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KURAMA: You are certain that it was Kuwabara?

CRYSTALS: The guy said he was your agent; I swear!

You are not the only person he has fooled, crystal singer. He convinced Kurama that he was a notary public.

KURAMA Thank you for repeating that in front of someone less unworthy than yourself.

You are welcome.

KURAMA: Leave now and I will not harm you.

CRYSTALS: Uh, thanks. ...say, can I-

KURAMA: You may not take the negatives or any articles of my clothing as your demented keepsakes.

CRYSTALS: But-!

Here's an 8 X 10 of him in Sephiroth's costume from Final Fantasy VII, crystal singer.

KURAMA: What?!

CRYSTALS: Thanks.

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Ten days no sits. Ten days no sits. Ten days no sits.

Inuyasha had a headache. He named it "Kouga."

After half a day of trying to keep himself between Kagome and the wolf turd and between the wolf turd and the human turd - a task made infuriatingly easier by the Hojo's demented idea that he was allowed within ten feet of Kagome - in addition to his usual duties of sniffing out trouble up ahead, heading off Miroku's not-so-innocent advances on the girls, and swatting Shippo out of the way once every two minutes, his dog-demon brain felt like it had been pulled apart by a horde of spider monkeys.

And she wasn't helping.

~ ~ ~

"Hey Kouga, can you help me find a place to set up camp?"

"Grrr! No he can't! I'll do it!"

~ ~ ~

"Hojo, could you set up my cooking things?"

"Grrr! I'll do it!"

~ ~ ~

"Could someone help me with the-?"

"I'll do it!"

~ ~ ~

"I need a-"

"I'll do it!"

~ ~ ~

"Could anyone-?"

"I'LL DO IT!!"

~ ~ ~


"Cram it! Fuck off! What are you looking at?!"

"Inuyasha seems oddly helpful today," Sango mused as the steaming dog demon did battle with Kagome's camp stove. He scowled down at a thin metal rod. Why did humans make their devices with so many parts?! He could think of any number of things to do with this infuriating sliver, but he wasn't sure he'd want his food near it after that.

"Usually, when Kouga's around, he's too busy fighting to be much use," contributed Shippo.

"Well I guess all that jealousy had to work in our favor some time."

"I guess so," Kagome replied in mild amazement. Inuyasha let out the thinnest of growls. Did they have to talk about him while he was/ right there?/ There was an echo of hollow plastic. "I'm going to go get some water from the stream."

Inuyasha dropped the... the whatever it was. "No you're not!"

"Inuyasha, I need clean water to make dinner. It won't take me fifteen minutes to get there and back"

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, Kagome."

Sango's eyes narrowed, "You are if you want her to make dinner."

Inuyasha ignored her. "Send Kouga," he said.

"He's getting firewood with Miroku."

"No he's not! It's a wolf demon trick!"

"Hey," Hojo chimed in. "I could go."

"You stay put!" he snapped back. "The last time you went off on your own, my asshole brother showed up."

"That was hardly Hojo's fault, Inuyasha," snapped Sango.

"Maybe not, but he's a proven idiot!"

"Hey!" protested Hojo.

"That explains why he fits in so well around here," murmured Shippo.

"It's okay, Inuyasha," soothed Kagome. Inuyasha humphed, but couldn't keep his ears from twitching. "I'll finish setting up the stove, and you can fill the canteens," she held out her plastic jug.

"No way!" he snapped back.

"Everything will be fine until you get back. I have Sango, Shippo and Hojo to protect me."

"A wounded human, a fluff-tailed rat, and don't get me started on him!" Inuyasha jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.

"Well..." Kagome thought aloud. "I could wait for Miroku and Kouga to get back."

Inuyasha scowled. This day really sucked.

"Never mind," he said. "You! He jabbed a claw at Hojo. "Remember what we talked about last night." Inuyasha allowed himself a sliver of satisfaction as Hojo's throat convulsed, as if he were trying to swallow his own tongue. The melon-soft brown eyes moved to the kitsune cub sitting quizzically on Sango's good shoulder and then back to Inuyasha. Hojo nodded. Inuyasha snatched the water containers from Kagome's hands and stomped off.

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"That's funny, Kagome," Shippo frowned, as he hopped from her shoulder to the edge of the fire pit. "Don't you usually set up the stove yourself?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. "I tried to tell him that I was only asking what time he thought it was, but he kept interrupting."

The kitsune cub hung both arms, "He's hopeless."

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There was nothing like paranoia to make two full water jugs seem light.

The growl seeped from Inuyasha's throat like acid as he hurried back to camp, hauling stream water in the plastic container. He hadn't wanted to leave Hojo and Shippo in the same place without the supervision of anyone who knew what Hojo'd done at the serpent nest, but he couldn't send Hojo away alone and retain any hope of a peaceful night, and he couldn't take the little punkass fox cub with him, not with Sango out of commission. He might have been an annoying little runt, but he would protect Kagome with everything in his weasely little arsenal. ...or at least make a hell of a noise trying.

Who knew what might have happened in the eight minutes he'd been gone? Hojo could have plotted a new way to get rid of Shippo without Kagome knowing it was him. Kouga might have come back! Hojo could have been a bleeding pulp! Kagome could have been-

Inuyasha froze at the unmistakable sound of crinkling plastic.

-making Ramen!

The water sloshed again against the cap and the remaining stretch of woods blurred and vanished beneath his feet.

"Eeep!" Kagome squeaked as Inuyasha materialized in front of her nose. "Don't scare me like that!"

"Is it ready yet?" he asked eagerly.

