FicWad

"They have a week without shows so they aren't dressed all theatrical this is a laidback interview right? Are you going to the concert?" The security guard said as he led me and a nodding Sarah toward their hotel room.

He left us outside the hotel room as he went to answer a call. This is it. The faces of Panic! At the disco is about to be revealed. Once I know who they are the mystery is dead.

Sarah opened the door and walked in with me following.

"Hello." She said. "Where are the rest of the guys?" She said to someone as I got my camera out of my bag.

"I don't know." That voice made me stop in my tracks. It couldn't possibly be who I thought it was but it sounded just like him. I froze, my heart beating wildly in my chest. It couldn't be, its just not possible. I carried on getting my things out of my bag.

After I had finished I looked up, stopping dead in my tracks. Sure he had on more make-up then when we first met, he had a little bit of stubble and he looked like he had gained a bit of weight but I'd recognise him anywhere.

I stood up straight and stared at him with more confidence then I felt but when I tried to speak nothing would come out. I could hear Sarah mumbling "that stupid notebook" or something along those lines as she rummaged through her bag but she sounded so far away.

"Ryan?" I said disbelievingly. I just couldn't believe that after three years the one person I loved was standing right in front of me and I wasn't attacking him with kisses. I felt I couldn't move along with a slight bit of anger at him for coming back into my life.

"Dylan?" He asked.

"You two know each other." Sarah said./Well done Sherlock Holmes./

"Yeah." He said. "We do -" I interrupted him.

"We did." I said. "You remember three years ago when I was..." I trailed off she'd know what I was talking about, he did nothing short of temporarily turn me insane.

"Oh?" She asked as if she didn't know if she was meant to remember. Lets just say I'm never dateless for too long. I saw her trying to work it out, honestly I could see the cogs in her brain spinning, I watched it register and click into place as her eyes went huge.

"You're...you! You're the one that...I think this is my cue to leave for a second." She said as she left the room, "I'll wait outside."

"You look...different." He said finally that's right I had changed slightly.

My hair that was once straight and reached the small of my back now came up to my shoulders and was in semi-loose curls, my skin had darkened slightly due to the tanning powers of the LA sun, my chest had gone from a C cup to a DD, but one thing that hadn't changed was my waist, I was still the American 10 but because I had gotten taller (and stood at a proud 5 foot 6) my body didn't look so disproportional anymore.

"So...so do you." I stuttered awkwardly. "Have you gotten skinnier?" I joked though it didn't have the desired effect; this wasn't the time for jokes, not by a long shot.

"Not possible." He said and I paused. I felt like my heart was being tightened, all by that one phrase. Where had I heard that before?

"Entirely possible." I said as he too remembered. Well at least I think he did because I saw his eyes become very glassy.

"Don't read it until I'm gone." I said. "I love you."

"I love you more." He said.

"Not possible." I replied with a bitter sweet laugh.

"Entirely possible." He whispered as he leaned down to kiss me. I completely melted into him wanting to savour every moment. Far too soon he pulled away and wiped away a tear of mine.

"I...erm...I," I didn't know what to say. What do you say to the one person who ripped your heart out of your chest, tore it to pieces and left you to pick up those little pieces and try in vain to put them together? I looked at him and realised, if he couldn't handle a relationship then, how could he now? I couldn't put myself through it.

"I...cant do this." I said finally. I felt like crying, but I couldn't let him know that after three years he still had that effect on me. My tries to control my emotions failed as the tears that had threatened to spill did, swiftly followed by his. How did that make-up stay in tact?

All the pain I had felt over the past three years, all of the worthless relationships I had, all of the songs that had reminded me of him came back hitting me like a bus way above the speed limit as I felt as if my head was going to explode with all the emotion I felt.

It all made sense now. Why he felt we couldn't have a relationship, but what it didn't explain was why we couldn't keep in touch as friends or something anything more than I was left with.

Reaching for the door I felt him grab my wrist. The first touch from him in three years, and it made me feel like I had been electrocuted, bringing back yet more memories of when we first met.


"Well its been great getting to know you erm...Ryan gimme a call if you ever need someone to show you around, or when you want to come get your hoodie back or when you wanna hang out or..." I trailed off standing up to walk out when he grabbed me by the wrist.

It felt as if a jolt of electricity passed through me and my hundreds of butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. I only met him about half an hour ago and I knew for certain I defiantly wanted to see him again even if it was just as friends.

"You cant leave like this." He said, making me slap him. Hard right across the face. I shocked even myself as he took a step back holding his face.

Have some composure,
Where is your posture?

"I cant leave like this? I cant leave like this! I can't but you could?!" I shouted getting closer to him. "Do you realise how badly you fucked up? Not only with me, but how you fucked up my whole life too! Huh?!"

I looked at him angrily, he didn't look scared, or angry but regretful? He was regretting what he did but it was too late now, I started and I can't stop. He has to know what he did. How much of an effect he had on my life.

