Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > From That Moment You'll Be Out Of Place And Underdressed
All Of My Blind Ambition Left Me Deaf With Perfect Vision
0 reviewsThings take a bit of a turn, theres only one more chapter after this
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I came home soon to my mum, dad, Tiffany, Sarah and even Ashley sitting on the sofa they jumped up asking me how it went. I told them the whole story, including how I felt about him leaving, about how he kissed me, and about how he and his friends were going to have to eat burnt Tacos because me and him were busy with other things.
They all oohed and ahhed (even my dad) with the exception of Ashley. Tiffany and Sarah soon went home. I know they are going to call me later and make kissy noises down the phone. I cant wait!
"Well we've gotta go." My mum said.
"Where?"
"We have a date." My dad said, ushering mum out of the door. "What? Old people can date too."
After they left Ashley was looking at me. He was either deep in thought or constipated. I prayed for the latter though I know it was the former.
"Ashley. I'm 18 I can take care of myself." I said. "I even sometimes take care of you so quit looking at me like that."
"I'm just looking out for you," He replied, "Tell anyone this and I'd deny it to the death but I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt. And I know in five months time when he goes its going to tear you apart."
"I'll deal with it. I'm stronger than you give me credit for." I said.
"I know. I'm just worried that's all." He said. He got up, ruffled my hair and walked out of the room.
As much as I hate it he did have a point. in five months time when Ryan goes it IS going to tear me apart. I just hope I can live with just phone calls, texts and the occasional visit.
_____________________
Soon the days turned into weeks, and the weeks to months until we were onto our last two days together. I had got the chance to get to know all of his friends and they are all really nice.
First there is Spencer. He is the cute one. Chubby face and chubby cheeks. If he wasn't so tall (or so toned) he could pass for an eight year old. He has the funniest personality and is a little prankster.
Next we have Brendon. He is the cocky, loud mouth one with the second sexiest pout I have ever seen (Ryan's is first). He has a beautiful singing voice and I told him so. This got me some weird looks and the rooms atmosphere was very uncomfortable. I never mentioned it again.
And last but by no means least there is Jon. He has got to be the most random person I have ever met. When I first met him, he hugged my leg. Honestly my leg. He has become like one of my closest friends and I am going to miss him when they go too.
Anyway on with the story. Ryan and I had just got back from the park. We were meant to go to the cinema but got side tracked and ended up staring at clouds until they turned into stars.
On the way back we walked in silence. I couldn't think of anything to say.
"Can I call or write or something?" I said though deep down I knew the answer.
"I don't think that will be possible." He said. I suddenly turned very angry. I tried so hard to understand but I couldn't. We always talked about how we weren't going to keep in touch but I only agreed because it was what he wanted.
"Why?" I asked. "Why can't we carry on talking to each other?"
"Because...its complicated." He said.
"Is there someone else?" He looked at me in a don't-even-go-there way but it was too late I was ready for a fight. "Is there!"
I was ready to put up a fight for him. Why was he giving up on us?
"No. There isn't, you're just going to have to trust me." He said with tears in his eyes. "It's for the best."
"How could it be for the best when you're leaving me?!" I shouted. I really wanted to understand.
I really didn't understand why it was so difficult. So what if I would be starting university once he leaves? I'd move to America if I have to. It's not like he has such a hectic lifestyle that a relationship would be difficult. How hectic of a life can a 21 year old have?
"Do you think this is easy for me! Do you think I like this? But I can't put you through it all!" He shouted though he sounded more exasperated then angry.
"But you can put me through the pain of losing you? It makes no sense." I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get away from him. For the first time since we met, I didn't want to be around him.
"I'm going home, I can't deal with this"
"I'll take -" He started but I cut him off.
"Alone." I walked away, the way that I should of all those months ago.
I got a taxi home and ran straight to my room. Pulling the hoodie from my wardrobe I hugged it and cried. Cried for what I had, cried for what I lost, and cried for the one person that I would probably never see smile again.
The truth is I felt so lucky. A guy like him could have any girl that he wanted but he chose me. Why? I'm not the prettiest, skinniest and definatly not the smartest but he still chose me. I felt so lucky to have him and now, after tomorrow, he wasn't mine anymore. I was holding on to what could have been, what still can be and he was letting go of it.
