Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > The Art Of Loathing Brendon Urie
Chapter Four: She's Not The Devil!?!?!?!?!?!
"I've decided to spend the afternoon with Spencer and only Spencer," Lexie declared to the now horrified faces of Panic! At The Disco and her best friend Kiersten. It was already 4:30 and they had gotten together, and were now near the Ferris Wheel on Chicago's Navy Pier. Spencer clutched onto Kiersten's arm even more than he already was, but now in fear.
"Wh-What?" Kiersten squeaked. "But, he's my boyfriend!" She exclaimed in anxiety, Kiersten knew how scared Spencer was of Lexie. Some passerby's were whispering excitedly, noticing who the group was made of.
"Exactly, I have to make sure he deserves you. He needs my stamp of approval before anything is official," Lexie concluded, nodding her head. Spencer clutched onto Kiersten even more vigorously, not wanting to let go. "Sorry Spence, there's nothing left to be decided. You are spending the afternoon with me, or you won't get the stamp of approval. That we all know, would just not be a good situation for any of us."
Jon, Ryan, Kiersten and Brendon all shoved Spencer to Lexie. "Sorry, mate," Jon whispered into Spencer's ear in an incredibly real sounding but actually fake, British accent, "But you're going to have to be the scapegoat this time."
Before Lexie or Spencer even got the chance to say something, the other four managed to dash among Navy Pier's vast crowds. Spencer looked cautiously at Lexie, like she would bite his head off at any moment. Awkward Turtle Spencer thought while doing the little hand movement to it. "What... are you doing Spencer?" Lexie stared at him with wide eyes.
"Um, it's the awkward turtle?" Spencer pathetically explained. Lexie raised an eyebrow. "You know?"
"No, Spencer, I don't know," Lexie stated.
"It's the awkward turtle, when there's an awkward silence where you are you make the awkward turtle... It just kind of states that there is an awkward silence."
"You know," Lexie laughed, "I never pegged you as the weird one of the band."
Spencer smiled. Lexie surprisingly had a warm laugh. "Well, it wasn't me who came up with it. The band all does it..."
"Oh? So, who's the genius of the awkward turtle?" Lexie smiled at Spencer in a friendly manner.
"Well, if you don't bite my head off today, I might just tell you," Spencer mumbled to himself.
"I won't bite your head off, Spencer, it's not you who I will never forgive." Lexie stated the curious fact.
Just as Spencer was about to respond, they heard a little girl crying. Lexie's face filled with concern as she faced the little girl. She was a cute blond five-year-old girl in a pink and white checkered dress with a pink bow in her hair. "Mommy!" She cried. Lexie couldn't see any mother figure near her at all.
So, Lexie rushed over to her and kneeled right in front of the girl. "Hi," Lexie said in a sweet voice, "Are you looking for your mommy?"
"Yeah, I can't find her," the little girl sniffled. She had stopped crying as soon as Lexie was there. Spencer was surprised to see Lexie be so nice to anyone. As ridiculous as it sounds, he would have thought that Lexie would have kicked the girl sooner than cared for her. "Do you know where she is?" The girl asked.
"No, I don't. I'm so sorry!" Lexie exclaimed. "But I can help you find her, do you want me to?" The girl nodded. "Ok, what's your name sweetie?" She asked.
"Amber," Said the little girl. "Amber Blaskoski," She finished.
Lexie took Amber's hand and led her to a nearby security guard. "Hello, excuse me? Amber here has lost her mom and I was hoping that you could help us find her?" Immediately the security guard looked alarmed and used his walkie-talkie to inform everyone that they had the lost child.
"Amber! Amber!" A voice came over the mundane drone of the crowd. It was a woman, she was thin, and had the same colored hair as Amber Blaskoski did. She was wearing a bright orange top that clashed terribly with her skin tone.
"Over here!" Lexie yelled, raising herself up upon her tiptoes and raising her arm in the air as well. The woman saw us in a moment and sprinting over, her face slowly became less frantic and calmer as she saw her daughter.
As soon as she arrived, she embraced her daughter. "Oh, Amber! I was so worried about you!" She continued to smother Amber as she faced Lexie, "Thank you so much for finding her and taking care of her," The woman said.
"No problem, m'am, really it's fine." Lexie reassured her. "I know how much of a handful kids are around her age. I have a five-year-old sister who loves to get lost everywhere we go. Just try and keep even more of an eye on her from now on," Lexie advised as she placed a comforting hand on the mothers shoulder, before making sure everything was alright one last time, and finally turning back to Spencer who simply stood there, speechless.
