other end.

"Amara, please I really need to talk to you."

"Look the only reason I'm here at this stupid cabin is for Brendon and the boys okay. I can't avoid seeing your face the entire weekend, but that doesn't mean I have to talk to it. You're just a ghost to me."

"We can't work through this?" he pleaded.

"Pete, we were over that day two weeks ago. We're not even on a break. /Nothing/."

"Amara just let me explain, it's not how it looked."

"I'm sorry Pete, but even if the next words out of your mouth are 'she just fell onto my lap' or 'she was just asking me for a light and the paparazzi made it look more than it was' - I don't want to hear it. Even if it really was just another unfortunate misunderstanding, inside I don't feel I can trust you enough. My heart's not open to anyone right now. I've had enough of giving relationships a chance. I've realised I don't need them to enjoy life."

"Could you use another friend at least?" he asked hopefully.

"I could always use another friend, but right now I'm not sure we can even be that." I knew I wasn't over what happened. Seeing him again opened the wound to the hurt he caused me. I tried my hardest not to seem mad, but it just came out cold.

"I'll prove I can be a good friend Amara. I'm not that bad person," he called after me.

I hope so.

After settling in we decided to spend the rest of the lazy Spring afternoon by the lake. Everyone jumped in the warm water, everyone except Chastity.

"I don't know how you can swim in that murky water. It looks absolutely filthy you don't know what's been in there," she ranted on while everyone else jumped in. She settled herself down to sun bake on the pier. Eventually, she retreated indoors to prevent getting wetter from our splashing.

Several minutes later, a very shrill voice pierced the beautiful Spring air, followed by loud familiar rantings. "WHAT THE! RYANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

The water became still, everyone had stopped what they were doing and had turned to face the direction of the cabin. Ryan's face was full of confusion and bother, with a hint of red forming in his cheeks.

We watched as Chastity ran out of the cabin, hands flailing wildly in the air, while a small four-legged animal bounded after her.

"WHO! Achoo BROUGHT. THE DOG!?!" she cried out.

"Dirty must have arrived," Pete announced, ignoring her hysterics. "Awww my little Hemmy is here! " Pete cooed.

"Uh-oh." I heard Ryan mutter under his breath. I turned to ask him what was wrong, but then Chastity answered it for me.

"RY-YANN!! Achoo! You know I'm allergic," she accused him as if it was his fault Pete brought Hemmingway.

"Yeah, I know baby. Did you bring your medication?"

Achoo, achoo.

"Yeahhh." Jeez, what a drama queen. She's got it under control. I don't see why she didn't take some in the first place.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Ryan asked her. She nodded pathetically, some lame ass attempt for the sympathy vote. He climbed out of the water and dried off. She clinged onto his arm and death stared poor Hemmy as they walked back to the cabin.

However, her medication didn't seem to be working. It seemed to make her allergies worse. By dinnertime, not only was she sneezing every 30 seconds but she was developing a rash on her arm.

"Chastity, do you think you should see a doctor?" Spencer asked.

"No. Well yes, but I want Ryro to take me."

Ryan had just hopped into the shower. "I don't think you should wait any longer, your rash is getting worse. You need to see one now and I don't think Ryan will be out for another half hour and its still a half hour drive into town," Jon advised her. The rash has indeed worsened. It had spread across her chest and the rest of her body, which she had begun to scratch at through her jeans.

"I'll take her then. My cabin, my responsibility." Pete offered to drive her to the local medical centre. "Sorry Chastity I should have warned you." Pete resisted from laughing. He thought this was rather amusing and a god send. He thought he'd be able to handle being around Amara but it was coming to the point he needed to escape the awkwardness and yearning he had.

Twenty minutes later, the table had been set and dinner was ready to eat. Ryan sat down, and looked around the table, "Did I miss something?"

Brendon, who had decided to have a drink at the exact moment, started choking on his beverage. I elbowed him in the side as he tried to regain his composure. He was trying to stop laughing and I couldn't help but laugh to.

"Not really. Pete just took Chastity to the doctor," Jon replied very casually.

"What!? Why?" said Ryan, looking less shocked than he sounded.

"Allergies got worse. She got this disgusting rash and her constant sneezing was getting on my nerves... sooo we suggested for her to see a specialist," said Brendon.

"Wrong kind of specialist if you ask me," I muttered so only Brendon could hear.

"Umm, oh okay. At least she'll be fine now," Ryan shrugged off the news and sat down to dinner.


Ryan's POV

[A.N: Play song now. Lips of an Angel - HINDER]

Hours later, with full stomachs, everyone headed off to bed. I didn't feel tired so I just explored around. When I walked into the lounge room I found Amara laying in front of the fireplace writing in her journal. I joined her on hearthrug, "Where's your head at James?"

