Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Sing for Absolution
Why couldn't love ever turn out right? Why did love have to mean this unbearable and immenent pain? Love is not like anything, especially the fucking grave. Death was less painful compared to love. Death was more welcoming than this impending doom.
Being in love was something I avoided almost always. When I was a newly born vampire, I gloriously jumped into the feeling because it reminded me of being human, but all my years of being in this world and I finally understand that not only is there a good side to feeling human, there was the side of pain and suffering that always seemed to be excaserbated ten times in me.
I died all over again after that one night. That one night changed my whole vampire life. I could no longer trust feelings, emotions or anything that reminded me of the human weaknesses. Yes, feelings were traitorous and so fleeting. They brought you to unbelievable highs when they were good, but also bring you to catastrophic lows when they were horrible.
That night she confessed her true feelings to me. She said that this life we lived wasn't enough for her anymore. She said she was tired of living a lie, living a facade and keeping her identity a secret to the world. She said that this life was over for her, and she wanted to be human again. She left me that night.
I had never felt more human than when she left. I felt rage, anger, regret, sadness and grief all in the same moment. How could she leave? How could she leave after promising me forever? I knew then that words were empty and 'I love you' was no longer a statement of true love or feelings...it was a statement used to appease the opposing party.
From that day on immortality was no more than a lonely, heartless, and empty journey I had to take. Immortality was no longer a journey that would be too short...immortality would be a long journey and it would feel like walking through a fire at a slow pace. It would be like dancing with the devil on hot coals.
But when Killian came into my life, it was like the air was knocked back into my non-existing lungs, the blood gushing through my dry veins. Never had I felt more alive, even when my pain arose the night I decided not to love again. Killian made me feel human. She made me feel imperfect, like I'd never be good enough for her. She made me feel on fire.
The night that Killian first came to my room, I knew that there was no turning back. She achingly restarted my non-existing heart that I had buried under the events of more than three hundred years ago. I thought I had nothing left...I thought I had give up on love completely.
Killian taught me that even though physically I didn't have a heart anymore, that emotionally I did. Just because I have been a vampire for more than five hundred years, I still had some human emotions left in me. Killian taught me that to exist without feeling is like dying every time. It didn't lessen the pain I felt, but it did help me know that even if we were to die in a few days, it will not be in vain.
A bright light flooded into the room and I hissed at the betraying light.
"I wouldn't complain Frank," came a familiar voice. I knew my time was up...I knew that this was it...that might fate would be decided in only a few short moments.
All I was certain of now was that even though I was facing death, my existance was not wasted...I loved Killian more than she knew...
Being in love was something I avoided almost always. When I was a newly born vampire, I gloriously jumped into the feeling because it reminded me of being human, but all my years of being in this world and I finally understand that not only is there a good side to feeling human, there was the side of pain and suffering that always seemed to be excaserbated ten times in me.
I died all over again after that one night. That one night changed my whole vampire life. I could no longer trust feelings, emotions or anything that reminded me of the human weaknesses. Yes, feelings were traitorous and so fleeting. They brought you to unbelievable highs when they were good, but also bring you to catastrophic lows when they were horrible.
That night she confessed her true feelings to me. She said that this life we lived wasn't enough for her anymore. She said she was tired of living a lie, living a facade and keeping her identity a secret to the world. She said that this life was over for her, and she wanted to be human again. She left me that night.
I had never felt more human than when she left. I felt rage, anger, regret, sadness and grief all in the same moment. How could she leave? How could she leave after promising me forever? I knew then that words were empty and 'I love you' was no longer a statement of true love or feelings...it was a statement used to appease the opposing party.
From that day on immortality was no more than a lonely, heartless, and empty journey I had to take. Immortality was no longer a journey that would be too short...immortality would be a long journey and it would feel like walking through a fire at a slow pace. It would be like dancing with the devil on hot coals.
But when Killian came into my life, it was like the air was knocked back into my non-existing lungs, the blood gushing through my dry veins. Never had I felt more alive, even when my pain arose the night I decided not to love again. Killian made me feel human. She made me feel imperfect, like I'd never be good enough for her. She made me feel on fire.
The night that Killian first came to my room, I knew that there was no turning back. She achingly restarted my non-existing heart that I had buried under the events of more than three hundred years ago. I thought I had nothing left...I thought I had give up on love completely.
Killian taught me that even though physically I didn't have a heart anymore, that emotionally I did. Just because I have been a vampire for more than five hundred years, I still had some human emotions left in me. Killian taught me that to exist without feeling is like dying every time. It didn't lessen the pain I felt, but it did help me know that even if we were to die in a few days, it will not be in vain.
A bright light flooded into the room and I hissed at the betraying light.
"I wouldn't complain Frank," came a familiar voice. I knew my time was up...I knew that this was it...that might fate would be decided in only a few short moments.
All I was certain of now was that even though I was facing death, my existance was not wasted...I loved Killian more than she knew...
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