"What. Was. That?" He asked her while looking at Lexie like she had just materialized out of thin air.
"What was what?" Spencer pointed towards in the little girl's general direction. "She was lost, I had to help her..." Lexie explained slowly.
"Yeah, but, why were you so... nice?"
"I love little kids and unless you offend me in some horrid manner, I am generally a nice and thoughtful person. People aren't always who they appear to be, you know." Lexie said. "Want to go ride the Ferris-Wheel?"
"Sure," Spencer said surprised at this epiphany. Lexie wasn't the devil, she was actually... dare he think it nice! After buying tickets for Navy Pier's miniature replica for the Ferris wheel from the World fair, they got in line and finally got on it.
"So," Lexie asked, determined to acquire answers. "Who is Spencer James Smith?
"You know my full name?" Spencer was surprised.
"Alright, I'll admit it," Lexie confessed. "I have looked you up on wikipedia," Spencer guffawed. "And I must say, it was not very helpful! I mean they had a huge page on Brendon and Ryan a little bit less, but then it just slowly dwindles down to barely even a paragraph for you and Jon! So really, I must know. Who is Spencer James Smith?"
"You know, you are quite surprising, Lexie," Spencer referred to the fact that he was actually enjoying himself in her company.
"Thank you?" Lexie asked. "I will take that as a compliment. So, must I truly ask you for the third time in a row? Who. Is. Spencer James Smith?"
"I don't know... I'm me. I'm Spencer James Smith."
"Yes but what is the essence of you? What are your passions in life? You obviously enjoy the drums. Is that your passion?"
"Well, Yes, I love to play them. You might not understand this, but when you are playing the drums, hitting a beat, it's the foundation of the song. Without the drums the song would fall apart. To be able to hear your drums come together along with Jon's base and Ryan's lyrics and guitar and Brendon's voice. And just the fact that people like it! People spend money to be able to hear the songs; they spend money to see us perform! It's so unparallel compared to anything I've ever experience before." Spencer took a deep breath; it had been hard to breath while he was talking so fast.
"Wow. That truly must be your passion then. You totally can tell from the way you speak about it, from the emotion in your eyes and your body language. It's really cool. That's really cool," Lexie smiled at him in a friendly way as she glanced over the other railing. "So, tell me about you, your past relationships, and Kiersten," Lexie asked. "After all, the reason we're spending the afternoon together is so I can make sure you're right for Kiersten." Lake Michigan stared back at Lexie, it was a cold, breezy day, and there were all types of boats out on the lake. Yachts and motor boats, kayaks and canoes, tour boats and fishing boats all coasted along the water's surface. Lexie could hear a tour guide throw one of his amplifiers. There were so many tall buildings in Chicago. Near the Trump building which was still being built, another building was going to be built as well. That one was going to be the tallest building in the world. There was at least 5 or 6 different buildings that had, at one time been the tallest in the world.
"I haven't ever really had a good relationship. I had one for a year or two a while ago, but she... broke my heart," Spencer finished, looking away from her; uncomfortable sharing feelings he had. He knew that her eyes would be filled with compassion and when he looked back he saw that he was right. "Her name was Belinda, Belinda McCarty." He continued on account of Lexie's continued silence. "Bee was musical, beautiful, kind, everything I'd want in a girl and she seemed to like me. So, we dated for a long time, and I fell in love with everything about her. I became blind to how she began to treat me. I was blind to all her faults. None of them missed her faults though. They tried to warn me but I didn't listen."
"They?"
"Ryan and Brendon," Spencer informed. "Do you know of our original bassist?"
"Yeah, Brent Wilson."
"Well, she broke my heart by using me to get to him. That's why he left the band, well one reason, was that he chose her over the band. That was one amongst other reasons of course. Bee and my relationship was really the only one I've every honestly had." Spencer finished on that note.
"I am so... sorry, Spencer, that she would hurt you like that. You don't deserve that. And honestly, I think I can say that you get my stamp of approval now, because after being hurt like that, well you won't ever hurt any girl like that or in any other way. And if that turns out to be false, I'll beat you up," Spencer laughed. "I'm serious about that, Spencer, don't break her heart."
"Well, I won't, I love her too much to hurt her. What time is it?"
"Time for you to get a watch. Five o'clock."
"Really? Five o'clock exactly?"