Kagome's big eyes blinked roundly, fingers still poised on the wrapper. "I was only getting it ready," she said. "I'm not going to start the ramen until the others get back," she answered with a nod at the deserted campsite.

Inuyasha looked down as she peeled the plastic from the sad wicker cake. "Oh..." he murmured as his headache flowed back like a wave. "Never mind then."

"Thanks for bringing the water." She smiled back at him. "I should really let this boil for a couple minutes anyway, just in case." She took the water container and filled the tiny pot. "Once everyone's here, dinner should be ready in ninety seconds!"

Inuyasha folded his arms and sulked. "I thought you said they were instant noodles," he grumbled.

"Compared to regular ones, they are," Kagome shot back. "What's wrong with you today?"

"Nothin'," he replied, sticking his nose in the air.

"Come on, Inuyasha," she said, scooting closer, "you know I can tell when something's bothering you."

She sounded way to self-confident for Inuyasha's taste. "No you can't and nothing's bothering me anyway."

"Is it Kouga?"

"No."

"Is it Hojo?"

"No."

"Is it that Sesshoumaru was here?"

"No!" he shot back.

"It's all of them, isn't it?"

Inuyasha only humphed, turning his pounding head away.

Kagome went quiet. It took a moment for Inuyasha to recognize. "Is it-"

"It's not her either."

"Oh."

The dog demon put one hand over his eyes and squeezed hard, thumb and middle finger pressing down over the temples. "My head just hurts. That's all."

"It's... it's been a long day," she trailed off.

He let out a short laugh behind his hand, "No kidding."

The dog demon sealed his eyes. He didn't know if it was the aggravation of dealing with Kouga and Hojo at once or just all the blows to the head he'd gotten in the past forty-eight hours, but it seemed as if every sound in the universe had collected just inside his skull.

"Sometimes it helps if someone else does it," she offered.

...and clearest of all of them was her heart beating. He didn't move his hand from over his eyes. "Does what?" he managed.

"Here," she answered, reaching up with both hands until she hand two fingers on either side of his head. Kagome just barely pressed down next to the throbbing place in his temples. Inuyasha cracked his eyes open to see her teeth catch on her bottom lip. She was watching his face for any sign of .../anything./ From him, from him. There was just something about... This actually felt... better.

The dog demon barely felt his eyes slide shut again. He breathed in, letting his hand slide to one of her wrists.

"I can stop if this is making it worse," she offered.

If he said something, she'd stop, but if he didn't say anything, how would he get her to stop? "Uh uh," Inuyasha answered. ...actually, it wasn't quite that. The sound was different, too high-pitched, but it must have sounded enough like a "no."

"Okay, then," Kagome answered, moving her fingers in little circles. Inuyasha swallowed hard. From the back of his head, he seemed to remember something about everything being all right, and the world really not sucking all that much.

Kagome's fingers went still against the sides of his head. His right hand flexed gently on her left wrist. "Oh," she said in a low whisper that he was almost positive she hadn't meant for him to hear, "I totally shouldn't."

"Shouldn't what?" he asked, left ear giving an involuntary twitch. She'd stopped. Stopping was bad. Stopping meant that the bad head hurty thing came back. Inuyasha felt a keening noise build in the back of his throat. He squashed it. The last thing he needed was for Kagome to hear him whining like some kind of-

"Inuyasha... do you want me to, um..."

"To what?"

"'Cause if it bothers you, I don't have to."

"Have to what?"

"Nothing!" she almost squeaked. Inuyasha cracked his eyes open to see that she was blushing like a pink peach.

The dog demon was suddenly completely alert. "You were gonna-" his right ear gave a shuddering twitch. "Dammit!" He smacked one hand on top of it. "Kagome, you were gonna do that ...thing!"

"Well..." she looked away, "yeah. I mean... The other day," she turned back to him. "It looked like you, you know..." Inuyasha stared into the smile that pulled at the ends of her mouth, "...liked it."

"So what if I-I mean... I did not!"

"You made the cutest little sound."

Cute?!

"I what?!" he pulled back onto his haunches. "Kagome, if you want a," the word soured in his mouth, "a little furry animal to pet, then you can go home to that damned cat!"

"Oh," she threaded her hands in her lap, grin gone. "I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

"No!" he jumped. She blinked. "I mean..! Uh..." How could things go from so good to so bad so fucking fast?

"I know..." she whispered.

Inuyasha blinked. "What do you mean, you-" The headache was back full-force. "Never mind. Just don't- I mean..."

"I get it..." Kagome trailed off. "The others should be back any second anyway."

"Yeah," he followed, wishing to any god that might give a fuck that his face would turn back to its normal color before they did. It was bad enough that Kagome had seen him like this, had heard him squeak like a love-starved pup. "Where are they, anyway?"

"Sango said she needed a minute alone. Shippo's with her. Miroku's getting firewood like I said."

"And the human?"

"Hojo?" Kagome clarified. "Kouga came back. The two of them went off somewhere together. Kouga said he had something special to show him."

Gods existed. The blood shot out of Inuyasha's face.

Kagome looked up. "What?"

This is not happening.

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You only said I couldn't sell your image on the internet.

KURAMA: I don't care how scary Miss Almaseti is. I'm getting my lawyer.

I think we can work something out.

KURAMA: Do you, now?

Yes.

KURAMA: . . .

. . .

KURAMA: . . .

That was supposed to be rhetorical, then?

KURAMA: Yes.

Oh. I can tell you how to get that sneaky Kuwabara to behave.

KURAMA: I can't believe I'm going to say this...

. . ?

KURAMA: I'm listening.