FicWad

Deckle's Record Store, located on the corner of 55th Avenue; and it was one of the most popular store ever seen in Belleville, New Jersey. I remembered when I first walked into it, loaded with records and CD's for the kids today. But it was strictly a rock store; meaning rock music was the only real thing they sold. But they had an awesome selection; David Bowie, The Ramones, The Blood Brothers, the list goes on and on.

I started to work at Deckle's Record Store about a month after I moved to New Jersey; I've worked there since. Between work and school, I think I might have liked work a bit better. The best part of it all, my only uniform was a name tag, it's not like I went to work all prettied up and whatnot; I went in a t-shirt, sometimes a wifebeater or a cute shirt if I wanted, and a pair of jeans. Unlike my co-worker, Alexia who found the need to go to work in some kind of boots, I went to work comfortable. Working at a record store isn't easy.

So, there I was working my shift on that lovely Wednesday afternoon. I had gotten out of school only a mere hour ago only to end up at work, well I had to make a living. I had to pay up my half of the rent and somehow get enough money for all other crazy bills we had and still managed to feed ourselves.

I was in the backroom getting some CD's to fill up a rack, it somehow managed to be empty three days straight and everyone was too damn lazy to fill it back up. I got what I needed, holding the box in my hands and walking out towards the aisle where the empty rack was. I set the box down once I was there, opening it and revealing the prize inside; Oasis and Nickleback. My least favorite bands, they could do better. I grabbed the CD's and piled them onto the racks neatly. Filing them correctly so it could look nice for the customers, not like it mattered they would rearrange them and I was stuck putting all the CD's back in the correct place.

I heard the chime for the door and knew we had some customers, I didn't bother to look I just wanted to hurry up and get this rack done. I could hear laughter, no females; they were all guys. Oh great, just my luck; a bunch of jerks in the store. I kept my eyes on the CD's and the rack, hearing them walk around; probably separated.

I heard voices coming closer to my aisle, and curiosity just had to take its toll on me. I could have easily looked away, kept my eyes on the pack of CD's and the semi-empty rack. But I didn't, instead I looked down the aisle and saw a guy who was looking directly at me. Might I say was he a pretty sight for the eyes, dark brown hair that he kept spiked up and some really pretty hazel eyes. A simple black t-shirt and some baggy jeans, a hoodie of course it was slightly chilly outside.

He smiled when he looked at me which made me look back at my semi-empty rack, making me feel like a 16-year-old high school girl again. I was still somewhat like that I guess you can say, I was still 19 at the time and this guy seemed to be at least 20; but that's just me guessing.

I looked over at him again, peeping through my dark hair. He was looking through some CD's or it seemed he was, he turned his head to look over at me and I turned back to my rack. I filled it as fast as I could, picking up the box with a slight grunt and walked past this person. I looked back at him to catch him looking at me, he quickly looked down at CD's as I looked over at him; I looked forward as I smirked to myself and walked into the backroom.

I put that box away as fast as I could and walked out of the backroom, going towards the counter where the cash register was and looked around for him. I saw heads but I didn't see his, did he leave already? Damn. Just to my luck three guys left, but two of them walked towards the register. When I looked up there he was, holding three CD's in his hand.

"Paying together or separately," I said as I looked over the two different boys.

"Separate," the first boy said who was slightly chubby.

I gave a smile, rang up his stuff and he paid for it politely. "I'll wait for you outside."

"Alright," the other replied as his friend left. He looked over at me and smirked, I returned the smile as he gave me the three CD's in his hands.

I rang up the first two CD's, looking over the third one. "Green Day," I said as I looked up at him. "Fan?"

"You know it," he replied with a smile.

I softly chuckled at him, "Nice choice."

"You like them?" He asked as he looked at my nametag. "Nicole?"

"Yeah," I replied as I bagged his CD's. "Awesome band, $23.82."

He took his wallet out and took out a 20 and 10, passing it to me. I took it and got his change, handing it to him along with his receipt.

