Categories > Anime/Manga > Inuyasha > This Can't Be Good

(22) One-Up

by Ithilwen 0 reviews

Yes, Hojo, it is that funny.

Category: Inuyasha - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor, Romance - Characters: Other - Published: 2005-11-22 - Updated: 2005-11-23 - 1652 words

I'm not going to say that.

KURAMA: But it fits you so well.

Do you know what that means?

KURAMA: Of course I know what it means.

Besides, Almaseti picked a great name.

KURAMA: She told you to change it all the time.

I like it. So Almaseti gets the scene of her choice.

KURAMA: As long as it does not involve me.

Whatever she wants.

KURAMA: Nothing with me.

Be nice. And read this.

KURAMA: (Takes paper) "Chaos Baked Goods"? What is it?

Just the sponsors.

KURAMA: And why should I?

If you do, I'll give these back no fuss.

KURAMA: What the-?! (Snatches green boxers with YYH logo.) I wasn't even wearing these today!

I know.


Inuyasha turned toward the scent, noting from the corner of his eye that Kouga had done the same, his nose crinkling against the air with an eagerness that made Inuyasha want to punch it.

"What?" Hojo was saying, "What, is she here?" the boy's face flushed. "I didn't mean for Higurashi to hear all those..." he quit stammering and pushed his chin up, "Well I still mean every word of it! You're both terrible-"

"Shut up," Inuyasha sneered at him, starting as Kouga snapped the exact same thing.

The two demons glared at each other in the dim, until Inuyasha finally looked away and took a step toward the eddy of Kagome's scent. The grass rustled lightly as the wolf turd followed suit.

"Quit copying me, dog breath!"

"Quit copying me!"

"Do you guys even know how you sound?"

Inuyasha noticed a steady pain in his palms, and realized that his claws had been digging into his fists.

"Kagome," Inuyasha called, forcing his scowl to soften. "We all know you're there. Come out." Hearing it from a pus-brain like Hojo didn't make it any less true: Kouga's say-so didn't make Kagome his. The girl might lavish her foolish kindness on the whiny human and the wolf, but there was only one person here she'd follow. If Inuyasha said it was safe to come out, why then Kagome would-


"Kagome!" he protested.

Kouga snickered. Inuyasha ground his teeth together. An instant later, the wolf demon had pushed through the brush and pulled Kagome into the clearing, parting the branches like a footman helping a princess from a sedan.

...a scruffy, spattered, angry-as-hornets princess.

"Kouga-kun," Kagome's scolding was more than a little marred by blush rising on her face. "You and Inuyasha were fighting again!"

"I was winning."

Inuyasha and Kouga exchanged another glare, "If you don't stop copying me, dog face..."

"You'll pretend that you punched my lights out?"

"Kouga!" Kagome slapped her attention on the wolf. "I don't know what you're doing here but you picked a bad time to come start a fight."

"I am sorry to have troubled you, my Kagome," Kouga answered with the lightest smear of a grin, "but I only showed up to talk, and mutt-face over here attacked me."

Why that lying little- Inuyasha blinked. Oh, wait... When Kagome turned her glared toward him, he folded his arms and looked away.

"He lunged at me almost as soon as I showed up," the wolf demon caught both her hands and both her eyes with his, "but it's always good to see you, Kagome..."


Oh hell no.

Inuyasha slapped Kouga's wrists down and gave the wolf demon a strong shove. How did he always make that stupid girl blush like that? As much as Inuyasha might have liked for Kagome to forget that she was mad at them, no way was he letting Kouga greet her so familiarly. The wolf prince recovered quickly, lancing out a loud growl. Inuyasha clenched his fists and answered. Louder.

"I don't believe this," Hojo muttered.

Inuyasha smothered a grin. "Wrong move..." he murmured.

"And you!" Kagome stomped toward the sputtering human.

Kouga shook his head, "Neeeever draw her fire when she's like this," he whispered. Inuyasha gave an affirmative grunt and, careful to keep one eye on Kouga, craned his neck to watch the fun.

"Higurashi? Did I- You're mad at-? I only-"

"I work so hard to keep you from getting hurt, and you run off into the woods alone and start yelling at the first two armed youkai you find!"

"Do any four-armed youkai live around here?" Kouga murmured to himself. Inuyasha cocked one eyebrow at the wolf.

"But I thought- They were being such-"

Kagome stamped her foot, "If Kouga-kun weren't such a nice guy-" Inuyasha glowered as the wolf demon shot him a smirk, "-you'd probably be dead!"

"They were insulting you, Higurashi! They were acting like you were a- Like you were some kind of-" Inuyasha felt a new growl hum to life. He definitely didn't like it when Hojo made his eyes get all big and sincere, or when he made his voice catch and bit his lip with those useless human teeth.

