Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Down the road, not across the street
The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact.
19 reviews*I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top!* Trust me, you'll love this one!! And if you dont, review and tell me!!
2Moving
Author's Note: Love your review Mia, Kate, Geets, deniiwilliams, Lifey, purplelighbulbs! You're keeping this fic alive. Be proud =p haha how corny. SOrry to any older reviewers I forgot. WOW! I wrote a longish one this time. Hehe. ENJOY. RRR
WARNING!! Much more swearing, and minimal 'gore' .. ADULT THEMES LMAO!
*
Chapter 15: The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact.
Ryan's POV
"Chas, did you order room service?" No reply. I could picture the waiter on the other side growing impatient. However, when I opened the door it was the last person I expected to see.
"Amara? Amara, what's wrong?"
Her head was slightly down, covered by matted hair, much wavier than it had been in the last six months. I've seen it too many times before to miss the signs. I knew she had been crying within the last two hours. She had her purple frames on, these days she only wore them an hour before bed, meaning she had been crying so much that she had to take her contacts out. I was unaware of the reason for her tears, I could only assume it was something Pete-related. I noticed she was fiddling with her wrist, so I quickly brought her inside. She's meant to be in Chicago. What made her travel to the other side of the world?
Amara stood several feet ahead, her back towards me. She suddenly began to talk, but she was really soft spoken so I moved closer to hear her better. "The past two weeks I've come to realise something. Well I've known it for a long time now. There's something I never told you, and I need to get it off my chest before I explode."
What? That Pete isn't the one for you. Ha. Ryan, stop being cynical and think happy thoughts. Okay wait, where is she going with this?
Her strange behaviour made me chuckle. I was seriously expecting to hear Pete's latest wrong doing. "AJ, you're babbling. Just spit it out already. You know you can tell me anything."
Finally she turned around so I could see her beautiful face, even with all the tears. The next words that came out of her mouth were not what I was expecting to hear.
"Ryan... I love you." Oh my god did she just say what I think she said? "I've been in love with you since we were kids." Yes. Yes she did.
I'm pretty sure I felt my jaw drop slightly. I looked into her eyes intently, as if waiting for her thoughts to confirm it out loud for me. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Please let this be real. I wanted to kiss her passionately right then and there, but my body was in momentary shock so nothing was responding. I snapped myself out of it and slowly moved in closer. "Amara I..."
I love you too. Just say it already. God damn my stutter. Chastity thinks it's so cute. Oh god, Chastity!
Speaking of the devil, I watched as she exited out from the bathroom. It's as if she heard my thoughts and decided "Hey, that's my cue." SHIT! I forgot about her. To make matters worse, she walked over and kissed me on the cheek. SHIT! SHIT! FUCK!
Oh God, Amara. This is not how I planned it to happen. This is not fucking happening. Oh my God, the look on her face. I'm so cursed!
I felt crushed when Amara said she had to go. I didn't want her to. My dreams come true and I screw it up big time. She rushed out before I could even really say good-bye. And in all predicableness, poor Ryan Ross was too gutless to run after her. After a second thought I decided I have to go after her now, but was stopped by Chastity whinging about the mini bar. Damn, fucking Chastity.
I had a sleepless night. When morning finally came, I headed straight to Spencer's room. "Is Amara here?"
"Umm, nooo?" He replied confused. "Do you know where she stayed then?" I questioned on.
"Is this a rhetorical question? Cause I give up. Was it somewhere flashy in Chicago?"
"What are you on about? She said was going to see Lacey." I know I should know better and take her words from last night as insincere but I just had to make sure.
"Dude, Amara's in Chicago. She's not coming for two weeks. Did you hit your head or something?" he asked worried. I must have looked crazy at him. I was just really frustrated.
"No Spence, you don't understand. Amara flew into London last night." Oh God, please don't let anything have happened again.
I needed to talk to her. I'm not sure what I could say though. I wanted to set her straight but there's that one problem, Chastity. Plus Amara hates cheating boyfriends. I can't tell her the truth until it's over with Chastity. Oh god, good luck with breaking up with that. She'll go mental! Oh god and her father too. He's is not a man you want to piss off. He had connections to destroy our band. I'll talk to Brendon first. He's seems to know how to deal with female problems, well at least better than me.
I saw him walking out of his room with a very familiar and very attractive brunette.
Amara!
"Hey guys!" I called after them. As I caught up, Brendon patted her on the back. "I'll see you down at breakfast," he smiled at her. Bren offered me a friendly nod that said, /Go ahead man/, before heading to the elevator. This relieved some tension and eased the insinuations I had begun to form in my mind.
