Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto


by sumthinlikhuman 2 reviews

"Hatake-sempai, who are you crying for?" Because all endings have a beginning. [YondKaka]

Category: Naruto - Rating: R - Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance - Characters: Iruka, Kakashi, Obito, Rin, Yondaime - Warnings: [!!] [X] - Published: 2007-05-10 - Updated: 2007-05-11 - 4209 words - Complete

Hi everybody! My first completed Naruto fic; I'm actually really excited about being new to this fandom and everything.

Before you continue reading, I'd like to cover a couple of things.
1) If you haven't read the Kakashi Gaiden (that is, Kakashi's backstory in the manga) I recommend reading that before reading this. A lot of my characterization depends on the Gaiden.

2) THIS IS YAOI. Um, yes. That one just kinda sits on it's own.
2a) (to save myself from people beating me up in meta-ratings and possibly reviews) I KNOW THAT KAKASHI IS REALLY YOUNG IN THIS. He's thirteen-fourteen in this fic. And the Yondaime ... well, he definitely isn't. I totally understand that a LOT of people might be a little wiggy about that one. In my defense, ninja's are apparently adults as soon as they graduate the academy. And Kakashi is mature for his age? Anyway, please don't eat my head.


4) This is the pseudo-prequel to my Yond/Kaka That Is Not. That story is still very much in the works and probably won't be out for ... uh, a while.

Aaaand ... that's it. Have fun with my CRACK.


Kayaku looks up from the scroll and smiles. He pats the space next to him on the bridge railing, still chewing on his pen absently. Kakashi doesn't jump onto the rail as he normally might have, but stands there, staring into the river. Kayaku's legs swing back and forth, and he rolls the pen over his teeth with his tongue, wondering if Kakashi will finish the inquiry that colored his voice.

After a healthy time--Kayaku's internal clock tells him it was almost five minutes--he gently asks, "Is something on your mind, Kakashi-kun?"

"I was ... thinking."

"You do an awful lot of that, Kakashi-kun," Kayaku says, laughing softly. He tucks the scroll into a pocket on his vest, and hauls himself onto the railing. With a smile, he pulls Kakashi onto the railing behind him. "C'mon. I have to give this scroll back to the archivist."

"Umino Junko," Kakashi whispers. Kayaku knows he only knows the name of some of the ninja because he spends too much time in the administrative building. He smiles over his shoulder at the young chuunin, and is struck by how young Kakashi is, seeing the unguarded expression lurking in his dark eyes.

/He'll be thirteen this summer. Thirteen and taking the jounin exam/. The bridge ends, and Kayaku barely thinks about it when he offers his hand to Kakashi. Kakashi doesn't say anything, but doesn't take Kayaku's help either. He comes back into sight in a small flurry of leaves a few feet away, eyes showing his annoyance.

"I'm not a girl."

"Coulda fooled me." Kayaku half expects Kakashi to pull down his mask and stick out his tongue. But Kakashi isn't that little boy any more. They walk in silence and nobody thinks it's strange at all; Kayaku is often seen wandering with one of his students, and Kakashi especially.

But there is something wrong, even if Kayaku can't deduce what it is from Kakashi's silence.

So, he asks again: "Is something on your mind, Kakashi-kun?"

"Huh." Kakashi's jaw works under the mask. Kayaku hates that thing, with no reasonable cause. He wishes Kakashi would stop hiding from the world. It takes him a few more seconds before he says, "I don't get it."

"... That wasn't exceptionally helpful, Kakashi-kun. Explain?"

"Obito and Rin. They like each other. But they don't say anything to each other. Their attachment-and their unwillingness to acknowledge it ... it's a detriment to the team."

Kayaku was hoping they'd end up talking about Kakashi's inability to master something, or something equally as easy to pass off as childish insecurity. Having to explain hormones isn't exactly a strong suit of Kayaku's.

"Emotions do funny things," he offers helplessly. He smiles and ruffles Kakashi's hair. "Try not to think about it too hard, okay?"

"If I liked someone--" But Kakashi stops. He even stops walking. Kayaku turns to face the young chuunin, catches his uncertain stare. After a second, Kayaku smiles again.

"I hope that you would have the good sense to tell whoever you had feelings for that you liked them. They'd be a very lucky person."


"You need to stop steal my things, Arashi-san."