"Have a nice day," I said, expecting him to just leave and never see him again in my life. That would be horrible, he's really cute.

"What are you doing Friday night?" He asked suddenly.

I looked at him somewhat lost at his sudden words, "Nothing."

"Come to Taiga, you know the bar on 84th Avenue." He said as he dug in his pocket. "Some bands are going to be there, I want you to come and check them out. Bring a friend."

He placed two pieces of paper on the countertop, I looked at them and they were tickets. I looked up at him as he gave me a look, like a 'please say you'll come' look. "Sure," I replied not really minding. I had nothing to do Friday night, and I could drag Cathee along for the ride.

"Great, I'll see you Friday night then." He said as he grabbed his stuff and walked backwards towards the door.

"Yeah," I replied as I watched him, almost walking out of the door. "Hey! What's your name?"

"Frank," he replied before walking out of the door, and tending to his friends that he walked in with.

"Frank," I said to myself. I smiled, it was nothing extraordinary really, I mean I've met guys with names that were a lot more interesting than the name Frank. But, it isn't a name that defines a person now does it? I mean my name, as much as I love it, doesn't exactly mean what I really am. Victorious? In what place exactly, I've won nothing in life; not even my own sanity, which I lost at the mere age of 16.

I looked at the clock, just waiting for my shift to be over; and once it was I clocked out, grabbing my black cotton hoodie and pulled it on. I walked out of the store, looking over the horizon and saw how it was almost dark. By the time I get home it would be completely dark, that's how it always was, at least I wasn't home long enough to cut myself or get drunk past the point where I passed out until the next night. I just looked at the scene of the sun setting, it was nice almost; very colorful too. It kind of reminded me of a beach, back at home I would spend time on the beach a lot. Just laying on the sand, watching the sun set.

I pulled my hoodie over my head, zipping it up and walking to the subway. New Jersey wasn't safe, especially the area that I lived in, nothing but crime. Me, being the Puerto Rican that I was had curves in areas that guys liked to stare at, which I do everything in my power to hide. It's not like I found myself attractive, I was short and had curly hair that I always blow-dried straight. And unlike the girls who had pretty eyes, I had the darkest brown eyes you could imagine, they were too damn dark if you asked me, almost looked black and mixed in with the pupil. My lips weren't thin, nor were they big; but slightly plump.

Unlike most Puerto Rican's I wasn't tan, but light skinned, almost pale but not quite there. If you were to meet me your first thoughts of my race would be white, simply white not even Italian; which about 15% of that runs in my blood because my grandfather was Italian, and also my other grandfather was from Spain - that is one hell of a mix. So I was a mutt almost, not completely so I never really claimed to be mixed and never really told people I had more than one race running through my veins. There was no need for it, there was a lot of segregation in my school and the group I hung out were all mixed; with the exception of Cathee, Jessica, and myself. Well, I wasn't 'pure' as some put it, but they didn't know that; along with a few other things.

I kept my head hung low, avoiding any kind of eye contact with anyone; it was best they didn't see anything of me and I could go home a lot faster. You learn the strategy of the city, and you learn how to blend in with everyone else, fading away and just becoming another face in the crowd. I looked up when a certain bookstore caught my attention, I hadn't read a good book in a while. I contemplated on what to do for a moment, I checked my pockets and found come cash in there. Well, I have been bored for the past couple of days and sometimes I have nothing to do in class after I finish all my work; oh what the hell.

I ran across the street, getting to the Barnes and Noble that was right across from the sidewalk I was once walking on. I walked into the store; looking around and hearing the bell chime as I walked in. I kept my hood on as I walked more into the store, going to a certain aisle that might have something that could touch my interest. I had weird interest in dark novels, leading into some kind of mystery or something vampiric; I think I might have scared a few people in high school.

I picked up something much to my delight, walking to the counter and soon recognized the lanky figure behind the counter; Michael Way or known as Mikey. He was a rather odd character that I've come across in my lifetime; he wore his glasses all the way at the end of his nose. Like he was trying to be cool or something, when really his skinny ass couldn't see shit without them. He would lean his head back, and for some reason I would always look up his nose; maybe I was checking for a brain.