"Can we talk, please?" She briefly looked towards the elevator, where Brendon was looking up awkwardly, and tapping his foot as he waited for the elevator to arrive.
"There's nothing to talk about Ry," she insisted.
"Amara..."
"Oh hey, Chastity!" Amara interrupted me in an attempt to avoid the topic. There was enough sarcasm in her voice I didn't bother turning around to find an empty hallway. "Don't be like that," I smiled.
"Don't be like what?" asked a third voice, as I felt a hand coil around my arm. Amara smiled mockingly at me. "Oh nothing. I'd just being a drama queen to Ry," she laughed it off.
Amara's POV
"Coming to breakfast?" I asked Chastity.
"Yeah, I guess. I'm not that hungry though," she replied airily. I thought I saw Ryan roll his eyes. It sort of comforted me but it didn't change anything. His girlfriend didn't disappear into thin air.
Poor Brendon's elevator hadn't arrived yet. "Hey Bren, wait up!" I called after him. A ding sounded off at my words, the doors opened and all four of us walked in. Longest elevator ride EVER.
I had decided that night to ignore what happened with Ryan. I couldn't ignore what happened with Pete but I wasn't going to think about it or give it the chance to eat at me. Brendon said that I was avoiding the situation wont make it go away. I know he's right, but I just found it easier to pretend the 'problem' wasn't there, than face it. It was high school and Jac all over again, except this time Ryan knows how I feel. Seeing as how I managed to survive high school, I decided to just deal with it the only way I knew - be his best friend, and nice to his girlfriend. God, I think I'm going to puke.
I thought the elevator ride was torture enough, having to hear Chastity coo over Ryan, but that was nothing compared to breakfast. I just tried to make friendly chit chat with her but we had nothing in common, other than Ryan.
We started talking about the band. For a split-second I thought something intellectual was going to come out of her mouth, but no. She had no deep, meaningful appreciation for their music, other than the fact it was catchy. CATCHY!! You've got to be fucking kidding me. Did Ryan ever have a conversation with her before they became a couple? I pondered over whether to laugh or cry, whilst refraining from stabbing her.
Their PDA's became too much, I couldn't even finish my French toast. I felt like I was about to be sick. Seems like I wasn't the only one. "Ryro, the coffee smell is making me feel sick, are you done yet," she said in a baby voice.
"I'm not feeling to hot either, I'll see you guys later." Brendon stepped out of the booth so I could get out. "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.
"Nah, I'm fine B." I smiled reassuringly. I got the key card off him and headed back to the room.
I sat on his bed, holding my head in my hands. I can deal with it. It's nothing. I stood up instantly. I need my journal. I searched in my duffle but I couldn't find it. Fuck, don't tell me I lost it. I probably left it in Chicago. Either likelihood is shit.
She knocked her belonging off the bed in anger. Sitting at the foot of the bed, she looked stared at the mess. I finally told him the truth and got nothing out of it. I'm sick of relationships. I'm tired of being attached emotionally to someone. I have to stop caring about other people and just look out for myself, and my heart. I don't think I can stay here.
Something shiny caught her eye; a charm Pete had given her. It was in the shape of a blade with the Clandestine symbol in the center. She picked it up and stared at it for a moment before walking to the bathroom and locking the door behind her. She ran the blade across the mirror's glass, slowly sharpening its edge.
Amara sat in the bathtub, her head against the rim. She twirled the blade in her fingers; letting its sharp edges form shallow cuts in her skin. She stared at the blade; she stared at the cut out in the middle. Damn Pete Wentz, the patron saint of liars and fakes. Stupid boys. She held the blade in her left and rubbed the cold metal against her right wrist, but hesitated to press down harder. It left a light red mark, but no blood, yet. It was so tempting, the blade almost screamed out to her. It had been so long since she last did it. It's not that she got a kick out of it, but just an 'easy' way to escape the pain. This was before Ryan found out she cut, and before he gave her the journal.
She promised Ry she wouldn't cut anymore, but use the journal whenever she felt the urge. She didn't have her journal, and she had an urge. Worst of all she didn't have Ryan. He was still there as a friend, but not. She found it difficult to lean on him with the Chastity attached at all times.
She looked down at her wrist, and let a tear fall down her face. She placed the blade once more onto her skin. This time she didn't hesitate to press down. She bit her lip as she felt the corner pierce into her flesh. She cringed and was about to drag it across her wrist when someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Amara, are you okay sweetie?" It was Brendon.
"GO /away/," Amara screamed back in a voice that she couldn't recognise as her own.