"This was your big secret. This is what you hurt me over. Something as fickle as fame." I said. My voice turning to a deathly whisper, some said this was scarier than when I was angry.

"None of my relationships lasted longer than a month after you. I was too afraid to get close. And do you wanna know why?" I said not giving him a chance to answer. "Because I was constantly comparing everyone to you. None of them ever did quite match up to you. Well to what I thought you were. But that wasn't the truth was it?"

He went to speak but I interrupted, I had to get it all out now.

"You just wanted to be rid of me so that you could live the rock star life sleeping with groupies, I get it. I'm not that stupid. So don't give me your empty promises and false apologies because I don't wanna hear it. Goodbye Ryan."

I turned to walk out of the door and hopefully out of his life. This however was highly unlikely because I'm sure Sarah with her 'everyone should be in love' state of mind would keep him in touch with me.

"All I wanted was you." He said to me almost as if he was begging me to believe him.

"Sweetie you had me." I replied cockily, using, what I now learnt were, his own lyrics against him.

"You didn't let me finish." He said, I motioned for him to continue, which he did.

"But I wanted you to be happy more than that, and you couldn't be with this lifestyle."

I looked him in the eye, my tears drying against my skin until new ones made their trail down my cheeks. The intensity in his eyes was almost enough to make me cower.

"Look at me." I said, wiping a tear from his cheek careful not to smudge his make-up. "Do I look happy to you?"
I dropped my hand and walked out of the door into the corridor, to be faced by Brendon, Jon, Spencer and Sarah all leaning against the door. I realised it just then, Ryan and I had just been set up.

____________________

"I cant believe you guys." I said. "You set us up. Do you really think I wanted to see him again? Sarah you should no better, are you purposely trying to hurt me?"

I looked at her as her face dropped and said the one thing that I knew would get to her.

"You're almost as bad as Tiffany. Get yourself another photographer and don't even think about our Friday shopping trip. Our friendship is over."

I tried to stomp out like a diva but that plan failed because I ran right into a member of the hotel staff sending at least 20 towels flying.

"WATCH WERE YOURE GOING!" I shouted, my face burning red.

I carried on walking out of the hotel to hail a taxi. Posh hotels made me uncomfortable anyway. After I got in I told the driver my address and she started driving. Yes, she, a female taxi driver made me feel about 100 times safer.

"You okay honey? You look kinda down." She said after a few minutes, who better to tell my secrets to than a stranger? She won't judge and if I don't like her opinion I don't have to see her again.

"Yeah. I am." I said. "Wanna lend me an ear?"

"Spill." She said concentrating on the road.

I explained everything, from the moment I met Ryan, right up getting into the cab and surprisingly by the end of it I wasn't crying, I felt relieved like a weight had been lifted.

"I understand why you might be angry but do you want the honest truth or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?" She asked. That should have been an easy question yet I didn't know what I wanted to hear.

"Tell me the honest truth." I said as I swallowed.

"I think that he loves you, I think he didn't want to hurt you or ruin your life plans, I think that he was right to do what he did, I think it is probably hurting him so much right now to have you so near yet so far, I think that deep down you still love him too."

"What?" I said at the last part causing her to swerve slightly almost hitting another car.

"Sorry." I said, but she continued on anyway.

"I think that the only reason you left is to see if he comes after you now. Because if he doesn't you know he never really loved you and feels he got a lucky escape, and if he does...well if he does...you wouldn't know what to think."

What scared me most wasn't what she was saying, but the fact that this woman who didn't know much about my life was right and she knew more than I did. She knew things about me I was scared to admit.

"You know you should be a shrink or something." I said as I got out of the taxi and paid her.

"I was." She said. "But I gave it up for the one I love."

She smiled as she drove off not bothering to take the money I held out to her. I stood there on the street as it poured down with rain thinking, about what I had said to Sarah. I guess you want to know what Tiffany did right?


Well me and my last boyfriend Eric were finally getting somewhere. I wasn't too keen on him but he respected my decision to wait before sex and didn't push it. Although I didn't love him as much as Ryan I respected him for it. Maybe I could learn to love him? Fat chance.

Anyway one day I go to his dormitories and his roommate lets me in. I push his door open a smile on my face because I wanted to tell him I was going to America for a trial period. What I saw shocked and sickened me to the core. There he was as handsome as ever. And Tiffany was on top of him. Without a word I ran out to Sarah's house and the rest, as they say, is history.

I look at my phone. 23 Missed Calls, all from Sarah. I texted her an apology but said I wanted to be alone right now. She messaged me back an okay as I went into my house.

Unfortunatly someone had beaten me to it because there, sitting on my sofa, was none other than George Ryan Ross III.

OOOOOOOOH whats going to happen? Does anyone care? Am I ever gonna stp asking stupid questions?