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Voices
Cloud

I was afraid she was dead. We all were. Now I almost wish he had killed her.

One minute she was there, praying and smiling up at me in the light. I was so relieved to see her. We had searched for so long, traveled nearly halfway around the world.

I was afraid of what things would be like between us when we did find her. I had hurt her so badly the last time I had seen her. I still see it at night. She lies helpless on the ground. My fists fly down. There is a horrible crunching sound as my knuckles reach her face. It sickens me even in sleep. Every time, I keep willing it to stop, but it just keeps coming, that sound and her cries. It's one of the better dreams I have these days.

But at that altar, when I approached, she smiled, /smiled /at me. And I knew she could see how sorry I was for what I'd done. All the weeks of looking and running and worrying just melted away with that smile.

Then /he /took her from us. From me. I thought it was terrible then, what he did at the altar. I can't forget it, the black shadow coming down, the arm that snaked around her waist, how roughly he pulled her off the ground, the look on her face...It's all burned into my memory, sharing that nightmare space with the bruises I put on her.

We followed him as fast as we could, but he toyed with us, with me. He drew me in, showed me only glimpses that gave me hope that she was still alive. I thought I could find her. He played me like he had before. What was I thinking? I couldn't help her. He tossed me out of that crater like a rag doll. By the time I came to, it was too late. He had sealed the dome.

I barely slept after that. Every night I saw it. Little flashes of her. I thought I'd lost any faith in the gods a long time ago, but I prayed like crazy that it wasn't real. I knew it couldn't be. It was just another of his games to hurt me. He liked that.
Gods, I was so stupid.

When the crater opened up and I found him, there was nothing to it, I thought. I was stronger. I was driven. I was ready. The truth is I barely remember finishing him off. The whole time, all I could think about was finding her.

I don't remember much of the tunnels I ran through to find her. Everything passed in a blur. The ghost image of his final smirk haunted me even though I had killed him moments before. I didn't really believe that any of what I had seen was real until I found her.

I suppose by then, the weeks of nightmares had worn out the shock. The world was shaking all around me and all I could do was stare at her. She was so pale in the dirt, I was sure she was dead. I hoped she was.

I'd never seen a body that battered and still living. She was cut and bruised, lying in a pool of blood and dirt. Her wrists were tied with rags that might have been her own dress at one point.

Then she breathed. It was a shallow thing, but I saw it. I could barely even think. I vaguely recall wishing that I had a coat of some sort to cover her.

The stone was shaking all around us so I couldn't stop to think. I scooped her up and ran. She was so limp in my arms, so limp. She didn't cry out. She never even woke up the whole time I was running. Rocks rained down around us. Something crazy was going on up above us. There was a sound like a loud groan filling the crater. I didn't even care.

All I could think about was getting her out of there. She needed a doctor. She needed to be warm. I kept hoping that her injuries didn't go further than what I could see. I kept hoping she would wake up soon and it would be okay. I kept hoping it was all just some new, terrible dream. I kept running and all the while I could feel her wilting in my arms. The dampness from her body soaked through my shirt. Some of it was blood.

I don't remember who helped me up or who dragged me onboard the Highwind. All I remember is how everyone froze when they saw her.

I knew I'd had a plan when I picked her off the ground. It just disappeared when I saw their faces. She seemed so heavy in my arms and I didn't know what to do with her.

Vincent got it together first. I don't suppose anyone else could have. He came over and put his red cloak over her. I was so glad for that. I could breathe again. It was like once it was covered, once I didn't have to look at what had been done to her, it was all right. It would just go away.

I remember trying to say something to them but nothing would come out. Vincent wouldn't even look at me. Somebody called out to bring her inside. I tried to move but I just could not do it anymore. Vincent took her from me before I fell.

I don't know how long the rest of them stayed outside. Nobody wanted to move, to go in and see if she was okay. Maybe they think she can't be okay.

She's still inside now. Someone came out to tell me they got a doctor for her. I can't remember who it was. I can't remember how long ago. I should go in there, I know. But I can't. I can't go in there now. I don't think I could take it. It's easier out here where I don't have to look at her and see her that way. I can't go in there. I don't want to see that again.

But I will.

Every night.

In my sleep.