FicWad

The Art of Duelling
By: Random Shinobi

Summary: Harry finds an old parchment that instructs him in how to properly use his...wand.

Genre: Humor

Rating: PG-13 (Rated for sexual innuendo.)

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, then it might well belong to J.K.R or to some of her affiliates. Or to some random people out there.

Author's Notes: Due the huge amount of supportive reviews, and because my perverted mind positively delights in this kind of fics, I have decided to continue this fic. Sex scenes, however, will be mostly skipped as those would lift the rating to NC-17 or R, which are bit high for a humor fic. Thanks to Kath and DavidMPotter for their excellent ideas.

This chapter features Luna Lovegood (and bit(s) of Ginny). The next one is going to be Hermione as I already have a few ideas how to do her. Yes, I know what that sounded like...

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Chapter Two: Hands-on Learning


At least he won't ever see me as a sister any longer...unless he's very, very kinky. -Ginevra Weasley, when asked about the first chapter.



Harry walked the Hogwarts' corridors in haze. The last hour had been highly...educational. Not once could he have guessed what Ginny had had in her mind. He still had troubles to truly understand what the hell had just happened. The earlier events were still playing in his mind and he paid hardly any attention to his surroundings...



Harry watched as Ginny took her black robe off her shoulders and then let the piece of clothing fall on the floor. There was something incredible sensual in the way the dark fabric slid downwards her body, and Harry nearly gulped as he saw the redhead begun loosening her red and yellow, Gryffindor tie.


She apparently noticed his questioning gaze as she turned fully towards him, her hands, however, didn't stop their work and the tie was soon completely off. "Harry, shouldn't you take off your robe too?" Ginny said and looked at him intently. Then she blushed slightly and added, "You are not thinking that you are going to do it fully robed?"


Harry blinked. It took him a few second to understand what she meant, but then he quickly decided that she was indeed right; robe would only impede his movements. "Of course not," he said, trying to act like he had known it all along, and casually took off his robe that had been already hanging open, after which he threw it to the nearest corner so that it wouldn't be on their way during the duel. The black piece of wizarding clothing made hardly any sound as it hit the floor in a bundle.


Then he got another idea. "Ginny, do you think that I should take off my shirt too? It would make my movements easier during the duel, don't you think?"


"Still using those kinky euphemisms, I see," the brown-eyed witch said amusedly, dropping the Gryffindor tie on the floor. Then her fingers slowly begun unbuttoning her white blouse and her previously faint smile quickly turned predatory. "Well, I can do it too."


Now Harry was really confused; he had no idea of what she was talking about, but before he managed to utter anything coherent Ginny was already speaking again, and this time she seemed to have problems containing her grin.


"So, do you want me to service your wand first?"


The green-eyed wizard blinked again and then looked at the eleven inches long holly wand in his hand. He wasn't exactly sure what she meant by 'servicing', but he assumed that she wanted to clean it. After all, his wand wasn't exactly the epitome of cleanliness. Besides, Ginny could clean it with a single Scourgify, and the leaflet had said something about 'contact surface', hinting that cleanliness might help in channelling magic. "Sure. I don't see why not."


She walked in front of him, swaying her hips in an exaggerated manner, but instead of drawing her own wand to cast the charm as he expected, she dropped on her knees. And as she had already unbuttoned most of her shirt, the young wizard could now see her white, lacy bra and a gracious amount of bare skin, which caused Harry to gulp loudly. He opened his mouth to say something, but then Ginny looked upwards and her brown domes locked with his emerald eyes. She looked almost worshipful, and that was enough to momentarily freeze him. Then she licked her lips sensually and her hands reached for his crotch...



"Hi, Harry. You look like you are under an attack of fuchsia-furred Moldovian mind-drainers."


The completely ludicrous statement snapped Harry back to reality and made him to look at the blonde witch with an incredulous expression. "What?"