Brendon ran into the door trying to break it down. On his second attempt he broke through the lock. "Amara, DON'T!" he cried in fear. He lifted her from the tub, holding her left wrist to stop her from inflicting more damage. He removed the blade from her grasp and held her tightly.
"Honey, why would you..."
"I'm sorry Bren, I can't take it anymore. It's too hard. I can't. I just can't," she sobbed profusely into his chest. Once she calmed down she pulled out of his embrace. "I don't love him. I don't." She shook her head unconvincingly over and over.
"I know you don't, honey." Brendon replied as he moved her hair off her face and dried her tear-stained face.
"Amara look. This situation sucks big time. I know its hard. I'm gonna help you get through this, okay? Just promise me you wont cut, please please please."
She thought about it and then nodded in agreement. "I promise, Brendon," she whispered.
"Good." He gave her a brief, tight hug before holding up right. He looked at her with a smirk. "I may not have held a long-term relationship but I know how to get over someone," he grinned cheerfully. "Tonight, you are going to come out to the club with us and party you're little emo heart out, 'kayz. You are not going to think about Ryan or Chastity."
He paused, then quickly mumbled, "Despite-the-fact-they-will-also-be-there."
Amara gave him an incredulous look. "You cannot be serious. /Brendon/!"
"Don't worry, I got a plan. Got anything to wear tonight?"
"No. I left half my stuff in Chicago." She sighed.
"Excellent! /Let's go shopping/!" Amara couldn't help but laugh of his White Chicks impersonation.
[Later, at the mall]
"Nah I'm sick of dresses, they remind me of Pete," knocking back his suggestion.
Brendon bought her a pair of nice black skinny jeans. "Flattering and hot as always," he complimented her. "Now, just for a killer top."
Several stores later they still haven't found the 'killer top', however Brendon had bought some new skinny jeans for himself, three tees, and a new black leather belt
"God B, if I didn't know better I'd think you were a girl."
He smirked, "I get that a lot. I'll take that as a compliment."
Retail therapy with Brendon was always good fun. Despite Amara's protest Brendon would always spoil her. She could always count on him for an honest opinion and unlike many other males; he actual had a genuine interest for shopping. It's funny how he understood the female habit of trying on multiple clothes with no intention of actually buying them. They walked out of a shoe store where Brendon had just purchased a new pair of dress shoes.
The next second, Amara was being dragged by Brendon into another clothes store. Something had clearly caught his eye. "What?" she laughed.
"That's what." He was pointing at the mannequin in the window. It had the most beautiful top Amara had seen all day. It was a silky material, in the shade of a deep purple which matched her glasses. It gathered tightly around the breast area, and then flowed like a baby-doll dress. There were two thin straps that came from the middle to wrap around your neck like a halter.
She tried the top on. Nice, it complements my boobies. No skanky cleavage and doesn't make me look like I have orang-utan titties, she smiled at the thought. I love this top. How much is it? God $90!! Her face instantly fell.
"Amara, come out and show me already. It doesn't take that look to try on a top."
She walked out and posed, sticking her tongue out. "Girl, that so screams sex." He said in a gay voice. Amara rolled her eyes and laughed. "What's wrong? Don't you like it?" he asked.
"No. I love it. I just can't afford it. And I'm not letting you pay for it. I'm gonna get changed and then lets go home. Anymore shopping and I won't have energy for tonight."
Once she returned to the changing room, Brendon grabbed the same top in her size off the rack and paid for it at the counter. He quickly hid it in one of his numerous bags before she returned. "Ready?" he smiled secretly. "Yup, you can help me find something back at the hotel."
AN: Need the visual
http://images.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://www.shirtsnob.com/archives/pictures/ingwagreen.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.shirtsnob.com/archives/001977.php&h=265&w=265&sz=10&hl=en&start=10&um=1&tbnid=yf7Tc1x8wlKHoM:&tbnh=112&tbnw=112&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhalter%2Btops%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN
Amara's POV
It wasn't even six when we arrived back at the hotel, so Brendon ordered us in some Chinese food. Afterwards, I took a shower and then slipped into my new jeans. I put on my bra and rummaged through my bag for a top I could wear. I held up several tops for Brendon to judge on. He rejected all of them. "Am I supposed to go topless then?"
He chuckled at me. "If you want, but how about you try this on first?" he pulled out a shopping bag from behind his back. "I'm not wearing one of your tee shirts." I retorted.
"Just open it dumb dumb." I looked inside and couldn't help but gasp. "Brendon, you /didn't/."
"Clearly I did." He smirked proudly.
"Bren... I told you not to! Awww." "So you're saying you don't like it and you want me to take it back?" he teased.
