FicWad

im married. yes, angsty has-been teenage girl, Georgie is married.
i suppose im not too suprised.
i mean, really, was my 'marriage is for morons, the world sucks, screw YOU' stage gonna last forever??
even though i never would admitt it, i knew it wouldn't. i change. im a changing person. Therefore, the person you feel in love wtih five years ago, may not be the same person today. Thats why im pretty sure, my husband, Gerard Way, fell out of love with me exactly two years ago. three years after our marrage. Gerard Way as in lead singer of the band 'My Chemical Romance', and you know what? He reminds me of it every. single. day.
The day he fell out of love with me was on a Wednesday. It was after the 'three cheers' tour, and all the guys were taking a break before the making and songwritting of their next album. Me and Gerard were sitting on the Jersey shore beach having a 'cliche' romantic moment. Well, 'romantic' in our own screwed up way. Back then we were bitter misfits, craving revenge, hating the world. Everything was an ugly piece of shit that we despised. seriously, we were pretty fucked up. but as we were gazing out into the ocean, a thought came into my head. 'may-be the world isn't as ugly as we think'. i always could tell gerard /anything/. that was one of the reasons i loved him so much, so, i told him what i thought. i said,
'Gerard, do you see that ocean? how could anything so beautiful be so fucked up? i've been thinking, may-be the world isn't as bad as we think'
he turned his gaze from the ocean onto me with a disgusted look.
'What?' he asked. his stare was cold and harsh. something i've seen him use on other people and other things, but never me.
'its in disguise, Anna. Everything is just in a little fucked up diguise. beauty is before destruction. do you understand?'
'Gerard, have you ever thought, may-be this thing "hate" is all in our heads?' i asked.
he scanned my eyes for a moment before looking back at the ocean. 'yea, i guess,' he mummbled. but i knew he didn't get it at all. from that day he only looked at me with those harsh eyes. to him, i had become the enemy, when really, i was just becoming someone else. someone stronger. someone who had hope.
From then on, sex was no longer passionate. it was borring, predictable, and hardly orgasmic. We had lost the one thing that brought us together. Hate for the world. i no longer despised life. i appreciated it. every second of it. Gerard on the other hand, was still living out his depression to the finest. we were totally different now.
Not only that, but lyrics? Never showed me them after that talk on the beach. He didn't think i would 'understand' them since i no longer sharred his hate for the world. it made me hurt inside to admitt, we had changed. we were no longer 'close'.
dont get me wrong, we didn't have a horrible marriage. i mean, we never got into fights. we seemed like the perfect couple actually. but really, we didn't have a bond anymore. still, we never got a divorce. we kept on being married.
honestly though, gerard should have known i would change eventually. i changed my beliefs for him/. right when we got married. i was always against marriage, until gerard way came along. and i was always against the world until /hope came along...