"Eating mint pastilles and ketchup at the same time will help to curb the infestation," the Ravenclaw witch said completely seriously, which led Harry to seriously doubting her sanity. Not that he hadn't been doubting it already...


He couldn't think of anything intelligent to say to that and so he took the traditional way. "What?"


Luna nodded knowingly. "I know it's not a widely known cure, but my father says that it works."


"What?" Harry said again. Despite the fact that he had had an excellent day, he was slowly but surely starting to get annoyed of repeating the same word all again.


"I said that while it's not a widely known cure, it still works."


"Yeah... I got that," Harry said slowly. Suddenly he got an interesting idea. While Luna's logic was usually...well, non-existent, that might be exactly what was needed to unlock the secrets of the mysterious duelling parchment. "Hey, Luna. I got something to show you."


Her expression changed into a look he had never seen on her face before. She looked calculating, like she was appraising every inch of him. The look she was giving made him fell slightly uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the ice-cold glares that Snape kept giving him, and so he resisted the look without any fidgeting. "Oh! Do you mean the same thing you showed to Ginny?" she asked and licked her lips.


Harry blinked yet again. How did she know about the parchment? Oh well... It doesn't matter, the young wizard decided. She probably just heard me and Ginny speaking in the library. It's a public place after all. "Yes. The very same," he agreed and nodded slightly.


"Excellent!" she said and smiled radiantly at him. "I have wanted to try some, more exotic positions for some time now."


Positions? Harry thought confusedly. Oh yes... She must be speaking about duelling stances! When he had read the parchment to Ginny, he had never reached the part about duelling stances because she had suddenly...got some other ideas. Perhaps he could now just skip the beginning and go straight to the next part.


Harry took the old parchment from his robe-pocket and unscrolled it. "Now, this paper says that: The most basic duelling position is the so-called 'Missionary'. Most duellers start with this simple stance, but eventually abandon it in favour of more complex techniques. While these advanced techniques are not strictly necessary for a good performance, every dedicated dueller should strive to learn as many of these as possible. One can never know when the knowledge would be needed."


Luna nodded. "Its completely right. Most duellers, as you say, usually change their ...err... stance many times during a duel. My mother said that her favourite position was the twisting camel."


Jackpot! Harry thought, and mentally congratulated himself. While the thing with Ginny had been very enjoyable, it most certainly wouldn't help him against the Dark Lord in the slightest. But perhaps now he could learn something really useful. Who would have thought that Luna Lovegood of all people would be knowledgeable in the art of duelling? But there was some thing that didn't seem right in what she had just said, and so he voiced his question. "Do mothers and daughter usually speak about these things?"


"Of course," Luna answered promptly. "Who else would teach young witches about these things? Besides, its a tradition that mothers teach certain spells to their female children."


Witches have some special duelling knowledge passed only from mother to daughter? If that was really so, then Voldemort wouldn't know these spells. Harry's lips suddenly cracked into a wide smile. With any luck he had finally found the 'power the Dark Lord knows not'.


"Can you show those spells to me?" he asked anxiously and crossed his fingers behind his back. He didn't really expect that she would agree to teach him the secret witches' spells, but he could always hope.


Against all probabilities she did agree, causing Harry to release the breath he had been holding. "I can show them to you in action," she said, and cocked her head slightly, causing her long blonde hair to sway on the side. "Follow me. I know a place in which we won't be disturbed."


Then she turned and left, leaving the young wizard to watch her retreating back. So she wants to duel, eh? Harry thought with a smile, and took a few fast steps to reach the younger Ravenclaw witch.


As he walked next to the blonde witch, an outrageous idea made its way to his mind. She cannot be intending to do what Ginny did, right? A small blush came to his cheeks, and he quickly berated himself for being a pervert. Nah... Of course not. She barely knows me, after all. Besides, she said that she was going to show me some spells, and what could spells have to do with...well...that.


If he had paid any attention to Luna and her wicked smile, that was heavily out of character, the young wizard might have reconsidered of what he had just thought...