Categories > Anime/Manga > Inuyasha > This Can't Be Good

(37) Methods

by Ithilwen 0 reviews

This is why wolf demons make bad neurosurgeons.

Category: Inuyasha - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor, Romance - Characters: Other - Published: 2005-11-23 - Updated: 2005-11-23 - 1674 words

KURAMA: You are the one who took those pictures of me!


KURAMA: And you sold the negatives on eBay!

I got a good deal, too.

KURAMA: Hold your tongue!

CRYSTALS: You mean you didn't get your cut?


"I don't see anyone."

"I left him right here!"

"Hojo!" Sango gasped. "Oh no!"

Kirara let out a mournful mewl.

"Sesshoumaru must have come while I was seeking you," said the monk as he carefully approached the sprawled boy.

Kouga took in a deep sniff, catching sense of the Dog Lord everywhere. The wolf demon cleared the distance in one spring and nudged Hojo's still form with one foot. His clawed hand formed a fist. "Such a tragedy..." he graveled out, "...that the Dog Lord should slay this innocent, foolish creature." His eyes opened. "Ah well. Shall I call some of my wolves while he's still fresh?"

"He isn't dead, Kouga," Sango said dryly.

"Are you sure?" he asked. The human didn't reek of death - yet - but there was no way for her to know that. "It would be a shame to waste a perfectly good-"

Hojo let out a moan. "...license plate..."

Dammit. So much for getting rid of him THAT way...

"Wake up, Hojo," Sango shook the boy's shoulder.

Miroku shook his head, "It looks as though Sesshoumaru let him off with just a severe beating."

Kouga grumbled something at the edges of human hearing.

Hojo sat upright with a quiet groan, "Miss Sango," he asked blearily. "Did the squeegee have your cat?"

"Huh?" she answered.

"Hm..." Miroku mused. "Spouting nonsense." The wolf demon heard the monk mumble, "more than usual," continuing. "He must have hit his head."

"Ah," Kouga answered, putting one hand on his sword hilt. "A slow and painful demise. I would be honored to take the boy's life and spare him the agony."

"He's going to be fine, Kouga," Sango answered through her teeth.

"Are you sure? I really wouldn't mind!"

"Sango is right," Miroku answered. "Hojo can be cured with far less drastic measures."

A tiny hint of a smile touched the human woman's face as Miroku took Hojo's chin in one hand and held the boy's head steady. "Thank you, Houshi-sama," she said simply, "At least someone around here knows how to show some-"

The monk drew back his hand.


"Houshi-sama!! "

"I am only trying to bring the boy to his senses, Sango!"

"An excellent idea," said Kouga. "Let me try."

Sango's eyes narrowed as she reached out with her good arm and picked up a sturdy stick of wood.

"I swear to you, Sango," the monk was explaining, "my master, Mushin, always told me that a good blow to the head-"




"OW! "


"Ow! Miss Sango, what was that for?" asked Hojo, rubbing his scalp with one hand.

The taijiya blinked. "You mean he was telling the truth?"

"Hey! What's going on?"

Kouga looked up to see Shippo blinking, wide-eyed from his perch on Kagome's shoulder, with Inuyasha right beside. The wolf prince held back a growl as he followed their three pairs of eyes to the two idiots on the ground, to the stick in her hand, to the bead-studded handprint on Hojo's face.

"What happened here?" asked Shippo.

Sango looked around, "Well-"

"Never mind," growled the dog demon. "We'd have been back on the road an hour ago if not for my stupid brother. Let's just gather up our stuff from lunch and go."

Kagome shot the dog demon a look - Kouga smirked - and then reached out to help the monk to his feet, "I don't think you have to explain either, Sango. There must be something in the air today. I don't know what it might-" Kagome's voice seized up, face going rigid. "Don't you dare!" she hissed at the monk.

"My lady Kagome," the monk protested in and innocent voice. "What is it that I should not dare to do?"

Kouga's mind went still as he figured it out, catching sight of the monk's left hand just a very short ways away from where it definitely shouldn't have been.


"Hey! "


"Pervert," muttered Sango.

Shippo's high laughter interrupted Hojo, Kouga and Inuyasha. "Oooooh, hahaha! Miroku, you're not going to get away with anything! " The wolf prince growled. Dog breath's bad habits were more contagious than he'd feared if Hojo was copying him now too.

"Like that's going to stop him from trying," muttered Sango.

"I have always considered my indomitable spirit to be an asset to this group," Miroku managed to sound dignified despite the new red handprint that matched the bump on his head.

