FicWad

"Earth to Laura" Alicia waved her hand in front of my face. "Hello, is there anybody in there?"
I focused on her and tired to smile. "Sorry"
"You haven't heard a word that I've said" she whined. "Where the fuck is your mind?"
We were sitting on the My Chem bus just chilling. The concert was over and all my work was done. Alicia had convinced me that it was time for some relaxation. She knew that I didn't have a damn thing to do except return to my bus. So here I was five wine coolers in and feeling no pain. I also wasn't tracking very well. I gave her a goofy smile. "My mind is on vacation right now." I told her with a sign.
Alicia looked at me a moment then asked, "So Laura I gotta ask, are you really into girls? I mean I heard all about you and the dark haired chick at the Wild Cherry Club from several people."
I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. It was all so absurd. My best friend in the world thought I was gay but really I had been with her brother-in-law in drag. She looked so confused as I continued to laugh.
"Okay" she said slowly, "I didn't know that question was that funny."
I tried to stop laughing, "It probably wouldn't have been if I hadn't had five wine coolers. Shit, right now just about every fucked up thing in my life is funny."
"Laura, you know you can tell me anything, right?" Alicia was suddenly serious. Now what did she want to know?
I took another drink, "Yep, I know that."
The way she sighed I knew another question was a choo -choo chugging down the tracks. Shit, I was cracking myself up. "I've heard that you and ...well I just was wondering about you and ,.... I mean are you and..."
"Gerard fucking?" I finished the sentence for her. I took another swig. "Yep, we sure as fuck are fucking." I reported happily. After last night I didn't care anymore. It seemed half the fucking tour already knew including his finacee so why the fuck should I care? Man, I really should have eaten something today before ingesting large quantities of alcoholic beverages. I searched my mind trying to think where I had heard that line. All I got was tumble weed blowing across my brain. I stopped trying to think because I noticed Alicia had a funny look on her face. I turned and saw that Gerard had entered the bus and was staring at us. Oh shit, he wasn't supposed to be here. I had heard him say he and the fiancée from hell were going out. Okay he didn't say 'from hell' I add that.
"Uh, I'd better be going." I said trying to stand but plopping right back down in my chair. I was trying so hard to appear sober. Fuck, I knew that Gerard had been an alcoholic and here I was sloshed in front of him. Shit, I really needed to go.
"Laura, you don't need to go yet." Alicia said. She looked over at Gerard. "Where's Eve?"
"She met up with an old college friend who lives here. She decided to stay with her for a few days and then meet back up with me." I was trying so hard to hear the slightest regret in his voice but nope, nothing.
Soon the whole bus was full of people. At least I thought it was soon but I wasn't really sure. I was having a hard time with the whole time concept. It was decided they were all going out to some special club. Hell they even invited me. "Come on it will be fun" Alicia said trying to lift me off the sofa.
I shook my head, oh was that a mistake. When the world stopped spinning I said, "Nope I'm just gonna go back to my little old bus and sleep."
When everyone had left the bus I started to get up off the sofa when I noticed I wasn't alone. "Oh hell what are you doing here?"
Gerard raised an eyebrow, "This is my bus." He sat down across from me.
"And this is me leaving your bus" I said trying to sound huffy.
The fucking man laughed at me. It was a real honest to goodness laugh and I loved it. Damn him. Suddenly I felt so sad. I had to get away from him. I tried to walk past him but he reached up and pulled me down on to his lap. "You have no decision tonight little Laura. I don't fuck drunk woman."
Before I could engage my brain my mouth opened, "How about drunk men?"
His expression remained emotionless. I just looked at him for a moment then once again tried to get up. His arms tightened around me. "I though you said I wasn't sick? Or maybe you think me dressed as a woman and having sex is better than me having sex with a guy."
"Lookie GeeGee I don't care what or who you have sex with. It makes no never mind to me."
"Oh really. So if I would just stop doing this.." his tongue was suddenly pushing it's way into my mouth. He was quick. He pulled back, "you wouldn't care."
I tried to focus on him but it was getting very hard. I could see three Gerard's at the moment and I wasn't sure which one I wanted to hit, which one I wanted to kiss and which one I wanted to fuck. Oh hell I had to be honest I wanted to fuck all three. The idea made me giggle.
"Why are you mad at me?' He asked as a whispered question in my ear.
"You big dumb ass. I'm not even gonna tell you cause what the fuck do you care anyway?"
Gerard shook his head. "Don't drink much do you?' Okay it was the truth but I didn't want him thinking I was lame. "Oh yeah I drink all the time. Always got a cold one in my hand."
He smiled. "So why was it you are mad?"
I tried to focus on him again, "Look I told you it's cause you are a big dumb ass." I smiled, "And that was your one question."
He looked a minute and laughed, "Laura you really need to sleep this off."
