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Chapter 11

Nicky's POV

We walked down the hallway towards the same room we had met the boys in previously that night. My text ring tone went off "Oh I'm ready for it, come on bring. Oh I'm ready for it, come on bring it. So kiss me good bye..."

"Hey its me!" I heard William comment from down the hallway.

I flipped open my phone and read the text.

Fuck him yet? -Meg

I laughed and replied.

No, concert just ended + I've only known the guy a couple days why fuck him so soon? -Rain

I shut my phone when we walked in the room to a crowd of sweaty boys.

"You guys were incredible!" I said hugging all the clean TAI boys and combining my sweat with the Panic! boys' as I went around hugging them. I went to Ryan last.

"You were amazing. This show was amazing. It totally lived up to my expectations." I said smiling. He pulled me into a kiss. But this was no normal kiss like we had shared before. It was deeper and more passionate. I pulled away, alittle reluctantly, but I was confused. What had brought this about?

"I've been wanting to do that all night." Ryan said leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes.

"What?"

"You just looked so hot out in the pit dancing and singing my words. It took all the strength I had not to jump off the stage and erm- kiss you." He stumbled near the end.

He opened his eyes and looked intensely into mine. There was something stirring behind those honey eyes that I couldn't quite place, but I loved it. So I merely kissed him again, hard. It was as if it were just the two of us. I forgot about the rest of Panic!, TAI, Lane and Emily being in the room. I just concentrated on kissing the man in front of me. That is until we heard whoops and cheers and the always present "Get a room!" Thank you Jon. We pulled away from each other to see everybody looking at us. Embarrassing. I could feel my face turn bright red and looked over at Ryan who was blushing shyly. Adorable.

"Erm, I'll be right back." I said and headed for the bathroom.

Ryan's POV

I watched her leave and turned towards everyone else.

"Good job guys!" I said.

"Chill Ry, she'll be back." Emily told me reassuringly from across the room in Brendon's arms.

"I'll go check on her, I'm sure she's fine." Lane said as she followed the path Nicky had taken from the room.

Oh man, I can't believe I almost told her I wanted to make love to her. Good thing I covered it ok...I think

"Oh, I'm ready for it, come on bring it. Oh I'm ready for it come bring it. So kiss me good bye..." We heard playing.

"Hey its me again!" William said looking around like God had spoken to him.

"Nicky's got a text." Emily said.

I picked up the phone which Nicky had placed on the counter and sure enough, 1 new message. I flipped it open and read (I can be so nosey sometimes.)

Why wouldn't u fuck him so soon!? Hes fucking Ryan Ross! The man u have bn in luv w/ since u frst heard his lyrics. Just fuck him already. -Meg

I stared at the screen. Um, wow... TMI? But does this mean she wants to also?....

Soon, Lane and Nicky walked back in.

Nicky's POV

I walked into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror.

Oh man, that was embarrassing

I observed myself in the mirror. I was a total mess. My make up was running down my face, which was red from being overheated. My hair was a mess of knots, it kind of looked like something had nested in there. I sighed. How could I deserve the attention of Ryan? Hes so amazing.

Lane walked in.

"You ok? We were just joking around."

"Yeah. I know. It was just really embarrassing; I needed to get out of there."

"Ok. You need anything?"

"No. I just need to call Meg." I said reaching for my cell phone.

"Ok."

My hand went for my back pocket, but nothing was there.

"Damn. I left it in the room. I guess I should go back anyways."

"Yeah, sounds good." Lane said walking with me out of the bathroom "You know that Ryan was pretty upset when you walked out like that."

"Eh. I hope hes ok and not angry with me."

We walked in the room and everybody looked up and then went back to talking. Ryan walked over to me and Lane. She looked at me, put her hand on my arm and walked away.

I stood where I was and looked down at my feet. I felt him stand in front of me. I didn't have to see his face to know he was looking at me questioningly. I could feel it. Once again my hand went subconsciously to my arm, tracing the scars and scabs. I felt his hand on my cheek, his index finger trace my jaw line to my chin and force my face upwards when he reached my chin. He kept my face steady forcing my gaze to meet his. He looked at me caringly and curious. He took my hand away from my arm and pulled me out of the room, away from everybody. He led me down the hall and turned into what looked like a dressing room and shut the door.

He sat down on the couch that was situated along the wall. He looked up at me and held his arms open and outstretched. I smiled shyly and walked over to him and curled up in his lap, resting my head on his chest.

He kissed the top of my head. "Are you ok? You kind of ran out of the room"

"Yeah. I was just pretty embarrassed. I don't deal with embarrassing situations well." I said as I cuddled into him further. I breathed in his smell and even though he just got off stage, he smelled so good.

"What is it about your left arm that always makes your hand go to it during those situations?" He asked curiously.

"What are you talking about?" Oh god, please. He can't know

"No you do it whenever you're embarrassed or nervous. You trace your fingers across your arm."

Before I knew what was happening, he reached for my arm and slid up the sleeve to my hoodie.

I heard his breath hitch. "Oh Nicky..." He said as his fingers brushed the scars.

I grabbed my arm away and jumped up from the couch. I ran out of the room. I heard him call after me, but I didn't stop. I ran to the room where Emily, Lane and the TAI and P!AtD boys were.

3rd Person POV (Oh snap! Something different!)

"Guys lets go" She said as tears streamed down her face smearing her make up more.

Emily and Lane rushed to her side.

"What's wrong?" they asked

"Please lets just go." She said tugging on them to try and get them out of the building and back home.

Nobody knew her secret, not even Emily or lane or Meg, he was the first one. It scared her. She usually wore long sleeves to cover up her arms and when she didn't, people rarely noticed or she used the excuse, "My cat is the devil."

Why would he like me anymore. He thinks I'm a freak. She thought to herself as she tried to usher Emily and Lane out.

Right on cue, he came running up.

"Nicky, wait!" He said trying to grab hold of her to stop her. She tried to push past him, but for a skinny kid, he was solid as a wall.

"Please! Stop!" Ryan said pulling Nicky into his arms. At first she struggled trying to get away, but eventually she gave in and melted into his body, sobbing in to his chest.

"Sh, its ok." He said trying to comfort her, rubbing her back.

Lane, Emily and Ryan exchanged mouthed words. They were obviously wondering what had put Nicky in such a state. Soon, they walked back into the room.

Ryan and Nicky stood in the hallway. She clung onto him as if she were a 5 year old slinging onto a prized teddy bear.

Ryan's POV

As we stood in the hallway, she cried into my chest and held onto me so tightly. It was as if she thought if she let go, she would die. I stood there, holding her, trying to keep my own composure. There were so many questions running through my head.

Since when? How Long? Why? Who knows? Do Lane, Emily and Meg know? What should I do?

These questions and related ones floated around my head, but one statement kept repeating itself....

She doesn't deserve this...


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