"Save it!" hissed the exterminator. The monk saved it.

Kouga shook his head. After he'd dealt with dog breath, then maybe he should see about getting Kagome to spend less time with this harpy. Kagome's assertive spirit was one of the things he adored about her, but there was such a thing as being too direct, he realized as he rubbed the bump on his head. "I swear, monk, that vixen hits harder than my Kagome, even with a wounded arm. Do all human men have to put up with this abuse?"

Miroku shook his head and began to answer, "No, actually-"

He froze, and Kouga looked up catching sight of the glare on Sango's face.

The human amended his reply, "I mean yes, they-"

The exterminator's eyes narrowed.

Miroku turned to the wolf prince with a serene expression. "What abuse?"

Sango gave nod that the monk took to mean that the monk's answer was good enough and walked off after dog breath and Kagome.


Inuyasha looked at Kagome. Here eyes were fixed dead ahead on the road as her feat moved steadily up and down the pedals of her pink metal contraption. Every now and again she would reach up and push a lock of hair out of her face with more force than was necessary. ...unless her hair was made out of lead.

Nope. She wasn't happy.

He'd explained, so why was she still mad? The dog demon squirmed inside his skin, ears giving an unruly flick. A cold weight settled in Inuyasha's stomach.

"I wouldn't go, stupid! If he took me away I'd just come right back again."

You stupid girl,
he thought coldly. You're so much trouble... If he put in the effort to take you from me, do you really think he'd let you go?

Now that Kouga was awake about him not being just a stupid watchdog... Inuyasha pressed his ears hard against his head until his heartbeat thrummed like a hive of wasps in his skull. Well what was Kouga supposed to think? What was the whole world supposed to think when she kept him on a fucking leash and when he whimpered and fawned whenever she-

Inuyasha clapped his hands over his ears, which had started twitching uncontrollably.

"Inuyasha?" Shippo piped up from Kagome's bike basket. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Inuyasha. What's with you?" Kagome asked.

"Nothing!" he snapped. They just had to get back to the well, shove that skinny runt of a human through it, and then ten days no sits. Ten days no sits. Ten days without this fucking collar on his every move. Ten days to see if Kagome really was as good as her word. Ten days to show the world what he was really made of. His ears calmed, and he pulled his hands away. "See?"

Kagome shrugged and pushed the machine faster. Inuyasha kept a loose eye on her. For all that Kagome was clumsy on her own two feet, she managed to make that contraption run and glide over the ground. It had been ages since she'd fallen, but if she did, he wanted to get there before Kouga did.

Kouga! Inuyasha stifled a growl as he looked over his shoulder. What would he do next? Would he try to kidnap Kagome as they slept? Would he try to lure her away with some ploy? The dog demon pondered that one. Kagome didn't follow the promise of food or riches, but if Kouga told her that there was a sick or injured person to be tended-

His thoughts paused. Kouga wasn't looking at Kagome. Kouga was...

"Hi, Inuyasha!" the tufty-haired reeking runt of a human bounced past him. "I was just talking to Kouga over there. He's not so bad at all, is he?"

The wolf prince smirked.


Kouga drew nearer as Hojo trotted off to catch up with Kagome.

"This is just the beginning, dog breath," he muttered.

"Hell," Inuyasha answered in kind. "If you want him instead of Kagome, that's fine with me."

"What?!" Kouga jumped. "No! I'm going to show my woman what a loser you are and then take her home with me!"

The dog demon gave a snort, "If making nice with Braindead over there is step one, then it'll take a million years to get near me, wolf turd."

Kouga's voice turned dark, "Kagome is mine, and I will dispose of rivals!" announced Kouga. "I'll start with that human runt who, apparently, not even the son of the great Inutaisho can drive off!!"

"You stinking wolf!" Inuyasha seethed. "One, I only let him live because Kagome made me promise, and two, /you /swore on your tribe-"

"I only swore that I wouldn't kill him, dog breath," the wolf demon chuckled darkly as he walked off into the twilight. "Stop me if you can."

"I will!" Inuyasha growled, and turned away. The rosary beads at his throat clicked maliciously. Ten days no sits, and the way to get them was...

Hojo was talking animatedly to Kagome. Inuyasha slapped one hand over his eyes. "This is not happening."



No rose-whipping the guests!

KURAMA: I neither gave permission nor accepted payment for those pictures you took of me. Stand and fight, demon photographer!

CRYSTALS: But your agent said everything was cool!

KURAMA: My agent?!

CRYSTALS: I set it up with some guy named "Kuwabara." You know, the notary public?

KURAMA: . . !
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