"I never said that." I was smiling from ear to ear. "I was just saying, thank you. So much for everything, B." I hugged him, resting my head on his chest. "Well go ahead, try it on already!"
"You've already seen it on me."
"Yeah, but not with the jeans on." He pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Brendon got changed and grabbed a pair of ballet flats off Lacey for me, while I did my hair. I decided tonight I'd straighten it seeing as how untamed it had looked the past couple days, and then I put my fringe back into a quiff. I changed into my contacts before adding a bit of mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss. I put on a pair of simple silver hoops for the finishing touch. I grabbed my phone and stuffed some cash into my wallet. I was all set. Brendon was already out in the hall waiting for me.
He wolf-whistled when I exited out of the room and gave me a kiss on the cheek as if we hadn't seen each other in days. "Hey gorgeous, nice top," he said with a wink. I couldn't help but smile. He made me feel so juvenile and carefree. "Hi sexy, nice jeans," I laughed back.
"Hi everybody!" announced Jon as he stood between us. "Ah, here is my favourite person named after my favourite bourbon." Brendon just stared at us. "You don't like bourbon?"
I smirked, "I like it with a lot of Coke."
"No. You're supposed to say, 'Hi, Doctor Nick' or 'Hi, Doctor Walker,'" Jon elucidated.
"Yeah, how about no, J-Walk," Brendon taunted him.
Ry and Chastity arrived followed by Spence and Lace.
"Everybody's here lets go already." Brendon linked my arm with his and I used my free arm to link onto Jon. The two couples followed suit.
When we arrived at the club, Jon dragged both of us to the bar while the couples went to our VIP booth.
"What do you want to drink?" Jon yelled over the music. "Nothing. Remember the last time I drank."
"Yeah, sorry Amara." He turned to the bartender and said, "Get the lady a lemon, lime vodka please. I'll have two Coronas. What do you want BrennyBear?"
"Jon!" I exclaimed but he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
"After all this I think you deserve a drink AJ. Anyway we're getting you the drinks, so you're safe. We're having fun tonight remember and we would never ever intentionally hurt you. Jon get me a Viagra."
I had caught a glimpse of Chastity in the corner of my eye, "Make that two."
After several more rounds, we headed onto the dance floor. Within seconds Jon had already picked up some chick, leaving me and Brendon to dance alone. "If a nice girl comes along wanting to dance you have my permission, but skanky whores are off limits tonight. I am not being dogged for a groupie, deal?"
"Deal. But why would I go off with another girl when I'm dancing with one right now."
Sigh. He really knows how to cheer me up and make me smile.
My damn curiosity attracted my eyes to their VIP table. Spence was chatting away happily with his girlfriend, however Ryan's didn't look to happy. She was all pouty, trying to drag Ryan. Guess she doesn't know Ryan doesn't dance. Well he tells everyone he hates it, but I've caught him out before in his room and he gives in when I make him dance with me. That just added to my euphoria.
It felt so good to dance, it felt like ages. Just feeling the music moving my body. Feeling the music in my heart, making me smile both inside and out. I love my rock music but I can appreciate good R&B music. The way it can bring out the sexiness and confidence in a person. The whole intimacy, passion and sexual tension involved when all the smuttiness if left behind. The combination of alcohol, dance music and the atmosphere just relaxed me entirely, relieving me of all the problems, angst and depression I had earlier.
Surprisingly the next song was 'But it's better if you do.' The DJ mixed the rock song into a house track. Brendon blushed at the sound of his own voice. "Come on, you know you love it," I laughed. I think everyone was on a high, or just really tipsy.
We sang along the entire song. "Forgetting you in a cabaret," I pointed to him and laughed. Brendon was being such a poser during the first verse, I was laughing too much to dance. He then leaned in close and whispered seductively, "/daiquiri/."
God he sounds so hot when he says that.
My new confidence was coming out, making me feel seductive and sexy. I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and tease him back.
I maintain serious flirtatious eye contact with him during the chorus and would briefly grinded up against his crotch during "praying for love in a lap dance."
During the entire drum march, I was dirty dancing with Brendon, similar to the way Dusty has during their live shows. However he didn't reject me playfully like her did to her, but quite the opposite. I blame the alcohol, but not. Ryan would hate if I thought this, but I thank the alcohol for times like these. I was having too much fun looking hot and dancing to worry about boys.
Brendon surprised me with a very James Bond-like move. He took my right hand and placed his other hand on my waist, pulling me close like we were about to ballroom. We two-stepped jokingly before he asked, "Are you ready?"
"For what?" I laughed.
"For this."