Kayaku is happy Kakashi wandered off--no doubt to watch the Tokubetsu Jounin or something of the sort--and so he only has to face Junko alone. She smiles, despite her harsh words, and takes the scroll he earlier purloined, tucking it safely back into its spot with barely even a glance.

"Well, I've got to come up with some reason to come and see you, Junko-sempai."

She laughs. "Save your flirting for someone who might actually believe you're serious. And keep it quiet, if you insist on practicing on me; Yuu might take you seriously."

"And I suppose diplomatic immunity has its advantages in that case," Kayaku concedes. Junko, as ever, has a valid point in her mock-warnings; Umino Yuu is an intimidating ally, and Kayaku doesn't doubt that he'd make a formidable opponent.

"Now, why are you going through my things again?"

"A bit of research, for refining the shunshin."

"You and that stupid jutsu." Her voice is affectionate though. "And how are Hatake-kun's studies for his own new jutsu?"

"I haven't asked him recently, though I know he's had to go see Rin a few times from the side effects of the damn thing." Junko shakes her head slightly.

"I'm only thankful Iruka and Kin aren't that forceful with themselves. Hatake-kun pushes himself too hard." Kayaku nods slightly, watching Junko's forlorn expression. "I suppose it's the risk we run with genius in children so young."

"I'm sure he'll level out soon enough," Kayaku assures. He smiles, remembering his earlier conversation with the young chuunin. "Find somebody to cool his head a little."

"I hope you're right, Arashi-san."



The Sandaime gives a soft sigh, and pins Kayaku with a soft glare. A smile lurks in his eyes as he grouses, "Do I need to tell you again, Kayaku-kun? The formalities end as soon as you start talking. You know this."

"Of course. Sarutobi-san." The Sandaime's smile breaks on his lips. Kayaku picks at the stitching on his glove.

The Sandaime speaks into their silence: "You nominated Hatake Kakashi for the jounin exams next week."

"Do you not think I should have, Sarutobi-san?"

"I didn't say that," the Sandaime utters. "You have a great deal of faith in so young a man. And he has a great deal of talent. I do not doubt that he will do well in the exams."

Kayaku nods his agreement, then sighs and shakes his head. "I'm not worried about Hatake, Sarutobi-san. I worry about Uchiha and Ito, how they will react to their teammate when he makes jounin. They only made chuunin last summer--"

"I know your concerns, Kayaku," the Sandaime assures. "It is one of the qualities that will make you a great leader one day, that compassion and worry. But I wouldn't worry too much. They are a well functioning team, when they get focused." He is quiet for a moment, looking over the village. "Have you thought who you will have as their captain when you take on my subordinate responsibilities?"

Kayaku chuckles softly, rubbing the back of his neck. The Sandaime sighs again, shaking his head. Before he can receive a reprimand, Kayaku carefully replies, "I've thought of it, but I guess I'm just still working on the whole idea of taking over as Hokage."

"Another thing you need to think more about." But the Sandaime only pats Kayaku's shoulder and tells him, "Try not to worry so much, Kayaku-kun. Everything will come into focus soon, I'm sure."

"Of course, Sarutobi-san."


Kayaku wonders if Kakashi is even awake. He doesn't know why he can't sleep, and can't think of a good reason why Kakashi would be a wake. But there he is, crouching in the shadows near the door to Kakashi's apartment's balcony, tapping on the door in a quick, easy pattern he hopes Kakashi will recognize--/tap-tap, tap-tap, tappity tap/.

He jumps back when the door opens, crouching on the balustrade of the balcony. Kakashi isn't wearing his mask. Kayaku smiles softly at him, jumping down from his spot.

"Sensei," Kakashi whispers. He looks around, as though he expects his other teammates to be there. His skinny arms cross over his chest after a second, as he looks back to Kayaku. "It's late."

"Want to get something to eat?" His words cover the end of Kakashi's. For a second, the silver-haired chuunin stares at him, before looking away. The shadows darken just beneath his eyes-he was blushing?

"It's ... late, Sensei. I should get back to bed."

"Did I wake you, Kakashi-kun?" He ruffles the young chuunin's hair, smiling. Kakashi bats him off, more aggressively than he normally does. Kayaku watches him speculatively for a while, as Kakashi shifts from foot to foot and finally shakes his head.

"No, I wasn't sleeping."

"I couldn't sleep either," Kayaku confesses. He keeps his hand on Kakashi's head; Kakashi won't look up at him. "I'm a little anxious about the jounin exams."