But at this very moment, this odd boy I deemed weird was wearing his glasses on his nose where it belonged, with a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt, some jeans, and some old beat up Converses. I walked up the counter, placing the books on the counter and waited; his eyes shifted from the book he was reading to me. "Hey Mikey," I said.

The right side of his mouth curled up, giving him a kind of slanted smile. "What you doing here Nikki?"

"Can't buy a book nowadays?" I replied with a smirk.

He shook his head, chuckling as he closed his book and got up from the stool he sat on. He picked up the two books I chose, ringing them up, and placing them in the black plastic bag of Barnes & Nobles. "So, what brings you in here?" Mikey asked as he pushed a few buttons on the register.

"Was walking home from work, and just saw the store so I decided to drop by." I replied as I reached into my pocket and took out the cash. "I need to catch up on my literature anyways."

"Aah, I see." Mikey said as he looked over at me. "30 bucks dude."

I handed him the cash, taking the bag of books and waited for my receipt; once Mikey handed it to me I pulled my hoodie over my head again. "See you tomorrow in school."

I walked out of the store, walking down the street and folded the bag over the books. I stuffed the bag of books into my hoodie pocket, walking towards the underground subway and waited for the train to come and take me home; well not exactly home but to the street that was close to my home. Finally that damned train came and I got on, taking a seat and rode it to where I needed to be. To be honest, I hated taking the damn subway; but I didn't have a car and the car we used to get here in the first place got jacked about a year ago, I haven't seen that sucker since. We didn't bother to buy a new car, so we just walked or took the subway or got a taxi; but I don't know what phsyco taxi driver is out there to lock me in his car and rape me, so I simply don't get a taxi.

I got off the train, leaving the station and kept my eyes fixed on the cement sidewalk. I walked up the old stoop steps of my apartment complex, pulling out the keys for the main door and opened it. My apartment was on the third floor, so I climbed up the quick steps and got to the dark green door of my apartment complex. I slipped the key in and walked into the apartment, the smell of boiling white rice hitting my nose; Cathee cooked dinner. "I'm home!" I called out, pulling the hoodie off of the head and pulled the sweater off my arms, going quickly to my room to throw it on my bed. I walked into the kitchen to see my best friend standing there, Cathee Bonilla.

I met Cathee when I was still 14, it was the beginning of our sophomore year in high school and she had just moved from Boston that summer. We clicked almost immediately and I've trusted her since then, even through my crisis with Brian and Jessica she stuck around with me. The girl stood at 5'1, a mere inch shorter than me, with long dark brown hair that reached all the way down to her waist and the front was dyed blonde; just a little bleach could do so much magic. Cathee kind of had this Asian look to her, with her nose pierced since she was 11, and the multi-colored nail polish graced her fingernails. She was a unique girl; from the way she wore her clothes to the way she styled her hair.

"Ha, came just in time too. Rice just finished," Cathee stated as she pulled the top of the boiling pot of rice off and let the steam softly rise from it. "Got your favorite done with it too, baked chicken."

"Ooh Cathee I love you more," I stated. "And I have a question to ask."

"What is it?" She asked, as though knowing I just might pop out with a crazy question; which I usually do.

"What are you doing Friday night?" I asked.

"Nothing, why?"

"I got these tickets for a bar, a few bands are going to play, we should check it out." I replied.

"How did you get these tickets, may I ask?" Cathee questioned, placing her hand on her hip.

"I met a guy, his name was Frank." I replied. "Oh come on Cathee, don't make me bring up Mathew!"

"I thought you weren't getting into relationships anymore," Cathee replied with a smirk.

"Who said I was interested? I mean come on, a free concert?" I said, raising an eyebrow at her. "I already told you, I gave up on love."

"Fine, I'll go with you." Cathee replied.

