Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > One Step Forward, One Step Back
I woke up again to find myself alone in bed, I glanced at my clock, 2:07pm. I glanced around the room and noticed I was left alone. I didn't bother getting up, life was revealing to much at the moment. I crawled deeper under my blankets and laid there thinking. Hannah's face went through my mind repeatedly. Her death pale skin and the blue lips, although when I looked past that her eyes. The were closed as if she just fell asleep and passed peacefully. Tears started rolling again. I didn't sob I just laid there, one by one tear rolled from it's place and down drenching the pillow. The house sounded quiet but I can imagine them all sitting in the lounge room, everyone in they're own thoughts. I didn't want to get up, I wanted to stay in this place forever. I didn't want to except the fact that one of my best friends killed herself last night, I didn't want to except the fact the boys were leaving in a week. I didn't want to except the fact I was probably going to loose Pete.
I heard someone coming up the stairs and head for my room, the door opened slowly and quietly then closed just the same. Whoever it was crept over to me and knelt in front of my face. Corrie. She stared at me for a minute while I tried hard to focus anywhere but her eyes.
"Hun" she said stroking my hair. Why is it, when you get comforted you just break down more? Because that's what happened I started crying more heavily but still managed to understand what she was saying.
"Babe, the boys called the label dude and they've change the tour date. I think they only have an extra week. Also Hannah's parents were called as well, they're angry at us, they blame us. They won't let us go to her funeral"
I felt a heavy weight of guilt hit me then. Our fault. I guess you could say it was, we didn't get her the help she needed, we didn't talk to her, we just accepted the fact and started moving on. I pulled the blanket over my head and turned over. I didn't want to talk or see anyone anymore. I don't have the right to enjoy life right now so I'll swim in my misery.
The days started passing and I didn't leave that bed. Corrie would pull me out and make me take a shower and put clean clothes on. Then one of the boys would be waiting at my bed, freshly made and shoved food down my throat. Then they left me alone once again. Pete would come up and talk to me, or read me my favourite book. But other wise I was left alone, the way I wanted it. Alone.
Soon the day came, the boys were leaving. They came up to my room and tried to say goodbye but I just buried my head and started crying trying to convince myself it was a dream. Corrie came over once the boys gave up and went to grab they're bags.
"Look Leslie, I know these past weeks have been hell. You've got it the hardest and that's okay. But today we need you to be strong, Pete needs you to be strong for him. Please come to say goodbye" tears were already forming in her eyes as she held my hand tight.
I looked at her "No" I said bluntly and turned over as I had done to her so many times before.
She rubbed her knees and stood up walking out of the room closing the door quietly. I listened as I heard the front door close and them packing up the car, then they all climbed in, one by one the doors shut. The engine started and sat for a minute, then slowly it pulled out of the driveway and drove away, I listened as it got quieter and quieter until I could hear it no more. Tears poured from my eyes as a wave of loneliness hit me. I jumped up and got dressed, did my make up and did my best to look good, I sat down on my bed and pulled out a pen and paper. Thinking for a minute I started writing. Dear Peter.
Once I finished I put it in an envelope, pulled on my high heel boots that went with my dark blue denim skinny's, a pale brown shirt with a belt around the shirt and jeans and wayyy too many accessories. I ran out the door and jumped in my car.
As I went through the roads to reach the airport I glanced at the clock, 11:29.
Okay they boarded at twelve, twelve thirty I had time. I raced to get there and finally pulled into a parking space. I glanced at the clock on more time. 11:45.
I ran through the doors, remembering Pete telling me they boarded at gate B I ran over to a map. Finding it with no trouble I ran towards where the map said they would be. I came closer to the gate and had it in view, I started scanning the crowd for them. Then there they were. Pete was sitting at the end of the seat looking out the window, Patrick sat next to him, head in hands, Andy sat on his bags playing with his drum sticks and corrie and Joe were standing and talking.
I took a deep breath and walked over to them. Joe was the first to see me and gave me this massive smile and ran towards me scooping me up and spinning me around.
"Im so fucking glad you came" he said hugging me tight.
"Me too" I said through the tears that had already started forming.
Im an emotional girl, yup.
By then they all had seen me and came over, corrie gave me a smile and grabbed my hand squeezing it. I looked up as a women's voice went through the area.
"Flight 212 will be boarding in five minutes. Flight 212"
I took a deep breath and turned to Patrick giving him a huge hug.
"Take care of yourself patty pie" I said pulling away and giving him a peck on the cheek. I turned to Joe next who gave me a smile and wrapped me in a hug.
"Take care of your hair now okay, im not there to fix it after you get drunk and cut bits off" I said laughing a bit. He snicked and gave me a peck on the cheek.
"You take care of yourself, get out of the house, live your life. Be happy" he said patting my h and. I gave him a smile then jumped on Andy.
"You're a bitch, I have no partner in crime now" I said as he put me down.
"Oh, phones not good enough" he said smiling.
"Ha whatever" I gave him a peck on the cheek then faced Pete.
His head was down and he had his hands shoved in his pockets.
"Pete" I said quietly, he lifted his head to reveal tears falling down his face. I gave a slight smile and wrapped him in a hug.
"Don't forget me" I said in his ear, only loud enough for him to hear. He just nodded and I pulled away. I looked down and pulled out the envelope and put it in Pete's hands.
"Flight 212 is now boarding" the females voice went through the speakers again.