Kakashi is still in the silence, before quietly asking, "Do you think I'll pass?"

"Of course, Kakashi-kun! I have a great deal of faith in you." He pinches the boy's ear playfully, and grins at him when Kakashi finally looks up. "Have some faith in your/self/, Kakashi-kun. I'm sure you'll do fine."

Again, the boy goes still. His voice is very soft and too earnest: "Thank you, Sensei."

Kayaku kisses his fingertips and presses them to his student's forehead. "You're very welcome."


/Tap-tap, tap-tap, tappity tap/.

Kayaku doesn't move at first. The rhythm comes in repetition. It is slower than the rap he did on Kakashi's window, but just as distinctive in its attempt to mimic. Kayaku is only glad he'd not fallen dead asleep when he come back from the daimyo's estate, and that he knows Kakashi's chakra well enough to not be startled.

Kakashi crouches on his window box, dressed in the garb he normally wears when they go on missions. Kayaku opens his window and leans out.

"The tea house is closed," he whispers, laughing too much for it to be an honest flirt. Kakashi still blushes a little, just above his mask.

"I couldn't sleep." He totters on the edge of the window box for a second, before quietly asking, "Do you want to go for a run?"


He should see it coming, especially if Yuu notices before he does, even if nothing happened--yet. It still catches him off guard, being found by the Mist Ninja and having the man stand behind him silently before declaring, "If you keep watching your student like that, the council is going to have something to say to you."

Yuu doesn't look at Kayaku when he flinches and turns to the Mist Ninja. There is a paternal smile in his eyes, cast down at the sight of his son, Iruka, trying to play with Kakashi and Obito--the poor boys abandoned with the young student when there was no one else suitable to watch him.

"Like what, Umino-san?" Yuu gives him this look as if to say, 'I know you aren't stupid, Arashi, so stop acting like it.' Kayaku smiles a little and shrugs. "Somebody has to keep an eye on him."

"The council might think you're doing more than keeping an eye on him, is all." He has the decency to look offended, but Yuu shrugs. "I warn you on Junko's behalf. She has this misguided notion that you're a good man, and will do well for this country."

"Completely unbelievable," Kayaku concedes with a smile. Yuu only regards him evenly. They look back to the children in time to see Kakashi pulling an irate Obito away from Iruka, who looks proud despite the tears in his eyes.

"You won't be doing anyone any good if you're accused of having relations with your student," Yuu warns. He sounds almost worried.

"There isn't anything to suggest anything of the sort."

"You've both been seen coming and going from the other's homes, Arashi," Yuu warns. Kayaku shrugs as nonchalantly as he can.

"I'm invested in his training."

"And there is the matter of how much time you spend with him. Outside of training. In familiar settings." Kayaku affects vague affront at the very idea.

His stomach is tight, and he can't quite keep the shiver out of his voice as he assures the Mist Ninja that there is nothing going on and that he should tell the council that before they start slinging accusations they should think about who they're accusing.

"The chosen successor of the Hokage. Honestly."

"You have enemies, Arashi," Yuu says, "And some of them are closer than you'd like to admit."

"I know," he tells Yuu. He shakes his head. Of course he knows.


/Tap-tap, tap-tap, tappity tap/.

Kayaku is already sitting at his window. He opens the curtains and then the pane itself, and Kakashi slips in instead of loitering on the window box. After brushing himself off, he slips his mask off his nose and lets it sit over his chin.

"I think I've figured out the chidori," he says in the first. Kayaku smiles proudly and pulls him into a close, tight embrace.

He wishes Sakumo-sempai was there to congratulate his son, for he feels like a poor imitation for a father-figure. Especially considering the thoughts he's been having.

"You'll have to show me it in action," Kayaku tells him as he pushes Kakashi back a little. Kakashi looks bereft without the touch, but covers it quickly. He nods, and smiles very slightly.

"And ... maybe you could show me the shunshin no jutsu when you've gotten all the kinks figured out?"

"When you're older," Kayaku assures. Kakashi does smile, and it is honest and true, and Kayaku has to bite the inside of his cheek as he smiles back at him. "So, are you ready for the exams? They begin tomorrow, don't they?"

"I'm ... nervous," Kakashi admits. Than in a much quieter voice, he says, "But I have to do it, so I can be considered for ANBU when you are named Hokage."