"Yes Five o'clock exactly."
Spencer grabbed Lexie's left wrist, which sported a watch. "I it's 5:01! You lied to me! Is that what you are? A Liar? You lie to people?"
Lexie laughed. "Heck yes, all the time," Lexie joked, "What do you want to do? We can either find the rest of them or we can hang out for another hour or so before jumping them."
"You make it sound like we're going to jump on their backs." Spencer rolled his eyes at her.
"You mean we're not?" Lexie said, completely serious. Not joking at all. Spencer laughed. "I'm serious, Spence, may I call you Spence?" Spence nodded. "Well then, Spence, I'm completely serious. Why wouldn't we jump on their backs? How disappointed would they be if we were to just waltz right up to them, just mosey right up to them! How ridiculous would that be?"
"I don't know, lets go find out and ask them if they would have liked it better if we were to jump on their backs rather than walking up to them."
"Fine, have it your way."
"Ok. I will." Spencer declared smugly as they got off the extremely slow Ferris wheel. Amazingly enough, Kiersten, Brendon, Ryan and Jon were right in front of them. Facing the opposite direction. Without another word, Lexie ran to them and jumped on Kiersten's back.
"Rape! Kiersten shouted as she fell with Lexie on top of her. Several people looked their way, but just shook their heads and continued walking. Lexie and Kiersten burst out into loud and raucous laughs. Spencer smiled, and everyone else looked terrified for their life.
"I see you're alive, Spencer," Brendon whispered into his ear, "How was the hour with the devil?"
"She's not the devil," Spencer tried to convince Brendon.
"She's not the devil!?!?! How can you say that do you even notice how she treats us?" Brendon shouted out loud, which in turn, received a death glare from Lexie. "SEE!" Brendon exclaimed while throwing his arms in the air.
Lexie stood up and sauntered over to Brendon. "What, is your problem?" She said narrowing her eyes.
"Wh-What is my problem? I don't have a problem. No problem here!" Brendon quickly said, not wanting to die.
Lexie turned around, scowling. She then smiled, "So Kiersten, good news. Spencer gets the stamp of approval."
"How did he manage that?" Ryan whispered to Jon, "She hates us!"
"I guess there's more to Lexie Mallory-Renee Graham then we thought." He whispered back in return and shrugged.
"I've decided to spend the afternoon with Spencer and only Spencer," Lexie declared to the now horrified faces of Panic! At The Disco and her best friend Kiersten. It was already 4:30 and they had gotten together, and were now near the Ferris Wheel on Chicago's Navy Pier. Spencer clutched onto Kiersten's arm even more than he already was, but now in fear.
"Wh-What?" Kiersten squeaked. "But, he's my boyfriend!" She exclaimed in anxiety, Kiersten knew how scared Spencer was of Lexie. Some passerby's were whispering excitedly, noticing who the group was made of.
"Exactly, I have to make sure he deserves you. He needs my stamp of approval before anything is official," Lexie concluded, nodding her head. Spencer clutched onto Kiersten even more vigorously, not wanting to let go. "Sorry Spence, there's nothing left to be decided. You are spending the afternoon with me, or you won't get the stamp of approval. That we all know, would just not be a good situation for any of us."
Jon, Ryan, Kiersten and Brendon all shoved Spencer to Lexie. "Sorry, mate," Jon whispered into Spencer's ear in an incredibly real sounding but actually fake, British accent, "But you're going to have to be the scapegoat this time."
Before Lexie or Spencer even got the chance to say something, the other four managed to dash among Navy Pier's vast crowds. Spencer looked cautiously at Lexie, like she would bite his head off at any moment. Awkward Turtle Spencer thought while doing the little hand movement to it. "What... are you doing Spencer?" Lexie stared at him with wide eyes.
"Um, it's the awkward turtle?" Spencer pathetically explained. Lexie raised an eyebrow. "You know?"
"No, Spencer, I don't know," Lexie stated.
"It's the awkward turtle, when there's an awkward silence where you are you make the awkward turtle... It just kind of states that there is an awkward silence."
"You know," Lexie laughed, "I never pegged you as the weird one of the band."
Spencer smiled. Lexie surprisingly had a warm laugh. "Well, it wasn't me who came up with it. The band all does it..."
"Oh? So, who's the genius of the awkward turtle?" Lexie smiled at Spencer in a friendly manner.
"Well, if you don't bite my head off today, I might just tell you," Spencer mumbled to himself.