There was that wonderful laugh again. I frowned at my own stupidity. There I was again loving things about a man who was using me. "Fuck yeah I do. I think the last time I was drunk was when I was a junior in high school. Shit that's been a long time." I looked into his eyes and wondered what was buried deep behind them. "I gotta question." I announced.
He shook his head, "You only get to ask questions when sex is involved."
"Well that's just fucking stupid." I said before beginning to giggle. He looked blankly at me. "Get it FUCKING stupid. FUCKING - SEX?" Well it sure seemed funny to me.
He pushed the hair away from my face and smiled, "Little Laura, let's get you to bed before you crash."
I tried to focus, "Why the hell are you being so nice to me?"
"Are you saying I'm not always nice?" He gave me an amused look.
"Fuck yeah that's what I'm saying. I watch you all day. You're so fucking nice to the people around you, the fans, the fucking fiancée but not to me. I get the 'shut the fuck up' Gerard."
"You watch me all day?" Once more he was sounding way too amused. "Why?"
I rolled my eyes, "You know what? I'm so done talking to you. I feel shitty that I'm drunk in front of you anyway so I'm leaving." I attempted to get off his lap but his arms tightened around me.
"Why does it matter to you? People drink around me all the time."
"Well then they are rude. They shouldn't" Lord I sounded sanctimonious. "I feel like someone who is eating a chocolate cake in front of a person on a diet."
He burst out laughing, "Oh Laura I've never heard anyone think in those terms before. Everyone drinks in front of me without giving it a second thought."
"Well they shouldn't." I couldn't help myself I reached out and touched his cheek, "You overcame an addiction. They should understand just what the means."
"How do you know what that was like?" He was frowning again.
I thought back to my father. "Cause I know what it's like to be around someone who can't overcome it. Someone who tried so hard but the bottle always won. It cost him everything." I was whispering lost in thought. Suddenly nothing was funny anymore. Shit, I could feel my eyes tearing up. "Oh fuck, I'm gonna cry. I hate to cry. I hadn't cried for years even when Alan and I broke up I didn't cry." I was rattling but couldn't stop. "Now I'm gonna fucking cry for the second time in two days."
Gerard lifted my face to his. "When was the first time?"
I tried to stop the fucking tears. "I cried last night you ass."
"You cried because of something I did." His voice was low and sexy as hell.
I tried to get up; I really wasn't prepared to deal with this now. He held me tightly. "Laura, tell me."
"No" I looked down.
Once more he lifted my face with his fingers. "Laura, tell me. Why did you cry?"
"Because you big stupid idiot. We made love. It wasn't sex, it was love but you won't admit it."
He loosened his hold on me. "I told you, I don't do love."
"Well la de da. Mr. I Don't Do Love, you did love so there. You held me in your arms afterwards. You kissed me and it was sweet. You so did love."
He looked away and I knew he was trying to gather his thoughts. At least he could but my thoughts were all over the map. "We need to talk about his but not now."
"Why?" I demanded
He smiled slightly, "Cause you wouldn't remember the conversation in the morning." He loosened his hold on me and gently pushed me off his lap. Before I could tumble he stood and grabbed me. "Come on lets get you to bed."
I started towards the door but he pulled me in the opposite direction. "My bus is that way." I pointed in the direction I thought was right.
He pulled me down the hall towards the bunks. "You need supervision." He said with a sigh. Suddenly he stopped and I ran into the back of him. He leaned me against the wall and began to unzip my jeans.
"I thought you said no sex?" I said in what sounded like a slur even to me.
"That I did," he said without stopping. He pulled off my shoes than the jeans. I was wearing a long tee shirt. He pulled open the curtain to the bottom bunk nearest us and herded me in to it. "This is yours," I said as my head hit the pillow."
"How do you know that?" He sounded surprised.
"Cause it smells like you." I answered with a giggle.
"That bad, sorry."
I rolled my head back and forth. Wow things were really getting fuzzy now. "Not bad, good. I like the way you smell." I giggled to myself.
"Sleep Laura" he said in a tired tone. He started to move away from the bunk when I grabbed him.
"Please don't go." I whispered. I didn't care if I was begging I just didn't want to be alone.
He looked at me for a moment then stood and walked away. I turned my face to the wall and tried not to cry. Stupid fucking tears. Several minutes later I felt the bunk move as he slid in behind me and pulled me to him.
"I can never give you what you want, Laura" he whispered in my ear.
I took a deep breath, "I didn't ask you for anything."
"But you will and I won't be able to give it. What we've been doing is all that we can ever have. If you are content with it then we will continue. If you want more from me then I will stay away from you. I have nothing to give you, nothing."
I wanted to scream at him that he was a liar. However sleep was fast approaching. I snuggled even closer to him.
"You'll have to decide," he said softly. "You'll have to decide."