I looked quickly at Pete as his thumb went over his name I wrote on the envelope. I cupped his face in my hands and gave him a kiss. It wasn't on that friends give and it wasn't one that would say lets do it in the bathroom quick it was a I love you, your breaking my heart but I still love you kiss. I pulled away and wiped tears that were falling down my face.
"don't forget me" I said as I walked backwards. He had tears streaming down his face, I waved slightly to him and the others and walked away. No, he couldn't watch my heart break over him.
I heard someone coming up the stairs and head for my room, the door opened slowly and quietly then closed just the same. Whoever it was crept over to me and knelt in front of my face. Corrie. She stared at me for a minute while I tried hard to focus anywhere but her eyes.
"Hun" she said stroking my hair. Why is it, when you get comforted you just break down more? Because that's what happened I started crying more heavily but still managed to understand what she was saying.
"Babe, the boys called the label dude and they've change the tour date. I think they only have an extra week. Also Hannah's parents were called as well, they're angry at us, they blame us. They won't let us go to her funeral"
I felt a heavy weight of guilt hit me then. Our fault. I guess you could say it was, we didn't get her the help she needed, we didn't talk to her, we just accepted the fact and started moving on. I pulled the blanket over my head and turned over. I didn't want to talk or see anyone anymore. I don't have the right to enjoy life right now so I'll swim in my misery.
The days started passing and I didn't leave that bed. Corrie would pull me out and make me take a shower and put clean clothes on. Then one of the boys would be waiting at my bed, freshly made and shoved food down my throat. Then they left me alone once again. Pete would come up and talk to me, or read me my favourite book. But other wise I was left alone, the way I wanted it. Alone.
Soon the day came, the boys were leaving. They came up to my room and tried to say goodbye but I just buried my head and started crying trying to convince myself it was a dream. Corrie came over once the boys gave up and went to grab they're bags.
"Look Leslie, I know these past weeks have been hell. You've got it the hardest and that's okay. But today we need you to be strong, Pete needs you to be strong for him. Please come to say goodbye" tears were already forming in her eyes as she held my hand tight.
I looked at her "No" I said bluntly and turned over as I had done to her so many times before.
She rubbed her knees and stood up walking out of the room closing the door quietly. I listened as I heard the front door close and them packing up the car, then they all climbed in, one by one the doors shut. The engine started and sat for a minute, then slowly it pulled out of the driveway and drove away, I listened as it got quieter and quieter until I could hear it no more. Tears poured from my eyes as a wave of loneliness hit me. I jumped up and got dressed, did my make up and did my best to look good, I sat down on my bed and pulled out a pen and paper. Thinking for a minute I started writing. Dear Peter.
Once I finished I put it in an envelope, pulled on my high heel boots that went with my dark blue denim skinny's, a pale brown shirt with a belt around the shirt and jeans and wayyy too many accessories. I ran out the door and jumped in my car.
As I went through the roads to reach the airport I glanced at the clock, 11:29.
Okay they boarded at twelve, twelve thirty I had time. I raced to get there and finally pulled into a parking space. I glanced at the clock on more time. 11:45.
I ran through the doors, remembering Pete telling me they boarded at gate B I ran over to a map. Finding it with no trouble I ran towards where the map said they would be. I came closer to the gate and had it in view, I started scanning the crowd for them. Then there they were. Pete was sitting at the end of the seat looking out the window, Patrick sat next to him, head in hands, Andy sat on his bags playing with his drum sticks and corrie and Joe were standing and talking.
I took a deep breath and walked over to them. Joe was the first to see me and gave me this massive smile and ran towards me scooping me up and spinning me around.
"Im so fucking glad you came" he said hugging me tight.
"Me too" I said through the tears that had already started forming.
Im an emotional girl, yup.
By then they all had seen me and came over, corrie gave me a smile and grabbed my hand squeezing it. I looked up as a women's voice went through the area.
"Flight 212 will be boarding in five minutes. Flight 212"
I took a deep breath and turned to Patrick giving him a huge hug.
"Take care of yourself patty pie" I said pulling away and giving him a peck on the cheek. I turned to Joe next who gave me a smile and wrapped me in a hug.
"Take care of your hair now okay, im not there to fix it after you get drunk and cut bits off" I said laughing a bit. He snicked and gave me a peck on the cheek.
"You take care of yourself, get out of the house, live your life. Be happy" he said patting my h and. I gave him a smile then jumped on Andy.
"You're a bitch, I have no partner in crime now" I said as he put me down.
"Oh, phones not good enough" he said smiling.
"Ha whatever" I gave him a peck on the cheek then faced Pete.
His head was down and he had his hands shoved in his pockets.
"Pete" I said quietly, he lifted his head to reveal tears falling down his face. I gave a slight smile and wrapped him in a hug.
"Don't forget me" I said in his ear, only loud enough for him to hear. He just nodded and I pulled away. I looked down and pulled out the envelope and put it in Pete's hands.
"Flight 212 is now boarding" the females voice went through the speakers again.
I looked quickly at Pete as his thumb went over his name I wrote on the envelope. I cupped his face in my hands and gave him a kiss. It wasn't on that friends give and it wasn't one that would say lets do it in the bathroom quick it was a I love you, your breaking my heart but I still love you kiss. I pulled away and wiped tears that were falling down my face.
"don't forget me" I said as I walked backwards. He had tears streaming down his face, I waved slightly to him and the others and walked away. No, he couldn't watch my heart break over him.
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