"I won't bite your head off, Spencer, it's not you who I will never forgive." Lexie stated the curious fact.
Just as Spencer was about to respond, they heard a little girl crying. Lexie's face filled with concern as she faced the little girl. She was a cute blond five-year-old girl in a pink and white checkered dress with a pink bow in her hair. "Mommy!" She cried. Lexie couldn't see any mother figure near her at all.
So, Lexie rushed over to her and kneeled right in front of the girl. "Hi," Lexie said in a sweet voice, "Are you looking for your mommy?"
"Yeah, I can't find her," the little girl sniffled. She had stopped crying as soon as Lexie was there. Spencer was surprised to see Lexie be so nice to anyone. As ridiculous as it sounds, he would have thought that Lexie would have kicked the girl sooner than cared for her. "Do you know where she is?" The girl asked.
"No, I don't. I'm so sorry!" Lexie exclaimed. "But I can help you find her, do you want me to?" The girl nodded. "Ok, what's your name sweetie?" She asked.
"Amber," Said the little girl. "Amber Blaskoski," She finished.
Lexie took Amber's hand and led her to a nearby security guard. "Hello, excuse me? Amber here has lost her mom and I was hoping that you could help us find her?" Immediately the security guard looked alarmed and used his walkie-talkie to inform everyone that they had the lost child.
"Amber! Amber!" A voice came over the mundane drone of the crowd. It was a woman, she was thin, and had the same colored hair as Amber Blaskoski did. She was wearing a bright orange top that clashed terribly with her skin tone.
"Over here!" Lexie yelled, raising herself up upon her tiptoes and raising her arm in the air as well. The woman saw us in a moment and sprinting over, her face slowly became less frantic and calmer as she saw her daughter.
As soon as she arrived, she embraced her daughter. "Oh, Amber! I was so worried about you!" She continued to smother Amber as she faced Lexie, "Thank you so much for finding her and taking care of her," The woman said.
"No problem, m'am, really it's fine." Lexie reassured her. "I know how much of a handful kids are around her age. I have a five-year-old sister who loves to get lost everywhere we go. Just try and keep even more of an eye on her from now on," Lexie advised as she placed a comforting hand on the mothers shoulder, before making sure everything was alright one last time, and finally turning back to Spencer who simply stood there, speechless.
"What. Was. That?" He asked her while looking at Lexie like she had just materialized out of thin air.
"What was what?" Spencer pointed towards in the little girl's general direction. "She was lost, I had to help her..." Lexie explained slowly.
"Yeah, but, why were you so... nice?"
"I love little kids and unless you offend me in some horrid manner, I am generally a nice and thoughtful person. People aren't always who they appear to be, you know." Lexie said. "Want to go ride the Ferris-Wheel?"
"Sure," Spencer said surprised at this epiphany. Lexie wasn't the devil, she was actually... dare he think it nice! After buying tickets for Navy Pier's miniature replica for the Ferris wheel from the World fair, they got in line and finally got on it.
"So," Lexie asked, determined to acquire answers. "Who is Spencer James Smith?
"You know my full name?" Spencer was surprised.
"Alright, I'll admit it," Lexie confessed. "I have looked you up on wikipedia," Spencer guffawed. "And I must say, it was not very helpful! I mean they had a huge page on Brendon and Ryan a little bit less, but then it just slowly dwindles down to barely even a paragraph for you and Jon! So really, I must know. Who is Spencer James Smith?"
"You know, you are quite surprising, Lexie," Spencer referred to the fact that he was actually enjoying himself in her company.
"Thank you?" Lexie asked. "I will take that as a compliment. So, must I truly ask you for the third time in a row? Who. Is. Spencer James Smith?"
"I don't know... I'm me. I'm Spencer James Smith."
"Yes but what is the essence of you? What are your passions in life? You obviously enjoy the drums. Is that your passion?"
"Well, Yes, I love to play them. You might not understand this, but when you are playing the drums, hitting a beat, it's the foundation of the song. Without the drums the song would fall apart. To be able to hear your drums come together along with Jon's base and Ryan's lyrics and guitar and Brendon's voice. And just the fact that people like it! People spend money to be able to hear the songs; they spend money to see us perform! It's so unparallel compared to anything I've ever experience before." Spencer took a deep breath; it had been hard to breath while he was talking so fast.