He spun me as if I was one of the girls from the 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles...' video. I twirled back into his embrace before he dipped me. I burst into a fit of laughter in his arms.
*
Want to find out what happened the rest of the night? And the aftermath of it all. Anyone interested in Ryan's POV?
Review and let me know.
Hope you enjoyed :D
WARNING!! Much more swearing, and minimal 'gore' .. ADULT THEMES LMAO!
*
Chapter 15: The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact.
Ryan's POV
"Chas, did you order room service?" No reply. I could picture the waiter on the other side growing impatient. However, when I opened the door it was the last person I expected to see.
"Amara? Amara, what's wrong?"
Her head was slightly down, covered by matted hair, much wavier than it had been in the last six months. I've seen it too many times before to miss the signs. I knew she had been crying within the last two hours. She had her purple frames on, these days she only wore them an hour before bed, meaning she had been crying so much that she had to take her contacts out. I was unaware of the reason for her tears, I could only assume it was something Pete-related. I noticed she was fiddling with her wrist, so I quickly brought her inside. She's meant to be in Chicago. What made her travel to the other side of the world?
Amara stood several feet ahead, her back towards me. She suddenly began to talk, but she was really soft spoken so I moved closer to hear her better. "The past two weeks I've come to realise something. Well I've known it for a long time now. There's something I never told you, and I need to get it off my chest before I explode."
What? That Pete isn't the one for you. Ha. Ryan, stop being cynical and think happy thoughts. Okay wait, where is she going with this?
Her strange behaviour made me chuckle. I was seriously expecting to hear Pete's latest wrong doing. "AJ, you're babbling. Just spit it out already. You know you can tell me anything."
Finally she turned around so I could see her beautiful face, even with all the tears. The next words that came out of her mouth were not what I was expecting to hear.
"Ryan... I love you." Oh my god did she just say what I think she said? "I've been in love with you since we were kids." Yes. Yes she did.
I'm pretty sure I felt my jaw drop slightly. I looked into her eyes intently, as if waiting for her thoughts to confirm it out loud for me. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Please let this be real. I wanted to kiss her passionately right then and there, but my body was in momentary shock so nothing was responding. I snapped myself out of it and slowly moved in closer. "Amara I..."
I love you too. Just say it already. God damn my stutter. Chastity thinks it's so cute. Oh god, Chastity!
Speaking of the devil, I watched as she exited out from the bathroom. It's as if she heard my thoughts and decided "Hey, that's my cue." SHIT! I forgot about her. To make matters worse, she walked over and kissed me on the cheek. SHIT! SHIT! FUCK!
Oh God, Amara. This is not how I planned it to happen. This is not fucking happening. Oh my God, the look on her face. I'm so cursed!
I felt crushed when Amara said she had to go. I didn't want her to. My dreams come true and I screw it up big time. She rushed out before I could even really say good-bye. And in all predicableness, poor Ryan Ross was too gutless to run after her. After a second thought I decided I have to go after her now, but was stopped by Chastity whinging about the mini bar. Damn, fucking Chastity.
I had a sleepless night. When morning finally came, I headed straight to Spencer's room. "Is Amara here?"
"Umm, nooo?" He replied confused. "Do you know where she stayed then?" I questioned on.
"Is this a rhetorical question? Cause I give up. Was it somewhere flashy in Chicago?"
"What are you on about? She said was going to see Lacey." I know I should know better and take her words from last night as insincere but I just had to make sure.
"Dude, Amara's in Chicago. She's not coming for two weeks. Did you hit your head or something?" he asked worried. I must have looked crazy at him. I was just really frustrated.
"No Spence, you don't understand. Amara flew into London last night." Oh God, please don't let anything have happened again.
I needed to talk to her. I'm not sure what I could say though. I wanted to set her straight but there's that one problem, Chastity. Plus Amara hates cheating boyfriends. I can't tell her the truth until it's over with Chastity. Oh god, good luck with breaking up with that. She'll go mental! Oh god and her father too. He's is not a man you want to piss off. He had connections to destroy our band. I'll talk to Brendon first. He's seems to know how to deal with female problems, well at least better than me.
I saw him walking out of his room with a very familiar and very attractive brunette.
Amara!
"Hey guys!" I called after them. As I caught up, Brendon patted her on the back. "I'll see you down at breakfast," he smiled at her. Bren offered me a friendly nod that said, /Go ahead man/, before heading to the elevator. This relieved some tension and eased the insinuations I had begun to form in my mind.
"Can we talk, please?" She briefly looked towards the elevator, where Brendon was looking up awkwardly, and tapping his foot as he waited for the elevator to arrive.
"There's nothing to talk about Ry," she insisted.