Kouga's eyes were going from Inuyasha to Hojo's outreached hands and back. Inuyasha snorted. At least the wolf turd wasn't completely brainless. "Inu-koro," he said in a voice like slow draw of a steel blade, "who is that and why haven't you killed him?"

"A boy from Kagome's village and because she made me promise not to."

Kouga shot him a disbelieving look, "You mean you let a woman talk you out of destroying an enemy?" he shot another look at Hojo, who cringed under Kagome's scolding. "Or something..."

"It's not the first time, wolf turd," Inuyasha glowered.

"And what is that supposed to mean, dog breath?"

Inuyasha let another steady snarl reach out toward Kouga, who returned in kind. Kagome was kind of busy over there, Inuyasha realized as he flexed his hand, feeling the uncomfortable nothing in his claws. She probably wouldn't even notice if he shredded Kouga just a little. The grass swished lightly as he focused on his opponent. Kouga might have had the same idea. Kouga might be planning his first move right now. Kouga might-





"If you two are quite finished?" Miroku settled his staff back into a standing position.

"What was that for?" Inuyasha shouted, clutching at the bump on his head.

"Stay out of this, holy man," Kouga threatened as he tried to uncross his eyes.

"As I had been about to say," the monk answered calmly, "it may not be who Hojo is, so much as what."

Kouga's afflicted eyes narrowed, "What do you mean 'what'?"

"As my master, Mushin, used to warn me..."

Inuyasha felt his attention wither. He'd already heard this part. He put his mind back where it belonged: on Kagome and the stammering runt.

By now, Hojo must have grabbed a stiff branch and shoved it down the back of his shirt for a spine, because he was holding his face and body perfectly straight under Kagome's fervent words. "My actions may have strong, Higurashi," he said at last, "but they're perfectly appropriate. Besides, Higurashi, I was looking for you!" Kouga and Miroku looked up from their talk, "You ran out into the woods..." the boy spread his hands. "Someone had to protect you!"




"That's it, little one," Sango spoke gently to the sniffling child as she settled him behind Kirara's neck. "No need to cry..." she reassured him as Shippo reached out with one tiny hand and gave the boy an awkward pat on the head.

"Careful, Shippo," she told him, watching the Mura boy's head bob eerily. His bottom lip wavered. This child was about to bawl again. "I don't think we should startle him, or he might-"

The tajiya and both demons jumped as the air shattered into an eldritch, "/GWAAAAAAA/HAAHAHEHEEEHAHAHAHAHHEHEHEHAAAAA!!"

Sango's hand shot to hiraikotsu, and her eyes blazed, searching the dark trees for whatever could have made that double-throated bellow.

"Sango!" Shippo waved distressedly, pointing to the Mura boy.

"What?" she asked, then noticed the bright olive tinge on the baby's face and neck, "No!" she held up both hands, "No, child, don't-Ugh!"

Shippo cringed. "Ewwww..."




Inuyasha clutched both arms over his stomach, gasping hysterically between convulsions. If he hadn't found something to lean against, he'd have been rocking back and forth on the arch of his back.

Kouga wasn't so lucky. The wolf prince was doubled over, and reduced to hiccoughs.

"Come on," Hojo lifted his shoulders, "It can't be that funny!"

Both demons only howled louder. Kouga dropped and started kicking the ground.

"I'm (hic!) going to (hic!) die!"

"Miroku," Kagome sounded exasperated. "Miroku, would you help me with- Miroku?" The monk shook his head. a matter of fact, he was shaking all over, from head to toe, his sealed hand covering over his mouth. "Oh not you too!"

"Kagome-sama," Miroku didn't completely manage the words, but it was a far improvement over Inuyasha's unintelligible bawling. "I seem to have... I am overcome with..." it was hopeless. "Forgive me, Kagome-sama, but surely you can appreciate our point of view."








"Higurashi! You hit them!"

"Right now," Kagome ignored Hojo, "the only things I'd appreciate are a good meal and a hot bath. Kouga-kun," she turned to the silent if dazed wolf prince, "we're going back to the human village for tonight, and you're welcome to come with us."

"What? No he's not!"

"Oh wonderful..."

"But Higurashi!"

Kagome lifted her chin and walked primly back the way she and Miroku had come, effect only a little spoiled by her smudged legs and tangled hair. "I think we've kept Sango waiting long enough."

The monk held himself still and watched her walk away, Hojo scrambling after. The silence stretched into the rising night noise. Finally, Kouga breathed out, "Something about him just ticks me off."

Miroku snorted, "Yeah yeah..."

"Take a number."




KURAMA: You must stop stealing my underwear.


KURAMA: Surely even you can appreciate that the joke is old.

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