FicWad

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Chapter 13 - What Is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me.
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Ethan Riddley, the man she loved, was dead. And she caused it.

At the beginning of her 2 year prison sentence, it didn't feel like prison. The facilities were clean, generally speaking the imprisoned population were half decent despite their crimes.

When she received her sentence, her knee's buckled a little, a huge sense of injustice with no ears to hear her case. She had the knife in her hand and she stabbed Ethan Riddley with a fatal wound that he could not survive.


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"Ethan! - Ethan!" She cried, shaking him and pulling him around, begging his eyes would open.

"I'm sorry!" She cried, pressing her head against his face, she kissed his cheek hard.

"I love you - I'm so sorry!" She cried again, hearing footsteps up the stairs to their flat.

Paramedics bundling in with their cases and equipment, Petra backed up and stared.

It took them less than a minute to know he was dead.

"Miss, are you OK?" one asked her, Petra's arms were wrapped around herself, she gagged every time she went to speak.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I killed him!" she whispered.

The other paramedic looked up at her, he wasn't stupid, he had already assessed the situation and knew exactly what had happened.

"Come sit down, we need to check you over." He said softly, guiding her to a chair but Petra couldn't take her eyes off of her dead boyfriend, she'd never seen a dead person before and you never think it will be the love of your life either.


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The time in prison only allowed her time to see how guilty she was, even after her release. The judge in her case could not see past the fact that when Petra grabbed the knife, her intent was NOT to take Ethan's life and if she hadn't, Ethan would still be alive. Petra had found her case difficult to communicate in court.

No matter what awful things he had done to her in the last months in his life, she loved him and even as she watched him die, she knew he was taking a piece of her heart with him. She'd regretted screaming that she hated him, that she wasn't strong enough to get him off the drugs, because of Ethan hadn't have been on the drugs, he would not have de-stabilised and raped her that night.

She knew that the crime of murdering him, even in defence, was worse than his crime of sexually assaulting her. As soon as she accepted that, prison became easier to deal with. Only 8 months after serving her 2 year sentence, she was released. Likely the judge in her case had also had time to think about the events that lead up to that fateful night and with the support of her lawyers, they had her sentence over turned.

Walking to her car as she left Foston Hall prison, she cried, it was all she could do as she was driven back to London with only a handful of possessions to her name.

What was in store for Petra Fairfax's life now?




Attempting to measure the differences between the life she had left and the life she had walked into now as Patrick snoozed beside her was impossible.

There wasn't a single morning when she thought she wouldn't open her eyes and be back in that squally room with only minimal blankets to keep her warm during the cold English nights.

"Patrick?" she whispered, he grumbled something and turned over. Although he was here right next to her, she had that obvious feeling of insecurity that came whenever her mind replayed these times of her life. She pressed herself against him, putting an arm over and rubbing his chest, kissing his shoulder softly and in time, she too, fell back to sleep.


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"So what do you want?" He asked as she held her hand in the coffee shop, them both looking up at the list of drinks.

"Er, can I get a decaf skinny latte with cinnamon please?" he asked the wide eyed girl who was name tagged Jessica.

"And for you?" she asked politely.

"Um...I think baby wants hot chocolate, with like.....everything?" Petra asked, Patrick laughed gently.

"Hot chocolate with everything!" Patrick repeated, shrugging slightly.

"You got it!" Jessica said back excitedly.

"Oh my god are you Patrick Stump?" a voice asked from behind, they both turned and a young girl was grinning widely.

"It is!" she gasped.

"Hi!" he said shyly, glancing at the growing queue behind them.

"I like, totally LOVE your band." She said nervously.

"Thank you!" he said modestly.

"Oh are you his girlfriend?" she asked, Petra went to speak and Patrick helped, knowing exactly how to handle these things.

"We're married but yeah, uh - this is Petra." He said.

"Oh god, you're so pretty!" she cooed. Petra fumed red.

"I'm so stoked to me you both, you're totally awesome!" she said.

"Here's your drinks!" Jessica smiled, Petra handed her the money and took both the drinks. Petra watched as he entertained his young fan a little longer, there was brief hugging then an autograph and then he made his way over to Petra who was smirking at him.

"What they don't know is how bad you are in bed." She said, Patrick half spat his latte out.

"Now that I actually know." Petra smirked and put a spoon of cream into her mouth.

Patrick looked offended and he just stared at her.