I squealed at the shorter girl, pulling her into a tight hug and kissed her cheek. She laughed and told me to get off so she can finish cooking, I loved the way she cooked; especially breakfast. Eventually I let her go, without pinching her cheeks first and bounced off into my room. I flicked the light on to the small bedroom I had, compared to the other room I had back in Florida; this was like a prison cell. But you don't really need a big room, all I do is sleep, watch TV, listen to music, and write in here. So what was the point in having a big room?

I grabbed the bag with the two books I brought, taking them out and placing them on the dresser. I pushed my fingers through the blinds that covered my window, widening it a little so I could see out a little. "Nikki! Food!"

My head soon snapped over towards my door, abandoning my window and went to my sweet escape of dinner.

--*

It was nearing one in the morning and I found myself restless, wide-awake and staring at the bland dark ceiling above me. I sighed out reaching out for the small lamp that accompanied my alarm clock on top of the table right by my bedside. I tugged on the chain that daggled from it, lighting the room a bit and settled my sight on my arm. /My scars/. It's funny how I forced my left hand to do damage on my right arm, when I wrote with my right hand. I guess it wouldn't be so obvious, everyone knew I used my right hand for everything, they wouldn't expect cuts to be engraved into that arm but instead of my left.

I think maybe I was too smart for my own kind, always thinking ahead of myself more than I should; is that how I make bad decisions most of the time? I sat up in my bed, back against the headboard and my fingers traced over the many scars. Somehow I perfectly made a line of fading soft pink scars, I found at least four but I knew there were more; so many more. I dropped my arm and looked towards my window. No light seemed to seep through the blinds; I got up from my bed moving the light blue comforter off my body and moved towards the window. I pulled the blinds open to see nothing but black, the only bit I could see was whatever light my room was giving off.

New Jersey and Florida both had something in common; they were both dark. Sure when you hear Florida you think Disney World and white sand beaches, what about where people live? The neighborhood I lived in when I was ten, as nice it seemed, was dark at night. There were only two streetlights on my street, one at the beginning of my street and one on the corner of the circle I lived in; far from my home. I lived in dark bliss, surrounded by it when I was so young. It didn't bother me, I had a nightlight and my baby blanket. But everyone grows out of those childish ridicules and soon I found myself sleeping in a pitch black bedroom before I could even turn eleven.

So when I saw that Jersey was almost the same, it was like home all over again. I placed a hand on the window, starting to feel the bitter cold of winter that was on it's way to Jersey, bringing my face closer to the window and pressed my forehead against the window. This moment made me think: what do I truly want? I wasn't unhappy, no, but I wasn't happy either. I was just... content. I haven't been the same since Brian and Jessica conflicted their damage on me. What ever happen to sweet, innocent little Nicole that most people knew back in middle school and my freshman year of high school?

She died; the moment she made friends with Jessica Miranda, the perfect child compared to her, she was in it from the beginning. I had my flaws when I was younger; like being stubborn, selfish at times, as well as naïve when I wanted to be, I did actions without even thinking of the consequences and lied sometimes to get out of trouble. I wasn't the perfect child, I didn't bring home straight A's or student of month awards like Jessica did. I didn't worry about my grandmother when I was in school, more like scowled her when she was late to pick me up from school. Grateful right? In a way I might have envied Jessica a little bit when it came to academics and school. She was a school kid; always studying and working on projects or extra credit.

But when we were 14 I had the looks; my growth began at 13 and by mid-term of freshman year I already fit into a B-cup and my ass just stood out when it wasn't suppose too. Jessica was flat as a board, and she received no attention from the boys. That is until the incident at the end of our sophomore year - everything changed after that, and my perfect glowing light was started to fade away from me.

Now I was a dim yellow glowing light, still fading; while other people were this bright heavenly glow. I stared out that window, staring out into the dark street; I would soon be like that dark surrounding. I closed the blinds now staring at the beige blinds that covered the black that surrounded the street I lived on. You have nothing left Nicole.

"I had nothing when he left," I ended up whispering to myself.

I shook my head, walking back to the bed and tugged on the chain to send the room back into it's pitch black state before I closed my eyes tight and soon I vanished within the room with my sleeping state.