"Amara..."
"Oh hey, Chastity!" Amara interrupted me in an attempt to avoid the topic. There was enough sarcasm in her voice I didn't bother turning around to find an empty hallway. "Don't be like that," I smiled.
"Don't be like what?" asked a third voice, as I felt a hand coil around my arm. Amara smiled mockingly at me. "Oh nothing. I'd just being a drama queen to Ry," she laughed it off.
Amara's POV
"Coming to breakfast?" I asked Chastity.
"Yeah, I guess. I'm not that hungry though," she replied airily. I thought I saw Ryan roll his eyes. It sort of comforted me but it didn't change anything. His girlfriend didn't disappear into thin air.
Poor Brendon's elevator hadn't arrived yet. "Hey Bren, wait up!" I called after him. A ding sounded off at my words, the doors opened and all four of us walked in. Longest elevator ride EVER.
I had decided that night to ignore what happened with Ryan. I couldn't ignore what happened with Pete but I wasn't going to think about it or give it the chance to eat at me. Brendon said that I was avoiding the situation wont make it go away. I know he's right, but I just found it easier to pretend the 'problem' wasn't there, than face it. It was high school and Jac all over again, except this time Ryan knows how I feel. Seeing as how I managed to survive high school, I decided to just deal with it the only way I knew - be his best friend, and nice to his girlfriend. God, I think I'm going to puke.
I thought the elevator ride was torture enough, having to hear Chastity coo over Ryan, but that was nothing compared to breakfast. I just tried to make friendly chit chat with her but we had nothing in common, other than Ryan.
We started talking about the band. For a split-second I thought something intellectual was going to come out of her mouth, but no. She had no deep, meaningful appreciation for their music, other than the fact it was catchy. CATCHY!! You've got to be fucking kidding me. Did Ryan ever have a conversation with her before they became a couple? I pondered over whether to laugh or cry, whilst refraining from stabbing her.
Their PDA's became too much, I couldn't even finish my French toast. I felt like I was about to be sick. Seems like I wasn't the only one. "Ryro, the coffee smell is making me feel sick, are you done yet," she said in a baby voice.
"I'm not feeling to hot either, I'll see you guys later." Brendon stepped out of the booth so I could get out. "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.
"Nah, I'm fine B." I smiled reassuringly. I got the key card off him and headed back to the room.
I sat on his bed, holding my head in my hands. I can deal with it. It's nothing. I stood up instantly. I need my journal. I searched in my duffle but I couldn't find it. Fuck, don't tell me I lost it. I probably left it in Chicago. Either likelihood is shit.
She knocked her belonging off the bed in anger. Sitting at the foot of the bed, she looked stared at the mess. I finally told him the truth and got nothing out of it. I'm sick of relationships. I'm tired of being attached emotionally to someone. I have to stop caring about other people and just look out for myself, and my heart. I don't think I can stay here.
Something shiny caught her eye; a charm Pete had given her. It was in the shape of a blade with the Clandestine symbol in the center. She picked it up and stared at it for a moment before walking to the bathroom and locking the door behind her. She ran the blade across the mirror's glass, slowly sharpening its edge.
Amara sat in the bathtub, her head against the rim. She twirled the blade in her fingers; letting its sharp edges form shallow cuts in her skin. She stared at the blade; she stared at the cut out in the middle. Damn Pete Wentz, the patron saint of liars and fakes. Stupid boys. She held the blade in her left and rubbed the cold metal against her right wrist, but hesitated to press down harder. It left a light red mark, but no blood, yet. It was so tempting, the blade almost screamed out to her. It had been so long since she last did it. It's not that she got a kick out of it, but just an 'easy' way to escape the pain. This was before Ryan found out she cut, and before he gave her the journal.
She promised Ry she wouldn't cut anymore, but use the journal whenever she felt the urge. She didn't have her journal, and she had an urge. Worst of all she didn't have Ryan. He was still there as a friend, but not. She found it difficult to lean on him with the Chastity attached at all times.
She looked down at her wrist, and let a tear fall down her face. She placed the blade once more onto her skin. This time she didn't hesitate to press down. She bit her lip as she felt the corner pierce into her flesh. She cringed and was about to drag it across her wrist when someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Amara, are you okay sweetie?" It was Brendon.
"GO /away/," Amara screamed back in a voice that she couldn't recognise as her own.
Brendon ran into the door trying to break it down. On his second attempt he broke through the lock. "Amara, DON'T!" he cried in fear. He lifted her from the tub, holding her left wrist to stop her from inflicting more damage. He removed the blade from her grasp and held her tightly.
"Honey, why would you..."