Kayaku stares at him for a second, before rubbing the back of his neck. He isn't quite sure what to think of that: if Kakashi genuinely wants to become ANBU, or if he does it in memory (penance) of his father, or if perhaps he has some misguided notion of continuing to be taught by Kayaku after their lessons end.

"It's a difficult life. Your-Sakumo-sempai was one of the few ANBU who managed to sustain anything resembling a family. It ... does things to you. Things that even A-class missions don't do."

Kakashi nods. "I know," he says, and of course he does, because he's Sakumo-sempai's son. How could he not know about what that did?

"And why would you want to do that to yourself, Kakashi-kun?" Kayaku tries to laugh. He ruffles Kakashi's hair.

Kakashi doesn't sweep his hand off, as he usually does. He stares at Kayaku with dark eyes, his lips parted with words that apparently will not come. Slowly, Kayaku's hand slides down to cup his cheek.


Kakashi's lips are chapped and thin.


It is three days before they see each other again. Kakashi is the first to finish the survival portion of the exam, and he returns to Konoha a bruised, muddy mess, with leaves tangled in his hair. But he's completed his task, and after receiving his grade for the task, he is sent to the bathhouses.

Instead, apparently, he wants to clear the air.

"You should be in bed!" Kayaku storms. Kakashi sits on his couch and shivers from the adrenaline still in his system. Kayaku tries not to seem mad at him as he cleans a cut on his cheek. "Idiot," he hisses, but he doesn't mean it.


Kayaku stares at his hands, white-knuckled on the washcloth. Kakashi pulls his hand away, but holds it.

When he leans in for a kiss, Kayaku pushes him back. His laughter is nearly hysterical.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I like you," Kakashi declares.

Even the stealthiest of ANBU would be heard in that silence.


"You told me," Kakashi tells the floor, "To tell the person I have feelings for that I like them. So. There you are." He looks up, and his eyes are too old for a barely-thirteen year old. Kayaku chokes on his breath as Kakashi stands and slowly approaches him.

He can't keep himself from holding the boy, though he bemoans his fate with the softest of sighs.


Kayaku gives Kakashi a kunai in hopes of never losing him. Rin gives him a medical pouch to keep him as safe as she can.

Obito gives him everything he can.

Only two of Kayaku's students return from their mission, both broken. Kayaku has seen Rin cry--her first few months as a medic-nin, and before that; the first time he became angry at them for the danger he had put them through--but the white-haired jounin that stands on his step in the rain, with the patch over his eye red and wet, is a different beast entirely.


Kakashi makes ANBU the summer after Obito dies, the same summer the Sandaime finally steps away from his position as Hokage and allows the raiment to fall on Kayaku's shoulders.

It takes him two weeks to get used to being called 'Yondaime' by the people of Konoha.

It takes him two hours to get used to being called 'Kayaku' by Kakashi, in the seclusion of his office. Kakashi seems hellbent on bringing back the past, in convincing Kayaku that he is not a child and that what he's feeling is genuine.

"I don't doubt that you have feelings for me," he tells Kakashi, after a particularly brutal rebuttal that had ended in Kakashi trying to throw a punch at him--and subsequently being bound with chakra strings that Kayaku still refused to cut. "But isn't it a little strange to have these feelings for me?"

"Why? Should it be?"

Kayaku scowls and pushes Kakashi's knee with his foot. He bends at the waist to meet Kakashi's eyes evenly. "I was your teacher. I am your Hokage. Not to mention the fact that I'm how much older than you, Kakashi-/kun/?" Kakashi won't look at him. He wriggles in the chakra strings a little, and Kayaku can only sigh and finally undo them for the young ANBU.

Kakashi sits there, and after a moment of silence, he looks up and says, "I like you, though."

"Kakashi, you're not even fourteen. You don't know what you like."


The Kyuubi is a Very Serious Threat. Kayaku has known this since before he was named Hokage.

The Kyuubi has killed many of the people of Fire Country. Their names are burnt onto the backs of his eyelids and haunt him in his sleep. Most of them he cannot put faces to.

The Kyuubi is a Very Serious Threat, and Kayaku lets that sink in as he looks over from his sink to where Kakashi sits, trying to keep from bleeding on the spare futon Kayaku pulled out into the sitting room for him. A part of him worries that people will ask questions, if they so much as notice a second voice in the apartments; the rest of him is just worried that Kakashi might be trying to hard to not bleed on anything.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Huh. Better. Thank you."

