FicWad

The taxi screeched to a holt once more, throwing me forwards into the seat infront of me.
The guys all piled out, and made their way into our house. This made a change beacuse they spent most of their time at their flat.
Just Frank and I were left in the taxi. We exchanged looks, but none of us said a word. Frank paid the driver and we jumped out of the car.

Falling through the door, my head still pounding, I stumbled into an empty living room.
The guys were all in the kitchen, and the door was closed, so I walked over and pressed my ear up against the door and listened. I heard muffled voices, I figured they would be talking about me and what a disgrace I was.
I knew Frank would soon be phoning our parents, and then out killing Gerard.
Speaking of Gerard. Where was he?
I flung open the kitchen door. The guys went silent.
"Have you guys seen.." I noticed a piece of paper with my name scrawled across it, sitting on the side.
"Nothing.." I continued, grabbing the letter and leaving the guys alone, closing the door behind me.
I crashed onto the sofa, and opened up the paper. There were several pages. It was like a letter. I read each word carefully.

"Hand in mine into your icey blues.." the letter began. I read on.
"Id end my days with you in a hail of bullets!?" I exclaimed, reading further on.
"Im trying to let you know how much you mean.."
"Until the end of everything.."
"All we are is bullets.."
It was like some sort of love song, crossed between a suicide note.
I read further on into the letter. 2 pages later, I read aloud..
"I wish I could have stayed, but I knew how much trouble it would cause. Ive already caused enough damage to your life, and I just wish that I had thought about what I was doing.
I feel so pathetic, and I am so sorry for what I have done.
Dont expect to ever see me again. I wont be bothering you, Ill be out of your life with a blink of an eye.
I just want you to know, I meant every word I said.
I loved you.
I really meant it, you are beautiful and Ive never felt this way about anyone in my life before.
But I ruined it.
And I deserved every single cut and bruise Ive got.
All my heart.

G xoxo"

Oh my god. What had he done to himself. Where the fuck had he gone. Oh Shit.

Then I remembered the human growing inside me.
"My bump has no fucking father.." I exclaimed, pushing my face into the nearest pillow and screaming.
The guys burst into the room. I clutched the letter tight in my hands.
"What did you just say?" Frank yelled, pulling me away from the pillow.
"Because of you hes gone!" I screamed waving my hands around.
"What?" Frank cried.
"Hes killed himself, this note.." I waved the letter in the air. Frank tried to grab it but I held it close to my heart, and pushed away his arm., "this note is a suicide note from him!" I stormed out of the room.
"Fuck. Thats a shame.." Frank began.
What? Did Frank just say that?
"What did you say?" I poked my head back around the corner of the door.
"Thats a shame, because I wanted to kill him!" Frank screamed. Mikey went as white as a ghost.
Tears welled in my eyes as I flew up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door and flinging myself onto my bed.
Suddenly, I sat up and fished around in my draw.
"AAHA!" I said to myself, I had found what I was looking for.
"Lets see what you can do.." I held it up to the light.

Still as shiny and as silver as before.. my darling.
I used to cut a few years back, when my parents used to row. But then they renewed their vows and they are closer than ever now, so I stopped because I saw no reason to continue.
I stared blankly at the blade in my grasp.
Slowly, I brought it down and rested it on my wrist. Adding more pressure, I began to carve into my arm.

Blood ran down my hand and dripped off my fingertips as I carved the words into my skin.
I grabbed a tissue or two, and patted some of the blood away.
Removing the stained tissue, I held my arm out to admire my masterpiece.
'Fuck you all'

I wanted to be with Gerard so much, but I didnt have the guts, and on the other hand I hated him for getting me into this state.
Cutting myself was the only way that I could think of to get rid of the pain and make everything seem okay.

I stared down at my stomach, rubbing it gently, my arm wrapped in an old t-shirt, blood stains on my bed sheets.
"What am I gonna do with you baby way?" I asked my stomach.
"No offence darling, but I wish you werent inside me.." I flopped backwards onto my bed and sighed.
"What am I gonna do?"