"I'm sorry Bren, I can't take it anymore. It's too hard. I can't. I just can't," she sobbed profusely into his chest. Once she calmed down she pulled out of his embrace. "I don't love him. I don't." She shook her head unconvincingly over and over.
"I know you don't, honey." Brendon replied as he moved her hair off her face and dried her tear-stained face.
"Amara look. This situation sucks big time. I know its hard. I'm gonna help you get through this, okay? Just promise me you wont cut, please please please."
She thought about it and then nodded in agreement. "I promise, Brendon," she whispered.
"Good." He gave her a brief, tight hug before holding up right. He looked at her with a smirk. "I may not have held a long-term relationship but I know how to get over someone," he grinned cheerfully. "Tonight, you are going to come out to the club with us and party you're little emo heart out, 'kayz. You are not going to think about Ryan or Chastity."
He paused, then quickly mumbled, "Despite-the-fact-they-will-also-be-there."
Amara gave him an incredulous look. "You cannot be serious. /Brendon/!"
"Don't worry, I got a plan. Got anything to wear tonight?"
"No. I left half my stuff in Chicago." She sighed.
"Excellent! /Let's go shopping/!" Amara couldn't help but laugh of his White Chicks impersonation.
[Later, at the mall]
"Nah I'm sick of dresses, they remind me of Pete," knocking back his suggestion.
Brendon bought her a pair of nice black skinny jeans. "Flattering and hot as always," he complimented her. "Now, just for a killer top."
Several stores later they still haven't found the 'killer top', however Brendon had bought some new skinny jeans for himself, three tees, and a new black leather belt
"God B, if I didn't know better I'd think you were a girl."
He smirked, "I get that a lot. I'll take that as a compliment."
Retail therapy with Brendon was always good fun. Despite Amara's protest Brendon would always spoil her. She could always count on him for an honest opinion and unlike many other males; he actual had a genuine interest for shopping. It's funny how he understood the female habit of trying on multiple clothes with no intention of actually buying them. They walked out of a shoe store where Brendon had just purchased a new pair of dress shoes.
The next second, Amara was being dragged by Brendon into another clothes store. Something had clearly caught his eye. "What?" she laughed.
"That's what." He was pointing at the mannequin in the window. It had the most beautiful top Amara had seen all day. It was a silky material, in the shade of a deep purple which matched her glasses. It gathered tightly around the breast area, and then flowed like a baby-doll dress. There were two thin straps that came from the middle to wrap around your neck like a halter.
She tried the top on. Nice, it complements my boobies. No skanky cleavage and doesn't make me look like I have orang-utan titties, she smiled at the thought. I love this top. How much is it? God $90!! Her face instantly fell.
"Amara, come out and show me already. It doesn't take that look to try on a top."
She walked out and posed, sticking her tongue out. "Girl, that so screams sex." He said in a gay voice. Amara rolled her eyes and laughed. "What's wrong? Don't you like it?" he asked.
"No. I love it. I just can't afford it. And I'm not letting you pay for it. I'm gonna get changed and then lets go home. Anymore shopping and I won't have energy for tonight."
Once she returned to the changing room, Brendon grabbed the same top in her size off the rack and paid for it at the counter. He quickly hid it in one of his numerous bags before she returned. "Ready?" he smiled secretly. "Yup, you can help me find something back at the hotel."
AN: Need the visual
http://images.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://www.shirtsnob.com/archives/pictures/ingwagreen.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.shirtsnob.com/archives/001977.php&h=265&w=265&sz=10&hl=en&start=10&um=1&tbnid=yf7Tc1x8wlKHoM:&tbnh=112&tbnw=112&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhalter%2Btops%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN
Amara's POV
It wasn't even six when we arrived back at the hotel, so Brendon ordered us in some Chinese food. Afterwards, I took a shower and then slipped into my new jeans. I put on my bra and rummaged through my bag for a top I could wear. I held up several tops for Brendon to judge on. He rejected all of them. "Am I supposed to go topless then?"
He chuckled at me. "If you want, but how about you try this on first?" he pulled out a shopping bag from behind his back. "I'm not wearing one of your tee shirts." I retorted.
"Just open it dumb dumb." I looked inside and couldn't help but gasp. "Brendon, you /didn't/."
"Clearly I did." He smirked proudly.
"Bren... I told you not to! Awww." "So you're saying you don't like it and you want me to take it back?" he teased.
"I never said that." I was smiling from ear to ear. "I was just saying, thank you. So much for everything, B." I hugged him, resting my head on his chest. "Well go ahead, try it on already!"
"You've already seen it on me."