Kakashi's hands shake as Kayaku hands him a cup of warm sake. He drinks it in one deep shot and holds the cup out for more, which Kayaku begrudgingly allows.

His hands don't stop shaking until Kayaku grabs his hands and covers his fingers. He looks very small, but too old at the same time. Kayaku doesn't know why he leans over, doesn't know why he shuts his eyes and presses their hands close to the boy's chest.

He doesn't know why he listens to that stupid voice in the back of his head that says Kakashi is an adult.


"I have to do something," Kayaku tells Kakashi when Kakashi refuses to listen to reason. He cries from his Sharingan-eye, and scowls as he beats the Hokage's desk.

"Then do something else!" he demands. "Or send somebody else. It doesn't have to be you/, Kayaku! We need you here in Konoha. We need you to--/I need you--Kayaku--"

"Who else do we have/, Kakashi-kun?" Kayaku demands. He wants to cry just as badly; he wishes Kakashi wouldn't talk like that, when the door is still cracked and there are people in the next room over. "It's a forbidden jutsu, what I'll be doing, and the only other people strong enough to control it and make it work /won't do it. Even for Konoha. Even for all of the Fire Nation."

Kakashi is not selfish enough. He can't be so selfish.

His expression says otherwise, before it is hidden behind the dog mask. "As you wish it, Hokage."


He refuses to get complacent with all this. He will not become accustomed to short nails digging into his back. He will not be knowledgeable in the things that make his lover arch. He will not grow trained to soft words on a silver tongue.

He can't, and he knows that. Because there are expectations, for him as a man more than him as a Hokage; and a code he must abide by in the reverse. Because he expects more of himself than this. And because ...

Because they both know ...


He can't stay like this forever, even if forever might not last much longer.


The ANBU mask is bright in moonlight from the window, set against the black of the rest of the uniform. Kayaku doesn't know where the flak vest landed. Kakashi's skin, the moonlight, is almost the same color, and Kayaku can't help but notice how dark he looks next to the boy.

He can't keep thinking of him as a boy. It makes him sick.

He trips his fingers over Kakashi's side, feeling the rise and fall in his ribs, and hopes the sun will never rise. Tomorrow, he goes to an outlying village, near the boarder to Wind, to deal with the Kyuubi and the destruction that he has been letting go on for too long. Tomorrow, he--

"Are you going to do anything with that hand," comes a sleepy voice, "or just tease?"

Kakashi sounds so much older than he had when they'd spoken on the bridge about the benefits of confessing your feelings. Kayaku can't summon the smile he should be able to when Kakashi rolls onto his side and peers at him in the darkness.


The sleepy slip makes Kayaku break his hand away from Kakashi's skin sharply. He stares at his fingertips as though he expects the prints to be burnt off. Kakashi's fingers, small and thin and calloused, crawl between his own and curl onto his palm.

"I should go?" He's never sounded so uncertain before. Kayaku wants to nod, to tell him to leave before he does something /stupid/--something like what they've been doing for the past seven weeks.

Instead he pulls Kakashi close and doesn't say anything at all.


This is it. There is blood on his hands, and Rin, he can see, is suffering from chakra depletion. He hopes Kakashi will be here soon, that he isn't being held back by panicked civilians or some stupidity on the way to the village.

In his hands, the child looks so small.

In the back of his mind, he can hear and feel the Kyuubi in the very temporary cage he's given it.

If Kakashi isn't there in another forty-five seconds, Kayaku will go without him. It will be hard, but Rin will supply that last boost of chakra he needs.

She would have died anyway.

The seconds tick away. His entire body feel on fire. The blood on his hands is drying. Rin's breathing is loud in the little shack they've stolen as their own--the occupants won't mind. They're dead.

"Rin," Kayaku says softly. She stares at him with glassy eyes. "Rin, get up. We're starting."

"Yes, Sensei."

There is blood on his hands and Rin is weak, but he can make this work. He can do this. He can save Konoha.


Afterwards, the words were carved into the monument. It was strange, for Hatake Kakashi, to see the characters for Arashi Kayaku - Yondaime Hokage carved after those for /Uchiha Obito/. It was strange to see all those names.

He took the young Umino son to see the monument once, but only once, before they drifted their separate ways. Iruka had frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. He hadn't said anything until they were walking away.

"Hatake-sempai," he'd said, "Who are you crying for?"

His Sharingan-eye was dry.
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