And then it hit me. He is only looking out for me. He didn't want me sitting by the phone waiting for his call, worrying about what he is up to, never seeing him and spending all my time worrying about him.
I know exactly what I have to do. I have to let him go. If I loved him I'd let him go. Its going to be difficult but it is the only way.
They all oohed and ahhed (even my dad) with the exception of Ashley. Tiffany and Sarah soon went home. I know they are going to call me later and make kissy noises down the phone. I cant wait!
"Well we've gotta go." My mum said.
"Where?"
"We have a date." My dad said, ushering mum out of the door. "What? Old people can date too."
After they left Ashley was looking at me. He was either deep in thought or constipated. I prayed for the latter though I know it was the former.
"Ashley. I'm 18 I can take care of myself." I said. "I even sometimes take care of you so quit looking at me like that."
"I'm just looking out for you," He replied, "Tell anyone this and I'd deny it to the death but I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt. And I know in five months time when he goes its going to tear you apart."
"I'll deal with it. I'm stronger than you give me credit for." I said.
"I know. I'm just worried that's all." He said. He got up, ruffled my hair and walked out of the room.
As much as I hate it he did have a point. in five months time when Ryan goes it IS going to tear me apart. I just hope I can live with just phone calls, texts and the occasional visit.
_____________________
Soon the days turned into weeks, and the weeks to months until we were onto our last two days together. I had got the chance to get to know all of his friends and they are all really nice.
First there is Spencer. He is the cute one. Chubby face and chubby cheeks. If he wasn't so tall (or so toned) he could pass for an eight year old. He has the funniest personality and is a little prankster.
Next we have Brendon. He is the cocky, loud mouth one with the second sexiest pout I have ever seen (Ryan's is first). He has a beautiful singing voice and I told him so. This got me some weird looks and the rooms atmosphere was very uncomfortable. I never mentioned it again.
And last but by no means least there is Jon. He has got to be the most random person I have ever met. When I first met him, he hugged my leg. Honestly my leg. He has become like one of my closest friends and I am going to miss him when they go too.
Anyway on with the story. Ryan and I had just got back from the park. We were meant to go to the cinema but got side tracked and ended up staring at clouds until they turned into stars.
On the way back we walked in silence. I couldn't think of anything to say.
"Can I call or write or something?" I said though deep down I knew the answer.
"I don't think that will be possible." He said. I suddenly turned very angry. I tried so hard to understand but I couldn't. We always talked about how we weren't going to keep in touch but I only agreed because it was what he wanted.
"Why?" I asked. "Why can't we carry on talking to each other?"
"Because...its complicated." He said.
"Is there someone else?" He looked at me in a don't-even-go-there way but it was too late I was ready for a fight. "Is there!"
I was ready to put up a fight for him. Why was he giving up on us?
"No. There isn't, you're just going to have to trust me." He said with tears in his eyes. "It's for the best."
"How could it be for the best when you're leaving me?!" I shouted. I really wanted to understand.
I really didn't understand why it was so difficult. So what if I would be starting university once he leaves? I'd move to America if I have to. It's not like he has such a hectic lifestyle that a relationship would be difficult. How hectic of a life can a 21 year old have?
"Do you think this is easy for me! Do you think I like this? But I can't put you through it all!" He shouted though he sounded more exasperated then angry.
"But you can put me through the pain of losing you? It makes no sense." I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get away from him. For the first time since we met, I didn't want to be around him.
"I'm going home, I can't deal with this"
"I'll take -" He started but I cut him off.
"Alone." I walked away, the way that I should of all those months ago.
I got a taxi home and ran straight to my room. Pulling the hoodie from my wardrobe I hugged it and cried. Cried for what I had, cried for what I lost, and cried for the one person that I would probably never see smile again.
The truth is I felt so lucky. A guy like him could have any girl that he wanted but he chose me. Why? I'm not the prettiest, skinniest and definatly not the smartest but he still chose me. I felt so lucky to have him and now, after tomorrow, he wasn't mine anymore. I was holding on to what could have been, what still can be and he was letting go of it.
And then it hit me. He is only looking out for me. He didn't want me sitting by the phone waiting for his call, worrying about what he is up to, never seeing him and spending all my time worrying about him.
I know exactly what I have to do. I have to let him go. If I loved him I'd let him go. Its going to be difficult but it is the only way.
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