"Splattered all over the ballroom floor, just for the attention," she sang mockingly.

"That's a new one," I laughed with her.

She sat up and leaned back onto the armchair behind her. I followed suit and sat to her right with my knees propped up. She placed her head on my shoulder and I leaned my head on hers.

"Do you miss the old days when it was just you and me?" I said out of nowhere.

"Yup," she exhaled nostalgically. I felt such warmth as if I was wrapped in a blanket. This very moment felt as if I had travelled back in time before we got signed with nothing and no one else to worry about. No Pete and no Chastity. It felt easy to talk with her again, about anything and everything. My comfort led to word vomit as I felt past emotions flow out.

"I'm sorry for last few months. I wish things were different."

"You wish you weren't in the band?" she asked confused.

"No, no. Not that, I love the band. It's my life. I just wish. I just /wish/..."

Come out with it already.

"...I just wish I could be with you Amara," I blurted out.

"What?" Her eyes wide open, her body taken aback.

"I wish I could be with you/. I wish I could be /your boyfriend. I wish I had told you that night you came to my hotel room. I wish I could have just said how much I love you Amara James, and that I've loved you for as long as I've known you."

There I finally said it.

She was looking down. I titled her chin upwards, so she was facing me.

"Ry, I..." I didn't let her finish. I leaned in close and kissed her softly on the lips.

"I love you too, Ryan."

"Mi amore. Je t'aime," I smiled as I gazed into her eyes.

"Since when do you speak French?" she laughed.


My eyes shot open.

"So Ryan... speaking French now are /oui/?" she grinned at her pun.

I looked up at Amara sitting on the edge of my bed. Apparently only in my dreams/, I thought bitterly. I haven't had such a vivid dream of her in so long. No longer was I in front of the fire, but Amara was still next to me. /I must still be dreaming? Yeah it's one of those dreams where you dream you wake up from a dream.

"They're not back yet," she informed me. Yup, still dreaming.

I just nodded not knowing what to say.

"You were talking in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?" she asked.

I didn't answer her, but instead lunged forward, cupping her face and letting my lips crash down onto hers. I then knew this wasn't a dream. I couldn't have been dreaming a dream. I prayed to God that I wasn't about to wake up again. No, this was real. I was finally kissing her beautiful lips.

It was intense, so much, that my heart was racing like the wind and threatening to stop beating any second now. I laid back onto my bed and pulled her close. I embraced her fiercely and kissing her on the cheek. I paused to rest my forehead on hers and gaze into those beautiful brown eyes. I couldn't help but smile at her smiling back at me.

"Ryan, I thought you didn't. I never thought you'd feel the same."

He pulled her closer at the waist, his hand stroking her soft, smooth skin. The kissing grew more and more intense, soft moans escaping each of their mouths. His hands moved down to her thighs, which were now wrapped tightly around his own. Amara could feel Ryan growing harder by the second as he pressed up against her body. Their kisses grew longer, not once pulling apart to catch their breath. She then started kissing Ryan's neck feverishly and started to work her way down his chest until...

[A.N: I suggest you stop the song here. But it kinda works as well if you play it through til the end of the song/chap]

"Ow!" he heard her cry out.

"What? What's wrong? You okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah, just my hair is caught on something," said Amara. At the same time he felt a tug around his neck. "Oh, you got caught in my necklace," Ryan told her. He unhooked the chain so Amara could unknot herself from it.

"Since when do you wear necklaces? Its nice, is it new?" she studied the silver chain.

"Umm yeah. Chastity gave it to me."

/Fuck/, thought Ryan.

/Fuck/, thought Amara.

"Oh right, your girlfriend," she spoke quietly.

And then... it kicked in.

"Oh my god. OH MY GOD, RYAN! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER! And put me in that situation."

"Amara, I know I know but I couldn't help myself. I want to be with you/. I wish I could be your boyfriend. I wish I had /told you that night you came to my hotel room. I wish I could have just said how much I love you Amara James, and that I've loved you for as long as I've known you."

I had de ja vu as I relived the same speech from my dream.

"You don't know how long I've kept this inside," I said finally.

"Look Ry, you know how I feel about you, and you don't know how happy it makes me to know you feel the same. I'm not saying it's all your fault but I can't do this, I can't be the other girl. I'm not going to let you put me in that situation. I may not like her very much but she is still your girlfriend. I'm sorry Ry I can't be with you like this. Promise to never mention it again. This. Us. Never happened."

Ryan watched her walk out the room and close the door behind her. He fell back onto his empty bed and buried his face under the pillow.

I wish I were still dreaming.