"It was a joke." Petra clarified.

He still looked really hurt and Petra felt bad, her big stupid English mouth.

"Patty?" She asked, lifting his chin slightly.

"I'm sorry." She said softly, she leaned over the table and kissed his lips gently.

"It's ok!" he said, smiling quickly. Petra felt awful, she stirred her chocolate.

"It really was a joke." She said, stirring it quickly more.

"I'm sorry, I'm just being over sensitive. I don't-" he stopped and sipped his drink.

"Don't what?" she asked.

"Nothing, I'd rather not talk about it." He said quietly.

"Patrick, please tell me." She said

There was a long pause as he now stirred the topping on his latte, hindered by the lack of fat in the milk of course.

"It's just I know I'm not a great lover and so hearing it just-"

"-whoa whoa whoa....what?" Petra asked, raising her eyebrow.

"You heard me." He said, eyeing her sceptically.

"Patrick Stump, you listen to me." She said, his eyes looked to her.

"You are a great lover!" she said, he laughed and shook his head.

"Yeah." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh my god, stop this." Petra said, pushing some cream into her mouth.

"You started it! You've been saying I was crap in bed from the very beginning!" he said, the people at the next table looked at them.

"Mind your own business!" Petra said, they looked away quickly.

"Yeah I said that to wind you up, you bloody idiot!" Petra said, lowering her head to whisper it to him.

"Well it worked!" he grumped.

"But it's not true - the sex is great!" she whispered.

"Then stop with the bad bed jokes!" he whispered back, lowering his head too.

"OK - fine!" She whispered back, smugly allowing a smile to come across her cheeks. Her foot began gently nudging his under the table and he smiled shyly.

"You want some of my cream because, I will eat every bit of this." She said softly, he looked at her and she was grinning at him, he leant on his hand for a moment and stared at her, particularly noting her dimples as she smiled.

"What - have I got-" She stopped and wiped her mouth quickly.

"Have I got cream on my face?" she asked him, he shook his head.

"No." he said with a smile and reaching across, he touched her cheek softly.

"But you do have a smile that'll make me forgive you for anything." He said, Petra blushed instantly, removing the smile from her face and replacing it with a content expression.

"Why do you do that?" he frowned slightly.

"What?" she asked, taking a drink of her hot chocolate.

"When I say something about your smile, you stop smiling." He said. She shrugged.

"I guess I'm not used to someone noticing my smile - usually it's my breasts or my backside....and it's been a pretty long time since I've smiled because I'm happy." She said, stirring her drink frantically again.

There was a long silence, only the plinky jazz music that Starbucks was providing that afternoon and the consistent sound of people expressing themselves could be heard in-between their own absence of words.

"You're smile was the first thing I noticed about you." he said, almost embarrassed.

"The first?!" she asked.

"Well, closely followed by the fact you had very nice breasts." He said, she let out a loud laugh and he sat back in his chair and relished in her full and wide smile.

"It's weird because when we first moved in any everything....i really was so not interested....at all." She admitted.

"Me neither....I remember the exact time I looked at you and thought that maybe I was starting to feel different. It was when my parents were over, you were in the kitchen and you had on that dress....." he said, drifting away.

"Oh, that's when I asked if you were perving on me and you said no...and got all .....flustered." she said, mimicking his flustered hands.

"Well - that incredibly embarrassing moment aside, that was the first night I saw you smile...a lot. And I couldn't stop thinking about it....and then..." he said, he stopped and Petra eyed him cautiously.

"Well we won't go into what happened then because it's a little bit of a sore subject." Petra said,

"Right." Patrick said, looking at her, she rubbed her tummy gently.

"Petra...." He said gently, he stood up and sat down right next to her instead of opposite her.

"I just need you to know..." he started, his fingers figeting with hers. She touched his face softly and kissed him sweetly.

"Everything's gonna be ok Patrick." She said, her other hand still rubbing her tummy.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this position." He said shakily. He was shaking because he really meant it.

"I know you are. But I wanted children....so despite the logistics of how it happened, I think I'm happier than I've ever been in my whole life." She said, her eyes glassing over, Patrick kissed her nose affectionately.

"Patrick, my feelings for you are very strong...." She whispered.

"I don't know if it's love, I hope it is." She said confused.

"We'll work it out." He smiled, they pecked each others lips quickly and then started to head their way home.




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