"Yeah, but not with the jeans on." He pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Brendon got changed and grabbed a pair of ballet flats off Lacey for me, while I did my hair. I decided tonight I'd straighten it seeing as how untamed it had looked the past couple days, and then I put my fringe back into a quiff. I changed into my contacts before adding a bit of mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss. I put on a pair of simple silver hoops for the finishing touch. I grabbed my phone and stuffed some cash into my wallet. I was all set. Brendon was already out in the hall waiting for me.
He wolf-whistled when I exited out of the room and gave me a kiss on the cheek as if we hadn't seen each other in days. "Hey gorgeous, nice top," he said with a wink. I couldn't help but smile. He made me feel so juvenile and carefree. "Hi sexy, nice jeans," I laughed back.
"Hi everybody!" announced Jon as he stood between us. "Ah, here is my favourite person named after my favourite bourbon." Brendon just stared at us. "You don't like bourbon?"
I smirked, "I like it with a lot of Coke."
"No. You're supposed to say, 'Hi, Doctor Nick' or 'Hi, Doctor Walker,'" Jon elucidated.
"Yeah, how about no, J-Walk," Brendon taunted him.
Ry and Chastity arrived followed by Spence and Lace.
"Everybody's here lets go already." Brendon linked my arm with his and I used my free arm to link onto Jon. The two couples followed suit.
When we arrived at the club, Jon dragged both of us to the bar while the couples went to our VIP booth.
"What do you want to drink?" Jon yelled over the music. "Nothing. Remember the last time I drank."
"Yeah, sorry Amara." He turned to the bartender and said, "Get the lady a lemon, lime vodka please. I'll have two Coronas. What do you want BrennyBear?"
"Jon!" I exclaimed but he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
"After all this I think you deserve a drink AJ. Anyway we're getting you the drinks, so you're safe. We're having fun tonight remember and we would never ever intentionally hurt you. Jon get me a Viagra."
I had caught a glimpse of Chastity in the corner of my eye, "Make that two."
After several more rounds, we headed onto the dance floor. Within seconds Jon had already picked up some chick, leaving me and Brendon to dance alone. "If a nice girl comes along wanting to dance you have my permission, but skanky whores are off limits tonight. I am not being dogged for a groupie, deal?"
"Deal. But why would I go off with another girl when I'm dancing with one right now."
Sigh. He really knows how to cheer me up and make me smile.
My damn curiosity attracted my eyes to their VIP table. Spence was chatting away happily with his girlfriend, however Ryan's didn't look to happy. She was all pouty, trying to drag Ryan. Guess she doesn't know Ryan doesn't dance. Well he tells everyone he hates it, but I've caught him out before in his room and he gives in when I make him dance with me. That just added to my euphoria.
It felt so good to dance, it felt like ages. Just feeling the music moving my body. Feeling the music in my heart, making me smile both inside and out. I love my rock music but I can appreciate good R&B music. The way it can bring out the sexiness and confidence in a person. The whole intimacy, passion and sexual tension involved when all the smuttiness if left behind. The combination of alcohol, dance music and the atmosphere just relaxed me entirely, relieving me of all the problems, angst and depression I had earlier.
Surprisingly the next song was 'But it's better if you do.' The DJ mixed the rock song into a house track. Brendon blushed at the sound of his own voice. "Come on, you know you love it," I laughed. I think everyone was on a high, or just really tipsy.
We sang along the entire song. "Forgetting you in a cabaret," I pointed to him and laughed. Brendon was being such a poser during the first verse, I was laughing too much to dance. He then leaned in close and whispered seductively, "/daiquiri/."
God he sounds so hot when he says that.
My new confidence was coming out, making me feel seductive and sexy. I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and tease him back.
I maintain serious flirtatious eye contact with him during the chorus and would briefly grinded up against his crotch during "praying for love in a lap dance."
During the entire drum march, I was dirty dancing with Brendon, similar to the way Dusty has during their live shows. However he didn't reject me playfully like her did to her, but quite the opposite. I blame the alcohol, but not. Ryan would hate if I thought this, but I thank the alcohol for times like these. I was having too much fun looking hot and dancing to worry about boys.
Brendon surprised me with a very James Bond-like move. He took my right hand and placed his other hand on my waist, pulling me close like we were about to ballroom. We two-stepped jokingly before he asked, "Are you ready?"
"For what?" I laughed.
"For this."
He spun me as if I was one of the girls from the 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles...' video. I twirled back into his embrace before he dipped me. I burst into a fit of laughter in his arms.
*
Want to find out what happened the rest of the night? And the aftermath of it all. Anyone interested in Ryan's POV?
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