"Wow. That truly must be your passion then. You totally can tell from the way you speak about it, from the emotion in your eyes and your body language. It's really cool. That's really cool," Lexie smiled at him in a friendly way as she glanced over the other railing. "So, tell me about you, your past relationships, and Kiersten," Lexie asked. "After all, the reason we're spending the afternoon together is so I can make sure you're right for Kiersten." Lake Michigan stared back at Lexie, it was a cold, breezy day, and there were all types of boats out on the lake. Yachts and motor boats, kayaks and canoes, tour boats and fishing boats all coasted along the water's surface. Lexie could hear a tour guide throw one of his amplifiers. There were so many tall buildings in Chicago. Near the Trump building which was still being built, another building was going to be built as well. That one was going to be the tallest building in the world. There was at least 5 or 6 different buildings that had, at one time been the tallest in the world.
"I haven't ever really had a good relationship. I had one for a year or two a while ago, but she... broke my heart," Spencer finished, looking away from her; uncomfortable sharing feelings he had. He knew that her eyes would be filled with compassion and when he looked back he saw that he was right. "Her name was Belinda, Belinda McCarty." He continued on account of Lexie's continued silence. "Bee was musical, beautiful, kind, everything I'd want in a girl and she seemed to like me. So, we dated for a long time, and I fell in love with everything about her. I became blind to how she began to treat me. I was blind to all her faults. None of them missed her faults though. They tried to warn me but I didn't listen."
"They?"
"Ryan and Brendon," Spencer informed. "Do you know of our original bassist?"
"Yeah, Brent Wilson."
"Well, she broke my heart by using me to get to him. That's why he left the band, well one reason, was that he chose her over the band. That was one amongst other reasons of course. Bee and my relationship was really the only one I've every honestly had." Spencer finished on that note.
"I am so... sorry, Spencer, that she would hurt you like that. You don't deserve that. And honestly, I think I can say that you get my stamp of approval now, because after being hurt like that, well you won't ever hurt any girl like that or in any other way. And if that turns out to be false, I'll beat you up," Spencer laughed. "I'm serious about that, Spencer, don't break her heart."
"Well, I won't, I love her too much to hurt her. What time is it?"
"Time for you to get a watch. Five o'clock."
"Really? Five o'clock exactly?"
"Yes Five o'clock exactly."
Spencer grabbed Lexie's left wrist, which sported a watch. "I it's 5:01! You lied to me! Is that what you are? A Liar? You lie to people?"
Lexie laughed. "Heck yes, all the time," Lexie joked, "What do you want to do? We can either find the rest of them or we can hang out for another hour or so before jumping them."
"You make it sound like we're going to jump on their backs." Spencer rolled his eyes at her.
"You mean we're not?" Lexie said, completely serious. Not joking at all. Spencer laughed. "I'm serious, Spence, may I call you Spence?" Spence nodded. "Well then, Spence, I'm completely serious. Why wouldn't we jump on their backs? How disappointed would they be if we were to just waltz right up to them, just mosey right up to them! How ridiculous would that be?"
"I don't know, lets go find out and ask them if they would have liked it better if we were to jump on their backs rather than walking up to them."
"Fine, have it your way."
"Ok. I will." Spencer declared smugly as they got off the extremely slow Ferris wheel. Amazingly enough, Kiersten, Brendon, Ryan and Jon were right in front of them. Facing the opposite direction. Without another word, Lexie ran to them and jumped on Kiersten's back.
"Rape! Kiersten shouted as she fell with Lexie on top of her. Several people looked their way, but just shook their heads and continued walking. Lexie and Kiersten burst out into loud and raucous laughs. Spencer smiled, and everyone else looked terrified for their life.
"I see you're alive, Spencer," Brendon whispered into his ear, "How was the hour with the devil?"
"She's not the devil," Spencer tried to convince Brendon.
"She's not the devil!?!?! How can you say that do you even notice how she treats us?" Brendon shouted out loud, which in turn, received a death glare from Lexie. "SEE!" Brendon exclaimed while throwing his arms in the air.
Lexie stood up and sauntered over to Brendon. "What, is your problem?" She said narrowing her eyes.
"Wh-What is my problem? I don't have a problem. No problem here!" Brendon quickly said, not wanting to die.
Lexie turned around, scowling. She then smiled, "So Kiersten, good news. Spencer gets the stamp of approval."
"How did he manage that?" Ryan whispered to Jon, "She hates us!"
"I guess there's more to Lexie Mallory-Renee Graham then we thought." He whispered back in return and shrugged.
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